is it foolish to dream? is it so wrong to hope that what i aspire for in my life will actually happen?
being alone in a foreign country can really get to me sometimes... but this is what i've chosen---so i deal with all that comes with it.
i've basically run away and isolated myself from everything and everyone, and here i am in thailand... trying to accomplish my dream. sometimes i feel like everyone i used to know has forgotten about me, but then i think that i should've been careful about what i wished for. the scary thing is, a part of me wants to separate myself even further from the little connections that i do have, because i'd rather just be miserable on my complete own.
it's really difficult to stay constantly optimistic, and convince myself that everything will turn out okay... that my writing will actually get me somewhere in life, or that i'll get my foot in the door to the warehouse of my dreams.
fumes of hope are all i have to keep me going at times, but i tell myself that i have to believe.
i wish i could cry on command and release some of the frustrations within me. i'm just having a moment right now and feel so dejected. but living here has taught me that countless others around the world have way more serious problems than i do, and so humility always cures me of these occasional moments of self-pity.
but sometimes i just wish i had more answers to all the questions in my head.
instead of wishing i had more control over my life and future, all i can do is control what i can, and recycle my fumes of hope for all that remains...
hmm.. what does it take to be okay with uncertainty?
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