like satan, procrastination comes in many forms.

my work isn’t coming along as smoothly as i’d like it to, and ive come to realize that it's 100% my fault since i will find any and every excuse to put off my writing. sometimes i’ll be sitting in front of my computer, trying to produce something that isn’t complete garbage, and out of the corner of my eye, i'll see some dirt on the floor. that'll lead me to sweep and then i naturally, of course have to wipe down all the surfaces in my studio. hours later, i'm back from the shopping center big c, attempting to put up the whiteboard that i just purchased in order to help me creatively---it's really out of control sometimes. i also haven't had internet in my room for over a month to keep from wasting time online, but then sometimes i will go through crazy lengths in order to go gain access. if i simply had it in my room, that would keep me from riding cabs to my friend's house at 2am or trekking all the way to an internet cafe just to find out their service is down for the day. the many other ways i've managed to procrastinate is by watching every movie and music video i own a countless number of times, repeatedly creating and taking down an inspiration board of photos on one of my walls, looking continuously over and over the 10,000 photos i have in my comp, boredom-dialing all my friends back in the states, and etc.

okay, now that i've realized this problem, i must work on fixing it.

i’m leaving for laos in six hours for another visa run. this will be my third time going to the country, and it’s hard to believe that two months have passed since my last trip. i’m super excited about this upcoming excursion in particular though because my friend jae yang has kindly agreed to come with me. i’m also riding the night train up to nongkhai for the first time and can’t wait to experience that as well. the train leaves from bangkok at about 8pm and it should arrive near the laos border after about a 12-hour journey. from there, we’ll cross into laos and have decided to explore some other spots in addition to the capital, vientiane.

see you in a few days.

loneliness makes me feel so inconsequential.

khao san, club culture & chaktujak market in 20 hours with my friend jaeyang.

that's weird, comments from a few of my entries disappeared.

i need the courage to live up to my potential.

"He felt certain that every living being wished him well tonight."

atlas shrugged by ayn rand. page 37.

dear bangkok,

why do you always have so much street juice everywhere?

-thwany

i went to go see deadmeau5 spin last night here in bangkok.

the party was lots of fun and all i have to say is, wow, i never knew you could party like that bangkok---people were going absolutely nutso bonkers.

somehow, somewhere, i lost my focus and started channeling all my energy into things that don't really matter...

i need to start concentrating again.

dear neurosis and irrational fears,

leave me the fuck alone.

thanks, i appreciate it.

best,
thwany

i just want to buy a stack of magazines and lose myself.

ignorant people are ignorant people, no matter where in the world you are.

it's interesting that i've already had a couple of racist comments/actions directed towards me in thailand, all of which came from locals who live here. in america, most of my racist incidents stemmed from the fact that i'm asian, but things get more specific here in thailand. their version of "ching-chong-ching-chong!" is something along the lines of yelling "arigato!" or "kimchi!" while putting the backs of their hands against their foreheads and bowing as everyone around them laughs hysterically.

whenever i encounter people like this, i know that what they're saying and doing has nothing to do with me personally. they're only externally projecting their insecurities and looking like a god damn fool while doing so---it's so unfortunate.

a conversation between two wildflowers on a sunny day: part 3.

"carl, you look a little bloated today. and again with the sunglasses?"
"yeah, i'm still recovering. i had too much last night."
"too much what?"
"too much everything."
"carl, i think you may have a substance abuse problem."
"roger, just because i like to have a good time doesn't mean i have a problem. so what if i liked to get fucked up?"
"but shouldn't just life itself be enough for you to enjoy? why do you constantly need to be in an altered state?"
"on this planet, my dear friend, there will always be flowers who think like you and also think like myself. your version of an altered state is my chosen version of reality."
"that's just a bad excuse to get wasted."
"roger, we're wildflowers. since you're not living up to the stereotypes of our kind, flowers like me have to compensate for your lack of hackneyed convictions."

i'm obsessed with the stone roses. where have they been all my life?

afterparty at jia's.

i just want to live a modest and humble life.

"and what we have is today."

yes, grace, so very fucking true.

sometimes, i think about how fragile life really is and it makes me so sad.

dinner with su noona.

i cancelled the internet at my place because it was way too distracting, so i'm at a pc room right now. it's funny because it's just a small room with two rows of computers, however each one but mine is occupied by entranced little thai children playing games, watching music videos, twitter, facebook, gossip blogs, chat rooms, etc.

i guess internet addiction is starting at younger ages nowadays. mine can be pretty annoying sometimes as well, so i'm sure grateful i didn't have the internet at their age.

my blog friend make it easy tagged me in the Versatile Blogger Award, and so here are 7 random facts about myself:

- i think cooked carrots are delicious, but raw carrots taste like shit
- my middle name is hwan (hence my blog name)
- i cringe at the sound of other people's fingernails and toenails being clipped
- sometimes (actually, it's a lot more than sometimes), i just need to be alone
- i prefer spending $ on memories and experiences rather than materialistic goods
- when i'm feeling down, listening to R.E.M.'s shiny happy people or watching the song's music video is the best medicine (i like to think the little boy in the purple shirt and flippy-glasses was me in another lifetime)
- titles and labels are not how i choose to define people

dear bangkok,

i love you and all, but you really gotta pick up the pace sometimes.

love,
thwany

here are some photos that i never posted from my solo trip to laos last month.

just to note, that old japanese man is someone i kept running into as i walked through laos' capital, vientiane, so i thought it was only appropriate that i ask for a picture of him.

as for the last photo, well one of the drawbacks of traveling alone is having to ask strangers to take a photo for me---and then having them always come out not quite right...