happy birthday to my best friend, dr. junho.

to celebrate the occasion, some friends and i took him to dinner at momofuku ssam bar in the east village. then we headed over to the momfuku milk bar & bakery next door for some yummy desserts.

the four of us have such different schedules and careers, so getting together like this is always such a treat.

why do drunk girls love jumping on seats at bars to drunkenly dance as their posse of inebriated gal-friends cheer them on? and then they come down and the next one hops up to take her turn... and it's not even 7pm yet. some people just love attention or maybe i should stop hating.

one thing that i've learned from work is that some people should just never eat out. and why do people get all crazy when they're hungry and have to wait for a table? it's always comical in retrospect but really frustrating and annoying at the time of its occurrence. then i start thinking about all the other bullshit i've ever had to deal with at other jobs and then i'm like, eh---same shit.

watching korean pop music shows such as sbs inkigayo (SBS 인기가요) has been a part of my life since i was a kid and lived in alaska from the 3rd to 8th grade. my family moved to the state's largest city, anchorage, in 1992 because my uncle and other relatives had lived there since the early 80's and owned the only korean/asian supermarket in the city. this was before the age of dvds and the internet so my uncle's hugely popular korean-video-rental-thing he had going on did pretty well. he had dramas, singing shows, soap operas and pretty much anything else that was popular at the moment. i remember being a little kid and watching singing shows with my two older sisters and they would critique everyone and talk about who had their double-eyelid surgery done, she's this, he's that, etc. being a little 3rd grader, i would always wonder "wtf are they (my sisters) talking about? i'm confused." i learned a lot from listening to their opinions about shit because i always looked up to them and thought they were so much cooler than me.

so this is when my love for korean music truly started. when i listen to my favorite korean music from that era, it always brings me back to that time in my life (it feels like another lifetime ago). when kim gun mo (김건모) first came out, my sisters used to call him eyeliner boy. haha i even remember them joking that they'd call me that, too. anyway, his second and third albums are absolute korean classics to me. his third album is also the #1 selling korean album of all time with 2.8 million sold in 1995. i'm sure the current korean acts could possibly be outselling that number, but it's so hard to keep track with illegal downloading. kim gun mo's up to album number twelve at this point, but i only listen to his third and fourth ones, i don't really about the others.

i hate to sound like a broke record but i fucking god damn love 90's music, it's the shit. period. i always like looking at the album covers too because it's nice to have a visual of the time. here are the album covers for my two favorites.

i've been thinking about it and i really know what my problems in life are. i'm talking about the core issues i have with myself and about myself because the outcome of theses issues affect other aspects of my life, and as do those as the cycle continues and doesn't stop growing. the scary part is starting from the bottom and not knowing what's going to happen---but i need to take some control back in my life, i'm tired of being so miserable.

why does a big bowl of pasta feel so good in my belly? i liken it to the same feeling as a really big and warm hug.

i don't even need anything fancy for my pasta---sauteed in a pan for 3 minutes with light butter, pepper and sea salt chunks is more than enough. sometimes i just crave carbs, my body doesn't feel nourished until it has some. unfortunately i've had this same craving for the last week or so so i really need to start craving veggies and salads soon.

i think the ny literary gods are trying to give me a sign. jim nelson came into my work place last night and i practically shat my pants because i got so excited. i can't believe that after years of worshipping the guy, i was finally able to see him live and in person. he was very sweet and i'm an even bigger fan of him and his work than i was yesterday morning. then today i saw michael musto riding his bike past me in the east village. i've randomly see him around before a few times, but never on his bike.

dear ny literary gods, what are you trying to tell me?? probably that i need to get my ass to start really writing.

all my friends know that i love cold weather (it makes me feel alive) and absolutely hate summer (it makes me feel lazy and sweaty), but there's something exhilarating about riding a yellow cab home over the manhattan bridge on a cool summer night at 4 am with the window down and summer wind in your face---especially if riding in a car is a rarity and you just heard some really awesome news that could positively change your life and future.

hard work does pay off.

have you ever heard or listened to a song a countless numbers of times without ever giving it much thought? then one day it plays on your ipod because you always put it on random and while while you're reading at the nypl at 42nd street, for some reason you notice a lot of great things about it that you've never noticed before? then it goes in your new music/shit i want to listen to now playlist and you've obsessively listened to it a million times.

i'm going through that right now with depeche mode- blasphemous rumours from their album some great rewards.

(and btw this honestly has nothing to do with anything i'm growing through at the moment).

the break up wasn't ugly and i know it's for the better, but thinking about the whole situation and how things unfolded just makes me so sad.

i just feel so sad about everything.

i can't remember the last time i was home in brooklyn on a friday night because i usually always stayed at his place every weekend in the UES. my roommate is also out of town until this sunday night, so i have the place all to myself. i don't know if that's a good or bad thing. i just want to shower, have some beer and go to bed for now.

i had the worst night of sleep. ever.

i feel like absolute shit right now. i need a super hot shower.

now what?

When I get depressed, I like to aimlessly walk around the city for hours. I just blast music and walk and ponder---it's usually the only thing that makes me feel better sometimes.

I'm falling deeper in love with NYC with each passing day.

i don't know where my life is going.

i'm freaking out.

i don't know what to do with my life.

I love getting stoned and walking around the city. It's the best thing ever.

Sitting in Washington square park after eating 2 cookies a friend made me. The summer breeze feels so good and people watching is fun.

i'm not sure how it is at other restaurants, but at work we have to be very vocal about our sense of space. we always yell, "CORNER!" or "BEHIND!" or "COMING UP!" and other shit like that if there's even a chance of running into a coworker with plates or glasses in their hands, it doesn't matter where we are.

when i work at the pass of the restaurant as a runner, i have to yell "BEHIND!" every time i approach to let the expeditor know, just in case he turns around and knocks into me. trust me, i approach the pass countless times a night and always wanted to get someone to count the times i say it. anyway, all day i yell/scream this shit at work and while it was very weird to me at first, i'm so used to it now that i get the natural urge to do it outside of work. when i'm turning a corner anywhere, i always want to yell "CORNER!" but always manage to stop myself. it's worst with people because if they're in my way, i just want to yell "BEHIND! or "COMING THROUGH!"

it's also funny because sometimes i have no control over what i'll say. i remember once i work, i was coming out of a corner and instead of yelling "CORNER!" i yelled "AGUA!" yes, random. then today as i was going down some stairs and about to turn a corner, i yelled, "CORN!"

seriously though, why are all my mild vocal-spasms related to food??