i've designated july "me" month. i'm going to try and focus on bettering myself in every way instead of focusing on negative things. i want to start reading more, shining at work, and working out again.

some other updates on my life, i moved out of my crackhouse this past weekend and am staying at a friend's place for a few weeks. my friend grace turned out to be my guardian angel by letting me stay here, i'm not sure what i would've done if it wasn't for her. i've got to find a new place in a few weeks, but i guess i'll have to worry about that when the time comes. here are some things i will not miss about my old apartment:

-roaches
-my dirty ass roommate
-finding cockroaches chilling on the tip of my toothbrush
-a broken doorknob and it taking me 5 minutes to get outside my apartment
-dead roaches in my closet
-the toilet leaking all over the floor
-people who lived above me that stomped around every night around 1:30 am
-people opening my mail and putting it back into my mailbox
-waking up to a swollen and itchy body because of bedbugs
-having to throw my bed away because of bedbugs
-dead roaches in my dishes
-beads in the kitchen doorway
-getting gauged on rent
-dead roaches in my clothes
-crazy ass neighbors who lived without closing their door or having a DAMN DOORKNOB
-roaches

oh, life...

aside from my messy living situation, work right now is insane and i don't know when or if things are going to slow down. i am barely hanging on until the weekend. once thursday end of day comes, i will be the happiest man alive.

anyway, here's some pictures from last friday. i went to carmines in the UES to eat some amazing, family-style italian food. i hadn't been to that carmine's location in seven years, i couldn't believe how fast time flies. i guess that's just the way things go.

it's 3 am and i can't sleep.

went to the doctor today for an annual check up. among many things- i was able to: finally get my balls checked, submit my blood to get some tests done, and talked about my insmonia. i told him i've had sleeping issues since i was in junior high school. my doctor suggested i stop stressing about things and i should be able to sleep better. how exactly am i supposed to go about doing that? i need to move out at the end of april. moving is annoying. i'm tired of living with strangers. i have no idea what i'm going to do. i'm living one day at a time. the gym is boring, i enjoy running outdoors instead. i need to buy new running sneakers. i am so broke. buying halal food is a splurge. eating at rare work events is what i look forward to or else it's yogurt/miso soup/tofu for me. being poor is the best diet supplement ever! i can't believe it's past 3 and i can't sleep. i want to call in sick tomorrow. work is okay. all i can do is envision my future, but i'm still not sure what that is. i feel so lonely. i need companionship. last friday night, i realized that are some things that you don't even want to tell your best friend. some things are better left unknown. i need to get some sleep in order to function tomorrow.

i used to be scared of roaches but now they just fucking piss the fuck out of me, esp when they crawl near me as i'm trying to sleep. fucking kill them all.