somehow, somewhere, i lost my focus and started channeling all my energy into things that don't really matter...

i need to start concentrating again.

dear neurosis and irrational fears,

leave me the fuck alone.

thanks, i appreciate it.

best,
thwany

i just want to buy a stack of magazines and lose myself.

ignorant people are ignorant people, no matter where in the world you are.

it's interesting that i've already had a couple of racist comments/actions directed towards me in thailand, all of which came from locals who live here. in america, most of my racist incidents stemmed from the fact that i'm asian, but things get more specific here in thailand. their version of "ching-chong-ching-chong!" is something along the lines of yelling "arigato!" or "kimchi!" while putting the backs of their hands against their foreheads and bowing as everyone around them laughs hysterically.

whenever i encounter people like this, i know that what they're saying and doing has nothing to do with me personally. they're only externally projecting their insecurities and looking like a god damn fool while doing so---it's so unfortunate.

a conversation between two wildflowers on a sunny day: part 3.

"carl, you look a little bloated today. and again with the sunglasses?"
"yeah, i'm still recovering. i had too much last night."
"too much what?"
"too much everything."
"carl, i think you may have a substance abuse problem."
"roger, just because i like to have a good time doesn't mean i have a problem. so what if i liked to get fucked up?"
"but shouldn't just life itself be enough for you to enjoy? why do you constantly need to be in an altered state?"
"on this planet, my dear friend, there will always be flowers who think like you and also think like myself. your version of an altered state is my chosen version of reality."
"that's just a bad excuse to get wasted."
"roger, we're wildflowers. since you're not living up to the stereotypes of our kind, flowers like me have to compensate for your lack of hackneyed convictions."

i'm obsessed with the stone roses. where have they been all my life?

afterparty at jia's.

i just want to live a modest and humble life.

"and what we have is today."

yes, grace, so very fucking true.

sometimes, i think about how fragile life really is and it makes me so sad.

dinner with su noona.

i cancelled the internet at my place because it was way too distracting, so i'm at a pc room right now. it's funny because it's just a small room with two rows of computers, however each one but mine is occupied by entranced little thai children playing games, watching music videos, twitter, facebook, gossip blogs, chat rooms, etc.

i guess internet addiction is starting at younger ages nowadays. mine can be pretty annoying sometimes as well, so i'm sure grateful i didn't have the internet at their age.

my blog friend make it easy tagged me in the Versatile Blogger Award, and so here are 7 random facts about myself:

- i think cooked carrots are delicious, but raw carrots taste like shit
- my middle name is hwan (hence my blog name)
- i cringe at the sound of other people's fingernails and toenails being clipped
- sometimes (actually, it's a lot more than sometimes), i just need to be alone
- i prefer spending $ on memories and experiences rather than materialistic goods
- when i'm feeling down, listening to R.E.M.'s shiny happy people or watching the song's music video is the best medicine (i like to think the little boy in the purple shirt and flippy-glasses was me in another lifetime)
- titles and labels are not how i choose to define people

dear bangkok,

i love you and all, but you really gotta pick up the pace sometimes.

love,
thwany

here are some photos that i never posted from my solo trip to laos last month.

just to note, that old japanese man is someone i kept running into as i walked through laos' capital, vientiane, so i thought it was only appropriate that i ask for a picture of him.

as for the last photo, well one of the drawbacks of traveling alone is having to ask strangers to take a photo for me---and then having them always come out not quite right...

i haven't drank in a while so last night was fun overload.

i'm feeling dispirited and the only thing that can make it better is a bucket of pasta.

a conversation between two wildflowers on a sunny day: part 2.

"carl, what's with the sunglasses? is everything alright?"
"i feel tired today. life is making me glum."
"'glum?' but the sun is out and we got some warm rain last night. we should be feeling peak today."
"well, roger, i'd love to feel the way you do, but i just don't today."
"what's wrong?"
"seeing that worried face of yours, carl, is making me grateful that i have these sunglasses on. i just don't feel like being social today, i can't explain it. i'm okay i guess."
"well, let me cheer you up. maybe i can just talk and you can listen?"
"i'm not sure how that's different from any other day, but sure."
"so, have you seen how the chivers' redecorated their tree trunk? they added these faux mushrooms onto the tree's side and it looks so cool. they're in different colors and everything, i could stare at them for hours."
"yeah, i've seen them. those faux mushrooms are intermixed with real ones, right?"
"yeah, those! how awesome is that?"
"i don't like them."
"how could you not like them? they liven up the tree and make things so much better."
"make things better how?"
"you always ask such odd questions, carl! i don't know how they make them better, they just do."
"but those faux mushrooms don't have any function whatsoever. they add nothing to the tree except for the aesthetic of obviously fake mushrooms that have been plastered to the tree trunk's side."
"but why can't that be the function? to just please the eye?"
"because that's not a function, it's a preference---there's a difference. what if some poor, scatterbrained animal goes up to the tree and eats those faux mushroom by accident? then what? that animal will die in no time with all that faux mushroom in their system, all because the damn chivers wanted to decorate their tree. those fugly fake mushrooms are a bad distraction. they plunder attention away from the real mushrooms that have their own story. those mushrooms belong on the tree trunk and those ridiculously dyed fake ones don't."
"well, i think it looks good and i like it. the chivers should be able to do what they please with their own tree trunk."
"roger, you're making me more glum. i'd like to be left alone now."
"no, wait. we'll talk about something else then. how about we discuss your sunglasses. are they new? where'd you get them?"
"next topic."
"hmmm. oh, i know. did you hear about that young raccoon chick who was found dead this morning next to the chivers' tree trunk?"

i am craving nyc at the moment.

i miss being in the city and walking around by myself.

life in thailand.