"Stop playing, keep it moving."

From the song Be Faithful by Fatman Scoop.

Notifications off,
nothing lost or gone.

 Gutturally.

It's amazing how helpful memes can be. I've had plenty of nights this year when I'm lying in bed super late and just laughing my ass off from them. And I mean like the genuinely cracking up, laugh-so-hard-you-can't-breath laughing. The deep type where clutching your stomach to hold on for dear life is the only thing you can do. It's like you're completely free for a moment and filled with this intense joy. Holy shit, what a good time. The feeling has been on mind a lot the past few months. With it, my mind keeps going back to this early memory from high school. It must've been during my sophomore year, but I'm standing with a group of friends in front of the Flushing Main Street Public Library (which was pretty new at the time). I think we had all just eaten together somewhere nearby in Main Street and probably hung out at some cafe for a bit, and we were there to wait for the Q17 so one of my friends could take it. I only remember my friend Natalia being there, because out of all of us, she was laughing the hardest. I don't remember what we were talking about or why, but I was trying to be funny and had everyone doubled over, and that in turn made me laugh harder. We had all started laughing back while eating, and by the time we were at the bus stop, we were laughing so hard that we could barely stand. The sound of Natalia laughing especially made me happy, and this epiphany that someone could think I was funny while being myself, well, I still remember that. Knowing I was gay at that age and desperately not trying to stick out had me normally holding back a lot of who I was. And it was only while immersed in this circle (all-girls, and I am still friends with) did I feel allowed to be silly, therefore feel seen. Don't get me wrong, I grew up with two older sisters and usually had them laughing a lot about dumb shit too. But this was different, because I was still getting to know these friends, and usually stayed quiet as a form of avoiding rejection. It's funny how laughter can bring back the weirdest memories.

Rely on the wrong things,
defy what your heart sings.

When I shop, it's usually while knowing exactly what I'm there to get.

Truth.

"다음번에 만나면,

못본 척하고,

지나쳐줘, baby."

From the song Happening by AKMU.

Dear friends,

I wrote a profile on how Legendary Rao’s in East Harlem Is Offering Takeout for the First Time in Its 124-Year History.

Check it out!

Dear friends,

I wrote about how The Karaoke Bars of NYC’s Koreatown Helped Me Find My Voice.

Check it out!

Dear friends,

I write about how Insamju Is a Korean Ginseng Liquor Often Overlooked by Younger Generations.

Check it out!

Dear friends,

I wrote about the 30 Quintessential NYC Foods and Dining Experiences to try out.

Check it out!

A good Korean ballad takes me to places where nothing else can.

Having something really piss you off can be just the wakeup call you've been needing.

Laundry day always feels like a reset in life.

A good STFU is necessary every now and then.

My room suddenly smells like shumai at this late hour and it’s making me wish I had some.

Strong word.

Okay, the snow has arrived.

There’s supposed to be a big snowstorm coming.

"I request the most benevolent outcome."

Said by Vicky Vox in her podcast Doing Great with Vicky Vox.

Pantry.

Panty.

Pant.

Plant.

Plan.

Plow.

Plea.

Play.

Please.

America's first vaccination for COVID-19 happened today, but the country also past 300,000 deaths in the pandemic.

I'm so happy 2020 is coming to an end. Like, it's finally here and just weeks away.

Kimchi gloves,

hot,

peppery,

love.

Ferment,

get ripe.

Burst with crunch,

each bite.

Spoon it up with rice,

eight more than twice.

I've been going out and partying since I was in high school.

At 16, it was while ordering bottles of Johnnie Walker at a Ktown club called News. As all the straight guys I was with tried to mack it to the older girls around us, I was doing shots and dancing. At 18, I was at Exit every Friday. And it's no wonder that after just working and stressing in my room for so long throughout COVID-19, it's nice to chill out and remember dancing as an escape.

Stop suppressing this feeling to party it out and have some damn fun!

Yo, fuck it! Let's party!

"Fantasizing all the time,
move your body next to mine."

From the song Your Love by Frankie Knuckles.

When all else fails, go for a walk.

Trying to answer a question you didn't ask.

"If your hands are shaking,

just turn them into jazz hands."

Sung by Angie in the Netflix movie The Prom.

"A distraction is momentary. An escape helps you heal."

Said by Tom in the Netflix movie The Prom.

“Hey you,

always on the run.

Gotta slow it down, baby,

gotta have some fun.”

From the song Stop by the Spice Girls.

Whenever anyone tells me they’re sleeping well right now, I can’t help but feel jealousy and wonder.

Intentionally.

"In the web that is my own,

I begin again."

From the song Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks.

Portion size?

Ha,

no more lies.

Be wise,

split the check,

but add fries.

"In the middle of my room,

I did not hear from you."

From the song Stand Back by Stevie Lyrics.

It’s just been truck after semi truck after truck after semi truck going to and from the GWB.

Hi, guys!

Hi, ladies and gentlemen!

Hi, hums (hyooms)!

IMVT = I'm Very Tired

I think hearing the blaring sirens of cop cars, firetrucks, and ambulances constantly all damn day and night since March, on top of motorcycles, horns honking, and engines revving from my street is starting to get to me...

After spending a massive amount of time on the opening sentence of an article, checking the word count to see how much more you still have to go feels quite futile.

"If you could be mine,

we'd both shine."

From the song If I Ruled the World by Nas ft Lauryn Hill.

"Still livin' for today,

in these last days and times."

From the song If I Ruled the World by Nas ft Lauryn Hill.

"Life,

I wonder.

Will it take me under?

I don't know."

From the song If I Ruled the World by Nas ft Lauryn Hill.

Eat! Yo, no.

Cosmic.

“I WOULD LIKE TO BUY: Ativan! Xanax! Klonopin!”

Yelled on repeat by a woman I saw walking down the street today.

I can’t say that there isn’t something to learn from her strategy of being so straight up about what she’s looking for.

"It costs a lot of money to look this cheap."

Said by Dolly Parton.

Lately, I've been thinking about this quote a lot because it's so damn relatable when it comes to writing. 

Like, my gosh, I'll look at some paragraph or blurb I wrote for work and find it unbelievable that it took hours upon hours to get it that way. But when it comes down to it, I'm usually able to get my writing to say exactly what I want it to in the way I want it to, so the end result is satisfying.

The cold side of the pillow,

listening to chill 90s Korean music,

been so tired all day,

slept only a few hours yesterday,

but in bed right now,

feeling dread,

if I lived alone,

I’d probably just start getting tanked,

or uncomfortably full,

good thing I’m not,

because it’ll wake the roomie, 

I hate having to use the bathroom at night,

small apartment,

big anxiety,

sirens nonstop,

I refuse to rot,

keep thinking dumb shit,

gonna pop,

it’s past 3 now,

horns on the avenue still honk,

people yelling on the street,

I wonder who else is up,

with similar thoughts.

It’s not going to appear in my brain on its own, so I need to read, hear, see, feel, and laugh it from somewhere else.

I miss going to karaoke.

My heart is beating out of my chest.

There are moments when my mind wanders, and I can get teary-eyed at the turn of a thought.

Are any of us ourselves right now?

Dear Ambien,

Do I mean nothing to you anymore?

Sometimes, you don't eat an entire box of pasta in one sitting.

And then lots of times, you do.

You know that meme about, according to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity being doing the same shit and expecting different results? 

I just realized how this relates to online dating.

"I put my lifetime,

in between the paper's lines."

From the song Quiet Storm by Mobb Deep.

Blah, fucking blah.

Wah, fucking wah.

Ha, fucking ha.

가, fucking 가.

"I was born to run,

I don't belong to anyone."

From the song Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus.

Black out curtains,

two things certain.

Sunday in bed,

roll over instead.

Owls in the city.

Howls when you see me.

How’ll we teehee?

Don’t go, Mong,

chill, jeez.

"Make me feel so good,
내일 기억할 수 있게."

From the song +5 STAR+ by CL.

"I can't stop thinkin' about you,
5 stars every time that you come through."

From the song +5 STAR+ by CL.

Know better.

Go-getter.

Real sweater.

Big fretter.

"I'm not sure what this could mean,
I don't think you're what you seem."

From the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.

"There's no sense in telling me.
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free."

From the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.

"Every time I think of you,
I feel a shot right through, 

with a bolt of blue."

From the song Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.