Monday, November 30, 2009

Monday, November 23, 2009

sometimes when i'm riding the subway home after work at 2:30 in the morning, i look around at the station or in the subway cart and ask myself, "what the hell am i doing with my damn life??"

Sunday, November 22, 2009

i just got back from my parents' place in nj after attending a large family dinner for my grandma. she flew in from alaska a few weeks ago and has been bouncing around the homes of relative-to-relative since but her stay is finally over and she's leaving back to anchorage in a couple of hours at 5am. she usually comes to ny once a year with my grandpa since four out of six of their children (including my dad) live here, but now he's gotten too old to travel so this is the first time she's making the trip out alone.

it was really so great to see her the past few weeks. i grew up with my grandma as a kid in alaska and i've always really loved her. she's definitely a strong matriarch and raised her five sons and daughter through a lot of hardship and difficult times. i feel like her generation of korean women just had to be tough yet at the same time a great wife, mother, money maker and patriot.

it's not a family event for our clan if there isn't lots of booze and a korean card game called "go-stop (고스톱)" going on---it honestly really isn't. i'm determined to learn how to play this card game because they always have a great time playing and it will be my in at family gatherings. honestly, being gay and in the closet to my family and extended family is not the easiest thing. as a kid i coped with this by being extremely quiet and just waiting for the night to be over. i remember when my parents would say, "okay get your stuff together because we're going home," the voice in my head would be screaming "about fucking time." these feelings for my family has made me miss most gatherings by choice if i can manage to get out of it and my sister has made me realize that that's not cool. an elongated avoidance of the subjects of girlfriends, marriage and other uncomfortable things has made me a completer stranger to everyone in my extended family and that upsets me.

anyway, here's a few pics of my lovely grandma enjoying a good game of go-stop (고스톱). the first is of her, my grandfather and aunt in front of the white house during what i think looks like the seventies but am not sure.

ALSO, if there is anyone in nyc who knows how to place this and is willing to teach me, that would be awesome.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

even after all these years, i can't believe i still perfectly remember the theme song to "living single." isn't it funny what our brains remember? this show and "martin" still make me laugh as hard as i did when i first watched it as a kid.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

does the whole "what-the-hell-am-i-doing-with-my-life/i'm-just-living-day-by-day-with-no plan/how-do-i-get-control-over-my-own-life" phase ever end?

or is this just how people spend their twenties?

anyway, the new apt is great. having 4 new roommates (including madden, my friends' lovable dog) in a new neighborhood and a nice apartment is sort of fun. living by central park is just amazing and i especially enjoy walking madden there. i'm also by the northern end of it on the west side and there are some really quiet and deserted areas of the park here. i really like nature and being outdoors so i'm happy to have that little getaway when i need.

there's also some secluded streams up here, and i love just sitting there and watching and listening to the water. living in alaska as a kid for five years and doing lots of cliche but fun outdoorsy stuff was one of the best parts of my life and i will always love doing those things. something about the sound of a river or stream always relaxes me. i mean, who cares if this stream is no wider than two feet and there's cigarette butts and empty beer cans, left from who knows when, scattered around?

i will take what i can get---story of my life.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

my 2005 ibook is dead. i'm broke and will be computer-less for a while. that sucks.