why why why why why cant i stop thinking about someone? someone who i know will never change, but still makes me feel so hopeful and happy?

i cant stop thinking about it, and it's driving me nuts.

ok i will change topic.

i love my editorial internship. it feels so good to be using my brain again, i'm starting to feel a little bit human. even though i don't really have that many responsibilities, i feel like i'm learning a lot everyday.

yesterday, i got to hang out with one of my best friends for the whole day. haha i know that sentence sounds extremely childish, and that the sentence should be finished by me saying, "i'm diSh manY ye-uh ohw..." (holding up 24 fingers). but it's just that since he's extremely busy with school, i don't get to see him as much as i would like. so yesterday was a blast. made me feel actually happy to be home as we talked for hours while we walked around union quare and every neighborhood south of it. just mindlessly walking sometimes, yeah.... good times.

i saw this picture above on men's style.com, and it kind of made me nostalgic.

first, i want to make it clear that i love korean air stewardesses. out of all the airlines i rode within asia and even in the states, i can honestly say they're the nicest, most accomodating, professional airline workers i've ever seen. and also the hottest, i have yet to see an ugly kal (korean air lines) stewardess. they're all beautiful or really cute, and none of them look surgically enhanced, thank goodness. also their uniforms are really nice and from the hairpins to their shoes, you know everything was meticulously designed. and i think they have a height requirement, probably along with some weight limits and whatnot because they're all tall and thin.

so while in korea, i went to incheon international airport many many many times. aside from the time i left korea for nyc, i always rode the airport bus to incheon. in total i made 7 rides on the bus, and usually the trip is over an hour long so all i did was stare out the window while listening to music. sometimes i would see KAL and other airline stewardesses riding the bus as well, and i always just stared at their beuty and class. they always seemed so done up, and i dunno i guess in a weird way, i put them on some sort of pedestal.

but all that changed one eventful day.

it was on a trip where i was going to the airport, not coming from it, and i remember leaning my head against the window while i stared at all the passing cars and scenary zooming in the background. on that day, there was this shitty white car that i kept seeing. the car would pass us, then we would pass them, and the cycle went on and on. i remember seeing the car and thinking, what a piece of junk. it was an old hyundai, and there was garbage all over the back seat and shit thrown everywhere. there were also these old dolls and other stuff in the back tossed about, and the car seemed to be speeding and in a rush, zooming in and out of traffic, but the bus somehow always caught up to it. so i see this car, and don't really pay it any mind. it's just another car on the highway.

and then i see who's driving. this scene is something i remember vividly in my head. it was a girl with a large bow looking pin in her tightly pulled back hair, with her body awkwardly leaning forward while her hands were tightly holding the steering wheel at ten and two. then i see her clothes and realize she's a KAL stewardess, and like a movie, my eyes pan out to get a full view of the shitty white hyundai, and then i look again inside her car and see all the mess that's thrown about.

well kids, that was the day i realized that they're just normal girls who run late, and have dirty cars, like every other person on this planet.

on my flight back to nyc, i couldn't look at them the same way. of course they were all nice and beautiful as always, but i don't know... the magic was gone.

i keep forgetting to buy razors, so i haven't shaved in more than a week. the sad thing is, my facial hair still grows like a jhs student in puberty so it looks more pathetic than anything else.

the first two lines from mary j. blige's song, "be happy" from her hit '94 album titled "my life," sums up so much in so little...

this is my 3rd entry within 30 minutes. i thought i'd just write about some stuff.

yeah, i need a job...

but i did get an editorial internship at this pretty cool nyc magazine. thing is, it's such a big change from my last job, seeing that i used to have 6 interns of my own and now i'm back to being one. don't get me wrong, i am extremely humble and am very gratefull to even be able to have that position at this magazine, but it's still a huge jump for me.

however, i'm really excited about the gig and know i have so much great stuff to learn from them and would be a complete fool to turn this down.

it's going to be nice to have some sort of purpose in life again, i am so ready to work hard.

aside from all that, life is boring. tonight my sister and her fiance took me to this really great brazilian restaurant on 26th and park ave south called porcao. damn, the food there was absolutely amazing, and the service is truly some of the best i've ever had in nyc. i haven't eaten so much meat in a long ass time, and it was damn good.

ps- arcade fire's "neon bible" is sheer genious.

i want orange fanta.

finally got a new blackberry. whoo, it sure feels good to put dirty payphones and loose change behind me. since i left for asia last dec, i've been using payphones due to my lack of having a cell phone. don't get me wrong, not having a cell has tons of advantages. i had more freedom and wasn't tied down by anything or anyone. but, when i did need to use a phone, it was a pain in the ass. so yes, i finally got a new blackberry and i'm excited to be back in the techonological world.

also, since thailand, my BMs have been pretty bad but today i took a rock solid poop.

now all i have to do is find a job and my life will be perfect!

amy winehouse's voice is fucking amazing... you know i've seen her picture few times online on blogs and such, but i never could've imagined her with a voice like this. the music makes me feel like i'm in a 1950's black and white movie. i'm also very stoned.

Japan

Phuket, Thailand.