Sometimes, you don't eat an entire box of pasta in one sitting.

And then lots of times, you do.

You know that meme about, according to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity being doing the same shit and expecting different results? 

I just realized how this relates to online dating.

"I put my lifetime,

in between the paper's lines."

From the song Quiet Storm by Mobb Deep.

Blah, fucking blah.

Wah, fucking wah.

Ha, fucking ha.

가, fucking 가.

"I was born to run,

I don't belong to anyone."

From the song Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus.

Black out curtains,

two things certain.

Sunday in bed,

roll over instead.

Owls in the city.

Howls when you see me.

How’ll we teehee?

Don’t go, Mong,

chill, jeez.

"Make me feel so good,
내일 기억할 수 있게."

From the song +5 STAR+ by CL.

"I can't stop thinkin' about you,
5 stars every time that you come through."

From the song +5 STAR+ by CL.

Know better.

Go-getter.

Real sweater.

Big fretter.

"I'm not sure what this could mean,
I don't think you're what you seem."

From the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.

"There's no sense in telling me.
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free."

From the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.

"Every time I think of you,
I feel a shot right through, 

with a bolt of blue."

From the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.

I miss drinking and going out on weekdays—fuck the weekend.

I am home in my room.

I've had a few drinks, and in a way, I feel like myself again. I'm not stressed or thinking about work or anything for that matter. I'm just relaxed and okay with turning off the tv to sit with my laptop and simply be with some Philip Glass playing in the background.

Exhausted.

Earlier today as I was in my room working, I heard people fighting outside my window on Amsterdam Avenue. Honestly, this is not anything new—it happens at all times throughout the day and night (seriously), but I still decided to see what all the noise was about. When I looked to check out what was happening, there was a guy on a motorcycle driving down the street while being chased by some other guy. I don't know what went on between them before this, but the two were mad as hell and shouting profanities and threats at each other. At one point, the guy on foot retreated and began to walk away. Then the motorcycle guy drove off for a bit while still screaming shit about kicking the other guy's ass. He was still so heated, and that's when he made a big u-turn and began to drive back towards the other guy. But then surprisingly, he stopped himself. And then he screamed "the only reason I'm not going to fuck you up is because I miss my mom! My mom just died!"

"How are we ever going to get out of this?"

Said by Eve in the series Killing Eve. Season 2, Episode 8.

After posting about waking up to the wonderful smell of bacon last Saturday, I decided to get some air and go for a long walk. I was strolling down the west side around the 140s by the Hudson when at one point, I began to hear people screaming and banging pots and pans. My first thought was, hmm that's weird, it's not 7pm right now. I had put my phone on airport mode and didn't hear the news, but this was the moment when Joe Biden was announced the official winner of the presidential election. I switched my phone back to receiving messages, and saw all these texts from my friends and sisters. 

All I could do was start whooping at the top of my lungs and cheer on all of the people hanging outside of their apartments windows hollering in elation. What an incredibly joyous moment. I couldn't believe it, and felt this happiness and relief take over me. I ran back to my apartment to shower and get ready, and headed downtown by myself with no itinerary. I first went to the area around Stonewall, and omg, there were so many people there already partying it up in the streets. There was dancing and bottles of champagne popping open everywhere. Everyone was on the streets just spending this moment together, and it was so amazing. Cars passing by honked in celebration along with us, and you could feel this collective release of emotions from everyone. After four years of this fucked up and dysfunctional administration, we finally had new hope in knowing there would be an end to it all, and this very day would be day one of our new chapter.

I spent the remainder of the day walking around the city. Festivities of all kinds had popped up everywhere. Washington Square Park was friggin' lit! It was filled with people celebrating across the entire park. Next I walked further downtown and eventually ended up at Broadway and Houston. There was a huge crowd at this intersection and I could see traffic backed up in all directions. The large crowd had formed a circle and in the middle, people were dancing in jubilation and then we all started chanting support for racial justice and Black Lives Matter. I didn't realize this group was actually a march who had taken a momentary pause here. I joined them afterwards in marching down Broadway together, which had been cleared of cars for the group. Everything was so moving. We marched as the leaders guided us in more rallying cries of racial justice and residents of SoHo cheered us on from their windows with air horns and pots and pans. At one point as we were all walking south, I took a moment to take it all in. I could see all the way clear down Broadway to way more downtown, and it was so beautiful. To be there in that large mass, as we collectively celebrated together, just thinking about it again can bring me to tears. After converging at its end point of Foley Square for a bit, I headed off on my own and walked around some more.

After a long day, I came back home and luckily made it back right in time to watch Vice President-elect Kamala Harris and President-elect Joe Biden's acceptance speeches. 

Wow, what an unforgettable day.

One of the perks of living five floors above a 24-hour deli is waking up to the smell of bacon wafting through my room window. 

Needy.

Weary.

I took a personal day from work on Monday to chill and had Election Day officially off, but it still feels like it's been a long week with emotions coming from so many sides of everything.

It's 2am on Friday during election week.

The results are still too close to call right now. Votes in Arizona, Georgia, Nevada, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania are still being counted, and I say COUNT EVERY VOTE. 

Change in America is coming, and I am so fucking excited.

270 feels so close.

It really sucks when the only pseudo human interaction you had in your entire day was a video call that left you feeling like shit.

I’m in need of some really good conversation. Can we talk?

I know that doomscrolling through my phone late at night is really bad, but here I am.

Look ahead?
Stay instead.
For I thee wed,
nothing but dread.

Just listening to Frankie Knuckles here.

Step outside of yourself for the best reminder ever.

Let it out.