i haven't bought a magazine in over a week... i'm being so good...

am i a bad person?

why do i feel such anger in my life???

you know i say this to my friend all the time, and she tells me it's one of the most ridiculous things she's ever heard in her life, but i think i'm too happy of a person.

i need to cut down on the acting happy bullshit.

i just got this overwhelming feeling of depression.

omg i want to do something so bad.

i feel so restless and can not sleep. i have no idea why. my sleeping problems are so damn frustrating sometimes. i tried my breathing excercises, which sometimes works, but didn't today.

anyway, i had an interesting day yesterday. my cousin who is now living in my house, had never been to manhattan in his life. in fact, he came straight to queens when he moved here a few weeks ago, and has basically been working everyday since then.

so sat night i drank this whole jug of pinot noir by myself as me and him bonded and talked. he asked if i would take him out to the city the next day and i agreed in my drunken stupor. so i wake up hungover as fuck because he's been knocking on my door all morning, trying to wake me up. at ten i finally get up and shower, and we're out the door by 10:30.

i'm too lazy to list all the places i took him to, but suffice it to say we saw all the good shit. by the time we got home, i was exhausted as hell. so we get home and then i go out and meet some friends for dinner. blah blah, i get home and do some reading and school shit. i go to bed, but can't do anything but toss and turn. yeah. and viola, now i am here typing.

so a thought crossed my mind today as i was with my cousin. i asked him what type of food he likes, so i could think of which restaurant we could go to for lunch. i start asking if he likes pasta, indian food, thai food, etc. and then he said he's never had any of those foods in his life. he's 34... and i suddenly got real sad. not because i felt bad about asking him, but to think of myself where i grew up in a culture with only really one kind of food, i feel that's so unfair. the fact that he's 34 and has never had lasagna of pad thai in his life. i think it just symbolizes how lucky i am to have things that could be considered a luxury by other people, to have those things as a norm in my life.

i tend to bitch a lot about whatever, but lately i've been trying to humble myself as possible. if i think, "fuck i just missed the bus!" or "damn it i really hate how i look today," i realize how fucking stupid i am, and if THOSE ARE THE BIGGEST WORRIES OF MY LIFE, THEN I HAVE A PRETTY GOD DAMN GOOD LIFE.

of course, it's hard to always think like that, but i'm trying...

anyway, i've decided to start trying to add more picture to this blog, i feel like it adds some variety.

so here is a picture i took today:

tickets to Anna Sui's Spring 2007 Collection at Olympus Fashion Week!

so school's started, yowza!

my schedule this semster is a bit off, but enjoyable nonetheless. however, i've spent over $400 in books and supplies for the semester! madness! especially for a liberal arts school. i don't think i've ever spent so much in one semester.

tomorrow is friday. i end class by noon and have to go to the korean embassy in new york to inquire about some visa info. and then, hopefully i'll catch up on the pages and pages of reading i have. but i'll probably just frolick in the sun.

i don't think i've ever been so conscious of my race in my life.

what is it with people in this country? they can't get over the fact that there are non-white and non-black people here.

it's 2006 people, FUCKING GET OVER IT.

tomorrow is labor day, aka the end of summer. i start classes on tuesday, woohoo!

anyway, i have 4 months to save money for korea. it's on!

i can't stop listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.