Wednesday, December 31, 2008

i hate new year's eve.

there's too much fucking pressure to go out, drink, find someone to kiss, and start the new year in the most spectacular way possible. why is it that people get all fanatic about the day?

last year was the first time i ever went out for nye in my life. i had fun and all, but seriously --- what's the big deal?

i worked today at the retail store in soho and i feel kind of beat. i have a few parties i was invited to, but honestly none of them sound too appealing. i'm thinking maybe i'll just be super lame and stay in, but with no tv or internet, well it would truly be a lame nye. hmm... what to do?

nonetheless, i wish everyone else has a safe and happy new years.

and please don't drink and drive, it's not worth it.

Monday, December 29, 2008

i had a very small dinner party at my place this past weekend.

all my guests were asked to bring in a homemade dish or booze, and to my pleasant surprise, almost everybody opted to bring a homemade dish instead of liquor. how awesome is that?

suffice it to say, the food was almost as amazing as the company. i had such a fun time and was very grateful to be surrounded by so many of my amazing friends.

enjoy the pics below.

ps- my favorite pictures are of my old roommate from dumbo, takeshi, having a white-caste hamburger for the first time in his life. he's from japan and has been in new york studying film for the past year and i was honored to witness such a milestone in his life!

for the past few days, i have been helping out at the old retail store in soho that i've been working on-and-off at for the past 4 or so years.

it's literally been over one year since i last worked here, and all i have to say is, "damn, there sure are a lot of crazy ass fucking people out there." this is the one thing i did not miss about this job. seriously, in any job where you deal with people, and especially strangers, all day long --- you are bound to get the fucking crazies.

i'm only working a few days during the holiday season, so thank goodness i won't have to do this shit any longer after this saturday.

to all you crazies out there who love to shop at normal stores and make the lives of us minions a pain in the ass, all i have to say is: stay the hell away from me after next week and let me live my live in peace.

oh, the crazies...

and i have a great celebrity sighting. dec 26, friday evening around 8:30 p.m, i am at the lower east side whole foods on the bowery doing some last minute grocery shopping after a day of working at the retail store. i'm listening to my ipod and looking at a bag of red potatoes, and i see a man to my right looking at potatoes as well. i look once and then do a double take after i realize it's john legend. yes, it was him. this is my third john legend random sighting ever.

also, i absolutely SHIT YOU NOT but out of almost 10,000 songs in my itunes and while on random as i am writing this blog entry, john legend's song another again just randomly came on. um, WOW.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

merry christmas.

late 80's in elmhurst, queens.

Monday, December 22, 2008

people are getting laid left and right on this planet every moment of the day --- especially in new york city.

today i had a thought and wondered, i wonder if people feel the same way i do after getting some action?

i was walking to the 2nd avenue stop of the f train earlier this evening in the east village after getting some booty, and just because it doesn't happen to me that often --- i couldn't help but have a huge kool-aid smile on my face while walking around with a skip in my step and a twinkle in my eye. to quote dave chappelle from the oscar winning film, half-baked, the line that continuously ran through my head was, "i got some booty, i got some booty!"

that made me think, i wonder how many people i pass by and interact with on a constant basis that are singing their own sex ditty in their heads?
for any Yukio Mishima fans out there, the film forum in nyc on houston is playing paul schrader's 1985 film, mishima: a life in four chapters.

this film is only playing for a week, and i caught the sunday evening show at 7 pm. i have to say that the film is beautiful and very aesthetically engaging --- the scenery and sets are vibrant with color and are really inspiring at times. one scene will go from a cafe where all the characters are wearing hyper bright, bubble-gum colored clothing and make up, and then it will go to a very dark and morbid black and white scene. the music for the movie was also really spectauclar and enhanced the movie very well. while i'm not too knowledgeable on philip glass and his work, i have heard some other stuff he's composed and i enjoy his music very much. the movie also changed my views on mishima himself, who was a very radical man that was deeply invested in bringing the japanese military to the superpower it once was generations ago and doing away with capitalism.

while i might not agree with his views on that, his writing speaks for itself and i don't know anyone who could read any of his books and not appreciate the beauty in his gift with words --- i wish i could write like him.

this movie is only playing until dec 23, so there's still a few more days to go watch it. if anyone catches it, let me know what you thought of it.

well, i've got to get up for work in a few hours so i'm going to try and go to sleep for the millionth time tonight.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

i feel so frustrated and annoyed at life.

i need to calm down, clear my thoughts, take a nice hot shower, and just shut the fuck up and get over it.

maybe it's seasonal depression but i just don't feel like doing shit and am in a funk.

...i feel so much better now.

1. am in dire need of a haircut
2. need some intimacy
3. was happy this morning, walking through the fresh snow in brooklyn while stoned and blasting salt-n-pepa's "push-it" on my ipod --- which randomly started to play as i walked up the stairs and exited the clinton-washington subway station
4. feel very blah about shit
5. saw debbie harry aka BLONDIE the other day on prince street in soho
6. wish that i could fall sleep

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

i received an email today from a cousin that i haven't seen in probably a good ten years. he is the oldest in our large clan of cousins, and had his first baby this past year with his wife in san diego.

his email was short and sweet and ended with the following: "take care of yourself and enjoy life."

that's probably some of the best advice i've ever gotten, i love it.
when i was a kid, one of my favorite things to do when it snowed at night was to just stare at the sky. i love how the sky turns slightly pink and everything outside gets so quiet --- like the snow is muffling all the sound that exists in the world.

anyone else in nyc doing/thinking the same thing right now at this very moment?

Monday, December 15, 2008

does hope exist because one creates/finds something to be hopeful about? or do things just come into one's life that gives someone hope?

Friday, December 12, 2008

Friday, December 05, 2008

last night, my college had an alumni holiday party at tom colicchio's restaurant, craftbar, on broadway and off of 20th. i went with one of my only college friends, magali. i only have two friends from college --- one lives in l.a. and is doing the whole acting thing and mags lives in new york on and off. it's funny because magali is my only college friend i chill with, and i'm the same for her. we both had no other friends from school and don't keep touch with anyone at all except for our favorite college professor.

last night was one of those amazingly crazy and surreal nights in life that i probably won't forget.

magali and i get to craftbar and we get in line for coat check. then we head downstairs to the private room and we start drinking the free shit and eating the free food. we were both anticipating the arrival of our favorite college professor, whom i hadn't see in 2 years. so our former professor gets there, and it was really great seeing him and catching up on our lives. he is one of the most downest, wisest, and awesome professors i've ever had in my life. i respect him so much. it was also interesting because i saw him featured in this story late last year in the now folded (almost) men's vogue, and was so shocked that i did a double-take when i saw it. then months later, his writing started to appear in the magazine and i couldn't believe that it was actually him sharing so much great shit in these stories. i really missed him, so it was so good to see him again last night.

soon after, that's when the craziness of the night really started. to make a short story very short, mags and i met this crazy, weird ass lang alumni guy and we ended up chilling with him all night. it was just one of those crazy ass moments in life where i'm like, "i'm definitely going to be telling the story of this night to other people for the rest of my life," especially at parties haha.

i got four hours of sleep last night, and i can definitely feel that i am not in my young twenties anymore. you go to love life, right? it throws you these crazy changes but you learn to be happy with everything.

below are a few photos mags and i took. i'm kind of reluctant to post a picture of our new college alum friend we made, because honestly i don't know if i believe any of the shit he said last night. don't get me wrong, he was a fun guy to chill with and seemed nice, but something about him was also definitely just off. and i'm not just talking about off, i'm talking like off-the-wall-off.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

it's funny because i think about stuff to blog about throughout the day, but when i get home --- i never remember any of it. my memory is shot to hell.

one thing i will write about are my morning commutes to work. all i can say is, what the fuck? i swear, there are so many idiots who don't know how the hell to act on the damn subway. one thing that drives me bonkers is when two people are standing in front of the doors of the subway cart, and when the doors open and close, they just fucking stand there and don't move when you try to get on or off. because of these two idiots, everyone has to squeeze in between this tiny space --- and this is all during morning rush hour. why stand in front of the doors if you got on the train in brooklyn and you're getting off at bryant park? makes absolutely no sense. if you're getting off in a stop or two, that's fine --- but to stand there and put up with people squeezing in between your stupid ass for 25 minutes? that my friend, makes you a god damn idiot.

one more thing about the subway --- why the hell do people lay really bad farts on crowded subways? like, seriously? you couldn't take a shit before you left your house or just squeeze your asshole shut until you got off the train? that is just unpleasant for everyone.

blah. nyc subways are dirty, annoying, and sometimes just one big underground urinal, but i still love it. nothing beats nyc subways.

aside from that rant, work is the same --- busy as always. the apt is good as well. i've been having people over constantly and usually just cook for them. i now love cooking. my favorite game to play on a daily basis is, "what the hell can i make for dinner with the shit in my cupboard?" and i'm not talking about chef boyardee (which i love but it's so bad for you) or hungry man tv dinners (which i love but it's so bad for you), but actual cooking! that means i chop up fresh produce, season stuff to taste with fresh pepper and sea salt, use white wine to cook, and have to actually work for my meals. i never really started cooking until now because all the past apartments i lived in had disgusting and shitty ass kitchens. my kitchen now is still even pretty small and nothing fancy, but all the appliances work and there aren't roaches watching me cook as they chill in my dishes --- i feel so spoiled.

i also have no tv or internet, so i don't have much else to do when i'm home. all my guests are forced to sit together and have an actual conversation without any distractions. i know, cruel right? but hey, i don't plan to get a tv or maybe even internet anytime soon and would rather have great conversation any day. my guests just have to deal with it.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Sunday, November 30, 2008

what a dreary and gloomy day.

i'm thinking everyone else in nyc is also staying indoors to stay dry from the shitty ass weather. i was supposed to go to the laundromat today because i haven't gone in 3 weeks --- but ehh, i don't think that will be happening anytime soon.
i feel lonely and miserable as fuck. it it so much to ask that i have a special someone in my life? why the fuck is it so hard to meet people you have shit in common with? it's so hard to meet guys of substance in nyc, argh. fuck, i've given up on all this bullshit.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

these are the two photos on my refrigerator being help up by my new school university magnet.

everything else in my life is just blah.

btw --- can you believe i was ever that small?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

the worst part about going to bed is trying to fall asleep --- i can never fall asleep. i was tired as hell and cranky a couple of hours ago and i just wanted was some shut eye. but all i did was stare at my ceiling and get frustrated while i tried to fall asleep. then a memory just came into my head and i wanted to write about it before i forgot.

i can't remember when this happened, but it was definitely within the past few days and during one of my morning commutes to work.

i was sitting on the subway reading and listening to music when a stranger came and sat next to me. bear in mind that this is rush hour and the trains are pretty packed. i was sitting at an end so no one was sitting to my left, and the guy was on my right. the space was a bit tight so he sorta had to squeeze and press against my body while he sat and when he did, all i could think of was how nice it felt to have someone's body come in contact with mine. i'm really not a perv and was not at all thinking of this in some sexually distorted way (i don't even remember a single detail about the guy aside from how i felt), but it just felt comforting to have someone sitting closely next to me. i just wanted to rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes --- it felt that nice. it made me realize how much i miss just being with someone --- i don't even have to be doing anything with a person aside from physically being in each other's presence and being within a close proximity from them. i miss that.

that's when i realized how lonely i am and how i sometimes yearn for some closeness and intimacy with someone.

blah blah blahhhh.

okay i'm really going to try to fall asleep. goodnight.

Monday, November 10, 2008

the weather in nyc is getting so crisp and cold, i love it --- it makes me feel alive.

i commissioned one of my best friends for a personal art project earlier in the weekend so i treated her to burgers tonight for dinner at stand on 12th street between fifth and university. i opted for the mini-burger with a side of potato salad instead of the regular sized burger, which my friend got. the difference in size was pretty funny so we decided to take pictures.

happy monday.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

omg, i randomly have 3 bars of wireless internet --- so excited.

i moved into my brooklyn apartment last weekend and have been trying to settle in, yay! my room is a lot smaller than i remembered, but i fucking LOVE my new apt. my roommate and i are going to make this a nice pad. i work for an epicurean magazine and he works at one of the best furniture/design magazines --- we have to make it work here somehow. i still haven't returned my friend's camera ever since i borrowed it for wisconsin, so i plan to take advantage of it and take some pics of my new place. i will post them soon.

my roommate and i were apparently wrong about our neighborhood and we live in prospect heights, not clinton-hill. does anyone else live around here? let's chill. i started wandering the area and i love all the brownstones and old-school architecture here. i walk a block and will stumble onto the most beautiful church that looks like it was built a hundred years ago.

as for the actual layout of the apt, it's a two bedroom that also has a small office room. my roommate and i are not sure what we're going to do with that room, but i'm adamant on not making that room into just storage space --- we must take full advantage and make that room awesome somehow. all the rooms are on the small side, but the apt itself is very spacious and clean. the building is somewhat new so i love the hardwood floors and we're also kind of tucked away from the street --- it's nice to have some seclusion and privacy from the rest of the world.

aside from my new apartment, things are pretty blah. i was on vacation this past week and have to go back to work tomorrow, i'm kind of sad about that. i'm scared to open my inbox tomorrow morning to see the countless emails that await me --- i guess back it's back to real life.

speaking of real life, i've come to the conclusion that i am fucking sick of dating and trying to meet guys. whatever happens will happen. i'm going to stop thinking about how lonely i am and focus all that energy on other shit i could be doing. yeah, i'm lonely as fuck and would love some companionship, but i am not going to keep making myself feel like an idiot with the people i meet. i'm not going to waste my time anymore. blah.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

i swear this was not planned but how apropos is this for my 500th blog posting.

as with the nation, all i can say is, YES!!!!!!!!!!

here is to our new president of the united states of america, barack obama.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

i didn't get laid off, woohoo. actually, the amount of people who got laid off was relatively low compared to other companies. but people did lose their jobs, people with families and mortgages and bills, and that's really unfortunate. blah.

on a side note, has this ever happened to you? you're at work and you go to the bathroom to do your business. you're sitting on the toilet, thinking about all the work you have to do and then you finish doing what you have to do. then you reach for the toilet paper... but there is none. you look under the toilet paper dispenser and your true fears have been confirmed, you have nothing to wipe your ass with. believe it or not, this was the second time it happened to me in the past few weeks. the first thought that popped into my head was, "wtf, shit like this really happens to people in real life?? i thought stuff like this only happened in bad comedies" i guess it's also my fault for using the same stall twice and not learning my lesson. suffice it to say, i did what i had to do and went on with my merry day.

Monday, October 27, 2008

layoffs are happening everywhere --- the downturn of the economy is evident in every industry within the nation, and publishing is no different. from the l.a. times, the new york times, radar, cosmogirl, and countless other publications, people are getting fired, companies are closing down, and there's nothing that can be done about it.

it's been rumored in my office that there will soon be an announcement of layoffs within the the publishing company i work for, which is owned by one of the largest financial institutions in the world. i heard last week that the announcement will come tomorrow, and lo and behold, a little after 5 pm today, our whole department gets an email from our publisher about an 11 am meeting tomorrow that will announce the future and some changes within our publishing company.

people are definitely freaked out in the office, but as for me, i know that everything happens for a reason. right now i'm giving 120% at work, and if that's not good enough and they think i am one of the people who should be laid off, then it is what it is. honestly, i'm not really worried about tomorrow, but you never know about these things. we'll see how it goes.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

it sure feels good to come back home.

don't get me wrong, i had the most amazing time in wisconsin, but all that eating, drinking and schmoozing was getting really tiring after a while.

now it's back to real life and i've got to prepare for an upcoming busy workweek. the good news is, all i have to do is make it through the next five days of work and i'm on a one-week vacation, fuck yeah.

i did want to mention one thing about my business trip. my colleague and i were treated with the best amenities by the company, and i was able to attend every single event i wanted to and socialize with some of the greatest culinary talent in the country. from gift baskets to complimentary everything --- i felt very lucky and a bit spoiled by it all, and loved every minute of it. however with all the great stuff that happened, there was also an incident which really pissed me off. and i'm only writing about it because i think it's worth mentioning, but it in no way reflects negatively on all the million amazing moments i had.

on my last night in wisconsin, my colleagues, some of the event's talent and i were having drinks at the best restaurant in town, which happened to be in our hotel. at about midnight, everyone says they're tired and that they're retiring for the night. i was the youngest of everyone and the only one that wanted to stay out so i decide to hit up the local pub for a nightcap, which is also inside the hotel. i just wanted to get one beer before i went to bed, so i sat at the bar alone and ordered my local wisconsin draft on tap. as i'm sitting at the bar, there isn't really anyone else at there except for a group of three guys to my left. the bartender brings me my drink, and as i'm drinking my beer, i hear a guy in the group to the left of me say, "FUCKING FOREIGNERS." i immediately look to them and see the guy turning his head after making the racial statement. then at that moment, a group of 3 girls come out of the bathroom and come in between myself and the group of guys.

now, i'm pretty fucking pissed off after hearing this. i will be the first to say that i am a big pussy and don't enjoy fighting, but there are some things that you just don't and can't let go. especially coming from this ignorant motherfucker who assumes i'm a "foreigner" because i'm asian. i ask one of the girls if those guys were their friends, and she says no. so i lean over and get the guy's attention and ask if he just called me a "fucking foreigner." he seemed pretty surprised at my reaction and went on this whole bullshit tangent and assured that he wasn't talking about me, but about a beer instead. all i did was laugh at him, finish my beer, and go back to my hotel. i swear, stupid ass racist idiots in the country. if you're going to make a racial slur at me, don't fucking act like you didn't, man. you just embarrass yourself.

on our hour-long drive back to the milwaukee airport, i asked my colleague, "since this is how 95% of americans live, do you think rural america is reality, or living in a melting pot like new york is a reality?" she answered that they're "alternate realities." that really made me think about how lucky i am to have been born and raised in nyc --- i love this city and this is where my life and reality is.

anyway, here are some pictures i took from my trip. fyi, whenever i travel, i'm always obsessed with watching the local news and seeing what's going on in these places i've never heard of before --- so much fun haha. enjoy.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

i'm in kohler, wisconsin.

i got here thursday evening, and have been in timeless bubble that is filled with wine and food. all i have been doing is eating amazing food and drinking tons of award winning wines ---- i guess my job isn't so bad after all. kohler itself is beautiful and everyone is really nice. it's also so nice to get the fuck out of new york for a while.

i borrowed my friend's camera and am taking tons of pictures here, i'll post some after i get back home on sunday.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

i wore the same pants to work for the past 3 days. i don't know how the hell i let myself do that.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

i finally found an apt and signed a one year lease. i'll be living in clinton-hill in brooklyn.

i'm going to wisconsin this weekend for work, it's been a while since i've been out of nyc.

i have a one week vacation during the first week of november. i'll probably spend that first week settling into my new apt and doing nothing.

all i need now is a job i love and a golden retriever and i'd be all set in life.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

sometimes i wonder if i know what it means to really struggle. i would say that i've made many mistakes in the past and am paying the consequences for them now, and probably will continue to do so in the next few years. struggling financially is such a challenge and burden when you're also trying to live and survive in life. but i have hope and the knowledge that things will only get better from this point on. and then i think about my parents and the millions of other immigrants in this country who still struggle to survive constantly on an everyday basis. if they can do it --- i can do it. sometimes i look at pictures of my parents and extended family of when they all first emigrated to this country in the 1970's and wonder, "what the hell was going through their heads?" everyday i think about my future and what i want to do in my life, i can't even imagine what thwarted dreams and aspirations they once had. and what did they think about on a daily basis? getting food on the table? exploring their new american culture? what hopes and dreams did they have? the country was SUCH a different place back then, and i don't know if i would've been brave as they were to come to a new country and take a chance for a better future. it's also so interesting to see how young and hopeful they all looked... they were once like me, too.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

i was at my sister's house last week when i heard that choi jin-sil hanged herself in her apt in seoul while her mother was home. i loved choi jin-sil, she was one of the first korean actresses i started watching in the 90's and couldn't believe it when i heard the news of her suicide. i still can't believe she's dead and sometimes just obsessively google her name and the word "suicide" to see if there's any new information on her death.

i think the idea of suicide resonates so much with me because it makes me sad to think that there are people out there who feel that alone. reading back on this blog, i used to have such deep depression and feel lucky to have survived through those dark years in my life. it creeps back on me every now and then, but i feel like i've learned to cope with it better and i know what i need to do to make it go away. it doesn't always work, but i'm still in a much better place than i used to be. people say that suicide is the most selfish thing to do, and while i agree with that --- i also do empathize with people who feel such strong, uncontrollable pain and sadness in their lives and they don't know how to make it go away. when i get depressed, i get indifferent and question everything at the same time. why am i here? what is the point of my life? what would happen if i was dead?

but at 25, i've now come to learn that life is so great, no matter what you're going through. yeah-sure, things could always be better, but things could always be worse. maybe it's the fact that i'm in my twenties and i still have such hope and dreams for my life, but i know i'm going to be happy and i'll eventually obtain everything i've ever wanted.

talking about this is bringing me down again so i will end this post with a video. while i normally don't like to post videos here too often, the following is a clip from a korean drama in the 90's called "Jealousy" (질투) that is near and dear to my heart. i actually remember watching this drama as a little kid in the early 90's, and specifically remember the last scene because it was the best ending of a drama ever and became an instant classic when it went cut right to some footage of all the production crew. even watching the scene now, i can remember why i loved it as a 9-year old kid.

Monday, October 06, 2008

yesterday was a life-changing day.

one of my bosses at work was able to score me two tickets to haruki murakami's interview at this year's new yorker festival. all i've got to say is, this event sold-out in eleven minutes when tickets went on sale a while ago and i was absolutely elated to be there. i NEVER in my life thought that i would ever be able to see or be in the same room as murakami. it's like expecting to go to a reading by vladimir nabokov---it's just not going to happen.

but with murakami it did happen, and i left the interview feeling inspired about life and my future as a writer. i'm pretty lazy as an aspiring writer because, well---i never write anymore. whenever i finish work and come home, the last thing i'm feeling is inspired to write. but i've got to figure out a new system to get myself inspired and get my thoughts in writing because i'm already 25, and i've got to start making shit happen for myself.

october 5, 2008, will forever be the day in my life where i got to see one of my literary heroes in person. i've met and seen countless celebs, but this is one of the very few that actually matter to me. i feel such a connection with him, especially after yesterday. some of his thoughts on life and the writing process are things that i also fully believe in and i got such goosebumps during the event.

here are just a few notes i came away with after the interview ended. murakami...

1. thinks he never dreams while he sleeps because writing is like dreaming, and that's how all writers dream---they write
2. writes without a plan. all he has is his opening scene of a book, and he just goes from there
3. wakes up at around 3-4 AM because that's when he does his best writing. a lot of his books have an underlying theme of a a dark underworld, and that's the time where he feels closest to that other world
4. says writers have to be tough in order to make it
5. said, "my imagination is my asset---my gift"

the best thing murakami said last night was, "if the protagonist is happy, there’s no story at all.” that pretty much sums up my life.

thank you, haruki murakami.

Friday, September 19, 2008

life... is so good.

i am homeless in 12 days, but i'm hoping i'll be okay.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

for the past month or so, i've been trying to staying positive in life.

i've been through a whole lot of shit, and i've come to realize--- life is not that bad, it really isn't.

i've come to appreciate the smallest things in life, and am grateful for everything.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

i love when i'm waiting on a hot and muggy underground subway platform and i can tell that the subway is coming because i feel what at first starts as this light breeze in the stagnant air, and then it grows harder and stronger and by the time the subway is charging by me, it feels like a stampede of wild horses are passing with its wind, sound and vibration--- it makes me feel alive.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

why does cleaning out the lint trap of a dryer feel so damn gratifying?

Monday, September 01, 2008

summer is officially over...

i'll miss you, summer fridays.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

why do i tell people about my problems with the subconscious goal of hoping to hear the reaction i want?

my life is my own, and i've got to realize that no one else's opinion matters. anything i do will ultimately be my own decision, and i have no one else to blame or thank for those choices but myself.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

it's amazing how easily one can adapt to change.

living with nothing and no $... who would've ever thought??

Tuesday, August 26, 2008