Tae Yoon: Life from 2006-2021

it's past 5:30am here in bangkok and i can't fall asleep. i wonder if my insomnia will ever be cured, or perhaps it's something i'm eternally stuck with and should just plan my life accordingly? but, actually---i enjoy the daytime and sunlight too much to just give them up. maybe it's because i haven't had any sort of set daily routine or schedule in my life for more than a week since i was laid off from my last office job two years ago? but that doesn't make sense because i had this issue way long before that. i would definitely say it's linked to my anxiety. or i don't know, i guess i could ponder until the sun comes up (literally), but the only thing that's for certain is the fact that i'm unable to fall asleep right now. as for an update on how things are currently going in my life, all is well. things could always be better, but they could also be worse so i prefer not to compare or think about how different circumstances would be in some fictitious, parallel world. i control what i can with positive thoughts and sensible decisions and the rest is out of my hands. i recently started to thoroughly think about the adage, "everything loses its novelty." this is something that usually pops into my head often because on many occasions, i find myself getting bored with something really fast. this relates to almost every facet of my life and there isn't an aspect that's unaffected by it. then recently, i started to metaphorically think about the adage in terms of reading a book. sometimes i'll read a book and experience it in whatever way i did. i often like to re-read books that i've liked, and when doing so, of course my latter experience is never the same as the original. i realized that things don't have to lose their novelty, because you never know what's waiting on the next page so if i feel inclined to, i can just turn the pages faster. or i can change my attitude and keep in mind that how i'm feeling or what i'm going through really has an impact on what insight i gain from reading a single page, and be aware that in the moment, things might seem like the novelty's gone, but in reality i'm just feeling like shit and looking at the situation negatively.

i don't know. i think my brain is just running on fumes at the moment and i don't know how to eloquently express what i'm trying to say. i'll just end this entry with a photo i took of a spread in last month's gq korea. however, i have no idea what "a hardboiled boy" means. okay, let's see: 1-eggs. 2-they're hardboiled in water. 3-a boy. 4-yeah, i'm definitely lost and have no idea what it means. 5-oh okay, maybe it's like a boy is hardboiled and while the shell remains the same, his spirit hardens and tastes delicious with a little bit of salt & pepper. 6-or from my experience, the shells of hardboiled eggs always crack a little in the process. 7-nevermind, i still have no idea.