when did it become okay for people to wear glasses without the lenses?

i find it very hard to understand why people think this is alright to do. i get that glasses can be incorporated into a person's style, but even if your glasses are non-prescrition, you at least have to PRETEND that they're real. every time i see someone wearing a pair like that, i want to poke them in the eyes because there's such easy access. i'm still trying to grasp why people would wear a pair of glasses if they really don't need to in the first place, so i really don't understand when these people think that others won't be distracted when they're trying to have a conversation with them. i guess some people like going for the whole "my-life-is-so-fabulous-and-busy-that-i-don't-even-have-time-to-visit-my-optician" look.

only wearing the frames of glasses is like wearing shoes without soles, or like bringing out a bag that doesn't have a bottom---it's f'n pointless.

the guy below in the photos is kind of my hero...

i stand on my balcony all the time, but i have never seen anyone up on that ledge like i did just now. and it's not the fact that this guy is actually up there, but that he found one of the best reading spots i've ever seen in my life.

i'd really like to give him a high-five---thanks, guy.

dignity.

lately, i've been thinking about this word a lot.

walking through the streets of bangkok and having the opportunity to take in the daily lives of some of its honest, hardworking, everyday people has taught me so much about the meaning of dignity, and what it takes to truly posess and bestow the word.

"put yourself out there" or "why don't you find someone online or through the many gay apps that exist?"

it's been awhile since i've even thought about dating because, well, i haven't found anyone that i'm remotely compatible with here in bangkok. friends here in thailand always try and suggest that i do this or do that to meet someone, but a lot of the approaches that they want me to explore just don't suit me.

let's talk about online dating and smartphone-app dating in particular. my biggest problem with these outlets are, PEOPLE ARE GOD DAMN LIARS. i understand that online dating and meeting people with smartphone-apps are all about marketing yourself to any prospects, but seriously---give me a break. how people choose to make their online profiles is basically how they want others to define themselves since there's no practical knowledge of their own to go by, and it just completely BOGGLES my mind that so many guys choose to define themselves in the manner that they do.

the pictures that some people post of themselves is what gets me the most because they're so transparently deceptive. i just don't understand when people post pictures that actually aren't accurate, everyday portrayals of themselves at all. these sorts of photos are sometimes easy to spot because they're usually taken from some unnatural angle, or the photo's been cropped in some distracting way, making you wonder why they went through all the trouble. i mean anyone with a camera is able to produce photos of themselves looking like this, but does it make sense to use them in order to get dates? what do you expect will happen when you meet the person in real life? i guarantee that the first thing going through their mind is, "you're a fucking liar," because that's what recently happened to me. it's like they've somehow magically captured this rare perspective on camera, and am opting to designate it as how they normally look---and if they can lie about this, then i feel like they're capable of misleading people about other stuff as well. it had been a very, very long time since i've met up with someone that i've met through a smartphone-app, but i did so last weekend at the movies. as soon as i saw him, all i thought was, "who the hell is this guy?" i'm not adamant on a set sort of looks because attraction to another person is all i need, but don't lie and mislead me to believe in something that doesn't exist. then we have all these dudes that only post torso or pics of their body, and seriously, what is that all about? okay, sure, you're looking for sex and that's fine, but for anyone who is looking for something with a bit more substance, i could give less than two fucks about how cut your body is. just because you have that body, it doesn't mean i'm going to like you. it doesn't mean you get to be an asshole. it doesn't mean we're going to get along. it doesn't mean that we're going to have engaging conversation. the physical stuff is just a part of what i want in a relationship, but for the people who have faceless muscle pics, they're showcasing what they believe to be are their best assets. and that's totally fine if that's what they want, but that's not my major concern because there are way more important things in life. and i hate to bring up age because i don't think it's that pertinent, but i would expect that when people get to a certain age, they want more than just casual sex, and that they're beyond posting pics of only their abs. then there's these profiles of people that are so boastful and full of bullshit that they think impresses others. they list all this stuff that to them, makes them come off as so much more smarter and appealing, but all that self-centered exaggeration is such a damn turn off. just because you've done this or that, that in no way makes you any more special than anyone else---why can't these stories be shared in privacy on a first date instead? humility and modesty is much better to highlight in your profile, rather than singing one's own praises. don't even get me started on people who list certain musicians and authors as their favorites, yet they can't seem to hold a decent conversation about any of them. then there's all these guys who list that they're in relationships or partnered, yet they have all this salacious stuff up on their profile. i think it's just so disrespectful to do that if you're in a relationship. you say you just want to make friends, but let's cut the bullshit. if you wanted to simply make new friends, get rid of the shirtless pics in your profile and go find a new hobby. what you're seeking is attention and i suggest you hide the fact that you're in a relationship because, well, why would anyone want to pursue anything with you if we're aware of the fact that you're doing this to your current boyfriend? the last thing about online and smartphone-app dating i want to discuss are the names that people choose for themselves. any grown-ass-man with a stupid-ass or immature profile name just makes me wonder about their judgement, and that we probably see the world very differently.

i could rant on and on about this, but i will restrain from going any further.

the thing is, in whatever venue or outlet, i do try to sincerely meet people. but there's just so much bullshit that has to be put up with while doing so, and it's just frustrating. people's behavior just alarms me sometimes, and when i see someone acting a certain way, all i can think is how i don't want to be involved with anyone like that.

and don't get me wrong because i'm the first to admit that I'M NO SPECIAL CATCH and I KNOW i'm not these guys' cups-of-tea either hahah. i don't feel that i'm better or worse than these guys. we're all searching for our own versions of happiness, but evidently we're using completely different dictionaries. i mean i've dated people that i've met online and on smartphone-apps before, but i now know that i mostly shouldn't and usually try not to go looking for people this way anymore, because it just doesn't suit me. sometimes all of it just makes me think, where are all the guys who have viewpoints that are similar to mine? where's all the sincerity and meaning that should be a part of the dating process?

but then again, i'm in no rush to meet anyone. i mean sure it would be nice, but it's not vital or a priority in my life.

as for now, i'll leave you with my version of a flattering picture i just took of myself. like i said, anyone can produce one. and while this is me and i do look like this, i would never use this as a dating photo because i know it's not an accurate portrayal of how i look on a daily basis. plus, in it, i'm also in desperate need of some visine.

i need to channel my irritation into more positive outlets...

thank god for phone calls with friends in NYC to put things into perspective.

my front yard.

"i thought about you.
i think about you.
you and me."

dexter from the movie one day.

i like the quote's simplicity.

when cooking shows no longer tell you the measurements of ingredients, does it mean its intention is purely entertainment?

"---nice and glittery and gorgeous.."

sandra lee on "food network holiday's holiday party episode."

this was free on itunes this week.

sometimes, when i'm walking alone at night through the streets of bangkok, all i can think is "what the fuck am i doing with my life??"

i'm heading to cambodia again in a few hours to acquire a new visa.

i'll be going to the same thai/cambodian border-town that i went to last time (link HERE and HERE), poipet, and will be spending a few days there while i wait for all the paperwork to go through at the thai embassy, which is a few hours away.

poipet is a major border checkpoint for people traveling through southeast asia. even when i went to visit all the temples in angkor-wat, cambodia, my friends and i passed through poipet to get to our destination (link HERE). i've been told that it's also where large quantities of drugs and whatnot are also smuggled into thailand. in addition, this is where new york times journalist, nicholas kristof, once deliberately purchased an underaged cambodian prostitute for about $200 in order free her from the brothel where she was forcibly working as a sex slave.

anyway, having to go here alone isn't the most exciting thing because there's not much to see or do, and there's pretty much no internet service anywhere. on my last visa run there, my hotel had one communal computer with internet, and it was an inconvenience for the workers to set it up for me. even when i did manage to sign on, i swear it was like going online in 1998.

but alas, i need me my visa and will make the best of my 3-day excursion by staying in my hotel room and hopefully getting some work done. plus, i'll have access to a tv, which is a rarity for me so i'm sorta excited (it's the little things in life that count!).

have a great rest-of-the-week.

all i need is a goddamn chance.

the weather here is heavenly during its winter. there's no humidity, rain is non-existent, and the skies sometimes goes for days without seeing a single cloud.

i have the nice breeze coming through my open balcony-door and window in addition to the sun and sound of traffic on petchaburi---it's making it impossible to not enjoy the day.

happy monday.

gratitude.

this bar will always be very special to me here in bangkok.

"I really think Asian guys who speak english with American accents are hot."

this is what a guy from australia said to me at a club before he attempted to ram his tongue down my throat. how am i supposed to respond to something like that?

one thing's for sure, it sure didn't make me want to make out with him.

i've got to stop drunk dialing.

i'd rather have thai amphibians over nyc cockroaches ANYDAY.

here's a mini dogs-of-bangkok update with a special guest appearance from mr. frog.

i'm not sure of when i first became aware of this communicative trait in certain types of individuals, but have you ever been in the midst of some sort of discussion with a group of people, and then you realize that everyone there is just trying to outdo one another? no one ever seems to ask any questions, but instead it's just boastful statement after statement that is unsuccessfully disguised as some sort of senseless story. the thing is, most people who do this are oblivious and don't even know that they talk in this manner, and they just go on and on about themselves as if the sound of their voice is like music to everyone's ears.

people just don't seem to listen to one another sometimes. so many people just want to be heard, but they don't want to engage in a symbiotic conversation. and while i enjoy listening to people and learning about their stories, at the same time, being surrounded by people like this is too much work, and quite pointless after a while.

i took this photo today while on the bus.

now this is what i call V.I.P. seating.

"The trouble lay with him, not the novel."

for esmé---with love and squalor in nine stories by j.d. salinger. page 104.

sometimes, i just really don't understand some people's behavior. it's all so mind-boggling.

it's saturday night.

i don't mind staying in alone because i'm used to it, but it would nice to at least have some company or veg out at someone's place. no complaints from me though, i'm more than happy to stay in most of the times---i just wish i had people to stay in with every now and then.

so on thanksgiving, a good friend said she'd join me for dinner. this was her first time celebrating the holiday because she's not american, and even though we ended up at a sort of random buffet, the food that was there was still pretty good and it was nice and low-key as well. she had a great time and we both left nice and full, so we decided to walk back to my place. that was a good hour's walk through central bangkok, and it was good to just talk the whole way back.

here are some photos she took with her iphone during dinner. unfortunately, she doesn't want to send me any of the photos with her in it and these are all i have to remember to night by.

i took this with my friend's camera today.

i sometimes can't seem to take clear photos with this camera and so i don't use it too often. but the weather today was perfect yet again, and i decided to bring it out for a change.

ahhh, bangkok.

while i still enjoy living here in thailand, i think the holidays have sort of got me feeling all sentimental.

i did some research and there are some thanksgiving restaurant happenings going on in bangkok, but i'm still on the fence about where to go. the best option seems to be a buffet at this nice hotel, but i'm not a big buffet guy and plus i'd be alone. then i'd have to carry my shit every time i'd get up for a new plate of food on top of feeling like i have to eat as much as i can to get my money's worth, and then i'd most likely start to do some emotional eating.

it would be nice to have some close american friends here in thailand but i'll figure it out. being alone on the holidays is not a big deal because i could always just call my family and friends to bother them that way. to anyone who is traveling or returning back to your home towns for the holidays, i can't even imagine how chaotic some of airports might be. but safe travels and i hope you have a great holiday with your loved ones.

all this holiday nostalgia had me looking through my old photos just now and i found the following that were taken a few days before i left NYC one and a half years ago---it's hard to believe that i've been away from the city, my friends and life for this long. sometimes i question what i've got to show for the past 18 months, but that's a whole other monster. anyway, these photos were taken after i got off of my shift at the east village restaurant i used to work at. my friends picked me up and we goofed around out front while eating some cookies before we went off to dance.

so while i miss new york, i'm still liking bangkok and am content being here at this very moment of my life. i think after i get some turkey on thursday and wake up on friday morning, everything will return to its normal, tropical self.

happy thanksgiving, america!

food is my friend.

people who smoke cigarettes while walking down the sidewalk have got to be some of the most dumbest and idiotic people that exist.

christmas came early in bangkok!

i went to a convenience store today in a busy area and it was stocked with shelves and shelves of good-quality and brand-named water. for the first time, this year i'm going to add "drinking water available for purchasing" to my list of thanksgiving stuff.

speaking of thanksgiving, i'm still not sure what to do since i don't really have any options haha. at times like these, i really miss being back in nyc. i miss cooking for people and inviting my friends over. i miss vegging out and talking while getting wasted in the comforts of home. i miss all the interaction that goes on and trying to remember all of it the next morning.

also, the weather is nothing short of perfect today. the rainy season is over and thailand is headed into its winter but trust me, it's still hot and tropical as hell. thank god the humidity is gone and the skies have been cloudless everyday.

sadly though, my good friend is moving to another country and is having his farewell party tonight. my life in bangkok would've been completely different had i not met him through my old boss in korea, so tonight is going to be extra special.

it's ridiculous that bottled-water is still pretty much impossible to find here in central bangkok.

while some convenience stores have begun selling them again, their tiny selection usually flies off the shelves in no time and is either composed off all these random companies that i'm sceptical about drinking, or extremely overpriced bottles of evian. even when i had a late lunch today in a building that's filled with somewhat modern establishments, i was surprised to find that the restaurant i was eating at had no bottled-watter to sell its customers.

i'm still grateful that the floodwaters never hit my area of bangkok, but also can't wait until things return to normal.

cycles. waves.

ups. and downs.

sadness. misery.

it's taken me close to two hours to write 1 paragraph of this short story i'm working on. sometimes i feel like my brain and concentration are floating above me somewhere, and i have to constantly grab for them in order to focus and think clearly.

i was looking at the calendar just now and i can't believe that thanksgiving is already next week---yikes. i have no friends here in bangkok that are american or who celebrate the holiday, so i need to start figuring out how i'm going to get my hands on some turkey this year.

happy monday.

i still haven't been able to purchase a new camera since it was STOLEN a few months ago.

but here are some un-uploaded photos i took here in bangkok with my former camera.

last night, i dreamt that i was hysterically sobbing inside someone's bathroom, and i could physically feel its aftereffects when i woke up soon after.

so odd...

what is the world coming to...

at times like these, i really miss gulping down some good old nyc tap water.

thailand's worst floods in over half a century have been going on for months now, and it's completely frustrating that government and media outlets have been broadcasting inconsistent news from the very start. even though i live in the central part of bangkok, it still feels quite challenging to gather credible facts about what exactly is going on.

everything here still feels unstable. water and basic necessities are STILL IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND at shops, and walking into some convenience stores and supermarkets with shelves that have been apocalyptically empty for weeks has become the norm. the good news is that if you go to a restaurant or other establishments, they will most likely have bottled water to sell. however if you want some to drink at home, you're pretty much fucked. i myself have still been rationing the water i've had at my house for the past week or so, and am hoping it will last me until the stores are selling it again.

just when i thought the number wouldn't increase, as of now, over 500 people have died from this natural disaster. trying to comprehend the considerable amount of lives lost is really saddening, and i can't believe that the death toll is continuing to rise.

every time it's reported that the floodwaters might reach the inner parts of bangkok, the government and media always reassure residents not to worry. then there's always these pinnacle points when the news will say that the worst the city should embrace for will be on X day, and then after X day passes by without anything happening, one just assumes everything is going to be fine. then the media will again start reporting that actually the worst is yet to come on X day, and then that day too will pass without anything happening. everything has just turned into this cycle of panic and reassurance, and then more panic and reassurance.

the latest i've heard was from students i sometimes tutor. i know how kids just sometimes love to make everything so melodramatic, so it's difficult to tell when i should or shouldn't believe them. however, after hearing all this news from the students first, i began to hear about it from other adults as well. the latest i've been hearing is that all the flooding that's happened up until now was only THE FIRST WAVE that came from the northern regions of thailand. the looming and unavoidable SECOND WAVE is supposedly all the flooded water that's been building up in the flooded suburbs and areas outlying bangkok, and this blackened and stagnant water has become filthy, and is teeming with human waste and diseases. this dirty water is supposedly continuing to rise in the flooded regions, and it's inevitable that all the strongholds will give way, allowing the water to make its way to the central parts of the capital city. i've been told this second wave is going to be way worse than the first because of all the possible health effects, and it's supposedly guaranteed to affect almost all of bangkok.

some media outlets are also reporting that the flooding should last for weeks more. i've been trying to keep up with all the reported news stories and it seems that certain areas are still continuing to be declared to dangerous to inhabit and residents have been ordered to evacuate. i'm happy to report though that right now, the central and inner part of the city are still completely dry, and that's where i live.

without the government and media outlets providing factual news, i don't know what to think or believe at this point. i just hope thailand is able to recover as fast as possible from all this devastation.

the weather is continuing on its perfect streak and it is such a beautiful sunday afternoon right now here in bangkok.

i really feel like i should go outside to sweat out last night's toxins a bit since it's so nice out, but i can't get myself to leave my place.

it's been some time since i had such a relaxing lazy-sunday.

"I'd like to direct your attention
To something that needs directing to..."

where life begins by madonna.

so apt, yet to the point!

"No matter how far you run. Distance might not solve anything."

kafka on the shore by haruki murakami. page 4.

the weather in bangkok is absolutely perfect again today---what a beautiful friday afternoon.

i hope everyone has a great day as well.

sometimes, i feel like the only thing i do all day is just sweat.

what's going on in the world?

on certain days, i might have to ride a motorcycle-taxi, aka motosai (previously blogged about HERE and HERE), up to seven different times to simply get around to where i need to go.

before moving to bangkok, i had never really ridden on a motorcycle before so living here and incorporating them into my daily life has completely changed my views on them. i like relying on motosais in thailand because they're fast, affordable and efficient---especially since the traffic here can be an absolute nightmare. on the downside though, riding them within the bustling city can be pretty dangerous here in bangkok and a friend of mine told me about someone she knew who died in an accident while taking one.

there's something about riding a motorcycle that can make any day better and i love the feeling of being on one when the weather is nice out. i've come to the conclusion that when i can afford it, i really want to buy some sort of motorcycle or scooter when i eventually return to nyc. i'll probably get a grandma-friendly version and use it more for practical reasons than for racing teenagers.

it's also sad though that riding on motosais is literally the only type of physical contact i have whatsoever anymore.

anyway, here's some pics i recently took with my friend's camera on a gorgeous day.