Tuesday, May 29, 2007

whatever happened to humility?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

so i told my bosses today that this will be my last week of work, and they were totally cool with it. plus, it's a little slow since the summer issue just went to press so me leaving won't really have any sort of impact. while i'm sad to leave the magazine, i'm ready to move onto the next phase of my life.

since i start my working career at the end of this month without breaks until the foreseeable future, i kind of want to take advantage of my week off next week. i'm not really sure of what i could do, seeing that i'm pretty broke. also, i've also decided to take up a second job and starting the first week of june, i'll be working retail on saturdays and sundays in soho so not having and days off for a while really wants to make me cherish my time off. i've been working on and off at this store for years, and all the workers and my bosses are so nice and while i do dislike helping asshole customers, every now and then i meet some nice people. and i'm very comfortable working there and selling their products so hopefully it won't be so bad.

i'm sure that i will be on blogger, complaining about how much i hate working 7 days a week and how i'm tired and my life sucks, but i guess it's only until october/november so i can manage to suffer for 5-6 months, especially for my family.

again, i ALWAYS think this but as an american born, college educated human being, if i can't succeed here, then i am a complete failure. i think about all the struggles that millions of immigrants have gone through and go through on a daily basis in this country, and if they can do it, i can too. hopefully i'll be able to think of my parents and what they went through for inspiration in any times of weakness i have.

i don't know, i guess for the past 2 months i feel like i've been doing nothing, and now i feel slightly motivated to just go full speed ahead. and i always say that being busy is not a bad problem to have.

also, i'm hoping that me working on the weekends will instill some responsibility and i'll go out less, thus spending less money. for about 5 months last year, i completely stopped drinking because i felt my life was getting a bit out of control, and in the back of my mind i would like go try it again, but this time without telling my friends and everyone else in my life. i'd like to take the more humble road, and just do this for myself.

i'm also hoping that with me being a lot more busy, i'll finally be able to find love in some shape or form. whether it's for myself, or for someone else that i meet, or even for both, i would welcome anything at this point in my life.

change is 'a coming--i hope.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Monday, May 14, 2007

after a long two month search, i finally got a job today! i had my second interview this morning and was informed at the end of it that i was hired and that i'll be starting in two weeks, on the tuesday after labor day.

wow, it feels to finally have a paying job!

even though it doesn't have much to do with what i actually want to do, i'm still elated to finally be employed.

after my interview, i went to the Angelika alone and saw "The Namesake." i love watching movies alone during the weekdays in the afternoons, the theatres are always so empty. i read the book late last year, and i have to say while the movie was visually stunning due to all the beautiful people, clothing, and other details of Indian culture, the book was much better. the book takes place in boston, but the movie takes place in nyc and that made a huge difference in my mind, and not for the better. the character of Ashima seems more central in the movie, but the book is more about her son Gogol. well, the movie was still enjoyable and i loved the actress who plaed Ashima. she was so beautiful and graceful. i've always felt that Desi woman are some of the most beautiful in the world. suffice it to say, i definitely recommend the movie.

next week is my last week before i start work. i'm thinking of asking my bosses at the magazine if i can make this week my last. i'd like a full week of doing absolutely nothing to ready myself.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

i wish i could grow a beard.
it's funny how a single day can change the rest of your life...for the better.

i came out to my sister today. we had dinner at one of my fav japanese restaurants, yakiniku on 9th between 2nd and 3rd, and for the first time in 24 years, i feel that we truly were getting to know eachother. we learned so much about eachother today, it felt great. i'm lucky to have her and her fiance in my life. i was afraid that me being gay could somehow affect their relationship, but she went home and told him and he was fine with it.

pheww, that's a big load off my chest.

i came home after dinner, and it feels so good to stay in on a friday night.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

i'm so good at fucking things up with people. that's what i do best, burn bridges...
i want to live alone on a deserted island. i have no social skills left, and am reminded on a daily basis by the world of how much of a freak i am. i hate myself.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

1. drinks @ Gama on St. Marks
2. Dinner at Sushi Park on 2nd Avenue with drinks
3. Urge
4. Lit
5. Back to Urge
6. The Cock
7. Back to Urge
8. Back to the Cock (barfed in the bathroom)
9. Cab to Jackson Heights
10. Had a drink at the Music Box on 74th Street
11. Cab ride home

i can finally sleeeep. gnight!

Sunday, May 06, 2007

ended up going to camel on fri night, and my friends and i killed 3 bottles of johnny black. due to my lack of sleep the night before, let's just say i got pretty wasted. ate in ktown after and then finally came home at 530. yeah, i'm not doing that again for awhile...

also, i finally cut my hair today after almost 5 months. wowww, i look so much cleaner.

Friday, May 04, 2007

damn it, it's 6 am and the sun is already up. damn you sun... damn you!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

i just had dinner at Ed's Lobster Bar in noho (http://lobsterbarnyc.com). it's on lafayette between spring and broome, and i must say that i was very impressed with the food. if you like lobster, you will love this restaurant.

ps- i never knew there was a Rick Astley greatest hits album. thank you itunes...

*never going to give you up, never going to say goodbye*

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

sometimes i don't even know what i want in life anymore. i feel so lost. i have no direction and can't seem to figure anything out. it's scary. i feel like i don't know myself, i don't know the person i've become and i don't know who i want to be. i have no idea of what the future holds, and it scares me shitless.

why am i on this earth?

i still haven't figured it out. damn i am so depressed. this is all the shit i can think about. when i'm at work, on the subway, having dinner w/ a friend, it doesn't matter. all these questions just cloud my mind and it's hard to focus or care about anything else.