Fuck it.

And by fuck I mean eat.

 Must be nice.

CC Bloom,

CeCe Peniston.

Yeah see-see twice,

Take pic, new medicine.

Day 9 without a working fridge. What's life even about?

It's been a while since I've been excited as I am today, but Biden-Harris all the way!

"I want a hug."

Said by Kwame in the HBO show I May Destroy You. Season 1, Episode 10.

My fridge broke down last week. It suddenly just stopped working, but I can't say I blame it -- 2020 has been hard for all of us.

I am looking for a husband.

"I hope you can find the time,
this weekend to relax and unwind."

From the song Escapade by Janet Jackson.

I can't believe I never realized that this song's message isn't about some fancy vacation, but something much simpler than that: enjoy your weekend.

It's amazing how so many American sitcoms and movies have scenes where characters are eating what appears to be Chinese takeout or Asian food with chopsticks, but there isn't an actual Asian person in site within the fictional worlds they live in.

To the people who made the decisions to include Asian food (but not characters) in those scenes, I just want to know the reasoning behind it.

I started a new job in April. 

In a turn of events for my professional career that I couldn't have ever imagined in my wildest dreams, I am now the Editor of Thrillist New York. That means it's my job to be in the know about what to eat, drink, and do in New York, and as a hometown Queens kid from Flushing, I can't tell you how proud I am to be in this new role.

With that being said, the world is a very different place now, and thinking about what to eat, drink, and do in New York has changed completely since the onset of COVID-19 in March. I mean, even as I write this on August 8, I feel like life feels so drastically different from just a month ago. How I might've thought about certain things or what I felt like I knew from then is not the same as today, and I'm totally okay with that. This year just feels like it's been filled with awakenings of every kind, some that are heartbreaking to the core, and others that were very much needed.

First of all, the COVID-19 pandemic continues to take its toll everywhere. People are sick, people are dying, people have lost their jobs and livelihoods, and at this moment, there's no sense in when things will get better in the U.S. And then there's the second virus that's on the forefront of daily life in America: racism. The systemic injustices and racism that Black people face in this country is so wrong. Until the death of George Floyd, I never truly internalized the challenges that the Black community faces. And because of my ignorance, I didn't know just how dire things were. Even from growing up in NYC or having been immersed in Black music, television, and culture as a major part of my entire life, I still hadn't realized it. Being a kid in the 90's, I can recall the majority of every comedy stand-up special I watched by a Black comic having a part dedicated to discussing racism and mistreatment from cops, but I never registered just how fucked up it really was. But now I'm trying to do my part however I can, which includes educating myself, having conversations with friends and family, and knowing that not being racist is no longer sufficient in America, but being an anti-racist is what's truly needed in order for tangible change to happen. 

At work, I've joined together with three other colleagues for the Thrillist Diversity Committee. As a group, we are committed to bringing more diversity to our workplace. It's funny because I started my job remotely, which means I have never met any of my coworkers in real life. I'm grateful to simply be employed right now, but working from home in a new job hasn't been easy for many reasons, and I still find myself struggling with things at times. It definitely hasn't been a smooth road, but I'm enjoying myself and the growth I've been able to experience so far. I feel like the timing of when I started this job and all that's happened since can be seen as a blessing in some ways and a reminder to always stay on your feet. Fighting it or wanting it to be different is pointless, so I'm trying to approach things with a fun and flexible mindset whenever possible and am up for the challenge.

It's taken me a bit to sit down with my thoughts about all that's happened since April, but I look forward to sharing more stuff here on my blog. In the meanwhile, check out Thrillist New York when you can and some of the stories I've personally written like How to Support the Black Community in NYC, Thanks for the Memories Momofuku Ssäm Bar, and 7 Restaurant Openings in NYC You Need to Know. 

Wear a damn mask when you go out, socially distance responsibly, and most importantly, Black Lives Matter!

 "Soon, you'll be having fun."

From the song All For You by Janet Jackson.

Process.
Practice.
Progress.
Praise.

One motherfucking day at a time.

"Take the pen and rewrite it."

From Beyoncé's Black is King on Disney+.

"What I've learned is, 'Get back on what track?' It's a whole new track. It's not going back, it's not... you know, it's just all different, and it's different forever. So it's not getting back on track, but it's creating my next track."

Said by former First Lady Michelle Obama in her Netflix special Becoming.

Read by the author.

Damn, where do I even start?

So much to freaking update you on...

Junk food,

funk mood.

Self feud,

so crude.

As I sit here in the dark of my room on America's 244th birthday, there's a nonstop barrage of fireworks going off from nearby in all directions outside my window. Bursts of light fill the night sky with whistles and explosive pops. These are of course not from the annual Macy's fireworks show put on by the city, but from the local residents of Harlem/Sugar Hill instead. The noise of illegal fireworks going off nightly for the past few months seems to just fade into the background now, sort of like sirens from an ambulance or firetruck. But today's soundtrack does feel much louder than usual.

Punch.

Crunch.

Lunch.

The past few weeks or so.

Black Lives Matter!

Beer and chips for dinner,

didn't turn out to be that winner.

Sick of the bullshit.

"Juneteenth is the oldest-known celebration of the end of slavery in the United States. While it’s widely observed across the U.S., the holiday actually originated in Texas, marking the date in 1865 that news of the abolition of slavery reached the state (despite the fact that the Emancipation Proclamation was signed in 1863). During the two and a half year gap, slave owners kept this information hidden from slaves in order to reap the continued benefits of unpaid labor.

Juneteenth is still not recognized as a national holiday, but locally it’s celebrated with gatherings, parades, and feasts that specifically feature red foods and drinks. Barbecue, baked beans, watermelon, and red drinks such as West African Hibiscus tea, strawberry soda, punch, and lemonade made with strawberries or cherries make appearances on park and backyard tables around the U.S. every year."

From the Thrillist story "Where to Find Red Velvet Cake in NYC, Just in Time for Juneteenth." By Kristen Adaway.

Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.

Dear blog,

do you also sob?

Where the injustices of the world,

makes your heart throb?

Sup.
Yup.
Shut up.

Good morning.

I just woke up early from a real good night’s rest and am so hungry. The weather outside is looking beautiful and I wish I could just go to some diner or nice restaurant to have a bounty of food while people watching with a hot cup of black coffee in hand.

"Can't argue with these lazy bitches,
I just raise my price."

From the song Savage by Megan Thee Stallion ft Beyonce.

Sipping.
Dipping.
Tipping.
Zipping.

"Ahmaud Arbery was a human being, a person, a man with a family and a future, who loved and was loved. The McMichaels took all of that away on a glorious Sunday afternoon in February. Who knows what Arbery could have become. He was young, his life a buffet of possibilities. Friday would have been his 26th birthday."

From the May 6, New York Times Op-Ed: The Killing of Ahmaud Arbery. Written by Charles M. Blow.

Ahmaud Arbery was murdered on February 23. Black Lives Matter!

I know who you are.

"Sometimes, you have to be stupid enough to start this kind of project. And then you have to be persistent, brave enough to finish them."

Said by Anders Solvarm in the Apple+ show HOMES. Season 1, Episode 1.

“There’s no escape,
I can’t wait.”

From the song Toxic by Britney Spears.

Miss steak.
Mistake.

I went a little crazy partying at home with my roommate yesterday. I think being stuck in the house is starting to get to me, so I started my Saturday afternoon drinking screwdrivers with Everclear to then drunkenly stuff my face with pizza later in the night. At one point we ended up dancing along to DJ sets on YouTube which helped me work up an appetite. I know I was feeling tipsy because I've been living a dairy-free life for quite some time. So while devouring that pizza was pure bliss, I've been paying for it all day today. And although I hadn't had Everclear since college, it was the only booze my roommate had and I didn't feel like running out to the liquor store, so I was grateful to work with what was in the house. Adaptability is key in these current times!

"Know it's good when you chewin' and you singin'."

From the song Captain Hook by Megan Thee Stallion.

Knock knock.
Whose there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Anyhoo, I’m at home.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Anyhoo, a yawn is a cough’s cousin.

"I hope you don't mind,
that I put down in words.
How wonderful life is, 

while you're in the world."

From the song Your Song by Elton John.

Show them all your cards,
and roll eyes real hard.

HMI = Hold My Interest

Dear gray nose hair,

What is your deal?

xoxo,
Thwany

Megan and vegan do not rhyme.

Cereal.
Celery.
Caesar Salad.
You're my ballad.

It's a nice, sunny Saturday afternoon here in my room. It feels like it's been pretty cloudy and grey out the past few days, so this burst of spring is much appreciated.

So, life rolls on. In the quarters that is my room, I work, eat, and sleep here. I spend way too much time of it lying on my stomach in bed with a device at my fingers and the TV on. But room life has been fine so far. I'm grateful to have some space to myself to process everything. Drawing my blackout curtains helps in feeling like I have my own little escape, and that even sometimes includes moments where things actually feel quiet. I mean it never gets completely silent, but with less people and traffic on the street, focusing on listening to one layer of noise coming through the windows does become easier.

But yes, another week with a stay-at-home order has passed. Businesses are still closed. People are sick in hospitals and dying. The virus is still spreading, and the CDC now recommends that everyone wears face coverings when they're out.

I definitely don't feel stuck in my room. I feel at home in my room. Thank you, room.

Used to.

It's been almost three weeks since I began staying home. I pretty much have rarely ventured out of my place except to get takeout on my block or groceries nearby. I've been able to get on with what I have access to in my area and with delivery, but I really needed to restock on Korean ramen today, along with some other Asian stuff. So my roommate and I decided to actually get some air and walk to the nearest H Mart in the Upper West Side. It was about 35 blocks each way, and we stayed 6 feet apart from each other and anyone else we came across on the sidewalk. When we got to the supermarket, we stood in the line to get in with everyone spaced out 6 feet. Every time a customer exited the doors, the person at the front of the line went in. And when inside, things were fine. I like how the aisles weren't crowded, and I could just get my stuff and leave. I'm not sure when I'll go anywhere that far from my place again, but it was great to go for a nice long walk today. The weather was gray with a slight drizzle at times and I loved every moment of it.

Here are some pics from today's Sunday stroll.

"You want what now looks like, 

let me give you a taste."

From the song Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa.

Doing the dishes.
Making wishes,
I had that to eat.
Feels so fictitious.

Gotta eat that receipt,

love to lick off the package.

You oughta taste that shit twice,

nothing short of ravage.

How is it already 11pm?

It's been ordered by the New York Governor that beginning at 8pm tonight, any non-essential workers are expected to stay home. Starting tomorrow, the only people commuting and on the streets will be from certain jobs and industries currently considered essential. The subways will be running and people can go out for food and walks, but people must remain 6-feet apart and social distance. And if you don't have to leave your home, just stay put.

Since last Monday, everything in New York has pretty much shut down. Throughout the week with every passing day, it's been closure after closure. So many different fabrics of society have been impacted, with people losing their jobs and many businesses now just trying to stay afloat.

It's like all of a sudden, life feels very different. Human contact is no longer the foundation to our everyday interactions but the part that we're trying to avoid. This change has altered everything we know.

The bar and restaurant industry was one of the earliest casualties of it all. Seeing what's happened to so many places is absolutely devastating. These small businesses were incubators of community, livelihoods, and culture and there's a shock that comes with them suddenly not being there.

It's x 100.

What is happening x 100.

It's the first week of all that's new, and it's only Wednesday. Watching every new update in real time is disorienting.

Death to the handshake.
A moment was all it takes.

David Attenborough, please tell us what happens next.

Elected officials are asking people not to go to bars and restaurants for now. Restaurants are voluntarily closing their doors until more is learned about the situation. Social distancing is recommended.

I've left my apartment sparingly since I began working from home on Tuesday. I've been going out about once a day for food on my block, but that's pretty much it. I guess it's been about the past 24 hours or so where the message to just stay home has been made clear, so this is where you'll find me.

Attic.
Addict.

Dear 2020,

In January, when I said you were just going to be another basic bitch year, my bad.

Love,
Thawny

All that could go wrong,
is just a beautiful song.

"Aquata.
Adrena.
Arista.
Adena.
Adella.
Alana."

From the song Daughters of Triton in the movie The Little Mermaid.

Room temp.
Yeah, you bent.

There’s a dire shortage of Purell for racism.

Dead plants,
tight pants.
So much angst,
but give thanks.

Self-care is not scrolling your life away at 1am.

I made this for you,
show me that gorgeous chew.

이젠,

버틸 수 없다고.

From the song 기억의 습작 by Exhibition.