Tae Yoon: Life from 2006-2021

this month marks the 10th anniversary of my high school graduation.

i know this is so cliche, but time really does fly. the fact that it's been a decade since i last stepped foot inside my high school is mind-boggling, and i've recently been thinking about what sort of person i've grown into since then.

life is really great because with time, i've really come to learn, accept and embrace who i am. it hasn't been easy to get to this point, but now that i'm sort of here, sometimes i feel like i can conquer the world---maybe that whole adage of spending your 20's to find yourself is true.

a few fundamental beliefs have helped me achieve all of this. one is, i completely have a better understanding of people and all the differences---both good and bad---that come along with them. for starters, when i first meet someone, i feel like i can get a pretty basic understanding of how their personality is. while i'm no mind-reader or gifted when it comes to people-watching, having a basic conversation about anything can be pretty revealing. a combination of what they say, how they say it and how they listen are huge indicators for me. i've noticed that there are some people who never ask you a single question during a conversation, but talk only about themselves. i can ask question after question for hours and they usually never realize that while i've learned so much about them, they still know nothing about me. sure, they'll ask an unimportant question here and there, but it's never anything that will allow me to reveal or share anything about myself, but used more as a catalyst to keep the conversation steered in the way they want to. then there are people who will always and somehow make everything about them. meaning, i'll start talking about something, and then they will immediately somehow make the topic about them, and off they'll go. then there are people who talk so much, but in reality they're not saying much. they blab on and on about whatever, yet the only thing i'm learning from their content is that they're a fucking idiot who doesn't know shit. i find people that fall into this category very irritating, because they'll be the first one to state incorrect facts and information with an arrogance that makes them believe they're right, but instead of looking like a knowledgable person, they just appear stupid. sure, i could correct them and say "actually..." but unless it's a close friend (which is rare since i usually prefer to not have friends like these), i won't correct them. i'll just nod and agree and allow them to continue to come off like the asshole/bitch that they are.

another important lesson i've learned that helps me understand people better is that most of the people i consider loud-mouthed and annoying are just projecting their insecurities. truly happy people usually don't have to put others down to feel better about themselves. people with something intelligent to say usually can find subject matter or a topic of discussion that will focus on ANY OTHER MOTHER-FUCKING TOPIC than emphasizing on the negative aspects of others. these are also the sort of people who create useless drama to attract attention towards themselves because they need constant attention, whether it be good or bad. 'ME-ME-ME-ME-ME!' is all that goes through their heads, and there's nothing anyone can say or do to stop them. these are the people i find most pathetic because like the losers that they are, they can't just be miserable alone but must bring other people down with them.

i like people who are engaging communicators. i enjoy hearing other people's stories very much because it helps me learn more about who they are, but at the same time i'd like to share a little but about myself every now and then. i don't feel like a healthy relationship between two people can exist unless the ratio to speaking:listening is close to equal. i'm too much of a head-case and will notice when the ratio is off.

now i'm just ranting, but i started this entry because i recently had to interact with people that i was just not compatible with, and it really got me thinking. whenever i can, i try to surround myself with friends i respect, admire and just enjoy being around, so it's been a long time since i was forced to hangout with people i just looked at like "wowww, what is wrong with them?" PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE THROUGH THEIR WORDS AND ACTIONS. if this was about five years ago, i think i would've handled certain situations in my life differently, but now that i know who i am and understand people better, i can completely maintain control of myself and be coolheaded. there's a lot of immature and stupid people out there and i've come to realize that they have nothing to do with me. my version of 'normal' and their version of 'normal' are complete opposites, and that's okay. i don't feel the need to explain myself to them and i sure as hell don't care for their explanation because how can i take anything that comes out of their mouths seriously? i should thank these people because they only solidify my self-confidence and i become aware that i'm actually pretty normal in comparison to them. when i meet someone who from the start doesn't seem to like me for whatever reason, there's not much i can do. nor do i want to do anything about it because unless i know i was being a deliberate asshole, i was just being myself and if someone doesn't like that, that's not my problem. sometimes people like sharing their personal opinions about yourself to you, but i know that has nothing to do with me and that person is just projecting the pain and discomfort in their heart. a very long time ago, i think i used to be that way as well, and i guess i'm just lucky that i realized it and chose to learn from it.

i'm just an average guy who's acquired all this information with time. i have nothing to prove accept to my family and friends. i know who i am, what i'm capable of, and what i want to be. when someone tries to invoke a negative reaction out of me, i think carefully about it because for the most part, it's just not worth it. if someone makes a remark at me and i lose my cool, i'm giving them the power to make me angry, when in reality they hold no control over me whatsoever. it's also comical when a person takes a jab at you and their attempt is pitiful at best, and while i could do the same thing they tried (thanks to the countless amount of material they've provided by simply being themselves), i usually choose not to because that's just mean, and they don't need my observations to prove they're a moron---they're doing an outstanding job of that already on their own.