Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Damn, where do I even start?

So much to freaking update you on...

Tuesday, July 07, 2020

Junk food,
funk mood.
Self feud,
so crude.

Saturday, July 04, 2020

As I sit here in the dark of my room on America's 244th birthday, there's a nonstop barrage of fireworks going off from nearby in all directions outside my window. Bursts of light fill the night sky with whistles and explosive pops. These are of course not from the annual Macy's fireworks show put on by the city, but from the local residents of Harlem/Sugar Hill instead. The noise of illegal fireworks going off nightly for the past few months seems to just fade into the background now, sort of like sirens from an ambulance or firetruck. But today's soundtrack does feel much louder than usual.

Wednesday, July 01, 2020

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

The past few weeks or so.

Black Lives Matter!











Beer and chips for dinner,
didn't turn out to be that winner.

Friday, June 26, 2020

Friday, June 19, 2020

"Juneteenth is the oldest-known celebration of the end of slavery in the United States. While it’s widely observed across the U.S., the holiday actually originated in Texas, marking the date in 1865 that news of the abolition of slavery reached the state (despite the fact that the Emancipation Proclamation was signed in 1863). During the two and a half year gap, slave owners kept this information hidden from slaves in order to reap the continued benefits of unpaid labor.

Juneteenth is still not recognized as a national holiday, but locally it’s celebrated with gatherings, parades, and feasts that specifically feature red foods and drinks. Barbecue, baked beans, watermelon, and red drinks such as West African Hibiscus tea, strawberry soda, punch, and lemonade made with strawberries or cherries make appearances on park and backyard tables around the U.S. every year."

From the Thrillist story "Where to Find Red Velvet Cake in NYC, Just in Time for Juneteenth." By Kristen Adaway.

Saturday, June 13, 2020

Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.

Sunday, May 31, 2020

Dear blog,
do you also sob?
Where the injustices of the world,
makes your heart throb?

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Good morning.

I just woke up early from a real good night’s rest and am so hungry. The weather outside is looking beautiful and I wish I could just go to some diner or nice restaurant to have a bounty of food while people watching with a hot cup of black coffee in hand.

Monday, May 11, 2020

"Can't argue with these lazy bitches,
I just raise my price."

From the song Savage by Megan Thee Stallion ft Beyonce.
Sipping.
Dipping.
Tipping.
Zipping.

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Happy Mother's Day.

While I'm not able to see my mom in person this year, I'm still grateful to FaceTime and call her regularly to tell her that I love her.

Here are some pics of my mom. I'm not sure when the 1st one is from but probably some time in Korea when she was in her early 20's. The 2nd one is from her wedding day. The 3rd is from some family event at a park in Queens in the late 80's or early 90's. The next is from my 2001 high school graduation at Francis Lewis High School. And the last one is from my sister's wedding in Flushing in 2007.

엄마, 사랑해!





Wednesday, May 06, 2020

"Ahmaud Arbery was a human being, a person, a man with a family and a future, who loved and was loved. The McMichaels took all of that away on a glorious Sunday afternoon in February. Who knows what Arbery could have become. He was young, his life a buffet of possibilities. Friday would have been his 26th birthday."

From the May 6, New York Times Op-Ed: The Killing of Ahmaud Arbery. Written by Charles M. Blow.

Ahmaud Arbery was murdered on February 23. Black Lives Matter!

Friday, May 01, 2020

Sunday, April 26, 2020

"Sometimes, you have to be stupid enough to start this kind of project. And then you have to be persistent, brave enough to finish them."

Said by Anders Solvarm in the Apple+ show HOMES. Season 1, Episode 1.

Saturday, April 25, 2020

“There’s no escape,
I can’t wait.”

From the song Toxic by Britney Spears.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Sunday, April 19, 2020

I went a little crazy partying at home with my roommate yesterday. I think being stuck in the house is starting to get to me, so I started my Saturday afternoon drinking screwdrivers with Everclear to then drunkenly stuff my face with pizza later in the night. At one point we ended up dancing along to DJ sets on YouTube which helped me work up an appetite. I know I was feeling tipsy because I've been living a dairy-free life for quite sometime. So while devouring that pizza was pure bliss, I've been paying for it all day today. And although I hadn't had Everclear since college, it was the only booze my roommate had and I didn't feel like running out to the liquor store, so I was grateful to work with what was in the house. Adaptability is key in these current times!

Saturday, April 18, 2020

"Know it's good when you chewin' and you singin'."

From the song Captain Hook by Megan Thee Stallion.

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Knock knock.
Whose there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Anyhoo, I’m at home.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Anyhoo, a yawn is a cough’s cousin.

Sunday, April 12, 2020

"I hope you don't mind,
that I put down in words.
How wonderful life is, 
while you're in the world."

From the song Your Song by Elton John.

Saturday, April 11, 2020

Show them all your cards,
and roll eyes real hard.
HMI = Hold My Interest

Thursday, April 09, 2020

Dear gray nose hair,

What is your deal?

xoxo,
Thwany

Wednesday, April 08, 2020

Megan and vegan do not rhyme.

Monday, April 06, 2020

Cereal.
Celery.
Caesar Salad.
You're my ballad.

Saturday, April 04, 2020

It's a nice, sunny Saturday afternoon here in my room. It feels like it's been pretty cloudy and grey out the past few days, so this burst of spring is much appreciated.

So, life rolls on. In the quarters that is my room, I work, eat, and sleep here. I spend way too much time of it lying on my stomach in bed with a device at my fingers and the TV on. But room life has been fine so far. I'm grateful to have some space to myself to process everything. Drawing my blackout curtains helps in feeling like I have my own little escape, and that even sometimes includes moments where things actually feel quiet. I mean it never gets completely silent, but with less people and traffic on the street, focusing on listening to one layer of noise coming through the windows does become easier.

But yes, another week with a stay-at-home order has passed. Businesses are still closed. People are sick in hospitals and dying. The virus is still spreading, and the CDC now recommends that everyone wears face coverings when they're out.

I definitely don't feel stuck in my room. I feel at home in my room. Thank you, room.
Used to.

Sunday, March 29, 2020

It's been almost three weeks since I began staying home. I pretty much have rarely ventured out of my place except to get takeout on my block or groceries nearby. I've been able to get on with what I have access to in my area and with delivery, but I really needed to restock on Korean ramen today, along with some other Asian stuff. So my roommate and I decided to actually get some air and walk to the nearest H Mart in the Upper West Side. It was about 35 blocks each way, and we stayed 6 feet apart from each other and anyone else we came across on the sidewalk. When we got to the supermarket, we stood in the line to get in with everyone spaced out 6 feet. Every time a customer exited the doors, the person at the front of the line went in. And when inside, things were fine. I like how the aisles weren't crowded, and I could just get my stuff and leave. I'm not sure when I'll go anywhere that far from my place again, but it was great to go for a nice long walk today. The weather was gray with a slight drizzle at times and I loved every moment of it.

Here are some pics from today's Sunday stroll.








Saturday, March 28, 2020

"You want what now looks like, 
let me give you a taste."

From the song Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa.
Doing the dishes.
Making wishes,
I had that to eat.
Feels so fictitious.
Gotta eat that receipt,
love to lick off the package.
You oughta taste that shit twice,
nothing short of ravage.

Monday, March 23, 2020

Sunday, March 22, 2020

It's been ordered by the New York Governor that beginning at 8pm tonight, any non-essential workers are expected to stay home. Starting tomorrow, the only people commuting and on the streets will be from certain jobs and industries currently considered essential. The subways will be running and people can go out for food and walks, but people must remain 6-feet apart and social distance. And if you don't have to leave your home, just stay put.

Since last Monday, everything in New York has pretty much shut down. Throughout the week with every passing day, it's been closure after closure. So many different fabrics of society have been impacted, with people losing their jobs and many businesses now just trying to stay afloat.

It's like all of a sudden, life feels very different. Human contact is no longer the foundation to our everyday interactions but the part that we're trying to avoid. This change has altered everything we know.

The bar and restaurant industry was one of the earliest casualties of it all. Seeing what's happened to so many places is absolutely devastating. These small businesses were incubators of community, livelihoods, and culture and there's a shock that comes with them suddenly not being there.

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

It's the first week of all that's new, and it's only Wednesday. Watching every new update in real time is disorienting.
Death to the handshake.
A moment was all it takes.

Monday, March 16, 2020

David Attenborough, please tell us what happens next.

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Elected officials are asking people not to go to bars and restaurants for now. Restaurants are voluntarily closing their doors until more is learned about the situation. Social distancing is recommended.

I've left my apartment sparingly since I began working from home on Tuesday. I've been going out about once a day for food on my block, but that's pretty much it. I guess it's been about the past 24 hours or so where the message to just stay home has been made clear, so this is where you'll find me.
Attic.
Addict.

Friday, March 13, 2020

Dear 2020,

In January, when I said you were just going to be another basic bitch year, my bad.

Love,
Thawny

Thursday, March 12, 2020

All that could go wrong,
is just a beautiful song.

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

"Aquata.
Adrena.
Arista.
Adena.
Adella.
Alana."


From the song Daughters of Triton in the movie The Little Mermaid.

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Saturday, March 07, 2020

There’s a dire shortage of Purell for racism.

Thursday, March 05, 2020

Dead plants,
tight pants.
So much angst,
but give thanks.

Tuesday, March 03, 2020

Self-care is not scrolling your life away at 1am.

Sunday, March 01, 2020

I made this for you,
show me that gorgeous chew.
이젠,
버틸 수 없다고.

From the song 기억의 습작 by Exhibition.

Saturday, February 29, 2020

"That's my shit, that's my wave.
Do it like that and I'll repay ya.
Don't be scared, I ain't afraid.
Just like that, come my way.

From the song Like That by Doja Cat ft Gucci Mane.
Is that necessary,
couldn't you just wait and see?
They promised the food was coming,
way to seethe.
Being a receptacle for sauce,
is what makes you the boss.
It ain’t none of my business,
except for my sandwich.
Cause the bite you’re taking,
I don’t think you can manage.

Thursday, February 27, 2020

"I hadn’t googled him in forever (I promise)."

From the February 28, 2020, New York Times Opinion piece: My Ex-Boyfriend’s New Girlfriend Is Lady Gaga. By Lindsay Crouse.

This was such a fun read, and I also didn't know that "google" as a verb is lowercased. I see it now though.

Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Brain off,
just mosh.
Zero thoughts,
oh gosh.

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Oh donkatsu and tteokbokki,
where you can you be?
Your friend jjajang is waiting,
I'll show you, come see.
Prepared to be read, bread.
Cause I ain't feeling no threat.
On the subway seeing the action,
satisfaction with all that might, passion.
Give me so funny, so stupid, so many eyes rolling back.

Monday, February 24, 2020

At the stoplight,
don’t press rewind.
All day I think, "okay, why am I thinking this?
"Didn't even notice, no punches left to roll with.
You got to keep me focused, you want it, say so."


From the song Say So by Doja Cat.

I seriously was looking for this song for so long. After hearing it in a million memes, I was like ooh that's catchy. But because I could never really make out the words, whenever I Googled "Gwen Stefani new song," I still could never find it. 

I mean, now I totally know it's not by her. But when the song surprisingly came out just now on my Spotify, I went to look at its name and thought, that's now how you spell Gwen Stefani.

Sunday, February 23, 2020

"TAE, DO YOU WANT TO BE IN MY POETRY CLUB?"

An email with the subject line above was both my invitation and introduction to Thomas Miller's poetry club. 

It arrived in May of 2010, with the body of the email simply containing that week's poem, along with the name of its author and what years they lived. After giving it a read, I responded with an excited yes, saying I'd love to. But I wasn't sure what joining entailed, and if it took place at some sort of gathering or if I'd need to be buying books to prepare. So when I asked Thomas about how to join, my second installment of Thomas Miller's poetry club came with this email subject line: "You don't have to do anything...you just get a poem every week...like this one." 

And until this year, those poems have continued to come. 

I first met Thomas because he worked with my best friend Judy. Thomas and Judy weren't just coworkers who became close friends after years of working together, but they had a genuine friendship and connection. I mean, let's not even talk about them being birthday twins. But because he and Judy were close, I was able to get to know Thomas pretty well throughout the years. 

Thomas was genuinely one of the sweetest people I know. He was kind, and a definite one of a kind. He was loved for his big heart and also known for his unique style. And on top of all that, he was really interesting with tons of knowledge about art and whatever fine cultural events were happening in the city. On almost every day of the week, you could find Thomas out at an exhibit or sitting in the audience of some gorgeous production. Even the last time we hung out one-on-one was to watch ballet at Lincoln Center last year, which was my first time ever doing so. He loved anything that celebrated both the visual and performing arts and once told me he's "obsessed with looking at beautiful things." And this wasn't just for when he was outside his house.

Some years ago, a tough transitional phase of mine had me going through a long period of couch crashing. When Thomas heard about this through Judy, he generously offered to let me stay in his spare bedroom for a few months as I got back on my feet. Thomas had been living in his place since the 80s, so stepping inside his home was a deep immersion in who he was. Practically every inch and corner was decorated with some item. The spare bedroom I slept in was filled with things as well, from eccentricities I couldn't stop staring at to shelves of books and delicate figurines. And because there was no Internet connection in that room, a small analog tv near the bed was what I usually used to break the silence as I admired my surroundings. Being there in his home with all of the things he loved comforted me in a way. I was so used to living out of a suitcase with minimal belongings, and that's why Thomas' place was a great reminder in the serenity that can come from a home with stuff that brings you joy.

Sadly, Thomas passed away last weekend. His funeral was yesterday, and I was grateful to be able to go and say my goodbyes. You can read his obituary here, and also a recent article about him here. And as for Thomas' poetry club, while they became less frequent in the past few years, he had kept up sending out his poems since he first signed me up a decade ago. The final poem Thomas ever sent was on January 5th of this year.

While going through old photos to look for ones with Thomas, I found the following ones below I took at a work dinner of his, Judy's and their colleagues. This night is from exactly ten years ago in February of 2010.

Rest in peace, Thomas. You were a light to many.
Thomas Miller (1958-2020)











"He prolly thinkin' I'm in pain,
but I'm really on game."

From the song B.I.T.C.H. by Megan Thee Stallion.
"I've got a meeting in the ladies room,
I'll be back real soon.

From the song Meeting In The Ladies Room by Klymaxx. 
Turn off television.
Put away phone.
Blast music.
Open laptop.
Don't stop.
Let the prose drop.

Saturday, February 15, 2020

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

I don’t think I can do this anymore.
Turning 37,
has me asking when?

Monday, February 10, 2020

Sunday, February 09, 2020

Is anyone else watching Nora From Queens?

It's a new scripted comedy based on the life of Awkwafina and her growing up in Queens. I think it's really well made and super entertaining, I like the show a lot. And Awkwafina is straight up hilarious in it.

Her facial expressions and body language make all the writing that much more funnier and she seriously cracks me up. There's also this vulnerability she brings to her character, where Nora seems to just innately want the best for everyone around her. And in each episode, while Nora is trying to figure out her own shit in life, she's actually dealing with a lot of other people who are crazier and more out there than her, yet she really never makes anything about herself. Instead, as she attempts to handle her own stuff, she tries her best to make sure others are going be okay as well.

But what I love most about the show is how it displays layers and dimension to its Asian-American characters in a way that's not solely centered around them being Asian. It's like holy shit, finally! It's so refreshing to watch a show with Asian-American people who are all just living their damn lives like the average Americans that we are. We're just as funny and dysfunctional and as any other group, and it's these types of stories I relate to and want to learn from.

Compared to so many other shows that's ever featured an Asian cast who are always dealing with some sort of circumstance that's related to their race, this show is doing its own thing. Instead of any of the characters having to figure solutions to navigate all these different situations, being Asian simply just factors in to the conventional details of their everyday life. That means eating jook (porridge) for breakfast before heading out of the house or a Chinatown bus being the mode of transportation to get to Atlantic City. I find this highly relatable. I appreciate that the usual, clichéd storylines of an Asian person feeling like an outsider have been transformed into stories that unapologetically lay out the ordinariness of them going about something, first as just a regular person, and then also sometimes as an Asian person in America. Because there is nothing more lazy and played out than having another show with Asian-American characters who only undergo archetypical things like getting good grades, trying to become a doctor or grappling with being an outlier of some sort. Snoresville, for reals. I mean, sure, I guess that exists and is some people's truth. But that doesn't mean it's the only narrative to tell. And that's only like a small part of what defines anyone who actually feels like that---there a zillion other ways a character's story could be told. Previously, so many Asian characters were never allowed to be a full person with a backstory that included things like a messy room or job problems. Hollywood has framed this one-dimensional stereotype for so long and it's just so predictable. All of the people in charge of creating shows need to take some lessons from Nora From Queens because this is how you do it right. And don't get me wrong, none of the characters in the show ever deny their ethnicity, but instead, they're showing how it's just one facet of the many complexities that comprise who they are.

There are other things about the series that make me a fan as well. All of the episode storylines are ridiculous, interesting and just so well executed. I also like a lot of their subtle details that remind me of growing up as an Asian kid in Queens. From the 7 Train to soju bottles, to White Rabbit candy or the New York State Pavilion, it all brings me back. And then there's how Nora assumes some of her friends are living these amazing lives with fancy jobs like "video producer" or "lawyer" because that's what she thought she heard about them. When in reality, that's so far from the truth. I think that aspect really speaks on our current culture with social media making us compare ourselves to these picture-perfect existences that we think others are leading, when nothing is really what it seems.

Getting stoned. Queef talk. Kooky family members. Brokeness. Trying to figure out what it means to be an adult. The list goes on and on, but these are just some of the things you can find yourself laughing about in Nora From Queens.

Saturday, February 08, 2020

The game has changed,
nothing remains.
Yet you’re still the same?
That's insane.
Microscopic,
next topic!
Kick that thought,
emptied pockets.

Friday, February 07, 2020

"I'm gonna ride this motherfucker 'til the wheels fall off. Live your life."

Said by Martin Lawrence in his stand-up special Runteldat.
At this point,
it's smarter.
To let go,
bye martyr!
Tweaked.
Tweaker.
Obliques.
Bleaker.
The past few weeks or so.










Can't hear you,
can't see you.
Can't meet you,
won't do.
At sunrise,
be surprised.
Same bullshit,
it's true.

Thursday, February 06, 2020

Well if you put it that way...

Wednesday, February 05, 2020

It exists.
Hit or miss,
stay true to your shit.
When running on empty,
stare at that list.
I have tteokbokki fever.

Tuesday, February 04, 2020

"There's a certain detachment that sensitive people must maintain to endure the harsh realities of this world."

Said by RuPaul in his audiobook Guru.

Thursday, January 30, 2020

Monday, January 27, 2020

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Already forgotten,
to forever stay rotten.

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

One-syllable life,
I need my pulse hyped.
Decision to incision,
no sneezing on that vision.
No more crumbs in bed,
dump that thing instead.
Private. Dining. Room.
Unclench, and feel that drench.
Color outside the line,
snap outside the frame.
Stir until it splashes,
rock a clean fade.
Beard.
Weird.
Feared.
Bleared.
Coughing into the pillow,
now everybody say wayo.
I am always watching the same movies on repeat.

...is that because things in my life feel like they’re on repeat too?
I felt a little bit of that.

Monday, January 20, 2020

"If you make a plan, life never works out that way. Look around us. Did these people think, 'Let's all spend the night in a gym?' But look now. Everyone's sleeping on the floor, us included. That's why people shouldn't make plans. With no plan, nothing can go wrong."

Said by the character Park Dong-Ik in the movie Parasite.
"Shin never became a novelist, but he named his first successful business, a company that marketed chewing gum, Lotte after Charlotte, the female character in Wolfgang von Goethe’s novel 'The Sorrows of Young Werther.' Mr. Shin was especially proud of the name Lotte, calling it 'the best choice in my life.'"

From the January 19, 2020 NYT Article: ‘Chewing Gum Tycoon’ of Lotte Group, Shin Kyuk-ho, Dies at 98. By Choe Sang-Hun.

Sunday, January 19, 2020

People know.
People, no!
You know that scene in Beaches when CC Bloom bangs on her radiators with a frying pan so her super turns up the heat?

I think I've thought about her doing that literally every time I lay eyes on a radiator here in NYC. And this has been since I first watched it as a kid.
"Dear CC, we're spending summer at our beach house. It's very peaceful here. I get to ride horses and think a lot."

Said by Hillary in the movie Beaches.
Wash your hands x 100.
We’re not just talking like, next to the dumpster at piggly wiggly?

Say by RuPaul in the podcast RuPaul: What’s the Tee ft. Michelle Visage. Episode 238.

Saturday, January 18, 2020