Tae Yoon: Life from 2006-2021

except for when i'm walking somewhere and forced to deal with slow-walkers who are completely unaware and oblivious to the their surroundings, i've always thought that i've had pretty good manners.

saying a simple "thank you" or showing gestures of appreciation when interacting with people comes naturally to me and from a place of sincerity, and i've never been able to understand the behavior of blatantly rude people. sure, there are definitely situations however when possessing civility and courteousness are pointless, but if someone isn't being rude to me, i am usually not rude to them.

with that said, while living in thailand, i try to be as polite and courteous as usual. dealing with the hot weather can sometimes have me slipping-up every so often, but i'm still pretty good at being well-mannered. i don't know though, ever since the beginning of summer, i feel like i've been noticing more often the fact that while i'm being courteous with the people i'm interacting with, the other party isn't being very nice at all. in fact, sometimes i feel like they're acting downright rude for no apparent reason, and i feel this negative energy of unwarranted hostility.

it's like some thai people don't seem to want to even deal with me, and they appear completely annoyed that they have to exert an ounce of their energy for my dumb-ass. for example, i went into a department store a few days ago in the middle of the day and there's not a single customer in there but myself. i found a shirt i wanted to try on, and when i went to the dressing room, the worker manning the area obviously noticed that i approached her in order to be directed to which fitting room i could use. but she just stood there and ignored me, and that's when i blurted out, "SO, I GUESS ANY ROOM, HUH?" all of that completely annoyed me and after i was done trying it on, i left the shirt in the dressing room because i thought "what the fuck do i care, she can get it her damn-self." then i realized i was being petty so i actually went back into my fitting room in order to retrieve the shirt and return it to her myself. at the moment where i extended my arm to hand it to her, that bitch snatched it out of my hand and quickly turned the other way---talk about totally unnecessary. then the other day, on a bus line which i ride almost daily, i press the stop button in order to give the driver ample notice that i'll be getting off at the next stop. then the dude abruptly stops the bus at the moment i press the button and glares at me through his mirror. he stopped the bus on a random part of the street that isn't even a designated stop, continued to give me the most dirtiest look, and then opened the bus' back door. i sat there thinking "uhh i just want to get off at the next stop," but everyone on the bus turned around to look at me after they noticed the driver doing so. i took that as my cue and thought "alright, i guess the driver really wants me off of his bus for some reason"---fucking asshole. on another occasion, i was walking down the street and walked up to this street-stand that was selling coffee and tea. i ordered a cold drink and in thai, politely asked how much it was. the guy totally rolled his eyes when telling me the drink's price, and when i handed him my money, he purposely didn't look at me and just brushed me off. another time, when i walked into this hair salon for a haircut, the lady outright refused me and just said no. i looked at her in bewilderment because i know they cut men's hair there, but i just thought "fuck her if she doesn't want my business" and left.

these are just a few examples of these sorts of episodes that have transpired. one might think that the language barrier might be the source of all these incidents, and that there's probably a simple explanation for everything in which i probably don't know what it is because i don't speak thai. BUT, that's not always entirely true because many times these people do speak some english, so if they wanted to attempt to explain the reasoning behind their behavior, they could pretty much do so and i would willingly try to listen if they're being rationale and sane.

when trying to make sense of these occurrences, my gut feeling is that some thai people just don't like interacting with me. maybe they have a problem with my face or my glasses or that i'm a foreigner or whatever, but i know that i'm not displaying any rude behavior to warrant their reactions, so therefore am controlling the factors i have any control over and the rest is out of my hands. i mean, maybe they're just mean people and i'm simply victim #X of their day, but it's hard to not take it personally after a while. there have been moments where i think, "fuck this shit, i'm just going to be an asshole, too," but then that's bringing me to their level, and why should i waste my energy doing that?

don't get me wrong, i'm still immensely enjoying thailand, appreciate living here, and meet and interact with wonderfully nice people all the time. but this pattern of dealing with jerks has come to a point where it's noticeable and bothersome. yes, i understand that from a wider spectrum, all these events are not worth dwelling upon in life and that assholes exist all over the world, but i guess i've never dealt with so many of them who happen to be the individuals that i've got to interact with for everyday functions.

anyway, i'm not going to let these people ruin my mood. i'm definitely no pushover, but i won't be made into an angry and miserable person by these people. if that's the way they choose to conduct their lives, i'll just take away the lesson of knowing that i don't want to be anything like them and move on with my day.

i <3 you, thailand.