Monday, December 31, 2018

"Nobody knows enough to be pessimistic."

Said by Daniel Goleman in the podcast Oprah's Super Soul Conversation. Episode Emotional Intelligence 101.

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Spontaneity... give it to me.

Friday, December 28, 2018

"I opened up to you and you judged me. You are an asshole."

Said by Tiffany Maxwell in the movie Silver Linings Playbook.

Monday, December 24, 2018

Did anyone show up?
"My skin, very Mexican, very Oaxaqueñan and very human. From the color of my land and diversity of its colors. Lights, cameras, red carpets, magazine covers. It is for hope, it is to shed light on where you are from, it is to inspire."

Said by Yalitza Aparicio Martínez in her Vogue México video interview.
Everything is a challenge. But some are not worth your time.
"The gurgle of whiskey pouring into the glass was music to my ears. Like an old friend opening his heart to me."

From the book Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami. Page 445.

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Secret Santa with friends last night in Brooklyn.

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Rein in your expectations.
Rain on your expectations.

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Monday, December 17, 2018

The January 2019 cover of Vogue México featuring Yalitza Aparicio Martínez is everything.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

"Things ended as they so often do in this era, with an unanswered text."

From the December 14, 2018, New York Times Modern Love column titled: Your Dog Has Seen Me Naked. By Ryan Pfeffer.
I just want to go watch Danny Tenaglia spin and dance for six hours straight.
As an alumni of The New School, I utilize the free lifetime access to their buildings a lot. It's pretty much the only place I have to get work done in the city. Coffee shops and libraries are too crowded and leave me worried about stepping away for a second to use the bathroom. And my place in Harlem is so small that I can't even fit my desk in my room, allowing no solitude for my thoughts. It makes concentrating at home really difficult. Seeing that I'm still paying off my student loans, I will happily come to The New School campus as much as possible stay here for hours with my computer.

It's a rainy and dreary Sunday here in New York today. I decided to forgo my usual favorite spot in the university's main building for a place on an upper floor instead. It's amazing how different life seems from a much higher view. It's like another world opens up. All the movement and people on the street level seems so much smaller. Floors upon floors of nearby buildings reveal entirely new habitats with each peek through an apartment window. Each living quarter has so much personality and character. Meals are had, lights in different rooms flicker on and off, and day-to-day life is lived. It's all so fascinating to observe, and provides a much needed reminder about perspective. There's just so much more out there than what I know and see in my own daily existence.

Friday, December 14, 2018

"I set the water to boil, warmed the asparagus-and-bacon sauce in a pan, and threw together a quick salad of lettuce, tomato, onion, and green peppers. When the water boiled, I tossed in the pasta and diced some parsley while it cooked."

From the book Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami. Page 351.
"'Why don't you stay for lunch?' I asked the the two of them. 'I can whip up a pasta and salad in no time.'"

From the book Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami. Page 351.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

"Somehow, I had to believe, I would gain not only knowledge but wisdom, too."

From the book When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. Page 50.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Sometimes, it feels nice to sit on a New York City park bench on a winter night.

Everyone else around is too cold to do anything else other than briskly walk by, so I appreciate the space and alone time.
"Am I ever embarrassed about anything that I do? No."

Said by Cardi B in her December 9, 2018 interview with CBS Sunday Morning.
I can't tell if you just love complaining about this, or truly don't want a solution?

Monday, December 10, 2018

Why are there so many movies and tv shows about writers, you ask?

Well, because writers write them.
"If you think you're in my head,
you've been seriously misled."

From the song Misled by Celine Dion.
"Somebody pinch me. Your love’s too good to be true."

From the song Sweet Dreams by Beyoncé
It came to me while Philip Glass was playing in the background.

Sunday, December 09, 2018

"It's the hardest thing that I've ever done.
To love somebody and still run."

From the song Still Run by Wet.
"I'm a singer and a songwriter. And a bartender. And a babysitter. On weekends I host four course dinner parties for $65 a plate. And I make soap to sell online. And candles. And tea baths. And hair conditioner. And shampoo. Basically I'm broke. And I need a vacation. But I'm on the move. And I'm not stopping until somebody writes me a check for some of my music."

From the December 8, 2018 post of the Humans of NY Instagram account.
Erotic 가위.
A void.
You can't write with a drink in your hand.
"Turn my sorrow into treasured gold."

From the song Rolling In The Deep by Adele.
"Take it all with you.
Don't look back at this crumbling fool."

From the song Take It All by Adele.
"He might have wanted to decisively separate himself from the self he used to be."

From the book Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami. Page 282.
Everyday love.
Love everyday.

Saturday, December 08, 2018

This is the only thing I know.

Friday, December 07, 2018

Thursday, December 06, 2018

The past few weeks or so.

No one is one dimensional. Perceptions are.
You'll miss this.
Teenage couples who are deeply in love will take up an entire subway row of seats without thinking twice.
Because it makes me feel good.

Tuesday, December 04, 2018

There come times in life where it's undeniable that a critical turning point has arrived.

And deep in my heart, I know that I am currently at one of these pivotal moments right now.

It all started a few weeks ago, and since then, it's been one unforeseen significant thing happening after another. At first, it just seemed like a row of bad luck with a shitty thing here, an unlucky thing there. But then I stepped back from it all to give it a closer thought. Why? Why was all this happening now at once? And then it began to make sense. The realization didn't come straight away, but it took the 4th bad incident within weeks for it to truly hit me. And what it's all come to mean is that something is happening in the form of change. And that I am changing. It's not my world around me or the elements of my life that are changing, but it's me. I am. And wow, I see it now. I truly see it. I'm not the same person as I was from just a month ago, and that's not just hyperbole. This awareness has only made me feel lighter and happier. I feel free in a way, and ready for what's next. In fact, I'm god damn excited about life. I don't care if what happens is good or bad, but I am fucking excited about it all. At this point of my life of 35, I'm so humbled to know better. To take what I've been given and seek meaning and purpose from it. A lifetime of watching Oprah and being open to receive those lessons others have so clearly explained from their own personal hindsight has all been for this moment right now. All of my previous down periods in life filled with struggle, confusion, and anger has been for this moment right now. Because thanks to all that, I understand that everything happening is here to help me and make me stronger. To help clean the slate of an older version of me, and turn the page to that next fresh chapter. Because there's no other way to accept it. There simply isn't. Not embracing it this way would be to fight it, and to fight life means to lose in life. I'm not going to fight it. I'm going to love it even harder and squeeze it until it turns blue. Yes, there will be tears, because there already have been within the past few weeks. But that's okay. I've earned those tears. They're mine and I'll show them to the world or whoever else I please. Because I'll proudly taste the salt from those tears to remind me that there is no flavor in life without that salt. It's a necessity to being. And I can use it now to fight any other aspects of my life and its struggles. It will sting and even hurt me, but I'll be okay. When I went over to my parents' place for Thanksgiving last month, it had been the first time in years that it was just my immediate family and me celebrating. We usually do a bigger thing with all my relatives, but this year, it was just my parents, sisters, and brother-in-law. I've always appreciated more intimate settings, and I can't express how much fun we all had together. Starting at 3pm until the late night, the only thing on our agenda was to eat, laugh, drink, and talk, with all of us eventually zonking out and crashing at my parents' place. I woke up the next morning so happy, because I realized I already have everything I need. I have my family, and am so grateful we all have our health. And then there's my chosen family of a close-knit group of friends who truly get me and support me. And no revolving factors of my life can change this foundation of mine. This feels like one of the hardest times I've been through in recent times, but I totally get it now. And it's from all of these unexpected setbacks that's forced me to see the other crucial changes I must make in my life. Habits. People. Vices. Ultimately, carrying out these will be even more difficult than the surprise ones from the last few weeks. Because these necessary changes that are now so obvious are in my control. It's up to me to make them. They won't be done for me. But I'm okay with that. Even with puberty, I've always been a late bloomer in life. But oh man, this lesson has finally hit me and I'm here. And I've never been happier and felt more solid as a person. I'm awake. I'm recharged. I'm prepared.

You know that scene in I Know What You Did Last Summer, when Jennifer Love Hewitt's character is fed up and screams out to the sky, "What are you waiting for!?" for the second time as she does that cute little spin? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling right now. But in a more optimistic, cheery way.

Monday, December 03, 2018

Saturday, December 01, 2018

"Hey Sis,
it's Christmas.
You can cross me off of your wishlist."

From the song Hey Sis, It's Christmas by RuPaul.

Friday, November 30, 2018

Those hidden scars are the ones that need the most love and care to heal.
"What are you most proud of thus far in your career?
I don't really like to congratulate myself. I'm happy that I've gotten to this place, but I'm not in any way, shape or form even close to being done. I'm just getting started and there's so much work to be done in the community."

From the November 30, 2018, Fashionista article: How Lindsay Peoples Wagner Worked Her Way From Closet Intern to Editor-in-Chief at "Teen Vogue." By Dara Prant.
"Let go of your doubts, 
say yes.
Let it soak up into the flesh."

From the song Honey by Robyn.
"I learned to let go.
I travel in stillness.
And I'll remember, 

From the song I'll Remember by Madonna.
"And I'll remember,
the strength that you gave me,
now that I'm standing on my own."

From the song I'll Remember by Madonna.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Eye crust.
Pie crust.
Pizza crust.
It's like you just replay it over and over again.

Monday, November 26, 2018

"In every living soul, a spirit cries for expression--perhaps this plaintive, wailing song of Jazz is, after all, the misunderstood utterance of a prayer."

From the movie The Jazz Singer.
Get used to it.
Men. You.
This can't all just be happening at once... this can't all just be a coincidence.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

"In all this confusion."

From the song Just an Illusion by Imagination.
Turkey tomorrow.
Possible new title for a short story: The Typo That Ruined His Life
"It's just an illusion."

From the song Just an Illusion by Imagination.

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Handwritten notes.
About last night.

"Didn't she look like a girl that had everything, hm?"

Said by Edith Beale in the documentary Grey Gardens.

Friday, November 16, 2018

When I was leaving the office today, the snow had already started to really come down.

It was a surprising view of the building's entrance. This was still from the inside where it was warm, but I knew it was time to leave. I took one last look of the street, with its whipping flurries and passersby fighting against the elements of the moment. I'd be leaving the toasty hallway right then to start the rest of my day, and life.

After getting home a little before 3pm, I decided to go back out and get some air. Even though the weather was bad, I still left my place in Harlem and headed downtown. I ended up walking for a bit, and then caught the 9:35pm showing of a movie at Quad Cinema. I watched this Korean movie called Burning, and it had been my first time back to the Quad since they remodeled it. I have a lot of memories at that theatre. I always liked going there because of the smaller theatre sizes, and many years ago, I even took my friend Annie there to watch a gay movie hours after coming out to her.