Filmstruck is stopping their services in a month... and I am devastated.

I feel like it's been too long since I've made a life choice that truly scares me. And that it's time I do something about it.

The only thing getting me through the week is Robyn's new album coming out on Friday.

Have you ever truly looked at someone’s face? And I mean study it closely and focus on each part individually to see how it all comes together for a look? How a glance is so different than a stare into the eyes? Seeing the possibilities of how they looked when younger, and how they’ll change even more in the future? With their eyes as the foundation of who they are that has remained true and is recognizable to this day?

Gays’ gaze.

You know how in that science fiction book, the lotto prize was $1.6B? And then half a century later that was the same amount an Effxinflnzr was paid per post because of the world's population?

Toucan.
Two can.
To can.

"Whatever I do,
I'm thinking of you."

From the song Thinking of You by Hurts.

Homebody.
Home, buddy.

Who I am. And where you'll find me.

Today is National Pasta Day.

I plan to observe this important holiday for the next 364 days.

The arrival of fall weather here in New York is such a much needed relief.

I decided to celebrate today by switching out my summer duvet cover to my winter one, and then included it with the rest of my bedding for a thorough wash.

I am so excited to crawl into bed later...

Familiar.
Family.

I'm sorry, I can't. Because I don't want to.

"Mrs. Brown: Win or lose, it's all the same. It's how you take it that counts. And knowing when to let go, knowing when it's over and time to go on to the next thing. 
Velvet: The next thing?
Mrs. Brown: Things come suitable to the time, Velvet. Enjoy each thing, then forget it and on on to the next. There's a time for everything. There's a time for having a horse in the Grand National. Being in love. Having children. Yes, even for dying. All in proper order at the proper time."

From the movie National Velvet.

"Large dreams come easier when it's dark and still."

Said by Mrs. Brown in the movie National Velvet.

"Miss Sims: What do you dream about, hour after hour?
Velvet: Things."

From the movie National Velvet.

I will eat it until it makes my stomach hurt.

Crisis.
Cry, sis.

"I wiped my hands and face with a thick handkerchief, then studied myself in the full-length mirror on the wall. What I saw there was an exhausted thirty-six-year-old man in a shabby, paint-spattered sweater. 

As I gazed at my reflection I wondered, Where am I headed? Before that, though, the question was Where have I come to? Where is this place? No, before that I even needed to ask, Who the hell am I?

As I stared at myself in the mirror, I thought about what it would be like to paint my own portrait."

From the book Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami. Page 23.

This has to be my favorite Haruki Murakami book in a while. Everything about it feels comfortable and familiar, and makes me feel excited to turn to the next page. The plot has that element of a dreamlike underworld I've always loved in his books, and something about Killing Commendatore feels different and better than his other most recent ones. I specifically like the way this book transports me to that mysterious dark place filled with supernatural characters and plot twists again. I forgot how much I missed being here. Also, I've always had this thing of relating to the main characters in Murakami's books when they were close to or the exact age of when I was reading them. And it feels even more special when it’s a time I’m about to hit soon in life. Turning thirty-six is just around the corner for me, and it so helps in forming that bond with the protagonist this time around.

"Many writers say this, and they're lying — but I'm not lying."

Said by Haruki Murakami in his October 10, 2018, New York Times interview: Haruki Murakami on the Writing Life, His Fantastical New Novel and the Joys of the Mundane. By Sarah Lyall.

Ritual.
Rich! You all.

"Level up."

From the song Level Up by Ciara.

This morning felt like the first time in a while where I needed to turn on my bathroom lights to shower. I had been going off natural light coming through the window for months, and was saddened by its sudden departure today.

A cat with a blue coat of fur in Harlem.

"She had on a thin, light purple sweater with a wide neckline. The soft strap of her white camisole was visible beside her collarbone. It looked like some special kind of pasta used in some specific recipe."

From the book Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami. Page 18.