Those hidden scars are the ones that need the most love and care to heal.

"What are you most proud of thus far in your career?
I don't really like to congratulate myself. I'm happy that I've gotten to this place, but I'm not in any way, shape or form even close to being done. I'm just getting started and there's so much work to be done in the community."

From the November 30, 2018, Fashionista article: How Lindsay Peoples Wagner Worked Her Way From Closet Intern to Editor-in-Chief at "Teen Vogue." By Dara Prant.

"Let go of your doubts, 

say yes.
Let it soak up into the flesh."

From the song Honey by Robyn.

"I learned to let go.
I travel in stillness.
And I'll remember, 

happiness."

From the song I'll Remember by Madonna.

"And I'll remember,
the strength that you gave me,

now that I'm standing on my own."

From the song I'll Remember by Madonna.

Eye crust.
Pie crust.
Pizza crust.

It's like you just replay it over and over again.

"In every living soul, a spirit cries for expression--perhaps this plaintive, wailing song of Jazz is, after all, the misunderstood utterance of a prayer."

From the movie The Jazz Singer.

Get used to it.

Men. You.
Menu.

This can't all just be happening at once... this can't all just be a coincidence.

"In all this confusion."

From the song Just an Illusion by Imagination.

Turkey tomorrow.

Possible new title for a short story: The Typo That Ruined His Life

"It's just an illusion."

From the song Just an Illusion by Imagination.

The past few weeks or so.

Handwritten notes.

About last night.

"Didn't she look like a girl that had everything, hm?"

Said by Edith Beale in the documentary Grey Gardens.

When I was leaving the office today, the snow had already started to really come down.

It was a surprising view of the building's entrance. This was still from the inside where it was warm, but I knew it was time to leave. I took one last look of the street, with its whipping flurries and passersby fighting against the elements of the moment. I'd be leaving the toasty hallway right then to start the rest of my day, and life.

After getting home a little before 3pm, I decided to go back out and get some air. Even though the weather was bad, I still left my place in Harlem and headed downtown. I ended up walking for a bit, and then caught the 9:35pm showing of a movie at Quad Cinema. I watched this Korean movie called Burning, and it had been my first time back to the Quad since they remodeled it. I have a lot of memories at that theatre. I always liked going there because of the smaller theatre sizes, and many years ago, I even took my friend Annie there to watch a gay movie hours after coming out to her.

Cindy Crawford. Full stop.

Good one!

Good point.

Like pasta, motivation comes in so many forms.

Unbothered.

I love getting my braces tightened, and playing around with changing the colors of the bands.

It'll be yellow and aqua for the next 4 weeks.

The McRib is apparently back for a limited time, but how cruel is the fact that it's not going to be sold here in NYC.

That's like, seriously messed up.

My dad came by my apartment just before to drop off some Korean food that he and my mom had prepared for me. My parents and both of my sisters live in Bergen County, New Jersey, so I am the last of my immediate family remaining in New York.

The photo below doesn't include some steaks and fresh vegetables I had already put away, and I am beyond grateful for the home cooked food (plus ramen and bubble gum).

I love you 엄마 and 아빠!

Beefy.

Have fun with it!

"'Poor families use food to compensate for other realms of scarcity,' she [Priya Fielding-Singh] says. While they may not have the means to buy their kids bikes or fancy clothes, they can 'splurge' on inexpensive ice cream or soda when their kids ask for it. 'In a world where parents have to constantly say no to their kids' wishes, cheap junk food offers them a rare chance to say yes.' And all parents understand these foods aren't healthy. 'No one told me, 'Giving my kid a doughnut is a healthy option.' Everyone wanted their kids to eat more fruits and vegetables,' she says. But for low-income parents, these small treats reinforce feelings they can provide joy for their kids."

From the article The Poor Diet in the November issue of Eating Well magazine. Written by Simran Sethi.

Hello, 5pm darkness.

"I've loved and I've lost,
but that's not what I see.
So, look what I got.

look what you taught me"

From the song Thank U, Next by Ariana Grande.

My retail therapy is buying cookbooks on sale through the Apple Books store.

There's always an ever-changing selection of them in the $5 and under section, providing access to recipes and stories of some of the industry's best for just a few bucks. This is also definitely what I scroll though the most throughout my day, because I've noticed that sometimes a cookbook will pop-up and disappear from the sale section in what seems like a short time. There have been instances where I saw a cookbook on sale but didn't buy it at that moment. Then I would go back a little later and search for it directly and press Buy Book without thinking, just to realize it was listed back to its full price.

I'm not a huge shopper, so buying cookbooks this way gives me that instant gratification I'm looking for. It's healthier than buying food, and definitely better than blowing my money on other stuff I'll eventually regret and toss. Because I've moved so many times as an adult, I've come to prefer owning as little physical possessions as possible. So this digital cookbook addiction of mine satisfies without all the guilt. And each one is so cheap that I convince myself it's not a big deal. Plus, I tell myself that at least it feels like I'm building something. I've amassed this huge library of culinary knowledge I can refer to anytime I like. The depth of information in the form of gorgeous photos and quality writing available at the swipe of my fingertips feels priceless to me. I think it's pretty cool in a way because scrolling through food content is my favorite pastime after actually eating, so what better way is there to dick around and waste time on.

I had been buying cookbooks this way on the daily for a while, and never really thought about the total number I had in my collection. Then I looked at the number this week and saw that I had accumulated 300+, which really blew my mind. That means this little shopping hobby of mine, with a few dollars here and a few bucks there, has definitely built up to costing over a grand at this point. I mean, considering the retail value of them all and the hard work that was put into producing each book, it's well worth it. But I'll be damned, that's still a significant total amount of money for purchases that felt so little at the time.

"Some may come, and some may stay."

From the song South Side by Moby featuring Gwen Stefani.

You know that scene in Tampopo, when that group of ladies are taking the dining etiquette course in that fancy restaurant, and then they all start to loudly slurp their spaghetti while inhaling the pasta?

Yeah, I want that to be the soundtrack to my entire day, everyday.

"Snap out of it!"

Said by Cher in the show Will & Grace. Season 3, Episode 7.

Recently, so many of my dreams involve these large gatherings with a hodgepodge of random people from my life.

Last night, I dreamt I was living on a farmhouse that was actually located in the Upper West Side somewhere. I even had a little land with lots of green grass where sheep were roaming. In my dream, I was having this huge party that was attended by lots of old coworkers and friends. The most vivid part of it had my old boss Phet and the staff from his restaurant playing soccer on the field next to my house. And as I was standing in some gazebo watching them play, I had one of those clear plastic iced coffee cups that I was filling with vodka and ice instead. In the dream, I was so happy after having discovered this ability to drink alcohol secretly while in the open.

But nowadays, I honestly don't go out or drink as much as I used to, so just thinking about sipping on that iced coffee cup filled with vodka makes me feel nauseous.