"My biggest mistake was not putting 100% in everything I did while in my twenties. I procrastinated, sneered, contemplated and waited a little too long sometimes. Nothing is a waste of time in your twenties. Just do it."

Said by the architect Jing Lu in the article, It Gets Better: Our Favorite Ladies Share Their Twentysomething, by Abby Schreiber on Papermag.com

"Can anybody stop this thing?
Before my head explodes,
Or my head starts to ring."

From the song High Speed by Coldplay.

Close laptop. Try to fall asleep. Stare into the dark ceiling. Overwhelmed by my thoughts. Anxiety. Frustrated that I can't fall asleep. Frustrated about a lot of other stuff. Turn on light. Open book. Distracted. Slam book shut. Turn off light. Try to fall asleep. Stare into the dark ceiling. Overwhelmed by my thoughts. Turn on iPad. Attempt to read. Distracted. Turn off iPad. Try to fall asleep. Stare into the dark ceiling. Overwhelmed by my thoughts. Open laptop. Check email and news. Update Blogspot. Peruse useless sites. Tell myself I'm wasting time and that I should try to fall asleep. Irritated. Check email again. More news. Close laptop. Try to fall asleep. Stare into the dark ceiling. Drowning in my thoughts and in desperate need of a distraction. Open laptop. Start new document in Microsoft Word. Stare at blinking cursor for a new short story idea. Check email. Refresh. Back to new short story. Type something, then delete. Type something, then delete. Distracted. Frustration. Close new short story document without saving. Open an already started short story that needs to be finished. Re-read. Stare at the blinking cursor. Type something, then delete. Type something, then delete. Assure myself I'll finish the short story soon before I close up the document. Open another incomplete short story that I should finally finish. Re-read. Stare at the blinking cursor. Type something, then delete. Type something, then delete. Assure myself I'll finish this short story soon before closing the document. Close laptop. Try to fall asleep. Stare into the dark ceiling. Overwhelmed by my thoughts. Open laptop. Check email and news. Refresh. Blogspot. Tell myself that I'm wasting time and that I should try to fall asleep. Close laptop. Repeat obsessively for hours in some variation until finally falling asleep.

Break the addiction.

Staring out the kitchen window.

"All the truth that I needed,
Was right there in your smile."

From the song Eclipse by Robyn.

The cover for Vogue Thailand's first issue is out. 

The magazine will debut in February 2013, and the interesting twist is that this Thai edition of Vogue will have the brand's first ever male editor-in-chief.

There's the reality of a situation, and then there's what people believe that reality to be in their own head...

Words and phrases that I absolutely loathe:

• Fusion
• Hipster
• Trendy
• "Preggers"
• Exotic
• "Think Outside of the Box"
• "Bucket List"

"While you're getting your cry on,
I'm getting my fly on."

From the song Hard by Rihanna.

"But you're hard to love..."

From the song Hard to Love by The Drums.

It'll taste better in the morning.

Gold.

So many people are so full of shit.

.

Bitch, please.

If I exist, then so must they...

Madden so happy with his mom and dad.

"Left my heart out to bake,
Nothing there in my glass,
Wasn't never made to last."

From the song, Rudderless, by Lemonheads. 

"Love...
Love will come find you,
Just to remind you,
Of who you are."

From the song, The Thing About Love, by Alicia Keys. 

"I experienced a profound gathering of focus. Now my entire life---all my thoughts, my feelings, everything---was about finishing this book. It took me 7 days to write the first draft and then several months to work through the revisions made by the literary agent who took me on and who is now, these many years later, my boyfriend. He is, in fact, preparing a roast beef about 30 feet to my right as I recline on a 20-year-old rattan chair. We are at a villa on St. John. This is my life, all because I stopped drinking one morning by accident in order to write---and I didn't stop writing until I had a book, and I never drank again."

From the article, Sharpen Your Resolution, by Augusten Burroughs in the January/February issue of Men's Health.

"A short story is a red-faced sprint. A short story is a one-night stand you'll remember years later in the shower or on a two-lane country highway. A short story is a precisely cut diamond. A short story is a glimpse---like the flash and buzz of a hummingbird---that stills your breath with its beauty. A short story, because it is short, can forgivably push boundaries, take risks. A short story attends to language in a gymnastic way that would exhaust any reader past 20 pages. A short story is impressionistic. A short story is a shot of whiskey, a snort of cocaine, a hand on a hot stove. A short story demands strenuous attention, supplying only the most essential components of character and narrative, asking the reader to infer the rest.

A short story can be perfect---a novel cannot."

From the article, In Celebration of the Short Story, by Benjamin Percy in the February 2013 issue of American Esquire.

Ohhhh, I totally get it now...

Sometimes, words can't describe how nice it feels every morning to wake up on my friends' couch here with Madden.

Books.

How I've been living since leaving Thailand.

So many stories, so little...wait, what was it again?

I'm a citizen of Procrastination.

I just want to live a simple and quiet life...

"Fuck this, I'mma go out walking."

From the song, Central Park, by Mr. Hudson.

"Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law, for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well."

From President Obama's inauguration speech.

Ahh L.A..

The sky here seems so broad and expansive, making the entire city feel like I'm experiencing it through a widescreen shot. I think the fact that skyscrapers and tall buildings aren't common here---which isn't necessarily a terrible thing---also makes the sky seem as large and vibrant as it is. It truly can be so beautiful at times, and now I fully understand why people like living here for the area's weather. It pretty much seems sunny and clear here on a daily basis, so one never seems to have to worry about the weather ever affecting their days. And without that worrisome factor, it seems to leave so many other things open and possible. But, I do have to mention this permanent tinge of something that completely blankets L.A.. At first it makes everything look really beautiful with its slight tint of color, but when it's been made known that it's actually just a haze of smog that creates a visible layer of pollution between the earth and the sky, well it's a pretty big letdown.

Anyhow, it's been so great living with my friends Jenn and Daniel again. Being around them feels so natural and comfortable like I had never even left or been separated from them, so a part of me on occasion wonders if the past two-and-a-half-years-plus in Asia really happened. On my my first night back here in America with them last month, I remember rubbing Madden's belly and thinking, "well I guess that [Asia] happened, huh?" I only know a handful of people here in L.A. so meeting up individually and catching up with some of them has been nice. However besides that, I haven't been going out much. I just spend most of my time with my two close friends, so sometimes it's easy to even forget that I'm in this city---or even back in America for that matter.

I feel like I've been in a daze since returning to America/L.A.. A large part of it has to do with the fact that L.A. is not a city of walkers or pedestrians, so it's been difficult for me to adjust to. Since growing up in NYC, walking has been a vital part of my life. It's one of my all-time favorite things to do, and exploring places by foot whenever possible is something that helps me get a sense of where I am. I like feeling the energy of a city and people around me through the soles of my feet, and whether it was in NYC or other Southeast Asian countries during my travels, I have always always walked whenever possible. Don't get me wrong, if I can hitch a car ride to a far away place I will, but if I'm traveling alone or not in a rush, walking or taking public transportation is always preferred. Basically, my body needs to walk and work up a sweat because it's what I've been doing for forever---and it just simply feels so weird not to. Back in Thailand, I guess I didn't really know how good I had it. There, I always walked or commuted to where I needed to go. And because of the tropical climate, it usually meant going through cycles of sweating throughout the day. Walking from my studio apartment to the bus stop would be cycle 1 of my shirt being drenched in sweat. Then getting off the bus to walk to the subway/sky-train would be cycle 2 of my shirt being drenched in sweat, etc etc. My days back in Bangkok usually comprised of this schedule---and all of it made my body feel a lot more healthier and like I was constantly ridding away toxins on a daily basis (on top of helping me to feel better and maintain my weight as well).

But all that has changed in L.A..

I've tried walking here, but it just seems impossible. And don't even get me started on the public transportation system here---it makes me long for the buses with no air-conditioning in Bangkok. Most of L.A.'s sidewalks seem as desolate as an evacuated city sometimes---there's just no one out. And for the people that are visible on the sidewalk, it's sometimes difficult to use them as a gauge to get a better understanding for the city and the people that represent it. In NYC, for every person that roams the street, there's an ample amount of others for them to blend in with. The same goes for Asia, where city streets there are just bustling and bubbling over with people. There's definitely an energy to these metropolises where walking down a busy street can make you feel stimulated alive, and the ocean of strangers that always surrounds you feeds and drives you in a way that feels as natural as taking a relaxing bath alone. There's magic that comes along with this daily exposure to unexpected and chance occurrences. Whether good or bad, or exciting or boring, that zest for life keeps you on your toes and helps shape who you are.  But these sorts of everyday and random encounters don't seem to happen here, so I'm trying to still figure everything out. I'm usually always either at home, with my 2 friends, or in transit to somewhere inside a car with them, so interacting with strangers and spontaneity does not come often.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still so happy to be back in America and here in California though---especially with my friends Jenn and Daniel. And to keep my non-walking self to stay active, I've started taking Bikram Yoga classes a couple of times a week. I first began doing Vinyasa Yoga back in Thailand, so it's been interesting to switch things up here in terms of practice-style and yogi classmates. And just as the locals do, I've been to Runyon Canyon and the reservoir at Silver Lake a few times as well.

Until next time, happy walking!

Congratulations to President Obama on your second term.

America is rooting for you!

"I intend to be independently blue."

From the song, Love Me or Leave Me, by Nina Simone.

Word.

Life in Los Angeles. 

Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess. Obsess.

A wandering/hopeful/positive mind can be a dangerous thing.

Expectations that seem plausible and realistic are anticipated... but when they don't happen, everything just seems to go back to shit again.

All hope dissipates and the cycle starts over.

I used to be in love with you... or was it the idea of you?

Edit.

My friends told me that they think my favorite NYC gay bar, Urge, on second and second, is closed.

Damn, that really sucks.

Madden's daily Beggin' Littles. 

"It doesn't matter that something you've done before worked out well. Your last piece is never going to write your next one for you."

From the article, Structure: Beyond the Picnic-table Crisis, by John McPhee in the January 14, 2013 issue of The New Yorker. 

L.A. folks are all pretty good drivers.

It's a new day.

It's a new start.

Childhood memories of happiness. 

Sometimes, the reasons that make us try new things aren't as important as trying those new things.

I'm grateful.

My friends took me to Roscoe's House of ChickenN Waffles for dinner last night.

It was my first time trying the place out, and I ended up ordering "Obama's Special." This special set commemorates President Obama's visit to the restaurant, and consists of 3 chicken wings with a side of either a waffle, potato salad, or French fries. The potato salad was the bomb. 

Pleasure vs. Happiness.

Take it one meal at a time.

"If time is a vessel, 
Then learning to love might be my way back to sea."

From the song, Public Pervert, by Interpol.

"If you were here beside me... instead of in New York..."

From the song, New York, by Snow Patrol.

"There's an eclipse in your eye,
where I used to shine."

From the song, Eclipse, by Robyn.

I still have yet to get a new cellphone since returning to the states, and a part of me doesn't plan on ever getting one.

Balance.

"Known for spinning the finest wool, he was said to have concocted that shade of green worn by American solidiers. It was the color of European forests, the color of the old man's Bavarian boyhood."

From the feature, The Ghost in the Gulfstream, by Rich Cohen in the February 2013 issue of Vanity Fair.

Um, no thank you.

Basking in the afternoon sunlight.
Eating leftovers over the stove.
About to get started on the dishes.
Hanging out with Madden.
Appreciating the moment.

It's comical that my brain still keeps wanting to say general phrases such as "hello" (sa-wat-dee-krab) and "thank you" (kob-kun-krab) in Thai as I just go about my days here in L.A.

"Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
I miss you..."

From the song, Anytime, by Brian Mcknight. 

Just learning as I go.

Earlier today, I was with my friend at Sycamore Kitchen when I recognized a guy I used to work with at an East Village restaurant some years ago.

We were both servers at the restaurant, and I hadn't seen him since we'd worked together back in NYC. Saying hi and seeing him so happy with his girl and new baby daughter was really so great.

Gosh, life is truly amazing.

In about a month, I'll be hitting a milestone with my 30th birthday.

That gives me about thirty-something days to accomplish everything that I always dreamed of getting done within the decade of my twenties...

Whatever---I'm getting cheese fries.

How was I blessed with such caring and wonderful friends.

It's great that the stars are so visible in the night sky here in L.A.

Growing up in Flushing, Queens, my home didn't have a washer and dryer. And in all the subsequent places I've resided at since moving out, there's never been any washing machines or dryers either. But finally now at the age of 29, I'm grateful that I'll no longer have to leave my place to do a load of laundry. So far, the discovery of its convenience has been incredible! Just leaving my clothes in the dryer until I feel like getting them has been especially awesome since I don't have to worry about anyone jacking my cart or clothes. And thank goodness for not having to lug black trash bags of my dirty clothes in a granny cart down the streets of L.A.

It's the little things that count.

"Over my shoulder, running away
Feels like I'm falling, losing my day

Cold and dry
Cold and dry

Fog out my daylight, torture my night
Feels like I'm falling far out of sight

Cold, drunk
Tired, lost."

From the song, Over My Shoulder, by Mika.

What a beautiful song.

It's out there somewhere, floating in the world...

"This ain't no disco...
This ain't no country club either...
This is L.A."

From the song, All I Wanna Do, by Sheryl Crow.

The cover for this week's issue of The New Yorker is really great. 

The woman's expression and hand placement are so intriguing. 

(I thoroughly enjoyed this week's cover and it took it upon myself to produce these images to post on my blog with my digital subscription to The New Yorker. All rights are reserved by The New Yorker and will be removed upon request).

No matter how much I miss NYC, one good thing is that I can always flip on my friends' television to stumble onto an already playing movie or tv program that brings me right back there.

"If it makes you happy... then why the hell are you so sad?"

From the song If It Makes You Happy by Sheryl Crow.

My pants are getting tighter day-by-day.

My friends took me to Santa Monica Pier the other week.

It was nice to get some air on such a brisk and windy day.

Sure. Okay.

Dear L.A.,

I don't get you... there are so many things that I don't understand about you yet.

Best,
Thwany

"If you want to be somebody,
If you want to go somewhere,
You better wake up and pay attention."

From the movie Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit.

It's 7:45 in the morning and I'm curled up on my friends' couch flipping through their movie channels after seeing them off for work a short while ago.

These words are exactly what I needed to hear just now...

"Or do you not think so far... ahead. (Ahead)

'Cause I been thinkin' 'bout forever. (Oooh, oooh)"

From the song, Thinkin Bout You, by Frank Ocean.

Jump-roping in my friends' backyard for 10 minutes will be the only time I venture out of the house today.

Motivate.

We all do it.