and this too, shall pass.

something is very very wrong.

you can't count on anyone but yourself.

i love me a good korean power ballad...

sorry that was random. anyhoo, i'm writing some short blurbs for the magazine i'm interning at, and my boss totally edits all my work to the point where i feel it's no longer mine. i dunno, i guess that's the world of publishing and the media but i can't but help feel sad sometimes. a sentence or angle i feel strongly about would be dismissed in a minute, and there's nothing i can do or say about. but hey, at least i'm getting published!

on another note, WHY THE FUCK WONT ANYONE HIRE ME?! i have tons of god damn professional experience and am fucking tired of interning, i'm so ready to work again. seriously, it's starting to get to me. i'm a normal, 24 y/o male (okay maybe that's subjective) but i know i'm a damn hard worker. fuck man. fuck fuck fuck. i can go crazy thinking about this so i will stop now.

had indian food again for dinner today. note to NYers who love indian food, baluchi's on 2nd ave and 6th is always 50% off. i go there all the time, the food is great! i definitely recommend the place.

after dinner i had 2 spoonfuls of this. my friend ate the rest.

i woke up at 1 today and stayed home all day. i'm exhausted from getting shitfaced the past four straight nights. i feel so bloated and gassy from all my drunken debauchery, need to get back on track and mellow out for the next week or so. it's also kind of funny because i've been waking up completely naked the past four days as well. i have this habit of kicking off all my clothes while sleeping if i'm drunk. i always freak out and wake up thinking, "shit, where are my clothes??" but then i realize they're tossed about my room.

i hate coming home drunk. i just always feel lonely...

anyway, went to this burton party today in soho. steve aoki was spinning, and he was friggin awesome. since i left my digi cam charger in my hotel in thailand, i haven't used my camera in a while. i had to settle on taking pics with my blackberry.

i didn't get that job... yeah, kind of bummed but what are you going to do?

i just finished reading 'the road' by cormac mccarthy' today at the laundromat. mmm, his writing takes a while to get used to, but i would def say the book was very suspenseful and scary at times. i didn't really get the ending though... maybe i'm just an idiot but i was left somewhat confused.

now i'm going to move onto my next book, and guess who got their hands on a copy of the new murakami??! yes, i didddd.

i was able to get a press review copy about a week ago. the book comes out in may, so i'm so excited to be able to get a sneak peak.

i had an interview this morning at the most randomest company, and by random i mean a place where i never ever ever in my life saw myself working at. i think it went well though, and am hoping for the best i guess. don't want to jinx it, we'll see how it goes.

nothing else new going on. went out on sat night to a few bars and got wasted. ended up at stereo's sat night gay party. man, people in there were sure fucked up on drugs. it's been a while since i've been around that environment, kind of makes me want to go party again.

damn it... i am so fucking lonely.

i'm so damn emotional these days.

new Murakami coming out in May... exciting.

someone come and knock me over the head with a big metal pot. i'm acting like such a fool.

not to self: you are not 18 anymore. drinking until you barf in the streets is not cool anymore, you are too old for this shit. coming home with barf all over your shoes and jeans is no longer funny nor appropriate. get it together.

i have an interview on fri morning and i am anxious. this is the first time in my 24 years of life that i will be having this sort of interview (trust me i've had MANY interviews throughout my life) and i am fucking scared shitless!

yes, this is for a corporate job. ahhhh.

i was just thinking about it, but i have never been this nervous for anything. usually i never have problems picking out what to wear, what i'm going to say, what i'm looking for, but this is different. i have no fucking clothes to wear for this. it's sad but i've never owned a suit, nor do i honesly ever wish to wear them. usually my interview style is more jeans, blazer, and paul smith shoes but something has me thinking that that would be pretty stupid of me.

countless interviews to be a tutor, teacher's aid, 5 magazine interns, chocolate seller, retail clothes seller, flyer hander-outer, cafe waiter, bubble tea maker, summer camp counselor, television production intern, head of a tv channel, dish washer, valet parker, korea town bar waiter, college student, office supplies mega chainstore associate, or data entry employee have never had me stressed out like i am now.

and now I'm pissed because have to buy some button down shirt, just to wear for friday. also think i need a jacket, pants, and tie. i honestly don't even understand the position i'm trying for, it's nothing editorial at all or something i've ever heard of.

will keep you updated if anything interesting happens. i'll use ugly betty as my inspiration.

i feel like i've been in such a funk the past few days. there seems to be a large disconnect between me and the world... or maybe it's just all in my head.

i can feel myself slipping into all my old patterns and bad habits, the way i was before i left for asia. i don't want that to happen. i will not let that happen.

today i went to sing sing again to visit. it's always so sad, saying goodbye at the end. we all leave and go on with our lives, but he still sits there and then goes back to his cell. i always leave there feeling so gutted.

anyway, changes in my life are coming soon. have no idea of how and what, but some must be made. for starters, i have to stop going into chatrooms and start reading the piles of books and back issues of the new yorker on my desk.

life is grand.

i can feel the darkness looming...

damn i feel so anxious. one minute i'm sitting and on the internet, and the next minute my heart is just pounding so fast and i can't sit still and i feel i can't breathe.

frustration nation.

where does the time go?