i need to learn how to not give a flying fuck about what people think about me.
fuck how my life looks on paper.
happiness and living well is the best revenge.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
does anyone else have their cliche, high-school-era-nightmares that have them waking up in a cold sweat? on tv they always show characters saying they showed up to school naked, but mine isn't quite like that.
mine ALWAYS have the same story line, and when i get them i usually tend to freak out and wake up in an absolute state of panic.
this is what happens in mine: i'm back in high school and have been cutting my math or science class for the past 2 weeks and am scared to go back to class because i think i'm going to get yelled at by my teacher. then i think i can't graduate and get my diploma, and that's where the panic sets in. while the dreams do tend to vary in plots and endings, they always have that same story line and i end up waking up confused, scared, and anxious.
as you can tell, i have some traumatic memories and issues from high school. truancy was my favorite class, and it tended to get me into deep shit.
anyhoo, i've been sleeping very hard for the past 2 weeks. it's odd. i can't seem to wake up for anything, my body is just physically exhausted and refuses to wake up when my 3 (yes three!!) alarms go off. i hate being like this. i can't wake up for shit and can't ever get anything done in the mornings. i told my friend about it, and he said i might be depressed. that would make sense because, well i just haven't been feeling right the past few weeks. i think the stress of finding a job has really been getting to me.
this morning on the subway i thought i wanted to kill myself. i just fucking hated everyone and everything and i knew i just needed to take a breather, so i watched sarah mclachlan's music video for "world on fire" (which i purchased onto my ipod months ago) and was instantly humbled. i need to be humbled more often. i have to realize that my life ain't as bad as millions of others around the world.
blah. good night.
mine ALWAYS have the same story line, and when i get them i usually tend to freak out and wake up in an absolute state of panic.
this is what happens in mine: i'm back in high school and have been cutting my math or science class for the past 2 weeks and am scared to go back to class because i think i'm going to get yelled at by my teacher. then i think i can't graduate and get my diploma, and that's where the panic sets in. while the dreams do tend to vary in plots and endings, they always have that same story line and i end up waking up confused, scared, and anxious.
as you can tell, i have some traumatic memories and issues from high school. truancy was my favorite class, and it tended to get me into deep shit.
anyhoo, i've been sleeping very hard for the past 2 weeks. it's odd. i can't seem to wake up for anything, my body is just physically exhausted and refuses to wake up when my 3 (yes three!!) alarms go off. i hate being like this. i can't wake up for shit and can't ever get anything done in the mornings. i told my friend about it, and he said i might be depressed. that would make sense because, well i just haven't been feeling right the past few weeks. i think the stress of finding a job has really been getting to me.
this morning on the subway i thought i wanted to kill myself. i just fucking hated everyone and everything and i knew i just needed to take a breather, so i watched sarah mclachlan's music video for "world on fire" (which i purchased onto my ipod months ago) and was instantly humbled. i need to be humbled more often. i have to realize that my life ain't as bad as millions of others around the world.
blah. good night.
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