Friday, May 25, 2018

Life is just death's procrastination.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

"I don't wanna waste no time all alone.
Want somewhere to go, something to call my own.
And I ain't satisfied. 
Where to go?"

From the song New Love by Dua Lipa.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

"The most important things in life aren't things. They're the feelings you get when you can afford to buy things."

From Encouragement for Struggling Creatives in the May 28, 2018 issue of The New Yorker. Written by Riane Konc.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Friday, May 18, 2018

Ohhh. That person that did that thing. Yes.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

In the same way creativity works, not releasing the love from within, and any suppression of it, materializes in toxic ways.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

"Mamaw felt disloyalty acutely. She loathed anything that smacked of a lack of complete devotion to family. In her own home, she'd say things like 'I'm sorry I'm so damned mean,' and 'You know I love you, but I'm just a crazy bitch.' But if she knew of anyone criticizing so much as her socks to an outsider, she'd fly off the handle. 'I don't know those people. You never talk about family to some stranger. Never.''

From the book Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance. Page 41.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

I love my mom so much.

Friday, May 11, 2018

It's robots, not immigrants, who are taking your jobs.
"Big things have small beginnings, sir."

Said by Mr. Dryden in the movie Lawrence of Arabia.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

"Wake up, 게임은 내가 이긴걸."

From the song Pretty Boy by 2NE1.
"My heart changed my mind,
I gol' dar gone and done it."

From the song Love Gets Me Every Time by Shania Twain.

Saturday, May 05, 2018

"I want you to remember me."

From the song Snapshot by RuPaul featuring Macutchi.

Friday, May 04, 2018

  • It really pisses me off when I go to a restaurant and see a dumbass customer get in the face of the host/hostess because they're mad about not being seated right away since their group is incomplete. It's like, that's not how restaurants in NYC work, you idiot! Just stay home and be rude to your stove instead, jackass.
  • When it's muggy, hot, and you don't have your air conditioner installed yet in your apartment, it's when you're sitting in the air-conditioned subway ride home that one realizes what a luxury the cool air on your skin at that moment truly is.
  • Reading has been replaced by scrolling.
  • I spent all of my childhood avoiding the bathroom at exactly 12am because I was terrified of Bloody Mary appearing in the mirror to kill me. During high school when I slept late, I was sure to always shower or enter the bathroom at 12:05am or after just to be on the safe side.  And now at 35, the memory of living most of my young life like this came flooding back. And I can't remember at what age I stopped fearing the bathroom at the stroke of midnight. All of it just makes me want to have a bloody mary at a bar in celebration.
  • The theme song to the podcast "Late Night Whenever with Michelle Buteau" is catchy and has been stuck in my head for hours. And the podcast is super funny, too.
  • Button-down shirts buttoned all the way to the collar + tucked into pants = the uniform for the truly uptight.

Friday, April 27, 2018

Thursday, April 26, 2018

A day without typing LOL is a day without textual awkwardness.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

I finished watching the Broadway production of Angels in America today.

The full title is Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes, and this year's revival marks the 25th anniversary of the original Broadway opening. The play's over 8 hours long with intermissions, and is broken down into two different parts. I watched Part I last Sunday, and the second and final part today. Part II went by a lot faster than the first, but the entire production and experience itself was so good that it made the time just fly by.

It's hard to believe it had been about twelve years since I last went to a Broadway show in New York! I forgot how it felt to sit in an audience and experience everything together in real time. To laugh and clap, or feel speechless as a group made me realize the power in good writing. How a word or a phrase brought the entire audience to the same reaction (which is no easy feat), invoking an emotion that felt so much better in solidarity. The set design, lighting, and acting were all so amazing. I was floored by the entire production, and how spaces were transformed so quickly through details both slight and grand. I especially enjoyed the art direction of this production because it was based off neon lights, which I've always had a thing for.

As a gay man, it felt like an honor to watch Angels in America on Broadway. I can't imagine how it felt to watch it in 1993, when the AIDS crisis was still happening and the future of helping those in need was an unclear road. Watching it now in 2018 was comforting because many of the issues the play discussed have gotten better thanks to science and technology. But what makes it so relevant right now is how it hits on topics that still influence culture today like homophobia, corruption, drugs, and America's views on those who suffer from an illness.

One of my favorite lines from the play was towards the end and said by the character Prior Walter. He was played by Andrew Garfield, who was phenomenal. "More life," Prior pleaded after declaring he had not done all of the things he'd wanted to yet in life. He was still only in his late twenties, and demanded more time to live. It was during scenes like these when everyone watching was stunned, with even the constant soundtrack of audience members coughing coming to a pause.

Here's a photo I took with the neon wings set up by the downstairs bathrooms.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

"It must've been the moonlight, except there was no moon."

Said by the character Helen Schlegel in the movie Howard's End.
The weather in NYC was really warm yesterday, and there was this sudden revolution in skin that came with it. It felt like such a shock to see flesh in the streets and on the subway again. This winter seemed like it went on forever, so the sight of bare legs and shoulders everywhere was a pleasant reminder of nicer weather right around the corner.

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

"Snapshot. Red-hot."

From the song Snapshot ft Macutchi by Rupaul.

I dare you to listen to this song and not dance to it. Impossible.

Saturday, April 07, 2018

“My heart beats for the one I love.”

From the song Heartbeat by Taana Gardner.

Thursday, April 05, 2018

It makes me feel so weak."

From the song Heartbeat by Taana Gardner.

Wednesday, April 04, 2018

Things will be different 50 years from now.

If that thought crossed someone's mind on the day Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated fifty years ago, today is the answer.

Progress in every way imaginable has been achieved in the past five decades. But the fact that this inequality and hatred based on ethnicity or religion not only still exists, but to some, is what feels right in their heart, is where so much more needs to be done. There will always be people with different opinions, but understanding that working together is the best solution for everyone's future needs to become a standard that replaces hate.

Tuesday, April 03, 2018

"Miss Vanjie.
Miss Vanjie.
Miss Vanjie."

Said by Vanessa Vanjie Mateo in the show Rupaul's Drag Race. Season 10, Episode 1.

Monday, April 02, 2018

"A young man on a bicycle three years ago, probably a grocer's helper or errand boy, riding down a narrow path with his apron on, staring me straight in the face, as I stared back, no smile, just a troubled look, till he passed me by. And then I did what I always hope others might do in such cases. I waited a few seconds, then turned around. He had done the exact same thing."

From the book Call Me By Your Name. Written by Andre Aciman, Page 176.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

It's not life, sweetie. It's you.
Free writing.
Free thinking.
Free anxiety.
Not stopping.
Letting it all out.
Like a breath.
Like a sigh.
Like a moment.
It says bye.
That it'll try.
Get un-preoccupied.
Because FYI.
There's no more time.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Is that even a hobby?
Eat real fast,
eat real hard.
Eat like trash,
Eat, like, carbs.

Friday, March 23, 2018

An FDNY firefighter died while battling that fire I smelled around my neighborhood in Harlem last night.

It's all so in peace, Michael Davidson.
I just got back home from a work trip to Toronto. Halfway during the Uber ride back to my place from Laguardia, a number of firetrucks with their sirens and lights blaring passed by. I didn't think anything of it but when I stepped out of the car onto the sidewalk of my block, the smell of a fire somewhere was instant. There's still a faint sound of helicopters hovering somewhere nearby.

Sunday, March 18, 2018

"The phrase keeps flying around in my head like a bat, fluttering and flapping and slapping at the corners of an attic."

From the book Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward. Page 169.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Wednesday, March 07, 2018

There's nothing that humming can't get you through.

Tuesday, March 06, 2018

"Wait for it."

From so many good memes.

Friday, March 02, 2018

Well then, what is it you'd like to do all day, Johnny?


Sunday, February 25, 2018

It took a bit of time before Jess and I got furniture in our living room. We moved in together last September, but didn't even get a couch until December. Instead, the majority of the first few months at our new place was usually spent standing in the kitchen. Our kitchen is compact with no room for a dining table or chairs, but it has plenty of counter space and is where you could always find us. That's where we'd eat, drink, and talk for hours upon hours with music in the background. We laughed so much during that time, with all that standing helping in feeling more enthralled. And whenever either of us got tired, we'd just lean onto our kitchen counters or hop up to sit on them for a break.

But now, most of our time is spent plopped on the couch in our living room while watching tv. And sometimes I miss just hanging in the kitchen, standing around doing stuff. In general, and especially at bars, I like standing and being on my feet. It makes me feel more engaged with stuff.

Jess is away on vacation right now, and I've been trying to be good about not wasting too much time on tv. With the apartment to myself, I'm choosing to luxuriate in the ability to stay in today. And since I am not going to step foot outside of my place, standing in the kitchen while typing this helps in feeling more productive.

Monday, February 19, 2018

A little note on turning 35 last week:

Still got that drive.
Time to revive.
Break the pattern of contrive.
you've already arrived.
Don't look back on that deep dive.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

There's nothing sexier than when a guy tucks in his shirt.

Monday, February 05, 2018

"Friend: I'm not going to finish this. Do you want it?
Me: No, thanks. I'm full.
Friend: Fine. But then I'm just going to throw it away...
Me: No! Fine, I'll eat it."

My friends always know how to get me.

Friday, February 02, 2018

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

"Less food, more sex."

This was my doctor's parting advice for me today after going in for my annual check-up. 

I think he may be on to something...
"I was born in 1937, bred, toasted, buttered, jellied, jammed, and honeyed in Harlem."

From the article True Colors in the February 2018 issue of American Vogue. Written by Audrey Smaltz.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Friday, January 26, 2018

"Why's it so hard to accept the party is over?"

From the song Drew Barrymore by SZA.
A poem inspired by a fellow commuter on the subway:

Mouth breathing, 
during the evening rush.
Blocking the subway door, 
playing Candy Crush.
Oblivious by choice,
neck angled down.
You stand there in the way,
looking like an unaware clown.
Staring into a phone,
might be your escape.
But what about for everyone around you,
who are just looking to board or get off the train?
We want to zone out, too,
and forget about our worries.
But we can't with you planted there,
because you're cramping our hurry!

Monday, January 22, 2018

Thursday, January 18, 2018

I save my love for braised meat and pasta.

Monday, January 15, 2018

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day, everyone!

When I lived in Alaska during the 5th grade, I attended Fairview elementary school in Anchorage. I can distinctly remember Martin Luther King Jr.'s I Have a Dream speech, and the song Lift Every Voice and Sing, as being a part of my grade's curriculum. We were quizzed on memorizing the speech, and sung the song as a chorus in music class. Learning it in school made it feel no different than any other subject, helping me incorporate it into my life just like the A-B-C's or 1-2-3's. No one in school ever had the slightest thoughts even close to second-guessing what we were being taught, or harbored any reluctance on accepting everything as anything but fact, history, and as a truth we should all aspire to live by as young people. It was taught as a norm and that as a country, something America never intended on going backwards on. Instead, it was simply a foundation to grow and embrace as we all live together side-by-side.

And now as an adult, I don't see how the views of so many diverge from what was taught to generations like myself as a standard of kindness, humanity, and being American. Young people today should still be able to live in a world where I Have a Dream and Lift Every Voice and Sing continue to serve as the beacons of hope and progress they've always been, without all the crazy background noise of the current administration and emboldened racists out there.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

"That's me. I'm a simple girl with simple taste. 2-inch thick steaks, french fries, and a big salad."

Said by the character Vicky in the movie There's No Business Like Show Business.

Sunday, January 07, 2018

I hope everyone is having a great new year so far.

I just got back from a work trip from San Francisco this morning and have been sleeping all day. Gosh, there's really nothing like being in your own bed at home. I slept like a log and woke up just now feeling disoriented by the sunlight that had disappeared.

Visiting San Francisco for the first time ever was really fun. I only spent three days in town and didn't have too much time to explore, but was still able to walk around and check out a few things here and there. On my second night, there was even an earthquake. It was past 2am and I was lying in my bed at The Fairmont staring directly into my phone. I heard a sudden banging noise at first and thought another room next to mine was having loud sex. But then I felt the rumbling and shaking and thought oh okay this has to be an earthquake. I can't lie and say there wasn't a quick moment of sheer terror wondering, alright, what do I need to do next in this situation? But thankfully, my boss texted me the moment after with instructions on what to do in case of an emergency. I was totally fine after that.

It's so painfully cold here in New York right now. Like, it hurts to be outside. I was happy staying in today to just cook and lounge around after I got back from the airport. Below are some pictures from the morning when my roommate was getting ready to brave the cold. I knocked out soon after she left.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

"For my mother, Norine Elizabeth Dedeaux,
who loved me before I took my first breath.
Every second of my life, she shows me so."

From the dedication page of Jesmyn Ward's book: Sing, Unburied, Sing.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Staying young at heart means adapting to change and technology (accept the fact that progress is unstoppable and that fighting it goes against what humans are as a species, things will never be the way they were so let that register in order for us to work together on building something everyone can prosper from).

But while I once used to be reluctant in accepting certain technologies, it was more about not letting go of the comforts of familiarity instead of a refusal of development. I've changed though. I can't believe I used to fantasize all the time about life as an adult before the Internet and smartphones. It was me completely romanticizing an era before what I thought got complicated with electronic devices. It's like, no. Just stop. Thinking that way does nothing in using technology to your advantage and future. Technological innovation is not going anywhere and will only continue to grow. It's like, stay young. Participate. At least give it a try. It's there to make things easier so be openminded.

One thing I spend a lot of my online time on now is YouTube. Up until this year, I used to mostly store videos on it or just watch music videos and specific content I would search for. But now I use it to watch so much other stuff. I love videos where I can just sit there and not think about anything serious. I want to be a mindless zombie when I'm home, and my discoveries started when I decided to check out the trending videos on YouTube that are constantly rotating. It was my first step into realizing there's so much other stuff to watch. It's like, why not try some of the bazillion other hours of content out there instead of watching the same shit all the time. It's similar to only going to the same websites all the time. I tend to have a habit of doing that, but I have to tell myself to switch it up every now and then.

YouTube's trending videos helped me stay current with what other people were watching, and then lead me to the magic of stuff like slime videos and eating shows. I especially love mukbangs. It's like I'm sitting there having a meal with them and listening to their conversation. I haven't come across any angry eating shows, which is one of the reasons why I enjoy them. Everyone is usually happy in mukbangs (they're stuffing their faces, it's impossible not to be). The people I watch have to be really upbeat and outgoing though. And I can't stand silence, I need to hear them talk about something. I like that energy of them eating and chatting. It's also nice to have on the background when I'm doing other stuff somewhere.

My new outlook on life isn't solely from binge-watching eating shows. All the new technological conveniences that make being in this world a lot easier than before have to be recognized as transforming. Things like my iPhone X and unearthing the true magic of video through YouTube have brought only happiness into my world. The amount of content on YouTube alone is endless. It's like a celebration of the human spirit and creativity. All of our stories are different, and now we can experience new versions of them. We get to learn so much more about one another in ways that were never possible. I mean thinking about the fact that television used to be dominated by a handful of networks seems like such an archaic way of doing things.

We as the people now decide what we want to watch, upload, and share. And it will never go back to the way it used to be.
And you?

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

"What if we're the bad guys?"

Said by Angie in the show Orange Is the New Black. Season 5, Episode 13.
"I climbed a mountain,
and I turned around."

From the song Landslide by Fleetwood Mac.

Monday, December 25, 2017

"Sometimes our only choices are between shit and shittier but whatever we end up doing, we gotta own it. Somehow find grace in it."

Said by Gloria in the show Orange Is the New Black. Season 5, Episode 8.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Friday, December 15, 2017

"Seu amor me pegou."

From the song K.O. by Pabllo Vittar.
It's Friday night, and I'm home alone on the couch with a bottle of wine and stretchy pants.

Life is good.
"Youthquake: A significant cultural, political, or social change arising from the actions or influence of young people."

The Oxford Dictionaries Word of the Year for 2017.