Sunday, October 18, 2020

There are so many moments where I feel like I'm looking back too much or reflecting on a time that has nothing to do with right now.

But then when I think about it, who the fuck knows what's going to happen in the near future? Even trying to entertain its landscape at this point in history feels pointless.

"Everybody's searching for a place,
where they can be known.
But I've found a place where I can do no wrong.
Everybody's loving me for being me,
but I never thought that I could be so free."

From the song Nitelife (Armand van Helden mix) by Kim English.

I decided to have some fried chicken and beer with soju at my desk here at home, so I am feeling good. 

Also, I usually eat fried chicken out of the box when I get it from my local spot, but what a difference it makes to plate it like a proper meal.

The past few weeks or so.














The election is only weeks away. On top of everything that's been happening in the world and in my life, I have this lingering anxiety from not knowing how I can deal with another four years of this administration if they win again. Shit is so fucked up right now because of them. I am mentally drained, exhausted, and tell myself to keep pushing on. But another part of me wants to eat in bed and tune everything out. I feel like soon after Trump was elected four years ago, dysfunction became normalized. And his absolute lack of competence and the onset of COVID-19 has just compounded that, on top of Americans having to contend with basically everything we see on the news on a daily basis along with all of fucked up racism Black people and other minorities in this country face. Seven months of staying home and quarantining with a recent uptick in cases all over America has made life feel like this never-ending cycle of hopelessness. There are days and moments where things might feel okay, but when it comes down to it, this pandemic is still happening—and as of now, 220,000 Americans have died because of it and over 8 million have contracted COVID-19. It's like, how does one even process this without breaking down into tears? We are living in a crisis. I am numb at this point and try and force myself to forge on with my days, but I have my moments. This continuous feeling of isolation and loneliness sometimes feels like too much. I mean, I definitely only felt the warmth of another body on my skin a handful of times in the past few years, but dealing with this same problem throughout 2020 definitely feels extra difficult. Whenever I am actually faced with (or allow myself to) to grasp the realities of right now or how life was before COVID-19, I can't help but shed tears from despair. I woke up today remembering the day after the 2016 election. I won't ever forget it because going to work that morning, it wasn't just me who was in shock. I remember getting on the subway and it was complete silence and stillness, even though the train was filled with people. In all of my life of living in NYC, it was a remarkable sight to see. Nobody was talking, nobody was staring into their phones, nobody was doing anything. Everyone just seemed paralyzed in a sense, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Just the thought of having to relive that trauma again feels overwhelming. I just want to make it through the rest of October, period. I'm not aiming to achieve or accomplish anything. All I want is to get through it as best as I can.
N95 face masks for the subway and enclosed spaces, blue medical masks otherwise.

Friday, October 16, 2020

I recently bought one of those clean linen type of scented candles. And my gosh, I don't know what chemicals they put in this thing but my room really does smell like I just pulled my clothes out of the dryer at the laundromat.

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

The line at the supermarket today was so long, it pretty much wrapped itself halfway inside the store. As it slowly moved along, I found myself in the frozen food section mesmerized. I couldn't stop staring at the insane amount of variety for Eggo waffles. Different flavors, shapes, cartoons characters, the options were endless. Like, wow.

Sunday, October 11, 2020

Happy National Coming Out Day!
The belly paid the bill.
The pals bewildered, popped pills.
The bobby pins screamed shrills.
Then the proper party helped heal.

If it makes you a better writer,
it makes you a better person.
If it makes you a go-getting fighter,
the destination makes it happen.

Weird weekend,
to contend.
No friends,
dead ends.

To care,
is to dare.
Risk what's spare,
hold tight, free airfare.

AOL Instant messenger.
Phone texts.
Grinder.
WhatsApp.
Group chat.
Slack.
Still no response back.

"If you believe in yourself enough, 
and know what you want,
you're gonna make it happen."


From the song Make It Happen by Mariah Carey.
"Here we go around again,
one more time,
will it ever end?"

From the song Here We Go Around Again by Mariah Carey.
It is 

(so)

much

easier,

to talk this way.
October feels spooky for reals.
There's a lot going on that makes me want to chill.
Often, even a sense of not knowing how to feel.
So I sit with my thoughts in the company of a meal.

Life is all about editing. So rewrite the story from the shitty version the voice in your head came up with.

It's Sunday,
rest, no way.
Just got here,
say hey hey.

Saturday, October 10, 2020

"You fill this night with me."

From the song Fill This Night by Clazziquai.

Tuesday, October 06, 2020

I’ve gotten so used to watching stuff and scrolling through things. But just listening to music is necessary, too.

Friday, October 02, 2020

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

“Hold me back!” I screamed to myself.

Sunday, September 27, 2020

So nauseous,
can't nosh this.

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Breonna Taylor deserves justice.

All of the other things I was worrying about earlier throughout the day feels so pointless.

Stomp in the streets,
step light in your apartment.

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Being home for most of each day, cleaning my floor daily is something that brings so much relief and pleasure.

Saturday, September 12, 2020

Friday, September 11, 2020

There are days when even nine hours isn’t enough to pull an opening paragraph out of my ass.

And without an opening paragraph, there is no second paragraph.

It’s late in the night and I’ve forced myself to step away form it. As I lie in bed, all I’m thinking about is why the fuck an opening paragraph is taking me so long. But then I’m realizing it’s because I know exactly what I want to say, it’s just taking a while to figure out how.

Friday, September 04, 2020

I’m at the point in my life where I notice every hair on the floor.

Wednesday, September 02, 2020

 We're all just one something away from everything.

"I'll cry about it later,
tonight I'm having fun."

From the song Cry About It Later by Katy Perry.

Monday, August 31, 2020

"Have you ever lied,
and just replied,
'I'm fine'?"

From the song Teary Eyes by Katy Perry.

Hey friends,

I wrote this profile that I'm very proud of. It's on Sylvia's "The Queen of Soul Food" in Harlem, which has been an iconic NYC institution and restaurant since 1962.

Please check out the article and share it with friends!


 Detach x 100.

Wednesday, August 26, 2020

 I forgot how to fall asleep.

Cry when I write,
cry when I read.
Pie in each bite,
sigh when I need.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

 Slow down x 100.

"They said it wouldn't last,
we had to prove them wrong."


From the song Love Will Never Do (Without You) by Janet Jackson.

Monday, August 24, 2020

"I just want someone that's always gonna love me, no matter what. Someone's that's gonna hold my hand and never let it go..." 

Said by Slim in the movie Queen & Slim.

Friday, August 21, 2020

It’s 3:30am and I am still scrolling on my phone in bed. I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping the past few weeks. Then there are nights like yesterday where I had so many weird nightmares and kept waking up in the few hours of sleep I was even able to get.

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

"Martin: How else do you feel right now?
Eve: I feel... wide awake."


From the show Killing Eve. Season 2, Episode 7.

Monday, August 17, 2020

Fuck it.

And by fuck I mean eat.

Sunday, August 16, 2020

 Must be nice.

CC Bloom,
CeCe Peniston.
Yeah see-see twice,
Take pic, new medicine.

Thursday, August 13, 2020

Day 9 without a working fridge. What's life even about?

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

It's been a while since I've been excited as I am today, but Biden-Harris all the way!

"I want a hug."

Said by Kwame in the HBO show I May Destroy You. Season 1, Episode 10.

Monday, August 10, 2020

My fridge broke down last week. It suddenly just stopped working, but I can't say I blame it -- 2020 has been hard for all of us.

Sunday, August 09, 2020

I am looking for a husband.

"I hope you can find the time,
this weekend to relax and unwind."

From the song Escapade by Janet Jackson.

I can't believe I never realized that this song's message isn't about some fancy vacation, but something much simpler than that: enjoy your weekend.

It's amazing how so many American sitcoms and movies have scenes where characters are eating what appears to be Chinese takeout or Asian food with chopsticks, but there isn't an actual Asian person in site within the fictional worlds they live in.

To the people who made the decisions to include the food in those scenes, I just want to know the reasoning behind it.

Saturday, August 08, 2020

I started a new job in April. 

In a turn of events for my professional career that I couldn't have ever imagined in my wildest dreams, I am now the Editor of Thrillist New York. That means it's my job to be in the know about what to eat, drink, and do in New York, and as a hometown Queens kid from Flushing, I can't tell you how proud I am to be in this new role.

With that being said, the world is a very different place now, and thinking about what to eat, drink, and do in New York has changed completely since the onset of COVID-19 in March. I mean, even as I write this on August 8, I feel like life feels so drastically different from just a month ago. How I might've thought about certain things or what I felt like I knew from then is not the same as today, and I'm totally okay with that. This year just feels like it's been filled with awakenings of every kind, some that are heartbreaking to the core, and others that were very much needed.

First of all, the COVID-19 pandemic continues to take its toll everywhere. People are sick, people are dying, people have lost their jobs and livelihoods, and at this moment, there's no sense in when things will get better in the U.S. And then there's the second virus that's on the forefront of daily life in America: racism. The systemic injustices and racism that Black people face in this country is so wrong. Until the death of George Floyd, I never truly internalized the challenges that the Black community faces. And because of my ignorance, I didn't know just how dire things were. Even from growing up in NYC or having been immersed in Black music, television, and culture as a major part of my entire life, I still hadn't realized it. Being a kid in the 90's, I can recall the majority of every comedy stand-up special I watched by a Black comic having a part dedicated to discussing racism and mistreatment from cops, but I never registered just how fucked up it really was. But now I'm trying to do my part however I can, which includes educating myself, having conversations with friends and family, and knowing that not being racist is no longer sufficient in America, but being an anti-racist is what's truly needed in order for tangible change to happen. 

At work, I've joined together with three other colleagues for the Thrillist Diversity Committee. As a group, we are committed to bringing more diversity to our workplace. It's funny because I started my job remotely, which means I have never met any of my coworkers in real life. I'm grateful to simply be employed right now, but working from home in a new job hasn't been easy for many reasons, and I still find myself struggling with things at times. It definitely hasn't been a smooth road, but I'm enjoying myself and the growth I've been able to experience so far. I feel like the timing of when I started this job and all that's happened since can be seen as a blessing in some ways and a reminder to always stay on your feet. Fighting it or wanting it to be different is pointless, so I'm trying to approach things with a fun and flexible mindset whenever possible and am up for the challenge.

It's taken me a bit to sit down with my thoughts about all that's happened since April, but I look forward to sharing more stuff here on my blog. In the meanwhile, check out Thrillist New York when you can and some of the stories I've personally written like How to Support the Black Community in NYC, Thanks for the Memories Momofuku Ssäm Bar, and 7 Restaurant Openings in NYC You Need to Know

Wear a damn mask when you go out, socially distance responsibly, and most importantly, Black Lives Matter!

Friday, August 07, 2020

 "Soon, you'll be having fun."

From the song All For You by Janet Jackson.

Thursday, August 06, 2020

Process.
Practice.
Progress.
Praise.

Sunday, August 02, 2020

One motherfucking day at a time.
"Take the pen and rewrite it."

From Beyoncé's Black is King on Disney+.

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

"What I've learned is, 'Get back on what track?' It's a whole new track. It's not going back, it's not... you know, it's just all different, and it's different forever. So it's not getting back on track, but it's creating my next track."

Said by former First Lady Michelle Obama in her Netflix special Becoming.

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Damn, where do I even start?

So much to freaking update you on...

Tuesday, July 07, 2020

Junk food,
funk mood.
Self feud,
so crude.

Saturday, July 04, 2020

As I sit here in the dark of my room on America's 244th birthday, there's a nonstop barrage of fireworks going off from nearby in all directions outside my window. Bursts of light fill the night sky with whistles and explosive pops. These are of course not from the annual Macy's fireworks show put on by the city, but from the local residents of Harlem/Sugar Hill instead. The noise of illegal fireworks going off nightly for the past few months seems to just fade into the background now, sort of like sirens from an ambulance or firetruck. But today's soundtrack does feel much louder than usual.

Wednesday, July 01, 2020

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

The past few weeks or so.

Black Lives Matter!











Beer and chips for dinner,
didn't turn out to be that winner.

Friday, June 26, 2020

Friday, June 19, 2020

"Juneteenth is the oldest-known celebration of the end of slavery in the United States. While it’s widely observed across the U.S., the holiday actually originated in Texas, marking the date in 1865 that news of the abolition of slavery reached the state (despite the fact that the Emancipation Proclamation was signed in 1863). During the two and a half year gap, slave owners kept this information hidden from slaves in order to reap the continued benefits of unpaid labor.

Juneteenth is still not recognized as a national holiday, but locally it’s celebrated with gatherings, parades, and feasts that specifically feature red foods and drinks. Barbecue, baked beans, watermelon, and red drinks such as West African Hibiscus tea, strawberry soda, punch, and lemonade made with strawberries or cherries make appearances on park and backyard tables around the U.S. every year."

From the Thrillist story "Where to Find Red Velvet Cake in NYC, Just in Time for Juneteenth." By Kristen Adaway.

Saturday, June 13, 2020

Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.

Sunday, May 31, 2020

Dear blog,
do you also sob?
Where the injustices of the world,
makes your heart throb?