Tuesday, December 01, 2020

Monday, November 30, 2020

Sometimes, you don't eat an entire box of pasta in one sitting.

And then lots of times, you do.

Saturday, November 28, 2020

You know that meme about, according to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity being doing the same shit and expecting different results? 

I just realized how this relates to online dating.

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

"I put my lifetime,
in between the paper's lines."

From the song Quiet Storm by Mobb Deep.
Blah, fucking blah.
Wah, fucking wah.
Ha, fucking ha.
가, fucking 가.
"I was born to run,
I don't belong to anyone."

From the song Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus.

Sunday, November 22, 2020

Black out curtains,
two things certain.
Sunday in bed,
roll over instead.
Owls in the city.
Howls when you see me.
How’ll we teehee?
Don’t go, Mong,
chill, jeez.

Thursday, November 19, 2020

"Make me feel so good,
내일 기억할 수 있게."

From the song +5 STAR+ by CL.
"I can't stop thinkin' about you,
5 stars every time that you come through."

From the song +5 STAR+ by CL.
Know better.
Go-getter.
Real sweater.
Big fretter.
"I'm not sure what this could mean,
I don't think you're what you seem."

From the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.
"There's no sense in telling me.
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free."

From the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.
"Every time I think of you,
I feel a shot right through, 
with a bolt of blue."

From the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

I miss drinking and going out on weekdays—fuck the weekend.

I am home in my room.

I've had a few drinks, and in a way, I feel like myself again. I'm not stressed or thinking about work or anything for that matter. I'm just relaxed and okay with turning off the tv to sit with my laptop and simply be with some Philip Glass playing in the background.

Exhausted.

Monday, November 16, 2020

Earlier today as I was in my room working, I heard people fighting outside my window on Amsterdam Avenue. Honestly, this is not anything new—it happens at all times throughout the day and night (seriously), but I still decided to see what all the noise was about. When I looked to check out what was happening, there was a guy on a motorcycle driving down the street while being chased by some other guy. I don't know what went on between them before this, but the two were mad as hell and shouting profanities and threats at each other. At one point, the guy on foot retreated and began to walk away. Then the motorcycle guy drove off for a bit while still screaming shit about kicking the other guy's ass. He was still so heated, and that's when he made a big u-turn and began to drive back towards the other guy. But then surprisingly, he stopped himself. And then he screamed "the only reason I'm not going to fuck you up is because I miss my mom! My mom just died!"

Sunday, November 15, 2020

"How are we ever going to get out of this?"

Said by Eve in the series Killing Eve. Season 2, Episode 8.

Saturday, November 14, 2020

After posting about waking up to the wonderful smell of bacon last Saturday, I decided to get some air and go for a long walk. I was strolling down the west side around the 140s by the Hudson when at one point, I began to hear people screaming and banging pots and pans. My first thought was, hmm that's weird, it's not 7pm right now. I had put my phone on airport mode and didn't hear the news, but this was the moment when Joe Biden was announced the official winner of the presidential election. I switched my phone back to receiving messages, and saw all these texts from my friends and sisters. 

All I could do was start whooping at the top of my longs and cheer on all of the people hanging outside of their apartments windows hollering in elation. What an incredibly joyous moment. I couldn't believe it, and felt this happiness and relief take over me. I ran back to my apartment to shower and get ready, and headed downtown by myself with no itinerary. I first went to the area around Stonewall, and omg, there were so many people there already partying it up in the streets. There was dancing and bottles of champagne popping open everywhere. Everyone was on the streets just spending this moment together, and it was so amazing. Cars passing by honked in celebration along with us, and you could feel this collective release of emotions from everyone. After four years of this fucked up and dysfunctional administration, we finally had new hope in knowing there would be an end to it all, and this very day would be day one of our new chapter.

I spent the remainder of the day walking around the city. Festivities of all kinds had popped up everywhere. Washington Square Park was friggin' lit! It was filled with people celebrating across the entire park. Next I walked further downtown and eventually ended up at Broadway and Houston. There was a huge crowd at this intersection and I could see traffic backed up in all directions. The large crowd had formed a circle and in the middle, people were dancing in jubilation and then we all started chanting support for racial justice and Black Lives Matter. I didn't realize this group was actually a march who had taken a momentary pause here. I joined them afterwards in marching down Broadway together, which had been cleared of cars for the group. Everything was so moving. We marched as the leaders guided us in more rallying cries of racial justice and residents of SoHo cheered us on from their windows with air horns and pots and pans. At one point as we were all walking south, I took a moment to take it all in. I could see all the way clear down Broadway to way more downtown, and it was so beautiful. To be there in that large mass, as we collectively celebrated together, just thinking about it again can bring me to tears. After converging at its end point of Foley Square for a bit, I headed off on my own and walked around some more.

After a long day, I came back home and luckily made it back right in time to watch Vice President-elect Kamala Harris and President-elect Joe Biden's acceptance speeches. 

Wow, what an unforgettable day.

Saturday, November 07, 2020

One of the perks of living five floors above a 24-hour deli is waking up to the smell of bacon wafting through my room window. 
Needy.
Weary.

Friday, November 06, 2020

I took a personal day from work on Monday to chill and had Election Day officially off, but it still feels like it's been a long week with emotions coming from so many sides of everything.
It's 2am on Friday during election week.

The results are still too close to call right now. Votes in Arizona, Georgia, Nevada, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania are still being counted, and I say COUNT EVERY VOTE. 

Change in America is coming, and I am so fucking excited.

Thursday, November 05, 2020

270 feels so close.
It really sucks when the only pseudo human interaction you had in your entire day was a video call that left you feeling like shit.
I’m in need of some really good conversation. Can we talk?
I know that doomscrolling through my phone late at night is really bad, but here I am.

Sunday, November 01, 2020

Look ahead?
Stay instead.
For I thee wed,
nothing but dread.

Just listening to Frankie Knuckles here.
Step outside of yourself for the best reminder ever.
Let it out.

Saturday, October 31, 2020

Blue.

It just hit me,
you're shitting me.
Stop quitting, see? 
Bedridden-free.

Monday, October 26, 2020

"I would dance until my feet hurt, and I would keep going after that."

Said by Lil Buck in the Netflix docuseries Move. Season 1, Episode 1.

Sunday, October 25, 2020

"Listen to yourself, listen to your gut. Because only you know what's right for you. That's what being an artist is all about. Your power is in your individuality, and being exactly who you are. No two artists are alike, just like no two people are alike. That's why there's no competition in artistry, it's not about being the best or the biggest, the king or the queen—that notion is so ridiculous. That competition or comparison is actually the opposite of what being an artist is. As an artist, you should be in competition with only one person, yourself. You can't worry about what others are doing or saying. You have to keep that focus and stay true to who you are in order to be creative and make the best decisions."

Said by Jennifer Lopez in her audiobook True Love.

Out of touch,
out of space.
Out of patience,
out of place.
"Like a movie scene,
in the sweetest dream,
I have pictured us together."

From the song Waiting for Tonight by Jennifer Lopez.

Inexplicable.

If someone has been on your mind, let them know.

Friday, October 23, 2020

"Engine, engine, 
number 9.
On the New York transit line,
if my train goes off the track,
pick it up, 
pick it up,
pick it up!"

From the song Be Faithful by Fatman Scoop.
Greetings, from my little corner here on the Internet.

It's Friday night. The windows of my room overlook Amsterdam Avenue, a pretty major street, and there's plenty of stuff going on outside. Every time a car passes by blasting Fatman Scoop's Be Faithful, I feel happy. It takes me back to my young adult days of growing up in Queens and driving into the city on the weekends with friends to go party. But also, hearing the song just makes me stoked that people are still out there finding some joy, in despite of everything. I like to imagine that these cars have some fun destination (masked and socially-distanced, of course) they're heading to—or fuck it, even if they just want to blare music from their car while going for a drive, I'm all for that, too.

I was watching the final presidential debate last night, and when 45 called NYC a "ghost town," I couldn't help but roll my eyes. This is so far from the truth. There are still millions of people here going about their days and handling their shit. I mean it does feel quieter and emptier than normal at times, but walk one block over or wander the streets again the following day and it's a completely different picture. 

It's been a while since I left town. Honestly, the last time I was even on an airplane was early in 2019. I've been home everyday since the lockdown started, and while I'm itching to get some air and go away for even a weekend, I sadly wouldn't have anywhere to go. I also haven't gotten a haircut since March. I just don't have the mental capacity or bandwidth to even think about trying to get one right now. I've grown my hair out here and there as an adult, but this is by far the longest stretch. Living with longer hair is really different than shorter hair. I mean, the amount of my hair that I can now see shed is, in itself, a sobering reality and terrifying to witness. It's probably from me being in my late 30's, but I've come to see how precious hair is. And for every strand I see fall out and laying on my floor or laptop keyboard, my heart pangs. Damn, I remember being a teenager and always having barbers insist they thin out my hair a bit to make it look less heavy. Now it's good ole time that naturally does it for me. One thing I do like about having longer hair though is being able to push it back behind my ear. It's a novel feeling that feels so natural for some reason.

Thursday, October 22, 2020

I used to be able to drink two 40s with no problem, and now two cans of beer make me feel full.

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

All I do at home is lie on my stomach in bed and watch 50 minutes videos of people eating bomb ass food in Korea.

Sunday, October 18, 2020

There are so many moments where I feel like I'm looking back too much or reflecting on a time that has nothing to do with right now.

But then when I think about it, who the fuck knows what's going to happen in the near future? Even trying to entertain its landscape at this point in history feels pointless.

"Everybody's searching for a place,
where they can be known.
But I've found a place where I can do no wrong.
Everybody's loving me for being me,
but I never thought that I could be so free."

From the song Nitelife (Armand van Helden mix) by Kim English.

I decided to have some fried chicken and beer with soju at my desk here at home, so I am feeling good. 

Also, I usually eat fried chicken out of the box when I get it from my local spot, but what a difference it makes to plate it like a proper meal.

The past few weeks or so.














The election is only weeks away. On top of everything that's been happening in the world and in my life, I have this lingering anxiety from not knowing how I can deal with another four years of this administration if they win again. Shit is so fucked up right now because of them. I am mentally drained, exhausted, and tell myself to keep pushing on. But another part of me wants to eat in bed and tune everything out. I feel like soon after Trump was elected four years ago, dysfunction became normalized. And his absolute lack of competence and the onset of COVID-19 has just compounded that, on top of Americans having to contend with basically everything we see on the news on a daily basis along with all of fucked up racism Black people and other minorities in this country face. Seven months of staying home and quarantining with a recent uptick in cases all over America has made life feel like this never-ending cycle of hopelessness. There are days and moments where things might feel okay, but when it comes down to it, this pandemic is still happening—and as of now, 220,000 Americans have died because of it and over 8 million have contracted COVID-19. It's like, how does one even process this without breaking down into tears? We are living in a crisis. I am numb at this point and try and force myself to forge on with my days, but I have my moments. This continuous feeling of isolation and loneliness sometimes feels like too much. I mean, I definitely only felt the warmth of another body on my skin a handful of times in the past few years, but dealing with this same problem throughout 2020 definitely feels extra difficult. Whenever I am actually faced with (or allow myself to) to grasp the realities of right now or how life was before COVID-19, I can't help but shed tears from despair. I woke up today remembering the day after the 2016 election. I won't ever forget it because going to work that morning, it wasn't just me who was in shock. I remember getting on the subway and it was complete silence and stillness, even though the train was filled with people. In all of my life of living in NYC, it was a remarkable sight to see. Nobody was talking, nobody was staring into their phones, nobody was doing anything. Everyone just seemed paralyzed in a sense, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Just the thought of having to relive that trauma again feels overwhelming. I just want to make it through the rest of October, period. I'm not aiming to achieve or accomplish anything. All I want is to get through it as best as I can.
N95 face masks for the subway and enclosed spaces, blue medical masks otherwise.

Friday, October 16, 2020

I recently bought one of those clean linen type of scented candles. And my gosh, I don't know what chemicals they put in this thing but my room really does smell like I just pulled my clothes out of the dryer at the laundromat.

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

The line at the supermarket today was so long, it pretty much wrapped itself halfway inside the store. As it slowly moved along, I found myself in the frozen food section mesmerized. I couldn't stop staring at the insane amount of variety for Eggo waffles. Different flavors, shapes, cartoons characters, the options were endless. Like, wow.

Sunday, October 11, 2020

Happy National Coming Out Day!
The belly paid the bill.
The pals bewildered, popped pills.
The bobby pins screamed shrills.
Then the proper party helped heal.

If it makes you a better writer,
it makes you a better person.
If it makes you a go-getting fighter,
the destination makes it happen.

Weird weekend,
to contend.
No friends,
dead ends.

To care,
is to dare.
Risk what's spare,
hold tight, free airfare.

AOL Instant messenger.
Phone texts.
Grinder.
WhatsApp.
Group chat.
Slack.
Still no response back.

"If you believe in yourself enough, 
and know what you want,
you're gonna make it happen."


From the song Make It Happen by Mariah Carey.
"Here we go around again,
one more time,
will it ever end?"

From the song Here We Go Around Again by Mariah Carey.
It is 

(so)

much

easier,

to talk this way.
October feels spooky for reals.
There's a lot going on that makes me want to chill.
Often, even a sense of not knowing how to feel.
So I sit with my thoughts in the company of a meal.

Life is all about editing. So rewrite the story from the shitty version the voice in your head came up with.

It's Sunday,
rest, no way.
Just got here,
say hey hey.

Saturday, October 10, 2020

"You fill this night with me."

From the song Fill This Night by Clazziquai.

Tuesday, October 06, 2020

I’ve gotten so used to watching stuff and scrolling through things. But just listening to music is necessary, too.

Friday, October 02, 2020

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

“Hold me back!” I screamed to myself.

Sunday, September 27, 2020

So nauseous,
can't nosh this.

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Breonna Taylor deserves justice.

All of the other things I was worrying about earlier throughout the day feels so pointless.

Stomp in the streets,
step light in your apartment.

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Being home for most of each day, cleaning my floor daily is something that brings so much relief and pleasure.

Saturday, September 12, 2020

Friday, September 11, 2020

There are days when even nine hours isn’t enough to pull an opening paragraph out of my ass.

And without an opening paragraph, there is no second paragraph.

It’s late in the night and I’ve forced myself to step away form it. As I lie in bed, all I’m thinking about is why the fuck an opening paragraph is taking me so long. But then I’m realizing it’s because I know exactly what I want to say, it’s just taking a while to figure out how.

Friday, September 04, 2020

I’m at the point in my life where I notice every hair on the floor.

Wednesday, September 02, 2020

 We're all just one something away from everything.

"I'll cry about it later,
tonight I'm having fun."

From the song Cry About It Later by Katy Perry.

Monday, August 31, 2020

"Have you ever lied,
and just replied,
'I'm fine'?"

From the song Teary Eyes by Katy Perry.

Hey friends,

I wrote this profile that I'm very proud of. It's on Sylvia's "The Queen of Soul Food" in Harlem, which has been an iconic NYC institution and restaurant since 1962.

Please check out the article and share it with friends!


 Detach x 100.

Wednesday, August 26, 2020

 I forgot how to fall asleep.

Cry when I write,
cry when I read.
Pie in each bite,
sigh when I need.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

 Slow down x 100.

"They said it wouldn't last,
we had to prove them wrong."


From the song Love Will Never Do (Without You) by Janet Jackson.

Monday, August 24, 2020

"I just want someone that's always gonna love me, no matter what. Someone's that's gonna hold my hand and never let it go..." 

Said by Slim in the movie Queen & Slim.

Friday, August 21, 2020

It’s 3:30am and I am still scrolling on my phone in bed. I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping the past few weeks. Then there are nights like yesterday where I had so many weird nightmares and kept waking up in the few hours of sleep I was even able to get.

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

"Martin: How else do you feel right now?
Eve: I feel... wide awake."


From the show Killing Eve. Season 2, Episode 7.

Monday, August 17, 2020

Fuck it.

And by fuck I mean eat.

Sunday, August 16, 2020

 Must be nice.

CC Bloom,
CeCe Peniston.
Yeah see-see twice,
Take pic, new medicine.

Thursday, August 13, 2020

Day 9 without a working fridge. What's life even about?

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

It's been a while since I've been excited as I am today, but Biden-Harris all the way!

"I want a hug."

Said by Kwame in the HBO show I May Destroy You. Season 1, Episode 10.

Monday, August 10, 2020

My fridge broke down last week. It suddenly just stopped working, but I can't say I blame it -- 2020 has been hard for all of us.

Sunday, August 09, 2020

I am looking for a husband.

"I hope you can find the time,
this weekend to relax and unwind."

From the song Escapade by Janet Jackson.

I can't believe I never realized that this song's message isn't about some fancy vacation, but something much simpler than that: enjoy your weekend.

It's amazing how so many American sitcoms and movies have scenes where characters are eating what appears to be Chinese takeout or Asian food with chopsticks, but there isn't an actual Asian person in site within the fictional worlds they live in.

To the people who made the decisions to include the food in those scenes, I just want to know the reasoning behind it.

Saturday, August 08, 2020

I started a new job in April. 

In a turn of events for my professional career that I couldn't have ever imagined in my wildest dreams, I am now the Editor of Thrillist New York. That means it's my job to be in the know about what to eat, drink, and do in New York, and as a hometown Queens kid from Flushing, I can't tell you how proud I am to be in this new role.

With that being said, the world is a very different place now, and thinking about what to eat, drink, and do in New York has changed completely since the onset of COVID-19 in March. I mean, even as I write this on August 8, I feel like life feels so drastically different from just a month ago. How I might've thought about certain things or what I felt like I knew from then is not the same as today, and I'm totally okay with that. This year just feels like it's been filled with awakenings of every kind, some that are heartbreaking to the core, and others that were very much needed.

First of all, the COVID-19 pandemic continues to take its toll everywhere. People are sick, people are dying, people have lost their jobs and livelihoods, and at this moment, there's no sense in when things will get better in the U.S. And then there's the second virus that's on the forefront of daily life in America: racism. The systemic injustices and racism that Black people face in this country is so wrong. Until the death of George Floyd, I never truly internalized the challenges that the Black community faces. And because of my ignorance, I didn't know just how dire things were. Even from growing up in NYC or having been immersed in Black music, television, and culture as a major part of my entire life, I still hadn't realized it. Being a kid in the 90's, I can recall the majority of every comedy stand-up special I watched by a Black comic having a part dedicated to discussing racism and mistreatment from cops, but I never registered just how fucked up it really was. But now I'm trying to do my part however I can, which includes educating myself, having conversations with friends and family, and knowing that not being racist is no longer sufficient in America, but being an anti-racist is what's truly needed in order for tangible change to happen. 

At work, I've joined together with three other colleagues for the Thrillist Diversity Committee. As a group, we are committed to bringing more diversity to our workplace. It's funny because I started my job remotely, which means I have never met any of my coworkers in real life. I'm grateful to simply be employed right now, but working from home in a new job hasn't been easy for many reasons, and I still find myself struggling with things at times. It definitely hasn't been a smooth road, but I'm enjoying myself and the growth I've been able to experience so far. I feel like the timing of when I started this job and all that's happened since can be seen as a blessing in some ways and a reminder to always stay on your feet. Fighting it or wanting it to be different is pointless, so I'm trying to approach things with a fun and flexible mindset whenever possible and am up for the challenge.

It's taken me a bit to sit down with my thoughts about all that's happened since April, but I look forward to sharing more stuff here on my blog. In the meanwhile, check out Thrillist New York when you can and some of the stories I've personally written like How to Support the Black Community in NYC, Thanks for the Memories Momofuku Ssäm Bar, and 7 Restaurant Openings in NYC You Need to Know

Wear a damn mask when you go out, socially distance responsibly, and most importantly, Black Lives Matter!

Friday, August 07, 2020

 "Soon, you'll be having fun."

From the song All For You by Janet Jackson.

Thursday, August 06, 2020

Process.
Practice.
Progress.
Praise.

Sunday, August 02, 2020

One motherfucking day at a time.
"Take the pen and rewrite it."

From Beyoncé's Black is King on Disney+.

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

"What I've learned is, 'Get back on what track?' It's a whole new track. It's not going back, it's not... you know, it's just all different, and it's different forever. So it's not getting back on track, but it's creating my next track."

Said by former First Lady Michelle Obama in her Netflix special Becoming.

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Damn, where do I even start?

So much to freaking update you on...

Tuesday, July 07, 2020

Junk food,
funk mood.
Self feud,
so crude.

Saturday, July 04, 2020

As I sit here in the dark of my room on America's 244th birthday, there's a nonstop barrage of fireworks going off from nearby in all directions outside my window. Bursts of light fill the night sky with whistles and explosive pops. These are of course not from the annual Macy's fireworks show put on by the city, but from the local residents of Harlem/Sugar Hill instead. The noise of illegal fireworks going off nightly for the past few months seems to just fade into the background now, sort of like sirens from an ambulance or firetruck. But today's soundtrack does feel much louder than usual.

Wednesday, July 01, 2020

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

The past few weeks or so.

Black Lives Matter!











Beer and chips for dinner,
didn't turn out to be that winner.

Friday, June 26, 2020

Friday, June 19, 2020

"Juneteenth is the oldest-known celebration of the end of slavery in the United States. While it’s widely observed across the U.S., the holiday actually originated in Texas, marking the date in 1865 that news of the abolition of slavery reached the state (despite the fact that the Emancipation Proclamation was signed in 1863). During the two and a half year gap, slave owners kept this information hidden from slaves in order to reap the continued benefits of unpaid labor.

Juneteenth is still not recognized as a national holiday, but locally it’s celebrated with gatherings, parades, and feasts that specifically feature red foods and drinks. Barbecue, baked beans, watermelon, and red drinks such as West African Hibiscus tea, strawberry soda, punch, and lemonade made with strawberries or cherries make appearances on park and backyard tables around the U.S. every year."

From the Thrillist story "Where to Find Red Velvet Cake in NYC, Just in Time for Juneteenth." By Kristen Adaway.

Saturday, June 13, 2020

Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.

Sunday, May 31, 2020

Dear blog,
do you also sob?
Where the injustices of the world,
makes your heart throb?

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Good morning.

I just woke up early from a real good night’s rest and am so hungry. The weather outside is looking beautiful and I wish I could just go to some diner or nice restaurant to have a bounty of food while people watching with a hot cup of black coffee in hand.

Monday, May 11, 2020

"Can't argue with these lazy bitches,
I just raise my price."

From the song Savage by Megan Thee Stallion ft Beyonce.
Sipping.
Dipping.
Tipping.
Zipping.

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Happy Mother's Day.

While I'm not able to see my mom in person this year, I'm still grateful to FaceTime and call her regularly to tell her that I love her.

Here are some pics of my mom. I'm not sure when the 1st one is from but probably some time in Korea when she was in her early 20's. The 2nd one is from her wedding day. The 3rd is from some family event at a park in Queens in the late 80's or early 90's. The next is from my 2001 high school graduation at Francis Lewis High School. And the last one is from my sister's wedding in Flushing in 2007.

엄마, 사랑해!





Wednesday, May 06, 2020

"Ahmaud Arbery was a human being, a person, a man with a family and a future, who loved and was loved. The McMichaels took all of that away on a glorious Sunday afternoon in February. Who knows what Arbery could have become. He was young, his life a buffet of possibilities. Friday would have been his 26th birthday."

From the May 6, New York Times Op-Ed: The Killing of Ahmaud Arbery. Written by Charles M. Blow.

Ahmaud Arbery was murdered on February 23. Black Lives Matter!

Friday, May 01, 2020

Sunday, April 26, 2020

"Sometimes, you have to be stupid enough to start this kind of project. And then you have to be persistent, brave enough to finish them."

Said by Anders Solvarm in the Apple+ show HOMES. Season 1, Episode 1.

Saturday, April 25, 2020

“There’s no escape,
I can’t wait.”

From the song Toxic by Britney Spears.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Sunday, April 19, 2020

I went a little crazy partying at home with my roommate yesterday. I think being stuck in the house is starting to get to me, so I started my Saturday afternoon drinking screwdrivers with Everclear to then drunkenly stuff my face with pizza later in the night. At one point we ended up dancing along to DJ sets on YouTube which helped me work up an appetite. I know I was feeling tipsy because I've been living a dairy-free life for quite some time. So while devouring that pizza was pure bliss, I've been paying for it all day today. And although I hadn't had Everclear since college, it was the only booze my roommate had and I didn't feel like running out to the liquor store, so I was grateful to work with what was in the house. Adaptability is key in these current times!

Saturday, April 18, 2020

"Know it's good when you chewin' and you singin'."

From the song Captain Hook by Megan Thee Stallion.

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Knock knock.
Whose there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Anyhoo, I’m at home.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Anyhoo, a yawn is a cough’s cousin.

Sunday, April 12, 2020

"I hope you don't mind,
that I put down in words.
How wonderful life is, 
while you're in the world."

From the song Your Song by Elton John.

Saturday, April 11, 2020

Show them all your cards,
and roll eyes real hard.
HMI = Hold My Interest

Thursday, April 09, 2020

Dear gray nose hair,

What is your deal?

xoxo,
Thwany

Wednesday, April 08, 2020

Megan and vegan do not rhyme.

Monday, April 06, 2020

Cereal.
Celery.
Caesar Salad.
You're my ballad.

Saturday, April 04, 2020

It's a nice, sunny Saturday afternoon here in my room. It feels like it's been pretty cloudy and grey out the past few days, so this burst of spring is much appreciated.

So, life rolls on. In the quarters that is my room, I work, eat, and sleep here. I spend way too much time of it lying on my stomach in bed with a device at my fingers and the TV on. But room life has been fine so far. I'm grateful to have some space to myself to process everything. Drawing my blackout curtains helps in feeling like I have my own little escape, and that even sometimes includes moments where things actually feel quiet. I mean it never gets completely silent, but with less people and traffic on the street, focusing on listening to one layer of noise coming through the windows does become easier.

But yes, another week with a stay-at-home order has passed. Businesses are still closed. People are sick in hospitals and dying. The virus is still spreading, and the CDC now recommends that everyone wears face coverings when they're out.

I definitely don't feel stuck in my room. I feel at home in my room. Thank you, room.
Used to.

Sunday, March 29, 2020

It's been almost three weeks since I began staying home. I pretty much have rarely ventured out of my place except to get takeout on my block or groceries nearby. I've been able to get on with what I have access to in my area and with delivery, but I really needed to restock on Korean ramen today, along with some other Asian stuff. So my roommate and I decided to actually get some air and walk to the nearest H Mart in the Upper West Side. It was about 35 blocks each way, and we stayed 6 feet apart from each other and anyone else we came across on the sidewalk. When we got to the supermarket, we stood in the line to get in with everyone spaced out 6 feet. Every time a customer exited the doors, the person at the front of the line went in. And when inside, things were fine. I like how the aisles weren't crowded, and I could just get my stuff and leave. I'm not sure when I'll go anywhere that far from my place again, but it was great to go for a nice long walk today. The weather was gray with a slight drizzle at times and I loved every moment of it.

Here are some pics from today's Sunday stroll.








Saturday, March 28, 2020

"You want what now looks like, 
let me give you a taste."

From the song Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa.
Doing the dishes.
Making wishes,
I had that to eat.
Feels so fictitious.
Gotta eat that receipt,
love to lick off the package.
You oughta taste that shit twice,
nothing short of ravage.

Monday, March 23, 2020

Sunday, March 22, 2020

It's been ordered by the New York Governor that beginning at 8pm tonight, any non-essential workers are expected to stay home. Starting tomorrow, the only people commuting and on the streets will be from certain jobs and industries currently considered essential. The subways will be running and people can go out for food and walks, but people must remain 6-feet apart and social distance. And if you don't have to leave your home, just stay put.

Since last Monday, everything in New York has pretty much shut down. Throughout the week with every passing day, it's been closure after closure. So many different fabrics of society have been impacted, with people losing their jobs and many businesses now just trying to stay afloat.

It's like all of a sudden, life feels very different. Human contact is no longer the foundation to our everyday interactions but the part that we're trying to avoid. This change has altered everything we know.

The bar and restaurant industry was one of the earliest casualties of it all. Seeing what's happened to so many places is absolutely devastating. These small businesses were incubators of community, livelihoods, and culture and there's a shock that comes with them suddenly not being there.

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

It's the first week of all that's new, and it's only Wednesday. Watching every new update in real time is disorienting.
Death to the handshake.
A moment was all it takes.

Monday, March 16, 2020

David Attenborough, please tell us what happens next.

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Elected officials are asking people not to go to bars and restaurants for now. Restaurants are voluntarily closing their doors until more is learned about the situation. Social distancing is recommended.

I've left my apartment sparingly since I began working from home on Tuesday. I've been going out about once a day for food on my block, but that's pretty much it. I guess it's been about the past 24 hours or so where the message to just stay home has been made clear, so this is where you'll find me.
Attic.
Addict.

Friday, March 13, 2020

Dear 2020,

In January, when I said you were just going to be another basic bitch year, my bad.

Love,
Thawny

Thursday, March 12, 2020

All that could go wrong,
is just a beautiful song.

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

"Aquata.
Adrena.
Arista.
Adena.
Adella.
Alana."


From the song Daughters of Triton in the movie The Little Mermaid.

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Saturday, March 07, 2020

There’s a dire shortage of Purell for racism.

Thursday, March 05, 2020

Dead plants,
tight pants.
So much angst,
but give thanks.

Tuesday, March 03, 2020

Self-care is not scrolling your life away at 1am.

Sunday, March 01, 2020

I made this for you,
show me that gorgeous chew.
이젠,
버틸 수 없다고.

From the song 기억의 습작 by Exhibition.

Saturday, February 29, 2020

"That's my shit, that's my wave.
Do it like that and I'll repay ya.
Don't be scared, I ain't afraid.
Just like that, come my way.

From the song Like That by Doja Cat ft Gucci Mane.
Is that necessary,
couldn't you just wait and see?
They promised the food was coming,
way to seethe.
Being a receptacle for sauce,
is what makes you the boss.
It ain’t none of my business,
except for my sandwich.
Cause the bite you’re taking,
I don’t think you can manage.

Thursday, February 27, 2020

"I hadn’t googled him in forever (I promise)."

From the February 28, 2020, New York Times Opinion piece: My Ex-Boyfriend’s New Girlfriend Is Lady Gaga. By Lindsay Crouse.

This was such a fun read, and I also didn't know that "google" as a verb is lowercased. I see it now though.

Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Brain off,
just mosh.
Zero thoughts,
oh gosh.

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Oh donkatsu and tteokbokki,
where you can you be?
Your friend jjajang is waiting,
I'll show you, come see.
Prepared to be read, bread.
Cause I ain't feeling no threat.
On the subway seeing the action,
satisfaction with all that might, passion.
Give me so funny, so stupid, so many eyes rolling back.

Monday, February 24, 2020

At the stoplight,
don’t press rewind.
All day I think, "okay, why am I thinking this?
"Didn't even notice, no punches left to roll with.
You got to keep me focused, you want it, say so."


From the song Say So by Doja Cat.

I seriously was looking for this song for so long. After hearing it in a million memes, I was like ooh that's catchy. But because I could never really make out the words, whenever I Googled "Gwen Stefani new song," I still could never find it. 

I mean, now I totally know it's not by her. But when the song surprisingly came out just now on my Spotify, I went to look at its name and thought, that's now how you spell Gwen Stefani.

Sunday, February 23, 2020

"TAE, DO YOU WANT TO BE IN MY POETRY CLUB?"

An email with the subject line above was both my invitation and introduction to Thomas Miller's poetry club. 

It arrived in May of 2010, with the body of the email simply containing that week's poem, along with the name of its author and what years they lived. After giving it a read, I responded with an excited yes, saying I'd love to. But I wasn't sure what joining entailed, and if it took place at some sort of gathering or if I'd need to be buying books to prepare. So when I asked Thomas about how to join, my second installment of Thomas Miller's poetry club came with this email subject line: "You don't have to do anything...you just get a poem every week...like this one." 

And until this year, those poems have continued to come. 

I first met Thomas because he worked with my best friend Judy. Thomas and Judy weren't just coworkers who became close friends after years of working together, but they had a genuine friendship and connection. I mean, let's not even talk about them being birthday twins. But because he and Judy were close, I was able to get to know Thomas pretty well throughout the years. 

Thomas was genuinely one of the sweetest people I know. He was kind, and a definite one of a kind. He was loved for his big heart and also known for his unique style. And on top of all that, he was really interesting with tons of knowledge about art and whatever fine cultural events were happening in the city. On almost every day of the week, you could find Thomas out at an exhibit or sitting in the audience of some gorgeous production. Even the last time we hung out one-on-one was to watch ballet at Lincoln Center last year, which was my first time ever doing so. He loved anything that celebrated both the visual and performing arts and once told me he's "obsessed with looking at beautiful things." And this wasn't just for when he was outside his house.

Some years ago, a tough transitional phase of mine had me going through a long period of couch crashing. When Thomas heard about this through Judy, he generously offered to let me stay in his spare bedroom for a few months as I got back on my feet. Thomas had been living in his place since the 80s, so stepping inside his home was a deep immersion in who he was. Practically every inch and corner was decorated with some item. The spare bedroom I slept in was filled with things as well, from eccentricities I couldn't stop staring at to shelves of books and delicate figurines. And because there was no Internet connection in that room, a small analog tv near the bed was what I usually used to break the silence as I admired my surroundings. Being there in his home with all of the things he loved comforted me in a way. I was so used to living out of a suitcase with minimal belongings, and that's why Thomas' place was a great reminder in the serenity that can come from a home with stuff that brings you joy.

Sadly, Thomas passed away last weekend. His funeral was yesterday, and I was grateful to be able to go and say my goodbyes. You can read his obituary here, and also a recent article about him here. And as for Thomas' poetry club, while they became less frequent in the past few years, he had kept up sending out his poems since he first signed me up a decade ago. The final poem Thomas ever sent was on January 5th of this year.

While going through old photos to look for ones with Thomas, I found the following ones below I took at a work dinner of his, Judy's and their colleagues. This night is from exactly ten years ago in February of 2010.

Rest in peace, Thomas. You were a light to many.
Thomas Miller (1958-2020)










"He prolly thinkin' I'm in pain,
but I'm really on game."

From the song B.I.T.C.H. by Megan Thee Stallion.
"I've got a meeting in the ladies room,
I'll be back real soon.

From the song Meeting In The Ladies Room by Klymaxx. 
Turn off television.
Put away phone.
Blast music.
Open laptop.
Don't stop.
Let the prose drop.

Saturday, February 15, 2020

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

I don’t think I can do this anymore.
Turning 37,
has me asking when?

Monday, February 10, 2020

Sunday, February 09, 2020

Is anyone else watching Nora From Queens?

It's a new scripted comedy based on the life of Awkwafina and her growing up in Queens. I think it's really well made and super entertaining, I like the show a lot. And Awkwafina is straight up hilarious in it.

Her facial expressions and body language make all the writing that much more funnier and she seriously cracks me up. There's also this vulnerability she brings to her character, where Nora seems to just innately want the best for everyone around her. And in each episode, while Nora is trying to figure out her own shit in life, she's actually dealing with a lot of other people who are crazier and more out there than her, yet she really never makes anything about herself. Instead, as she attempts to handle her own stuff, she tries her best to make sure others are going be okay as well.

But what I love most about the show is how it displays layers and dimension to its Asian-American characters in a way that's not solely centered around them being Asian. It's like holy shit, finally! It's so refreshing to watch a show with Asian-American people who are all just living their damn lives like the average Americans that we are. We're just as funny and dysfunctional and as any other group, and it's these types of stories I relate to and want to learn from.

Compared to so many other shows that's ever featured an Asian cast who are always dealing with some sort of circumstance that's related to their race, this show is doing its own thing. Instead of any of the characters having to figure solutions to navigate all these different situations, being Asian simply just factors in to the conventional details of their everyday life. That means eating jook (porridge) for breakfast before heading out of the house or a Chinatown bus being the mode of transportation to get to Atlantic City. I find this highly relatable. I appreciate that the usual, clichéd storylines of an Asian person feeling like an outsider have been transformed into stories that unapologetically lay out the ordinariness of them going about something, first as just a regular person, and then also sometimes as an Asian person in America. Because there is nothing more lazy and played out than having another show with Asian-American characters who only undergo archetypical things like getting good grades, trying to become a doctor or grappling with being an outlier of some sort. Snoresville, for reals. I mean, sure, I guess that exists and is some people's truth. But that doesn't mean it's the only narrative to tell. And that's only like a small part of what defines anyone who actually feels like that---there a zillion other ways a character's story could be told. Previously, so many Asian characters were never allowed to be a full person with a backstory that included things like a messy room or job problems. Hollywood has framed this one-dimensional stereotype for so long and it's just so predictable. All of the people in charge of creating shows need to take some lessons from Nora From Queens because this is how you do it right. And don't get me wrong, none of the characters in the show ever deny their ethnicity, but instead, they're showing how it's just one facet of the many complexities that comprise who they are.

There are other things about the series that make me a fan as well. All of the episode storylines are ridiculous, interesting and just so well executed. I also like a lot of their subtle details that remind me of growing up as an Asian kid in Queens. From the 7 Train to soju bottles, to White Rabbit candy or the New York State Pavilion, it all brings me back. And then there's how Nora assumes some of her friends are living these amazing lives with fancy jobs like "video producer" or "lawyer" because that's what she thought she heard about them. When in reality, that's so far from the truth. I think that aspect really speaks on our current culture with social media making us compare ourselves to these picture-perfect existences that we think others are leading, when nothing is really what it seems.

Getting stoned. Queef talk. Kooky family members. Brokeness. Trying to figure out what it means to be an adult. The list goes on and on, but these are just some of the things you can find yourself laughing about in Nora From Queens.

Saturday, February 08, 2020

The game has changed,
nothing remains.
Yet you’re still the same?
That's insane.
Microscopic,
next topic!
Kick that thought,
emptied pockets.

Friday, February 07, 2020

"I'm gonna ride this motherfucker 'til the wheels fall off. Live your life."

Said by Martin Lawrence in his stand-up special Runteldat.
At this point,
it's smarter.
To let go,
bye martyr!
Tweaked.
Tweaker.
Obliques.
Bleaker.
The past few weeks or so.