Tae Yoon: Life from 2006-2021

so much can happen in a week. a suicide right here in bangkok. news from a friend in nyc that she's pregnant and expecting in september. doubt. sadness. feeling scared. it really helps put it into perspective though, and i'm grateful for everything in life. i learn something from everything anyway so what more could i ever ask for. it's funny because sometimes i like to ask people, "what are you looking forward to?" if they ask for further explanation, i ask what's that one awesome thing that's going to happen in the future? what's keeping you sane during your times of weakness? is it a special event or a birthday or a vacation that's coming in the near future? i'm always interested in people's answers and if they never thought about it, then they could possibly think of something that could help them when they're ready to yell "WHAT THE FUCK." it's funny though because every now and then they'll ask me after i ask them and today i thought, "i love that i continue to learn things and am able to use all of my experiences in many aspects of my life. that's enough to make me look forward to every new day when i wake up in the morning" i know, cheezy as hell, right? crazy thing is that it's true. on a daily basis, i have moments where i suddenly ask myself, "where the fuck am i? and what the hell am i doing here?" but i think in this case it's a good thing because i need to experience new things in my life. having gone through almost every major milestone of my life in nyc, i was in desperate need of change. all i ever met were people who left their hometown to try something new in nyc, my hometown. i needed my version of that too and finally feel like i'm living it. i'm constantly humbled by it all. i do miss my friends in nyc though. some of them were trying to possibly come here in april to visit me but those plans fell through. it's okay though, there's always technology. so for the past two months, i've been lucky enough to have stayed rent-free at a friend's vacant apartment as he traveled in europe. he's returning in a few days, so i've been searching for a new place to live. i found a few spots in one area of bangkok, but will finalize stuff in the next few days. i'm hoping to live in this place where my window is right next to a major highway within a busy area of bangkok. the building is pretty old, but it has its charm. it's alright though because i don't need to live in fancy accommodations, all i need is an air conditioner and some privacy and i'm good to go. we'll see how it goes. i've mentioned this before, but i'm a big believer in fate. without fate, there's no way all these crazy events can happen and somehow all get connected later on to produce an encounter that feels like it was just meant to be. i believe and it makes me happy. the current season is almost at the peak of summertime in thailand, and it is starting to get HOT. the humidity just coats my body and then the sweat starts dripping down my neck. after surviving korea's summer last year, i've learned to carry around an extra t-shirt whenever i go out. i walked around a lot the other day, and had to change into a different shirt twice. i arrived at my first destination with my shirt (shirt-a) drenched in sweat. its light color didn't help at all, and it was looking pretty bad. i changed into the extra shirt in my bag (shirt-b) and dried shirt-a. after arriving at my second destination, shirt-b was drenched in sweat, and when i say drenched i'm not talking a large ring around my collar, but almost wet to the point where it looks like someone pushed me into a swimming pool. shirt-a was dryer than shirt-b at that point, so i changed back into shirt-a. yuck, it's not the cleanest feeling. sweat really can smell when it's dried onto clothes and that was on top of the fact that i started sweating again after i left my second destination. i miss the cold weather sometimes, but am starting to get used to living in tropical weather. it's not as bad as i thought it would be. holy shit, i can't believe that this year is my tenth anniversary of graduating hs. time sure flies. everything's going to be okay.