i need to learn how to not give a flying fuck about what people think about me.
fuck how my life looks on paper.
happiness and living well is the best revenge.
Monday, September 24, 2007
my dad said something interesting to me a week or two ago.
my sister's wedding is on Oct 6th, and we have family from all over the country flying in for the occasion. my grandparents will be coming in from alaska as well, and this will be the first time seeing them since they flew in for my college graduation late last year.
i guess my sister's wedding is the topic of the moment for everyone in our clan, as it should be, and everyone's been in quite a nostalgic mood. my dad was talking about how excited he was for my grandparents coming into town, and he suggested that i sit with my grandfather and interview him for my book that i'm writing.
i then asked my dad, "um... what book?"
"didn't you say you were going to write a book? you should write interview and write about him, he has a lot to say."
this kind of took me by surprise because while my dad knows i've always wanted to be a writer, i don't think he's ever talked about it. he's never been against it, nor really for it, just kind of indifferent about it all.
then my dad started talking about my grandfather, and i think i get a lot of my personality from him. my dad and i aren't really that similar, but the beliefs and values of my grandfather have always been along the same lines as mine. he's always been big on family history, education, knowing where you came from, and knowing what you want in life. my grandfather's the patriarch of our family and an extremely driven yet stubborn man.
even before i went to korea this past year, i begged my dad to write down some important places i could visit to feel a connection with my family ancestors. whether it be the town he was born, the name of a street of a house he used to live in, i asked for basically ANYTHING. i bothered my dad about this for months, yet the day i left, he hadn't written down a single thing for me.
then the other week, my dad shows me a book that my grandfather made for each one of his grandkids when they were born. and in this book listed the names of my ancestors, where we came from, and basically had our whole family history. my grandfather had even gone to a local translator in 1976 and had the names and history of each family member translated, starting from himself and my grandmother. there in english, dated from 1976, listed the towns and locations my grandfather, grandmother, dad, uncles and aunts had been born and lived. i was a bit peeved because if my dad had given me this last Dec before i left for korea, i would've visited these places because that's one of the main reasons i went-- to discover myself.
i guess i'll just have to save those visits for my next trip to korea, whenever that may be.
to continue on with the theme of nostalgia, i found a bunch of old photo albums in my house today and spent a few hours scanning old pictures.
here are a few pics of my parents from their younger days. my mom was so beautiful, and my dad was so handsome. i wonder if i look like them at all.
my sister's wedding is on Oct 6th, and we have family from all over the country flying in for the occasion. my grandparents will be coming in from alaska as well, and this will be the first time seeing them since they flew in for my college graduation late last year.
i guess my sister's wedding is the topic of the moment for everyone in our clan, as it should be, and everyone's been in quite a nostalgic mood. my dad was talking about how excited he was for my grandparents coming into town, and he suggested that i sit with my grandfather and interview him for my book that i'm writing.
i then asked my dad, "um... what book?"
"didn't you say you were going to write a book? you should write interview and write about him, he has a lot to say."
this kind of took me by surprise because while my dad knows i've always wanted to be a writer, i don't think he's ever talked about it. he's never been against it, nor really for it, just kind of indifferent about it all.
then my dad started talking about my grandfather, and i think i get a lot of my personality from him. my dad and i aren't really that similar, but the beliefs and values of my grandfather have always been along the same lines as mine. he's always been big on family history, education, knowing where you came from, and knowing what you want in life. my grandfather's the patriarch of our family and an extremely driven yet stubborn man.
even before i went to korea this past year, i begged my dad to write down some important places i could visit to feel a connection with my family ancestors. whether it be the town he was born, the name of a street of a house he used to live in, i asked for basically ANYTHING. i bothered my dad about this for months, yet the day i left, he hadn't written down a single thing for me.
then the other week, my dad shows me a book that my grandfather made for each one of his grandkids when they were born. and in this book listed the names of my ancestors, where we came from, and basically had our whole family history. my grandfather had even gone to a local translator in 1976 and had the names and history of each family member translated, starting from himself and my grandmother. there in english, dated from 1976, listed the towns and locations my grandfather, grandmother, dad, uncles and aunts had been born and lived. i was a bit peeved because if my dad had given me this last Dec before i left for korea, i would've visited these places because that's one of the main reasons i went-- to discover myself.
i guess i'll just have to save those visits for my next trip to korea, whenever that may be.
to continue on with the theme of nostalgia, i found a bunch of old photo albums in my house today and spent a few hours scanning old pictures.
here are a few pics of my parents from their younger days. my mom was so beautiful, and my dad was so handsome. i wonder if i look like them at all.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
does anyone else have their cliche, high-school-era-nightmares that have them waking up in a cold sweat? on tv they always show characters saying they showed up to school naked, but mine isn't quite like that.
mine ALWAYS have the same story line, and when i get them i usually tend to freak out and wake up in an absolute state of panic.
this is what happens in mine: i'm back in high school and have been cutting my math or science class for the past 2 weeks and am scared to go back to class because i think i'm going to get yelled at by my teacher. then i think i can't graduate and get my diploma, and that's where the panic sets in. while the dreams do tend to vary in plots and endings, they always have that same story line and i end up waking up confused, scared, and anxious.
as you can tell, i have some traumatic memories and issues from high school. truancy was my favorite class, and it tended to get me into deep shit.
anyhoo, i've been sleeping very hard for the past 2 weeks. it's odd. i can't seem to wake up for anything, my body is just physically exhausted and refuses to wake up when my 3 (yes three!!) alarms go off. i hate being like this. i can't wake up for shit and can't ever get anything done in the mornings. i told my friend about it, and he said i might be depressed. that would make sense because, well i just haven't been feeling right the past few weeks. i think the stress of finding a job has really been getting to me.
this morning on the subway i thought i wanted to kill myself. i just fucking hated everyone and everything and i knew i just needed to take a breather, so i watched sarah mclachlan's music video for "world on fire" (which i purchased onto my ipod months ago) and was instantly humbled. i need to be humbled more often. i have to realize that my life ain't as bad as millions of others around the world.
blah. good night.
mine ALWAYS have the same story line, and when i get them i usually tend to freak out and wake up in an absolute state of panic.
this is what happens in mine: i'm back in high school and have been cutting my math or science class for the past 2 weeks and am scared to go back to class because i think i'm going to get yelled at by my teacher. then i think i can't graduate and get my diploma, and that's where the panic sets in. while the dreams do tend to vary in plots and endings, they always have that same story line and i end up waking up confused, scared, and anxious.
as you can tell, i have some traumatic memories and issues from high school. truancy was my favorite class, and it tended to get me into deep shit.
anyhoo, i've been sleeping very hard for the past 2 weeks. it's odd. i can't seem to wake up for anything, my body is just physically exhausted and refuses to wake up when my 3 (yes three!!) alarms go off. i hate being like this. i can't wake up for shit and can't ever get anything done in the mornings. i told my friend about it, and he said i might be depressed. that would make sense because, well i just haven't been feeling right the past few weeks. i think the stress of finding a job has really been getting to me.
this morning on the subway i thought i wanted to kill myself. i just fucking hated everyone and everything and i knew i just needed to take a breather, so i watched sarah mclachlan's music video for "world on fire" (which i purchased onto my ipod months ago) and was instantly humbled. i need to be humbled more often. i have to realize that my life ain't as bad as millions of others around the world.
blah. good night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)