currently on obsessive repeat and they all happen to be 90's music (in my opinion, the best decade of music ever):

a tribe called quest- stressed out
mary j. blige- mary jane (all night long)
a tribe called quest- 1nce Again
n.w.a.- express yourself
nine inch nails- hurt

life is too short to be stressed out all the time. i am so grateful for everything that is going on in my life right now, the good and the bad. i need to stay positive.

i need to focus and be productive with my time and my life in general. i got laid off for a reason and am adamant on using this period to figure out my next steps in life. the unknown is scary but so exciting at the same time.

i want to get really drunk.

i have issues.

i always have to look at my poop before i flush it down the toilet...

am i the only person who does this??

we spent the past 5 days together.

thursday (2-12 my actual birthday)
he surprised me with a birthday dinner at jean-georges' spice market
walked around the city aimlessly for hours
ended up in the east village
urge
the cock
back to his apt in the u.e.s.

friday (2-13 we both took the day off)soho
anna sui
chocolate store
watched "he's just not that into you"
dinner at spice in the east village
blue and gold in the east village
back to his apt

saturday (2-14 valentines day)woke up and exchanged small v-day gifts in the morning
i went to a pilates class in carroll gardens, brooklyn
friend's apt in bed stuy to smoke, chill and watch tv
met back up with him for dinner at momofuku noodle bar
i surprised him with post dinner reservations at a dessert bar called koyotofu (he loves sweets and desserts)
walked around midtown
apple store
ended up dancing at the web
back to his apt

sunday (2-15)i went to nj to visit the parents for a little
chilled and smoked at a friend's apt in palisades park (fort lee)
nightmare commute back to nyc while stoned off my ass and holding smelly korean food from my parents---i hate jersey
stayed in with him at his apt

monday (2-16)lunch at mcdonalds
watched "friday the 13th" at union square (don't even get me started on watching these types of movies. on our first movie date, i watched "underworld 3" at a large theatre on a friday night. i have not done that since i was in high school because i absolutely hate movies like that and despise large megaplex theatres. when my friends later found out about our first movie date, they were unanimously shocked and knew i must really like him to do something so uncharacteristic like that)
haircut in chinatown
lunch at a vegetarian dim sum house in chinatown
back to his apt in the u.e.s. to pick up all my stuff and end our 5 day whirlwind
bed stuy to visit friends and have dinner
ended up crashing at their place

tonight is my first night sleeping at home since last wednesday. it feels like it's been forever. it's nice to be in my own bed.

things are amazing.

i still need to find a job though.

i had tons of shit in my messenger bag today and since it's so cold out in nyc, i decided to take my house keys out of my bag to put into my jacket pocket while i was still on the subway going home.

then something very embarrassing happened.

as i was standing in a half-crowded C train to brooklyn, trying to balance myself with one hand on the pole as i tried not to fall on my face, i dug through all the mess in my bag and then a condom fell out and onto the floor. yes---a condom. and yes---everyone standing around me and sitting in the seats saw it fall out as well. i was absolutely mortified.

the funny thing is, it was one of the "nyc" condoms, you know the ones that are available at like every single bar in the city? and the only reason it was in my bag was because a few months ago, my friends stole a whole bunch while we were out at a bar and stuffed them into my bag because they thought it was funny. i guess i forgot to throw this one last one away, it was probably buried under all the junk i'm always carrying around.

oh well. i thought it was funny anyway.

"out of sight, out of mind."

those are words i can live by.

i will always be okay.

i'm not sure how to tell my parents that i got laid off.

i usually call my parents at least 3 times a week from my office around lunchtime. the calls are usually brief, but it gives us enough time to catch up and to basically let them know that i'm still alive and doing okay. it's funny because my mom always talks about how proud she is of me, and how she's always showing off to the customers at her store that her son is working for x magazine and doing x with his life. i know they won't be mad at me for getting laid off, but i know they'll just be very disappointed and distraught in general about the situation.

fuck, who knows what the hell will happen.

here are a few pictures of my friend's beautiful brownstone in brooklyn and their dog that i was watching for them a few weekends ago.

these pictures don't do their apartment justice. everyone who goes to their place for the first time is always floored by how amazing it is. the space is so large and there are so many little design details in the place that gives it so much character. and isn't their dog madden such a cutie? dogs are such people magnets. when i took madden into the city for a walk, i was stopped at least once a block and complimented on what a cute dog he was.