"...I just started to cry. This is not where I should be."

Said by the character, Mindy, in the new sitcom The Mindy Project. Pilot Episode.

The little lizard guy---the sex was determined by what my gut feeling was telling me---I mentioned the other week is dead.

When I came home earlier today, it was hanging out by my wall but I immediately thought it was dead. Its color was very dark compared to how it was just the other day, and when I noticed it not moving, I knew it was true.

I didn't see it this morning at all, so it must've died sometime in the afternoon. I took a picture of it dead, but it looked much cuter alive so I'm posting a photo I took of it a few days ago.

Good bye, bud. I know you're bobbing around somewhere right now among sewage and the other stuff that's mixed in with flushed-toilet water, but thanks for coming over. I hope you're still people-watching in the sky.

"You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together.

From the song You Gotta Be by Des'ree.

When I was living in Seoul a couple of years ago and was unable to find any sort of professional work, I started a part-time gig as a bartender at a gay bar to be able survive.

I remember the evening of my first shift working at the bar, and I was pretty nervous. Twenty minutes before I had to be at the bar, I sat down on a quiet curb on a nearby street and listened to this Des'ree song over and over. It eventually helped ease my anxiety that night, and I remember feeling a little bit better before going into work.

I'm having a bit of an off-day today, and I found myself naturally gravitating towards this song again. Ah, I love the power of music.

There seems to be no difference between aspiring to your dreams and being downright delusional.

In this order, I would like to:

1. Tell people to go fuck off.
2. Receive a lobotomy.
3. Fade away into a state of stupor/contentment.

The weather has been really pissing me the fuck off lately.

The sudden rainstorms have been pretty severe the past few weeks, appearing out of nowhere and absolutely inundating the city. They happen daily and seem to come at the most inopportune times where I have to be waiting for the bus, riding a motorcycle-taxi, or am commuting in some form. The roads here get flooded pretty easily, so all my sessions for today got cancelled---motherfucking fuck.

"What we're trying to say, Jerri, is that you are a whore---and we don't hang out with whores."

Said to Jerri Blank by a bitchy student in her high school in the short-lived television show, Strangers with Candy. Season 2 Episode 1.

And another rainstorm begins.

"Keep breathing. You're safe. You're awesome."

Said by the character, Jim, in the series The Newsroom. Season 1 Episode 3. 

What a great thing to tell someone who's having a panic attack.

"If you're troubled,
You just gotta let it go.
If you're worried, baby,
You just gotta let it go.
All your hustles ain't for nothing,
You just gotta take it slow."

From the song Troubles by Alicia Keys.

"Always got to try,
No matter how long that shit take.
Whatever stops you from dreamin'
Whatever tries to stop you from livin'---flip it."

From the track Piano & I by Alicia Keys.

With age, tears seem to accompany more happier moments.

"Perhaps her personal narrative... touched me so much because she is going through one of the most significant moments in her life: choosing to share your future with someone."

Said by Anna Wintour in her Letter From the Editor of the October 2012 issue of American Vogue.

So many things are beginning to feel so utterly pointless.

Commuting.

I just decided to listen to Philip Glass's Einstein On the Beach again, and one of the voices in the first track, Knee 1, has caught my attention due to the fact that it reminds me so much of Terry Gross.

"What's the matter Mary Jane, had a hard day?"

From the song Mary Jane by Alanis Morissette. 

There's nothing better than staying in and listening to a good podcast.

"I'll never be an angel
I'll never be a saint, it's true
I'm too busy surviving 
Whether it's heaven or hell
I'm gonna be living to tell."

From the song Survival by Madonna.

Sorry homegirl, but no one thinks your bag is real.

Mustn't ever go backwards...

"'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in
Your precious memory."

From the song A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton.

Hi.

"Mom: By the way Jerry, did you by any chance wipe your ass on our bathroom towels?

Jerry: Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight---you're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?

Mom: Yes, Jerry.

Jerry: You have juevos mas grande, trying to make me look like some filthy animal in front of my super cool friend Fran.

Mom: Did you do it?

Jerry: ....yes---I was in a hurry."

From the short-lived television show, Strangers with Candy. Season 3 episode 10 (series finale).

Oh man this episode is epic because not only is it the series finale, but it also has a slew of walk-ons by some very funny people. Winona Ryder actually plays the character of the friend, Fran, and she is so damn good in it.

It's never worth it.

Here are some more street dogs of Bangkok that I was able to capture.

A quick note about the dog resting on that pile of stuff in the first pic. The moment I snapped the photo, it jumped up and starting chasing me while angrily barking and going nuts. Then one of its equally scary friends suddenly appeared out of nowhere and joined in on the chase. That's basically how I ended up running for my life until they stopped coming after me. 

There's a small baby lizard that lives under my front door---and I mean that literally.

This little tot is about as big as the size of an American quarter, and can usually be found hanging out in the small slot of space right under my door. I first noticed the baby a few weeks ago, when I would see it cutely scamper away when opening my door to leave my place. Then I started to notice that when I would come home and open my door, it would reveal itself again and scamper away another time, but this time into the inside of my studio apartment.

The fact that the little amphibian is there doesn't bother me in any way, and I always say hi to it and tell it that it's more than welcome to stay for as long as it likes. I started thinking about why it's choosing to always hang out right under my door, and the only conclusion I can come to is that it enjoys people watching. My place is the first door one sees when exiting my floor's elevator, and I wonder if the little guy (or girl) just likes to take in the newness of its world by watching from the safety of the shadow under my door.

We all have our drug of choice.

"Sometimes... it's never quite enough."

From the song Perfect by Alanis Morissette. 

It's always nice when friends pass through town, providing a welcome burst of diversion from my everyday life here in Bangkok.

Jerome has been living in Paris for the past few years, but his girlfriend, Jung Eun, lives in Seoul. 

The happy couple came to Bangkok for a short getaway together, and we ended up continuing our Saturday night of fun back at their hotel. I eventually ended up crashing in my drunken stupor, and I really had such a blast being able to spend the entire weekend with them.

"I can never make him love me... never make him love me.
It's a bad religion
To be in love with someone
Who could never love you..."

From the song Bad Religion by Frank Ocean.

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.
                       
Said by Eckhart Tolle.

My good friend included this quote at the end of an email. Thank you for this, Susy.

"Tammy: Jerry, all I know is that I'm saving myself for someone really special.
Jerri Blank: Well, I'm doing the same thing! But in between I'm screwing a lot of guys who aren't that special."

From the short-lived show, Strangers with Candy. Season 2, Episode 1.

HAHAH.

I was going through my photos and stumbled onto this old one.

Back in college, an administration member I was friendly with once asked me if I wanted to make $200, and I said "sure!"

This was taken around The New School's buildings off 5th Avenue---and man, it sure was a cold ass winter afternoon that day.

Why do people say so many things that they don't mean?

"Let's take a ride, on the countryside 
Let's just get away
We can spend the night, 'till the morning light
Let's just get away."

From the song Let's Take a Ride by Justin Timberlake.

"Love or truth, this is what I prove, between me and you
Love or truth, whichever you choose, it's for me and you."

From the song L.O.T. (Love Or Truth) by M-Flo.

You in or you out?

98% of people who wear fedoras really have no business doing so.

The weather was really great this morning. 

There was no humidity whatsoever, so the light breeze felt so nice. It really made riding the bus with no air conditioning a lot more pleasant. Plus, the bus and roads were empty because it's Saturday, making the morning even more lovely.

Self-reliance is key.

"Roam if you want to
Roam around the world
Roam if you want to
Without wings, without wheels
Roam if you want to
Without anything but the love we feel."

From the song, Roam, by the B-52's.

The weather today in Bangkok is truly amazing.

"Top Facebook Users, By City [worldwide]:

1. Bangkok, 8.7 million."

From the September 2012 issue of American Esquire.

Holy shit... so many things make so much more sense now.

Realizing that nobody cares is saddening.

Is there anything worse than a grown ass adult who constantly talks shit about people and doesn't understand the concept of discretion?

I don't understand how these sorts of negative people have friends...

It's past 4 a.m. and I can't sleep again. Sometimes, I think about all of mornings in my life where I've woken up late, been exhausted from like an hour of sleep, or even completely just slept in---thereby totally fucking up and missing what I had to do---because of insomnia, and it sure annoys the fuck out of me. Man, I wish I could just fall asleep.

It all means nothing to me.

When in doubt, just self-destruct...

"To live on a day-to-day basis is insufficient for human beings; we need to transcend, transport, escape; we need meaning, understanding, and explanation; we need to see over-all patterns in our lives. We need hope, the sense of a future. And we need freedom (or, at least, the illusion of freedom) to get beyond ourselves, whether with telescopes and microscopes and our ever-burgeoning technology, or in states of mind that allow us to travel to other worlds, to rise above our immediate surroundings."

From the article Altered States, in the August 27, 2012 issue of The New Yorker.

This week's episode of This American Life is titled "Fear of Sleep," and ACT V of the podcast is so depressing yet terrifying at the same time.

This week's New York fashion week inspired cover of The New Yorker is hilarious.

(I thoroughly enjoyed this week's cover and it took it upon myself to produce these images to post on my blog with my digital subscription to The New Yorker. All rights are reserved by The New Yorker and will be removed upon request).

"The day had looked good. The day had lied. He felt he could not fight days like this."

From The Autograph Man, by Zadie Smith. Page 55.

What is life without hope...

A guy can dream, right?

Nothing is ever as exciting as it is in your head.

Here's a special edition of street dogs of Bangkok---7-11 style!

I'm not sure if it's for the human attention from possible passersby, or maybe even because of the cool air-conditioning being pumped from within the stores, but some Bangkok street dogs sure love to hang out in front of 7-11's.