blah.

i think being gay is the lonliest thing in the world. i feel so alone... that no one will ever understand or get me, that i'm destined to die without having loved someone with all my heart...

working for *CENSORED*, i dont know. well, interning i mean, i dont know. i want to live alone in the woods and chop my own firewood and live off wild boar and caribou that i catch with my rifle. sometimes i feel so tired and sick of nyc. i cant do this place anymore. its the lonliest city in the world... and i just want to go far far away where i can live my own life and be happy.

but what if i go far away and live my own life yet im still unhappy? i wouldnt have an answer to my problems... no quick solution to what will make me happy and what i want in life.

i dont know. i just feel lonely and i wish i wasnt me. i wish i was born a wild horse, roaming land by myself and running free without a care in the world.

who knows what will become of me. i want just one person to fall in love with me and i want to change their life... i want to think that their life before and after meeting me is no way the same.

if only.