i worked my first double shift today. 13 hours straight on my feet. the only thing i wanted to do after work was go for a long drive to the middle of nowhere so i can be by myself and listen to my thoughts. that's what happens when you're in the constant madness of an extremely busy nyc restaurant for 13 hours, especially if you hate being in crowded places---you want to get away from the human race.

sometimes i want to freak out at work because i get so tired of the constant rush of people. working in a restaurant is different from an office because at my old job, i would have instances where i wouldn't do shit for hours and i would just fuck around by reading the news and blogs online. but in a restaurant, you're always moving and constantly on and there's no way you can get around with fucking around like that at all. but it's okay because i tell myself, "more people, more money" and that makes the situation a little bit better.

someday i hope i'm a successful writer and i want to buy a small house in the countryside with a big red barn and live there with my golden retriever and do all my work and writing from my the middle of nowhere with my laptop away from the world.

life never ceases to amaze me. is this how things are until you die? when i'm an old man, will i still be shocked at the stuff i'll be dealing with in my life then? i'm just always at awe at all the good and bad things that people are forced to deal with---but i guess it keeps you on your ties and life interesting.

anyway, i got the job. i am an official runner for the restaurant, woohoo. i feel like this is the right job for my life at this moment so i'm okay with everything. plus, it's like the only restaurant i even would want to work at in nyc so i feel lucky to be there. it still doesn't feel like work though when i'm there. i feel like i'm just going through some weird phase and living someone else's life but i guess that's with every new job---it takes time to get used to. one thing about the job that i am having trouble adjusting to is the schedule. it's currently 6:30 AM in nyc and i'm still up doing nothing. i'm not sure if anyone's noticed but i usually blog now at random hours because it's hard to regulate your body without a consistent schedule. i do have to say that i'm proud of myself for getting hired. i was persistent and worked my ass off and it all paid off. life takes you on these paths that are so new and unfamiliar that it's so easy to feel like you're lost---but in actuality everything happens for a reason and this is where you're meant to be at this very moment. "everything happens for a reason." i live by those words, it's what keeps me going through my life right now and i sincerely believe in the adage.

on a clear and cloudless night, i want to lie down alone on a bed of the softest, most greenest grass with my shoes and socks at an arm-lengths away as i stare at the stars in the picturesque sky above and just feel the earth beneath me and the silence around me. i really miss doing that.

haha thank you to everyone for your comments, they truly made me laugh and smile.

so for the past couple of days, i have been doing a trial period of training at a restaurant. it's in the east village and very low key with award-winning and amazing food. the atmosphere is really comfortable and welcoming but the quality of the food and service is in no way sacrificed because of it. i have two more days of training tomorrow evening (saturday) and during the lunch schedule on sunday. if those two days go well, i was told that i would officially be hired.

also, i was able to acquire back my lost phone. i never thought i'd be so happy to see my piece of shit phone but man i really did miss it.

i'm hoping that things are starting to look up in my life. if i don't get that restaurant gig, i'm not sure what i'll do but i know that everything in life happens for a reason.

i've always loved Seo Taiji & Boys (서태지와 아이들) and their music. except for their third one, i consider all of their albums to be absolute korean classics and no matter how much i listen to them, i never get tired of them.

i download most of my music now, especially all of my korean stuff, and i'm pretty anal with my music and enjoy spending hours upon hours to make sure i have all the correct covers, titles, track listings, year of release and other pertinent album information for all music in my itunes. i guess it's also sort of a problem because i get pretty obsessed with it. anyhoo, i was recently looking up some information on their first album released in 1992 and i found a website that had an image of the back cover for the album.

up until this point, i had never seen it and just wanted to share it here on my blog because i really like it. it's so 90's and matches the album and their music perfectly. 90's music in general is so much better than most of the garbage that's out today. maybe it's because i'm also a child of the 90's but i just love everything about the decade's music, fashion and pop culture.

i feel like the only thing i blog about anymore is being unemployed/broke. i guess it's because i don't have much else going on in my life right now...

the weather today in nyc is beautiful, and i feel like i should go out and be productive. while i have nowhere to go and no one to meet without my phone, i guess i'll just go to the union sq b&n to read and loiter.

bye all.

i lost my phone yesterday. f-r-u-s-t-a-t-i-n-g. i wasn't drunk or fucked up, just good old stupidity i guess. i'm still not sure how the hell i lost it though. and finding a job without a phone is probably not going to be the easiest thing, and i can't afford a new one right now...

plus i keep getting these random nosebleeds that i'm thinking is from stress?

well for some good news: i'm alive.

bills + rent + no money + more bills + looking for work + historically disastrous economy + lack of income + confusion of being in my 20's + more bills + "what the hell am i going to do with my life" = ABSOLUTE STRESS.

time is such a blur when you have nothing to do everyday.

i feel like my life is going to implode.