Even though it's the weekend, I've been getting terrible sleep. Since Friday night, I've been falling asleep at a ridiculous late-night hour that feels more like my ideal time to wake up early and start my day on the right foot. I've also been having the weirdest dreams the past few days and opening my eyes to this heaviness and exhaustion.

After waking up today, I lied in bed for a bit not sure of what to do with my thoughts or my day. I used cleaning my room as a reason to get motivated and on my feet, and as I was Swiffering my floor with Natalie Merchant's Tigerlily album playing in the background, my phone rang—it was my good friend Annie calling. 

Annie and I have been close since high school and she's been living in Seattle for a while now. Honestly, at our age, with most people having life partners, kids, and generally, different interests, it's natural that all friendships evolve or fizzle out. And that's totally okay, because as we get busier with more responsibilities, that's just how life works. I could say that outside of my core group of friends, it's inevitable that I've become mutually untethered from most other people I used to know, and now keeping in contact through Instagram likes is more than sufficient. If there's nothing left connecting us or no longer any genuine effort put forth into friendship, people grow apart and move on and there's nothing wrong with that. But that's why I'm so thankful to the forever friends who do check in on me to make sure I'm doing alright. Annie has always been one of those friends, and is one of my dearest pals who genuinely knows me so well (and vice versa). Getting her call today couldn't have come at a better moment. We gabbed for about an hour-and-a-half and she helped me with a lot of the mental blockers and stuff I've been recently trying to process. By the time we hung up, I was feeling much better about everything.

Afterwards, I got some air from a walk and have been vegging at home doing absolutely nothing since.

Now, Sunday is nearing its end and it's time to mentally prepare for my upcoming workweek.

It's like, things are getting better and progression during the pandemic is happening. 

But then, when thinking about the human toll of COVID-19, it's seriously beyond grasping.

"A nation numbed by misery and loss is confronting a number that still has the power to shock: 500,000.

Roughly one year since the first known death by the coronavirus in the United States, an unfathomable toll is nearing — the loss of half a million people.

No other country has counted so many deaths in the pandemic. More Americans have perished from Covid-19 than on the battlefields of World War I, World War II and the Vietnam War combined."

From the February 21, 2021, New York Times story A Ripple Effect of Loss: U.S. Covid Deaths Approach 500,000. Written by Julie Bosman.

Every morning for the past 38 years, when looking at my reflection in the mirror, it's not just my own face that I see—but also those of my parents, my childhood neighborhood of Flushing, and every Asian-American person who has paved the way in this country before my time.

Yet, even though I am the main character to my own life, so much of American film, tv, and media has perpetually shown anyone with facial features like mine as the outsider, someone whose existence depends entirely on another non-Asian character, or perhaps someone whose story does not deserve to be told at all.

Until recently, for me, this is how much of the Asian American experience has felt like. To wake up everyday and know that I am here as a full person with layers and dimension, yet to never feel fully seen.

Well, with the ongoing anti-Asian hate since the onset of the pandemic, more than ever, I think the world is ready for more Asian-American stories of all kinds.

I just came back from a walk and in a single block, I saw someone openly pissing on the street and another person screaming "NO! NO!" for dear life as they were being carted into an ambulance.

The first person to share good news with.

Over the past week on two different occasions, I randomly recognized people I know (even with their masks on) while walking down a subway platform and a Brooklyn street.

But because of COVID-19, I of course did not say anything and kept walking on.

A kind stranger on the street just wished me good morning and I’m all about this energy.

I went out to pick up some dry cleaning just before and ended up walking behind two young people who were talking shit about their boss and how they won't give them any time off. It had been so long since I've eavesdropped on a conversation of strangers. I feel alive again.

I'm craving good, deep, I want to know-who-the-fuck-you-are type of conversations.

It's funny because I feel like in my adult life, so many people always ends up telling me their secrets (and I mean everything). I'm always humbled to be entrusted with such precious info, but when it comes down to it, it's not really about the secrets. It's more about reaching this level of trust and connection, and that's what I'm really yearning for.

“I WOULD LIKE TO BUY: Ativan! Xanax! Klonopin!”

Yelled on repeat by a woman I saw walking down the street today.

I can’t say that there isn’t something to learn from her strategy of being so straight up about what she’s looking for.

Earlier today as I was in my room working, I heard people fighting outside my window on Amsterdam Avenue. Honestly, this is not anything new—it happens at all times throughout the day and night (seriously), but I still decided to see what all the noise was about. When I looked to check out what was happening, there was a guy on a motorcycle driving down the street while being chased by some other guy. I don't know what went on between them before this, but the two were mad as hell and shouting profanities and threats at each other. At one point, the guy on foot retreated and began to walk away. Then the motorcycle guy drove off for a bit while still screaming shit about kicking the other guy's ass. He was still so heated, and that's when he made a big u-turn and began to drive back towards the other guy. But then surprisingly, he stopped himself. And then he screamed "the only reason I'm not going to fuck you up is because I miss my mom! My mom just died!"

If someone has been on your mind, let them know.

It's amazing how so many American sitcoms and movies have scenes where characters are eating what appears to be Chinese takeout or Asian food with chopsticks, but there isn't an actual Asian person in site within the fictional worlds they live in.

To the people who made the decisions to include Asian food (but not characters) in those scenes, I just want to know the reasoning behind it.

I started a new job in April. 

In a turn of events for my professional career that I couldn't have ever imagined in my wildest dreams, I am now the Editor of Thrillist New York. That means it's my job to be in the know about what to eat, drink, and do in New York, and as a hometown Queens kid from Flushing, I can't tell you how proud I am to be in this new role.

With that being said, the world is a very different place now, and thinking about what to eat, drink, and do in New York has changed completely since the onset of COVID-19 in March. I mean, even as I write this on August 8, I feel like life feels so drastically different from just a month ago. How I might've thought about certain things or what I felt like I knew from then is not the same as today, and I'm totally okay with that. This year just feels like it's been filled with awakenings of every kind, some that are heartbreaking to the core, and others that were very much needed.

First of all, the COVID-19 pandemic continues to take its toll everywhere. People are sick, people are dying, people have lost their jobs and livelihoods, and at this moment, there's no sense in when things will get better in the U.S. And then there's the second virus that's on the forefront of daily life in America: racism. The systemic injustices and racism that Black people face in this country is so wrong. Until the death of George Floyd, I never truly internalized the challenges that the Black community faces. And because of my ignorance, I didn't know just how dire things were. Even from growing up in NYC or having been immersed in Black music, television, and culture as a major part of my entire life, I still hadn't realized it. Being a kid in the 90's, I can recall the majority of every comedy stand-up special I watched by a Black comic having a part dedicated to discussing racism and mistreatment from cops, but I never registered just how fucked up it really was. But now I'm trying to do my part however I can, which includes educating myself, having conversations with friends and family, and knowing that not being racist is no longer sufficient in America, but being an anti-racist is what's truly needed in order for tangible change to happen. 

At work, I've joined together with three other colleagues for the Thrillist Diversity Committee. As a group, we are committed to bringing more diversity to our workplace. It's funny because I started my job remotely, which means I have never met any of my coworkers in real life. I'm grateful to simply be employed right now, but working from home in a new job hasn't been easy for many reasons, and I still find myself struggling with things at times. It definitely hasn't been a smooth road, but I'm enjoying myself and the growth I've been able to experience so far. I feel like the timing of when I started this job and all that's happened since can be seen as a blessing in some ways and a reminder to always stay on your feet. Fighting it or wanting it to be different is pointless, so I'm trying to approach things with a fun and flexible mindset whenever possible and am up for the challenge.

It's taken me a bit to sit down with my thoughts about all that's happened since April, but I look forward to sharing more stuff here on my blog. In the meanwhile, check out Thrillist New York when you can and some of the stories I've personally written like How to Support the Black Community in NYC, Thanks for the Memories Momofuku Ssäm Bar, and 7 Restaurant Openings in NYC You Need to Know. 

Wear a damn mask when you go out, socially distance responsibly, and most importantly, Black Lives Matter!

Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.

Good morning.

I just woke up early from a real good night’s rest and am so hungry. The weather outside is looking beautiful and I wish I could just go to some diner or nice restaurant to have a bounty of food while people watching with a hot cup of black coffee in hand.

It's been ordered by the New York Governor that beginning at 8pm tonight, any non-essential workers are expected to stay home. Starting tomorrow, the only people commuting and on the streets will be from certain jobs and industries currently considered essential. The subways will be running and people can go out for food and walks, but people must remain 6-feet apart and social distance. And if you don't have to leave your home, just stay put.

Since last Monday, everything in New York has pretty much shut down. Throughout the week with every passing day, it's been closure after closure. So many different fabrics of society have been impacted, with people losing their jobs and many businesses now just trying to stay afloat.

It's like all of a sudden, life feels very different. Human contact is no longer the foundation to our everyday interactions but the part that we're trying to avoid. This change has altered everything we know.

The bar and restaurant industry was one of the earliest casualties of it all. Seeing what's happened to so many places is absolutely devastating. These small businesses were incubators of community, livelihoods, and culture and there's a shock that comes with them suddenly not being there.

Elected officials are asking people not to go to bars and restaurants for now. Restaurants are voluntarily closing their doors until more is learned about the situation. Social distancing is recommended.

I've left my apartment sparingly since I began working from home on Tuesday. I've been going out about once a day for food on my block, but that's pretty much it. I guess it's been about the past 24 hours or so where the message to just stay home has been made clear, so this is where you'll find me.

Prepared to be read, bread.
Cause I ain't feeling no threat.
On the subway seeing the action,
satisfaction with all that might, passion.