Wednesday, October 08, 2008

i was at my sister's house last week when i heard that choi jin-sil hanged herself in her apt in seoul while her mother was home. i loved choi jin-sil, she was one of the first korean actresses i started watching in the 90's and couldn't believe it when i heard the news of her suicide. i still can't believe she's dead and sometimes just obsessively google her name and the word "suicide" to see if there's any new information on her death.

i think the idea of suicide resonates so much with me because it makes me sad to think that there are people out there who feel that alone. reading back on this blog, i used to have such deep depression and feel lucky to have survived through those dark years in my life. it creeps back on me every now and then, but i feel like i've learned to cope with it better and i know what i need to do to make it go away. it doesn't always work, but i'm still in a much better place than i used to be. people say that suicide is the most selfish thing to do, and while i agree with that --- i also do empathize with people who feel such strong, uncontrollable pain and sadness in their lives and they don't know how to make it go away. when i get depressed, i get indifferent and question everything at the same time. why am i here? what is the point of my life? what would happen if i was dead?

but at 25, i've now come to learn that life is so great, no matter what you're going through. yeah-sure, things could always be better, but things could always be worse. maybe it's the fact that i'm in my twenties and i still have such hope and dreams for my life, but i know i'm going to be happy and i'll eventually obtain everything i've ever wanted.

talking about this is bringing me down again so i will end this post with a video. while i normally don't like to post videos here too often, the following is a clip from a korean drama in the 90's called "Jealousy" (질투) that is near and dear to my heart. i actually remember watching this drama as a little kid in the early 90's, and specifically remember the last scene because it was the best ending of a drama ever and became an instant classic when it went cut right to some footage of all the production crew. even watching the scene now, i can remember why i loved it as a 9-year old kid.


  1. ...heard alittle abt this news... how horrible!...& sad too...
    Come to think about it, there r so many suicides everyday, but just don't make the news... Life is fragile indeed!

  2. korean celebrity suicides - wow - sorry to hear this...

    but on a lighter note - it was great to meet you and your friends/family. i recognized you immediately from your pic, and figured i had nothing to loose my introducing myself (my daughter said as we walked away 'is he famous')

    coffee would be great. i'm around this weekend and next week. my email add is at my profile info. r

  3. Ugh.
    Why is the article titled, "Gay Actor Found Dead..?"

    Emphasizing his Homosexuality as a primary discription of who he was?!

    BLAH times a million. I guess, what ever makes the reader interested in the article.

  4. Asian Christian conservative social pressure sucks.

  5. what do you mean 'look at pictures and tell stories from them? i am intrigued.

  6. I was in Korea and watching the news on TV when I heard this news.
    I know that she has a fortune but do not understand why she chose that path.
    No escape!
    That is what she thought!

    J Lee