thank you ifc for playing kill bill at 3 in the morning. sometimes after a long day at work, i just want to smoke and decompress while my ass is parked in front of the tv.

music walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk smoke walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk think walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk think walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk think walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk smoke walk walk walk walk walk walk walk think walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk.

sometimes i wake up feeling like shit and the only thing going through my head is, "this is not living... this can't be my life right now."

he puts his arm around my shoulder when we walk down the street and then his hand moves up slightly to the back of my head, gently placed there to inconspicuously and softly caress it---moments like this make my heart smile.

sometimes at work when i'm talking to customers who are a lot older than me, i like to imagine how they looked like when they were around my age and wonder how different their lives were back then.

i'm obsessed with thinking about how times and culture have changed so much with technology. i miss the simpler days when you waited by the phone if you wanted to talk to someone and there was actually some sincerity in the interactions you had with people. i feel like my generation is the last to have grown up like this and that's such a depressing thought.

.

is there such a thing as too much karaoke? i don't think so. after getting off our shifts at the east village restaurant, me and a coworker headed up to koreatown to cure our humpday blues. there's nothing better than great conversation, soju, and karaoke/bar-hopping to help us get through the week.

   

i'm confused.

if i'm walking down the street and some dude coming towards me grabs and shakes his crotch while he's locked eye contact with me for a few seconds, does that mean he's hitting on me or wants me to fuck off?

it is so fucking beautiful outside.

my brain fled nyc without me.

one thing i've learned with time is that my self-worth and self-value grows with age, and while there are things i would have put up with when i was twenty two, i refuse to let the same thing happen again. if i can't learn from my past experiences, what's the point of going through anything? ...i know when i deserve better.

don't get me wrong, dating is still lots of fun though.

is there anything more downright pitiful than four people eating dinner together at a restaurant, but each one of them is glued to their electronic devices the entire time?

when i am the server for tables like these at work, it makes me dispirited.

there's only one thing in the world that can make me feel this happy.

i missed this feeling.

sometimes the course of life doesn't seem to make sense, but the part i'm most grateful for is to work and become friends with interesting people.

i've been working with greta since i started at the east village restaurant a little over a year go. it's so nice to be able to get away from work together and catch up in a completely different environment. having fridays off is also enjoyable because we can go eat whatever we like and get hammered. our lunch started in koreatown and we ended up at the hotel lobby of the ace hotel. randomly, as we sitting in the lobby, chanel iman was doing a photo shoot---she's fucking beautiful. we stopped by the bar of the breslin for our third destination and i was introduced to the awesomeness of shots of whiskey followed by a shot of pickle juice, so fucking good.

here are some pics from our late afternoon/early-evening lunch/drinks/dinner-date.

also, never shop at opening ceremony around the corner from the ace hotel when you're drunk or you'll end up buying an expensive alexander wang tee like i did. yikess.

sometimes i just feel like screaming "FUCK EVERYTHING."

i feel so burned out.

there's always a story...

last night i dreamt that i was talking to someone who unexpectedly had a jughead comic book on top of a pile of their reading materials. i remember thinking "woah i loved jughead comics as a kid, he was my favorite archie comic book character---i can't believe you like them too!"

now if i can only remember who this guy in my dream was...

have you ever just stared at a completely empty and quiet street in the middle of the night for a really long time? the colors on the stoplight continually change between red, green and yellow but everything else is just there, pointless without the touch of human use---just like my heart.

it's so hard to prioritize the things that matter in life.

work?
family?
money?
love?
vanity?
friends?

what happens if none of it really/sort of/kind of doesn't seem to matter? that's probably because i forgot to add "me" to the list.

...i really need to sleep but i've been in bed for the past hour just tossing and turning.

"when will it happen?"

...when i fucking make it happen.