Tae Yoon: Life from 2006-2021

the worst part about going to bed is trying to fall asleep --- i can never fall asleep. i was tired as hell and cranky a couple of hours ago and i just wanted was some shut eye. but all i did was stare at my ceiling and get frustrated while i tried to fall asleep. then a memory just came into my head and i wanted to write about it before i forgot.

i can't remember when this happened, but it was definitely within the past few days and during one of my morning commutes to work.

i was sitting on the subway reading and listening to music when a stranger came and sat next to me. bear in mind that this is rush hour and the trains are pretty packed. i was sitting at an end so no one was sitting to my left, and the guy was on my right. the space was a bit tight so he sorta had to squeeze and press against my body while he sat and when he did, all i could think of was how nice it felt to have someone's body come in contact with mine. i'm really not a perv and was not at all thinking of this in some sexually distorted way (i don't even remember a single detail about the guy aside from how i felt), but it just felt comforting to have someone sitting closely next to me. i just wanted to rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes --- it felt that nice. it made me realize how much i miss just being with someone --- i don't even have to be doing anything with a person aside from physically being in each other's presence and being within a close proximity from them. i miss that.

that's when i realized how lonely i am and how i sometimes yearn for some closeness and intimacy with someone.

blah blah blahhhh.

okay i'm really going to try to fall asleep. goodnight.