"I always feel like I'm starting over." 

Said by the character Jackie Brown in the movie Jackie Brown.

It's a fact that food tastes better after 10pm. It's like, because of astrology or something.

Good morning, world!

I am home after drinking on a Tuesday night, microwaving my Father's Day leftovers from Sunday.

My mom and dad dropped off an entire extra tray of homemade galbi jjjim this weekend, which tastes so good after nuking it in the microwave just now.

It's basically everything, and the amount of joy it brings me right now is just beyond words.

Best of Both Worlds vs. Best of Each World

"I'm stuck on your heart,
I hang on every word you say."

From the song The Best by Tina Turner.

Thank you, Beyoncé.

"The future's us, 

yet every citizen's in prison."

From the song Everything by Nas.

"I'm gonna have to leave you."

From the song White Label by Nas.

New nose?

"Natasha: I was thinking today, this will be on the Internet forever.
Doug: Petty much, yeah. Is that bad?"

From the show Getting Doug with High. Episode Natasha Leggero.

I've been working from home for the past few days, and until today, I hadn't left my apartment since Saturday night.

The weather in NYC is so gloriously welcoming today, and it feels great to get some fresh air.

"Where did I go?
When did I realize,
My love was on hold?
So now this is goodbye."

From the song Where Did I Go by Jorja Smith.

The past few weeks or so (shot on an iPhone X).

Duly noted.

The thing about the average NYC apartment is they're not that big. They come in all shapes and layouts, but the term "spacious" is not something that pops into mind often. That's also the case for my current apartment. It's totally fine and I like it here, but my fire alarms always goes off if I cook something oily in a pan for too long. It's because one fire alarm is at the end of the hallway towards the back bedroom, which isn't too far from the kitchen. There's no good ventilation around there, so the smell gets trapped. And it'll make the fire alarm go off, which instantly activates the one in my room that's on the other side of a nearby wall. The sound is so piercing and totally puts me in panic mode. It usually takes a few back-and-forths of me sprinting between the two while I jab at each with the end of my Swiffer Sweeper stick before there's silence again. Thinking about having to deal with this has actually stopped me from making certain kinds of food sometimes. I know this could be a good way to kickstart a policy of cooking healthier stuff, but dammit I'm just not ready for that yet.

Hearing the word relax is the about the most un-relaxing thing to hear.

"Let's just bake a cake for everyone who wants a cake to be baked!"

Said by Andrew Garfield at the 2018 Tony Awards during his acceptance speech for Best Lead Actor in Angels in America.

So many people who've reached a certain level of success and prominence have repeatedly expressed the same learning lesson: Nothing is ever as perfect as it seems, and no amount of money or fame is going to magically fix everything.

Yes, but why is it so hard to digest this information? To actually take it to heart. To stop romanticizing things that are simply figments of fiction created from our own imagination. To know there's a truth to every situation beyond what is seen by the eye is the first thing to disappear in the mind. But that old adage saying the best things in life are free is so true. And maybe that's what scares people the most into thinking otherwise.

I've been reading up on all of the amazing essays, think pieces, and social media posts dedicated to Anthony Bourdain this past weekend. I've never had the pleasure of working with him or ever being in the same room as him through some industry function. I've known nothing beyond my experiences of watching his tv shows or interviews, so learning more about him through all of the deeply personal messages dedicated to him has been really moving. It just makes me so sad to think that he saw suicide as the only way out, and seeking a solution through any other resource was futile. I think just like how our physical bodies break down and get hurt, the same thing happens to the brain. And mental health is a real issue that needs to be taken seriously. 

I used to write a lot more on this blog about being depressed and feeling down, but it's something that's gotten better for me with time. However, for the periods when I do still feel it, I don't want to bring it anymore thought or attention to it, so I push it away and definitely don't write about it. But I can't lie and say it never happens, because it still does on a regular basis. I try to deal with it all in more positive ways now, and small things like taking deep breaths and pausing the racing hamster wheel of thoughts in my head has been helpful. But what I've realized most in all these years is that it's during the cloud of depression when the instinct to hide away from the world is strongest, when in actuality, that's the time when friends and support are needed the most.

"I decided instead of running away from the idea of a life alone, I'd better sit down and take that fear to lunch... So, I sat there. And had a glass of wine alone. No books, no man, no friends, no armor, no faking."

Said by Carrie Bradshaw in the HBO show Sex and the City. Season 2, Episode 4: They Shoot Single People, Don't They?

Were we?
Worry.

It's. Not. That. Serious.

"Are we leaving,
this garden of Eden?"

From the song Garden by Dua Lipa.

Good morning, everyone. Sometimes I wake up with a melody already stuck in my head.

There are a few facets of my life I've been actively pursing for the past few years. Whether as baby steps or a larger risk, I've been trying to work at it to keep things moving along somehow. But what I'm doing just doesn't seem to be working. And I'm at a loss for what to try next. Like, what am I doing wrong and how do I get the results I want?

Between.

Belong.

Be right back.

"I can't understand."

From the song I Can't Understand by Queen Latifah.

There's a bottle of wine that's been in my fridge for over an entire week...

Wow, is this 35?

Some people have no idea that I think about them everyday. Every. Damn. Day.

Eating salad with a fork = Salad
Eating salad with chopsticks = Banchan