Monday, December 26, 2011

"put yourself out there" or "why don't you find someone online or through the many gay apps that exist?"

it's been awhile since i've even thought about dating because, well, i haven't found anyone that i'm remotely compatible with here in bangkok. friends here in thailand always try and suggest that i do this or do that to meet someone, but a lot of the approaches that they want me to explore just don't suit me.

let's talk about online dating and smartphone-app dating in particular. my biggest problem with these outlets are, PEOPLE ARE GOD DAMN LIARS. i understand that online dating and meeting people with smartphone-apps are all about marketing yourself to any prospects, but seriously---give me a break. how people choose to make their online profiles is basically how they want others to define themselves since there's no practical knowledge of their own to go by, and it just completely BOGGLES my mind that so many guys choose to define themselves in the manner that they do.

the pictures that some people post of themselves is what gets me the most because they're so transparently deceptive. i just don't understand when people post pictures that actually aren't accurate, everyday portrayals of themselves at all. these sorts of photos are sometimes easy to spot because they're usually taken from some unnatural angle, or the photo's been cropped in some distracting way, making you wonder why they went through all the trouble. i mean anyone with a camera is able to produce photos of themselves looking like this, but does it make sense to use them in order to get dates? what do you expect will happen when you meet the person in real life? i guarantee that the first thing going through their mind is, "you're a fucking liar," because that's what recently happened to me. it's like they've somehow magically captured this rare perspective on camera, and am opting to designate it as how they normally look---and if they can lie about this, then i feel like they're capable of misleading people about other stuff as well. it had been a very, very long time since i've met up with someone that i've met through a smartphone-app, but i did so last weekend at the movies. as soon as i saw him, all i thought was, "who the hell is this guy?" i'm not adamant on a set sort of looks because attraction to another person is all i need, but don't lie and mislead me to believe in something that doesn't exist. then we have all these dudes that only post torso or pics of their body, and seriously, what is that all about? okay, sure, you're looking for sex and that's fine, but for anyone who is looking for something with a bit more substance, i could give less than two fucks about how cut your body is. just because you have that body, it doesn't mean i'm going to like you. it doesn't mean you get to be an asshole. it doesn't mean we're going to get along. it doesn't mean that we're going to have engaging conversation. the physical stuff is just a part of what i want in a relationship, but for the people who have faceless muscle pics, they're showcasing what they believe to be are their best assets. and that's totally fine if that's what they want, but that's not my major concern because there are way more important things in life. and i hate to bring up age because i don't think it's that pertinent, but i would expect that when people get to a certain age, they want more than just casual sex, and that they're beyond posting pics of only their abs. then there's these profiles of people that are so boastful and full of bullshit that they think impresses others. they list all this stuff that to them, makes them come off as so much more smarter and appealing, but all that self-centered exaggeration is such a damn turn off. just because you've done this or that, that in no way makes you any more special than anyone else---why can't these stories be shared in privacy on a first date instead? humility and modesty is much better to highlight in your profile, rather than singing one's own praises. don't even get me started on people who list certain musicians and authors as their favorites, yet they can't seem to hold a decent conversation about any of them. then there's all these guys who list that they're in relationships or partnered, yet they have all this salacious stuff up on their profile. i think it's just so disrespectful to do that if you're in a relationship. you say you just want to make friends, but let's cut the bullshit. if you wanted to simply make new friends, get rid of the shirtless pics in your profile and go find a new hobby. what you're seeking is attention and i suggest you hide the fact that you're in a relationship because, well, why would anyone want to pursue anything with you if we're aware of the fact that you're doing this to your current boyfriend? the last thing about online and smartphone-app dating i want to discuss are the names that people choose for themselves. any grown-ass-man with a stupid-ass or immature profile name just makes me wonder about their judgement, and that we probably see the world very differently.

i could rant on and on about this, but i will restrain from going any further.

the thing is, in whatever venue or outlet, i do try to sincerely meet people. but there's just so much bullshit that has to be put up with while doing so, and it's just frustrating. people's behavior just alarms me sometimes, and when i see someone acting a certain way, all i can think is how i don't want to be involved with anyone like that.

and don't get me wrong because i'm the first to admit that I'M NO SPECIAL CATCH and I KNOW i'm not these guys' cups-of-tea either hahah. i don't feel that i'm better or worse than these guys. we're all searching for our own versions of happiness, but evidently we're using completely different dictionaries. i mean i've dated people that i've met online and on smartphone-apps before, but i now know that i mostly shouldn't and usually try not to go looking for people this way anymore, because it just doesn't suit me. sometimes all of it just makes me think, where are all the guys who have viewpoints that are similar to mine? where's all the sincerity and meaning that should be a part of the dating process?

but then again, i'm in no rush to meet anyone. i mean sure it would be nice, but it's not vital or a priority in my life.

as for now, i'll leave you with my version of a flattering picture i just took of myself. like i said, anyone can produce one. and while this is me and i do look like this, i would never use this as a dating photo because i know it's not an accurate portrayal of how i look on a daily basis. plus, in it, i'm also in desperate need of some visine.


  1. nuttin buh pearls12:04 AM

    you look booted <3

  2. I haven't stalked ur blog in awhile... how've u been?

  3. im going out with this guy whom i've met thru smartphone-app dating. so far so good. he's got substance and i always enjoy spending time with him because of his child-like qualities (not childish).

    we'd often walk around the village at night and sit in the park til past midnight.

    maybe you just haven't found the right guy? :)

  4. Anonymous10:50 AM

    You're sexy!

  5. Too many things that you write which I agree with. Have you by chance read The Velvet Rage? While I disagree with some of the author's claims (he's a psychologist by trade) about the gay man, a lot of what he says explains certain *vain* actions by most men.