what a dreary and gloomy day.

i'm thinking everyone else in nyc is also staying indoors to stay dry from the shitty ass weather. i was supposed to go to the laundromat today because i haven't gone in 3 weeks --- but ehh, i don't think that will be happening anytime soon.

i feel lonely and miserable as fuck. it it so much to ask that i have a special someone in my life? why the fuck is it so hard to meet people you have shit in common with? it's so hard to meet guys of substance in nyc, argh. fuck, i've given up on all this bullshit.

these are the two photos on my refrigerator being help up by my new school university magnet.

everything else in my life is just blah.

btw --- can you believe i was ever that small?

the worst part about going to bed is trying to fall asleep --- i can never fall asleep. i was tired as hell and cranky a couple of hours ago and i just wanted was some shut eye. but all i did was stare at my ceiling and get frustrated while i tried to fall asleep. then a memory just came into my head and i wanted to write about it before i forgot.

i can't remember when this happened, but it was definitely within the past few days and during one of my morning commutes to work.

i was sitting on the subway reading and listening to music when a stranger came and sat next to me. bear in mind that this is rush hour and the trains are pretty packed. i was sitting at an end so no one was sitting to my left, and the guy was on my right. the space was a bit tight so he sorta had to squeeze and press against my body while he sat and when he did, all i could think of was how nice it felt to have someone's body come in contact with mine. i'm really not a perv and was not at all thinking of this in some sexually distorted way (i don't even remember a single detail about the guy aside from how i felt), but it just felt comforting to have someone sitting closely next to me. i just wanted to rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes --- it felt that nice. it made me realize how much i miss just being with someone --- i don't even have to be doing anything with a person aside from physically being in each other's presence and being within a close proximity from them. i miss that.

that's when i realized how lonely i am and how i sometimes yearn for some closeness and intimacy with someone.

blah blah blahhhh.

okay i'm really going to try to fall asleep. goodnight.

the weather in nyc is getting so crisp and cold, i love it --- it makes me feel alive.

i commissioned one of my best friends for a personal art project earlier in the weekend so i treated her to burgers tonight for dinner at stand on 12th street between fifth and university. i opted for the mini-burger with a side of potato salad instead of the regular sized burger, which my friend got. the difference in size was pretty funny so we decided to take pictures.

happy monday.

omg, i randomly have 3 bars of wireless internet --- so excited.

i moved into my brooklyn apartment last weekend and have been trying to settle in, yay! my room is a lot smaller than i remembered, but i fucking LOVE my new apt. my roommate and i are going to make this a nice pad. i work for an epicurean magazine and he works at one of the best furniture/design magazines --- we have to make it work here somehow. i still haven't returned my friend's camera ever since i borrowed it for wisconsin, so i plan to take advantage of it and take some pics of my new place. i will post them soon.

my roommate and i were apparently wrong about our neighborhood and we live in prospect heights, not clinton-hill. does anyone else live around here? let's chill. i started wandering the area and i love all the brownstones and old-school architecture here. i walk a block and will stumble onto the most beautiful church that looks like it was built a hundred years ago.

as for the actual layout of the apt, it's a two bedroom that also has a small office room. my roommate and i are not sure what we're going to do with that room, but i'm adamant on not making that room into just storage space --- we must take full advantage and make that room awesome somehow. all the rooms are on the small side, but the apt itself is very spacious and clean. the building is somewhat new so i love the hardwood floors and we're also kind of tucked away from the street --- it's nice to have some seclusion and privacy from the rest of the world.

aside from my new apartment, things are pretty blah. i was on vacation this past week and have to go back to work tomorrow, i'm kind of sad about that. i'm scared to open my inbox tomorrow morning to see the countless emails that await me --- i guess back it's back to real life.

speaking of real life, i've come to the conclusion that i am fucking sick of dating and trying to meet guys. whatever happens will happen. i'm going to stop thinking about how lonely i am and focus all that energy on other shit i could be doing. yeah, i'm lonely as fuck and would love some companionship, but i am not going to keep making myself feel like an idiot with the people i meet. i'm not going to waste my time anymore. blah.

i swear this was not planned but how apropos is this for my 500th blog posting.

as with the nation, all i can say is, YES!!!!!!!!!!

here is to our new president of the united states of america, barack obama.

what's new?