Good morning, and happy New Year’s Eve!

I just woke up from a weird dream and since it’s the last day of the year, rather than go back to bed to grab a bit more sleep before I start work, I thought I’d stay up.

I dreamt this good friend of mine who I care deeply about was in town and over my place. It wasn’t in the apartment I’m living in now, though, but his visit was such a pleasant surprise that when he spontaneously suggested we go party somewhere (although we knew we shouldn’t because of the pandemic), I immediately said yes. As we were getting ready, my middle sister came home and began venting about her rough day so we invited her out as well. The three of us weren’t sure where to go, but we walked around some industrial area while helicopters flew about above the Manhattan sky. The next thing I know, we’re in some secret warehouse party where everyone is dancing and having fun. At one point I find myself staring at this tv monitor of the dance floor and I watch my friend spot a guy he thinks is cute before making a direct b-line for this dude to hit on him. This sort of upsets me because I have a crush on my friend and I decide to leave the party to get some air. While I’m outside, I see the cops about to swarm the party and I try to text my sister and friend to warn them. That’s when all of the partygoers slowly start exiting the huge building and I eventually spot my sister. I ask where the friend is and she said he ditched us to hang with that new guy he had just met. The cops are trying to herd everyone in to these tents while making everyone change into hazmat suits but I grab my sister and say we still have to go party somewhere. I double check with her to make sure she hadn’t taken off her mask inside the warehouse at any point and she confirms she didn’t, so we slip away from the side and escape. We end up wandering these small houses and shops that remind me of the side streets of Khao San in Bangkok. The two of us are linked arm-in-arm with our masks on and trying to find someplace to grab a drink or some food but since it’s a few minutes past the NYC 10pm curfew, everything is about to close or is closed.We eventually stumble onto this small spot selling Jamaican oxtail about to close up shop but still has some customers dining inside. The storefront isn’t like one in NYC, it’s like an old school spot in Thailand where all of the large windows are open and circulating fresh air. When my sister gets in line to order and I go to grab us seats, that’s when I woke up.

I always wake up really happy when I have dreams about this friend of mine.

On cold and rainy days like today in New York, it makes me miss my old soi in Bangkok.

Queens Boulevard never stops. The street does grow slightly quieter at night, but there's still always a constant stream of cars and people (no matter how intermittent they are). Trucks rattling, emergency sirens blaring, or the occasional drunks howling are just some of the noises that carry over into my new 8th floor place whenever I'm home. And since staring out windows has always been a personal passion of mine, I very much appreciate my bird's eye view of everything. All of it is comforting in a way. I haven't lived near such a lively street since I was by Petchaburi in Bangkok.

I moved out of the Financial District at the end of May, and have been living in Woodside, Queens, since. It was a blast living downtown with my best friend Junho and we have a lifetime of memories to cherish from it. But after two years, we were both also ready for some change. He decided to go uptown to be closer to his hospital, and I chose to come back to my hometown borough of Queens.

I like being in Woodside. I haven't lived in Queens for a good eight years or so, but the adjustment is exactly what I was in need of. I'm happy to report the transition has been smooth with no problems so far. My commute to work is painless, I know my way around the area, and there are tons of good ethnic food spots all within walking distance underneath the 7 Train. Everything just feels natural and like I'm back home in a way. I mean, I'm pretty sure I won't ever live in Flushing again, so Woodside is the closest to home that will do.

Aside from my move, I haven't had much else going on. The summer has been pretty hot so far but I've been enjoying walking around and spending lazy Sundays at Prospect Park with friends. I've been trying to churn out a food story here and there whenever I can, so that's kept me somewhat occupied as well. I also had this idea to write about being chronically single my whole life, and how it feels to still be this way at 33. But then a coworker friend of mine mentioned that it's somewhat cliche to write about being single in New York City. And I realized how right she was.

Well, I hope everyone is enjoying their summer so far. Be sure to stay hydrated and do absolutely nothing if possible.

"Add them up, all the pet dogs on the planet, and you get about 250 million.

But there are about a billion dogs on Earth, according to some estimates. The other 750 million don't have flea collars. And they certainly don't have humans who take them for walks and pick up their feces. They are called village dogs, street dogs and free-breeding dogs, among other things, and they haunt the garbage dumps and neighborhoods of most of the world."

From the April 18, 2016, New York Times story: The World Is Full of Dogs Without Collars. Written by James Gorman.

When I first moved to Thailand five years ago, all of the stray dogs that roamed the streets of Bangkok had an instant impact on me. There were just so many of them on almost every street I walked.

While it was heartbreaking to see, thankfully, because Thailand is predominantly a Buddhist culture, these street dogs of Bangkok were not only left alone, but for the most part treated with kindness and compassion.

If you'd like to see some of the street dogs of Bangkok I captured in my years of living there, please check out the following: STREET DOGS OF BANGKOK.

We hit it off in Thailand...

Back when I was living in Bangkok, I wrote the following food story about the city in 2012.

If you are planning to travel to Thailand anytime soon, perhaps you will find some helpful tips below.

Bangkok Food Culture 101 by Tae Yoon

SANG SOM RUM
For thirty-five years now, Sang Som rum has been fueling nights of drunken debauchery and hazy memories for revelers in Thailand. This precarious rum dominates the market of Thai spirits, and the country’s estimated 67 million residents consume over 70 million liters annually. Made of sugarcane and with an ABV of 40%, Sang Som can inexpensively be purchased almost anymore and is most commonly drunk with soda water, cola, or my favorite, in a Sang Som Bucket. Sang Som Buckets are exactly what you’re imagining—a tub of liquids whose only objective is to get you wasted. These buckets are customarily found at tourist bars and make consuming the powerful rum a bit smoother. And since export sales of Sang Som account for 1% of its total market, what better way is there to get acquainted with it while in Thailand?

PASS THE SRIRACHA. NO, NOT THAT ONE.  
When the average American thinks of sriracha sauce, that ubiquitous bottle with its robust red color, distinct green cap and large rooster on the front most likely comes to mind. But in Thailand, it’s a bit of a different story. Sriracha sauce here isn’t eaten with Vietnamese food, found as a staple condiment in places such as Momofuku, nor incorporated into sauces like it is at Applebee’s. Instead, it’s known as a nondescript chili sauce that got its name from the coastal city of Si Racha and is traditionally eaten with seafood. There are numerous available brands of sriracha in Thailand, all of which are mostly unknown to Americans, and vice versa. Most Thais are also unaware of the existence of the Huy Fong Foods brand, which was started by a Chinese-Vietnamese immigrant from California and is what most Americans know as sriracha. And since it’s impossible for me to acquire that here, I sometimes settle for the Thai-made Three Mountains Brand, which is less spicy, slightly sweeter and gives less a kick compared to its American cousin.

FOLLOW THE LUNCH CROWD

While Thailand’s street food needs no introduction, I’m sad to report that Bangkok’s streets are not all lined with stall-after-stall of wonderful deliciousness. Even though I live in a very central part of town, there isn’t a place for me to just quickly pop out to in order to grab a convenient bite. That is, well, unless it’s around lunchtime. Shortly after I moved into my studio, I discovered that the mass of office workers in the many nearby buildings would casually walk into a doorway around lunchtime that is always chained-up at night. My esurient curiosity lead me to investigate, and I subsequently discovered a vast open-air food court that solely exists to feed lunchtime customers. If you’ve come to Bangkok and think your accommodations are in a food-desolate neighborhood, hang around the area from 12-1 to see if there’s some overlooked establishments that are patronized by hungry office workers.

TIPPING
The tipping standards of 15% in America—and 20% in New York City—is unsurprisingly not common in a country where the minimum daily wage hovers around $10. Tipping is not required in Thailand, and this especially makes sense when your street food costs around a dollar or two itself. However, for many modern establishments with more of a full dining experience, there is sometimes a small service charge added to the bill. As someone who has had countless jobs where tips were a part of my livelihood, I can totally empathize with food service employees and don’t mind a service charge at all. And for other places where I’ve had adequate service and there’s no mandatory gratuity charged to the bill, I always feel compelled to not leave without giving something. The smallest bill of money in Thai currency would be ฿20, which equals to less than a dollar, and for most instances it’s sufficient enough to leave. But if you’re feeling extra generous, ฿100 would definitely make someone’s day.

SPRING ROLLS AND PAD THAI ON KHAO SAN ROAD
After living in this city for more than a year-and-a-half, I’ve come to realize that Khao San Road in Bangkok is comparable to what Times Square is in New York City: it’s filled with tourists, avoided by the locals, and gets tiresome pretty quickly. The notorious area of Khao San Road seems to be the absolute go-to stop for backpackers in Southeast Asia. On any given night, there will be thousands of people from all over the world mingling with one another while patronizing the countless number of hostels, budget hotels, bars, restaurants, shops and other inexpensive tourists destinations that fill the neighborhood. One of the edible attractions of Khao San Road are its many vendors who sell low-priced and delicious pad thai and spring rolls, which taste absolutely heavenly after a few Sang Som Buckets. On a side note, while I agree that it can be fun there, I have also heard of many people spending their entire Bangkok vacation at Khao San Road—and that seems like a terrible waste to me.

FORKS AND SPOONS TO CLASS IT UP
Some Asian countries use chopsticks as one of their main tools of eating, but Thailand would not be one of them. Whether it’s a meal of street food being enjoyed while sitting on a plastic stool, or in a luxurious Thai restaurant with a beautiful nighttime view of the city, the majority of its patrons are most likely eating their meals with a fork and spoon. When it comes to eating, Thais find it to be quite rude and inelegant to stuff food into your mouth with a fork. Instead, they use the fork to push food onto a spoon in order to prepare portions for consumption. The fork-and-spoon combination is quite versatile for Thai cuisine, and most Thai food does not require a knife of any sort for cutting. However if cutting is necessary, using the side of a spoon to do so is usually sufficient in most cases. Surprisingly, in Thai culture, chopsticks are most commonly used just for noodles or ethnically Chinese dishes.

WATER, MEET STRAW
When the Thai weather is being its tropical-self, and I’m dripping sweat from every crevice in my body, walking into a 7-11 to buy some water and bask in the free air-conditioning kills two birds with one stone. I know that the straw that’s always offered when purchasing any beverage is something I should accept, but a part of me in my perspiring state finds it completely unnecessary. In Thai culture, it is looked upon by some people as impolite and unrefined to drink liquids straight from the bottle, even for something as simple as bottled water. While I try to adhere to Thai customs and traditions as much as possible since arriving in Bangkok, I always decline the straw in a well-mannered way—and you should feel free to do the same.

YES—I’D LIKE MY LETTUCE WILTED, PLEASE
Many international coffee and tea franchises have branches all over Bangkok. Their selections of salads, sandwiches, wraps and pastries are a nice change from the street food I eat on a constant basis, and I often look forward to chilling out in an air-conditioned environment with Wi-Fi. Chicken Caesar wraps are especially my favorite, but I have to make sure that I don’t forget to add this to my order: “Please, don’t toast it!” Without fail, all of the coffee and tea franchises in Bangkok automatically assume that you want every single food that you order toasted in their oven. In Thailand, the norm is to eat everything toasted if an oven is available. I myself do not prefer to have my lettuce warm and wilted, and recommend that you be sure to note this to the cashier when placing your order as well. The same also goes for coffee that is sold in smaller places and not the international franchises. In Thailand, the norm is for coffee to be sweetened. If you only drink black coffee like myself, be sure to instruct them with “NO SUGAR,” or else you’ll end up with something that I liken to coffee candy.

MEET ME AT THE MALL
Hot weather. Rainy weather. Humid weather. Unbearable weather. The reasons to patronize Bangkok’s many malls might differ from person-to-person. But what’s absolutely clear is, Bangkok is definitely a mall-culture. Most of the malls are easily accessible and even anchor a good deal of the busiest public transportation stops in town. It’s inevitable that most tourists who are not used to Thailand’s tropical climate might at some point experience displeasure due to the weather, and that’s when you know it’s mall-time. One of the many great characteristics of Bangkok’s more popular malls are that they offer a plethora of activities, from ice-skating and bowling to 3D movies and massages, and spending an entire day there can be easily done. To top it off, Bangkok’s major malls offer a broad amount of different food options, making it pleasurable to recharge all that’s needed to before venturing back out into the elements.

RING OF SPICES

At almost any eating spot where Thai food is sold, both low-brow and high-brow, the ring of spices will be there sitting on the table. With the classic view of the ends of their small serving spoons sticking out, this foursome of staple condiments represent the four characteristics that form the basis of all Thai sauces: salty, sour, spicy and sweet. Called khrueng phuang in Thai and translated into "Ring of Spices" in English, dry chili powder, vinegar with chili pieces, sugar, and vinegar with chili powder make up the quartet of spices.

American passports are valid for a period of ten years before they need to be renewed. As I currently hold my now voided passport that was my only constant companion through my travels in the past decade, flipping through its stamps and visas bring back so many memories.

I recently just got a new passport, and my old one was returned to me through the mail today. It contains more pages than when I was originally issued it nine years ago because it ran out of available space while I was living in Thailand and I had to get some added. It was on one of my usual visa runs to Cambodia when I learned my passport had no more empty pages left. While living in Bangkok, I would often travel alone to Cambodia. This was one of the closest and cheapest ways to technically exit Thailand and acquire a new Thai visa outside of the country. Once I got my visa, I would cross back over in to Thailand to be able to legally live there for another extended amount of time.

It was during a visa run like this at the Cambodian border town of Poipet when to my surprise, I was notified about being denied entry to the country because my passport had run out of room.

For my passport to have no space for new stamps and visas was the last thing on my mind to ever anticipate would go wrong. I couldn't believe I was being refused admittance into Cambodia because of it. It was hard not to momentarily panic right then because I was traveling alone, was on an extremely tight budget, and hadn't had a bank account in years to pull out more non-existent money. I had no back-up plan at all, and absolutely needed to enter Cambodia to obtain that Thai visa. Going back to Bangkok empty handed just wasn't an option, because then I would be forced to leave Thailand, my studio apartment, and entire life there on terms that weren't mine.

Then magically, I was offered a solution to my problem by customs officials---but of course it would come at a price. I was told that the last few pages of passports were usually supposed to be left empty for administrative purposes. Cambodian border agents were not supposed to place visas on this part, however, for a private fee of ฿500 cash, they would be willing to make an exception for me. Thankfully, that was a sum that I could actually afford, and was more than happy to fork it over. Suffice it to say, I was subsequently allowed in to the country and got my Thai visa like I had planned.

After eventually returning to Bangkok, one of the first things I did was to make an appointment at the American Embassy to have more pages added to my passport. I eventually would've had to do so because I traveled a lot more after that trip, but I guess I found out the hard way.

Traveling alone for years like that was actually so much fun, now that I think about it. Sure, it was scary and stressful at times but definitely had an element of adventure. I never had an itinerary or any plans at all. I liked to just go somewhere and figure it out when I arrived. Not having a bank account or credit cards at the time didn't allow me the luxury of booking things in advance, so I would usually go somewhere and just find a hostel or other accommodations by asking around or word of mouth. And everything always worked out somehow. Doing this was never really hard because I prefer to wake up in a new city or country with an open day ahead of me instead of some rigid schedule. Walking around for hours to explore by foot and discover what I want to eat and do on my own never failed me.

Now, with my brand new passport that I will hopefully be using for the next ten years, I'm excited to eventually fill up its pages. I'll be breaking it in with a work trip to Berlin next week, which I'm pretty excited about. I would love to travel again soon to a foreign country for pleasure, but that probably won't be any time soon. But for now, Germany next week will be enough to satiate me until then.

What's happened at the Erawan Shrine is just terrible. Looking at the pictures of it online is saddening on so many levels, because that was always such a place of peace and tranquility.

The Erawan Shrine is a temple in the very center of Bangkok, where Rama 1 and Ratchadamri intersect. This is literally in the middle of everything---a busy intersection as Central World, Gaysorn, the Royal Thai Police Headquarters, BTS stations, Skywalk and so many other major institutions remain accessible steps away. The temple was a major destination for different types of races, religions and people, from those who unexpectedly discover it while heading to a nearby destination, to groups of tourists or locals on their way home after work at a nearby mall. Stepping into the outdoor temple in the heart of Thailand's Capital city was like entering a space of serenity in all the madness. Back when I lived in Bangkok, I can't even count the number of times I stood on the Skywalk right next to the temple and felt joy while watching the people inside, as they appeared completely transported to a place of light and hope. There were oftentimes ceremonies held in it as well. It was teeming with life and spirit, and now it's also a place where people died while observing such a personal moment.

It's all so tragic. My thoughts and prayers go out to those who died and were injured.

Stay strong, Bangkok.

My work trip to Florida over the past few days was great.

Being in the tropical weather really reminded me of Thailand, and it was nice to feel that sticky heat with palm trees in the background. On the first night there, even passing rainstorms felt refreshing. Sprinting alone back to my room at 3am during a heavy downpour actually had me laughing because it had been years since that happened, invoking memories and emotions buried far back in my brain.

Every night after my bosses, coworkers, and I returned from eating dinner and late-night barhopping, we would all go back to our rooms to quickly change before meeting again at the hotel's pool and jacuzzi. Ending each night like that was a blast, especially when I'd be floating alone in the large pool just staring at the sky. I'd drown out the entire world with my ears underwater, allowing me to give my undivided attention skyward. Looking at the stars with grey silhouettes of palm trees hovering above me had me completely absorbed in where I was at that very moment. And in those exact points in time, that's when I felt particularly transported and like I was back in Bangkok because a good friend of mine used to have a pool in his apartment complex with a similar view. It was at this friend's house where I discovered my love of doing the same thing to clear my head---going swimming alone at night, feeling weightless and completely free of any cares in the world as I gazed up.

I guess I don't experience the feeling of getting completely lost and engrossed in something very often, and that's why being able to spend time at night in a pool where I'm by myself makes me really happy. That's when I'm not preoccupied by anything or feeling distracted and consumed by something I was worrying about earlier, which is how I usually feel all the god damn time. I can just be there in the water, drifting both physically and mentally without having to overthink anything. I'm just present in the moment, which sounds simple in theory but not really easily achievable.

Overall, it was a great trip where I got to spend quality time with the people at my workplace while learning more about how I can be better at my job. But I do have to say that those nighttime moments in the pool also helped me in a way that nothing else could have, because they made me remember what mental clarity felt like.

Even without the help of technology, the world is still small.

I went to Flushing a few weekends ago and took the 7 train there. The last stop of the E train in the city is near my place so taking that to 74th Street Jackson Heights was easy. Afterwards, when I was waiting on the 7 train platform to transfer, I noticed two guys standing not far from me because one of them was really tall. His brown jacket also helped make him memorable for some reason. I eventually continued on with what I was doing and forgot about them completely inside the rumbling 7 as I stood by the door's window to stare out.

It was about four hours later when I was back on the 7 train at Main Street to head home. I like to ride the second subway-car from the front whenever getting off the 74th street stop to go into the city. It's funny because after I exited the 7 and was heading to the staircase, I watched the same two guys from earlier step out of the first car of the subway in front of me. I immediately recognized the tall guy's brown coat and had myself a chuckle. As they were busy talking and not noticing me walking behind them, all I could think to myself were what are the odds.

But coincidences like that seem to pop-up every now and then, and it always reminds me of how connected we all truly are.

When my good friends Jenn and Daniel came to visit me while I was living in Korea years ago, my only English-speaking and American friend in Seoul was Hyunha. 

Hyunha had moved from the Tri-State area and arrived in Seoul after I did. She was living in Korea for the first time with her two daughters, who I was so happy to be able to meet as well. They were in grade school and attending international school to not only be submersed in Korean culture, but also spend quality time with their mom. Hyunha and I had met through a mutual friend from NYC, and we instantly hit it off. We had a lot of fun late nights of just talking and downing bottles of whiskey together as we traded stories and shared parts of our lives. 

It was soon after our first initial meeting in Korea that my friends Jenn and Daniel were coming to visit. Since moving to Seoul, I felt like I hadn't seen them in forever. We had also been roommates during my time in NYC before I left, and so my excitement to see them was boiling over. Their flight was scheduled to arrive at 5am, which left me no choice but to sleep at the airport that night. Back then, the only way to get to Incheon Airport from Seoul by public transportation was through an airport bus. These buses had multiple lines and picked-up from most places in Korea's capital city. The ride took about an hour, and the last buses usually scheduled to arrive at the airport were around midnight. 

When I picked a long bench inside the airport to sleep on, I only noticed maybe one or two other people also doing so. Surprisingly, none of the airport staff bothered us and we were all left alone as if we weren't there. I'm not sure if that night was an aberration, but there were multiple planes from JFK that all landed that night in Seoul around 5am. I got a spot at one of the many passenger arrival gates and watched as people strolled out one-by-one with luggage in tow. At one point as I stood there waiting, I noticed a certain man come out alone. His face immediately put me at alert, and I studied him carefully to be certain that I was thinking of the right person. 

The thing is, Hyunha might have not remembered it, but Korea wasn't the first time we crossed paths. I had seen her before in NYC many years back at a few house parties that our mutual friend threw. I can also recall seeing her with her husband, and he was the same man I had just seen walk out the airport gate alone. Running into him at the airport at that time was a complete shock to me. Because we had just met, I only knew in a general sense that Hyunha's husband at that time was coming into town. I had also just mentioned to her that some close friends from NYC were visiting, so neither of us ever thought there would be any sort of connection. 

I watched closely as he walked off to the side to make a phone call. I waited until after he hung up to approach him and say hi. He of course had no idea who I was because he didn't know my face, but eventually figured out what was going on. Soon after, my friends Jenn and Daniel arrived. When we ended up running into Hyunha's then husband later on, it was near a ticket stand for airport buses. The 3 of us had just learned that there were no buses for another hour and the lines of people waiting for them outside were getting long. That's why we were extremely grateful when he invited us to go with him back to Seoul in his taxi. He was in fact going to the neighborhood right next to where I lived and where my friends were also staying. The funniest part was when we were in the cab ride back and he called Hyunha to tell her what had happened.

A few months later when I eventually ended up leaving Korea (not by choice), I was waiting in the immigration line at Suvarnabhumi Airport to enter Thailand. I was there on a one-way ticket with what I planned to be a two-month stay since that's what my visa allotted. I was alone, on an extremely tight budget, didn't know anything about Thailand, and had no idea what I was going to do after exiting the airport. I remember the immigration area being very large and new. It's hard to recall what the reason was, but all of the stations were empty and the many rows of us in line had to wait for some time. I was fortunate to be first in the line all the way to the left and patiently stood with my immigration card in hand. My feelings anticipating that moment where someone would come and stamp my passport to send me into the unknown of Thailand was something I wasn't sure how to feel about.

That's when I heard a voice from behind me. "So, what kind of writer are you?"

On my immigration form, I wasn't sure how favorable "unemployed clueless loser" under occupation would sound. I was going to Thailand without any idea about anything, so I decided to put down "freelance writer" instead.

I turned around and saw a friendly looking guy. A part of it was funny because I could probably count on one hand the number of times in the past 6 months that I had had a conversation with a stranger in English, let alone an American. I told him I had studied writing in college and had worked in magazine publishing in NYC, on top of writing my own fiction on the side. He told me he was from Utah and worked in communications. He had currently moved to Vietnam for work and lived there with his wife. When he found out I had worked at an epicurean magazine, he mentioned that he had a friend who also worked at one. When he told me who it was, my jaw dropped because it was someone from my old job! This was someone who I not only had the pleasure of working with and getting to know, but also someone I respected immensely because they're such a great person.

The nice guy continued to tell me that when my former colleague went to Vietnam for their honeymoon, they had met up with him and his wife for dinner. This all happened during the time we still worked together at the magazine, and both of the couples had met through a mutual friend. Years later, after I had returned to NYC and was working in the office of a restaurant in TriBeCa, my old colleague came for dinner one night. I stopped in that evening to say hi, and it was was the first time we had both seen each other since I had left for Asia. Seeing them was great, and the amusing thing was that their dinner companion was the mutual friend who had introduced them to the man I met at Suvarnabhumi Airport.

Before I left Korea for Thailand, I spent a long period of time being unemployed and looking for work. Since I really needed to earn money, I eventually ended up taking this part-time bartending gig. This was an opportunity that came my way through a friend who had nothing to do with the food industry, it was just a right-place-in-the-right-time situation. The bar I worked at was actually a gay bar in one of Seoul's two major gay districts, Itaewon and Jongno. The area of my workplace, Jongno, was known to be quieter and more subdued than Itaewon, the other major gay neighborhood of the city.

The bar that I worked at happened to be named after this indie American movie with somewhat of a cult following. The film is funny with a sexual storyline and takes place in NYC. Some of the characters are gay, giving the movie a large LGBT fan base. That's the reason why the man who first opened the gay bar named it after the movie, because he was a super fan. When he eventually sold the bar to the owner who would become my boss, the name remained and continued to shine bright in the white sign above its third floor windows.

The gay bar wasn't too big, and my boss was always there. On busy weekend nights, there would be three of us behind the bar, the third being another bartender who worked there full-time. I normally never came out on slower weekdays except for when the full-time worker had a day off. It was an early weekday like that when this fateful encounter happened, and I remember it like yesterday. The bar was completely dead that night until I saw a straight couple open the door to come in and sit at the bar. Now what made them so different and caught my attention was that they weren't Korean, but that they were caucasian.

That might not sound like a big deal, but having two patrons like them casually come for a drink at a random gay bar in Jongno was like seeing two unicorns walk in---it just seemed non-existent. The better news was that not only were they American, but they were also from NYC! Since my boss didn't speak english, whenever anything needed to be communicated to tourists or english speaking non-Koreans, it was my job to attend to them and make conversation if they were sitting at the bar. After the couple sat down and started drinking, I ended up talking with them for hours. She was currently living in China with her boyfriend and working as a university professor at a law school. The two of them had come to Seoul for a short vacation and their hotel for the night was nearby. The fact that they were even staying in a hotel in Jongno was a first for me because even though it's well-known, it's also a very old part of the city with no major hotels, skyscrapers, or hoards of young people partying everywhere. It's known more for having lot of beautiful and traditional houses called hanoks, and being close to the Royal Palace.

When I asked how the two of them ended up choosing this bar to drink at, they said they didn't know where else to go. They had been looking for a place, and decided on us because they saw the name of the bar and not only liked it, but was also intrigued (the bar name also used to be commonly used as a pejorative term in American culture). That night with them ended up being really fun, and conversing with the both of them was a blast. Bartending at the gay bar was a great experience, but I often had shifts were I just felt frustrated and down about life, not understanding why I was having such a hard time finding a job I really wanted. That's why when they even graciously left me a really nice tip, it totally made my day because typically in Korean culture, tipping is not a norm at all. We exchanged emails and I thanked them again so much for coming in as they left later that night. Meeting them at work had been such a refreshing breath of air for me, and I was so humbled by how nice they were.

Less than five months later, I was living in Thailand and went to the capital of Laos for my first-ever visa run. This was after my first 2-month visa had expired, and I went to Vientiane to acquire a new one at the Thai embassy there. This was the closest and most affordable-to-get-to Thai embassy from Bangkok, and getting there required an overnight bus or train to Nong Khai before crossing over into Laos.

On my first and only day of the trip, I wandered around Vientiane as I waited for my passport and visa to get processed. At one point, I am walking on a street along a big road when I see the same American couple from that night at work in Seoul walking towards me. We immediately say hi, and even took a picture together because we couldn't believe our luck. Out of all of the places to be on the planet at that very moment, we somehow ended up at the same exact spot in Laos together.

Who knows, maybe we will all somehow cross paths again. Fate is a crazy thing.

The past week or so has been really cold in NYC. It makes walking the city by foot pretty much impossible, and I long for warm sunny weather.

About a year ago, I got on the subway one evening to go to this bar alone where some friends were throwing a party. Last winter was pretty brutal too in terms of the cold, and I remember this day being particularly miserable as well.

As I gripped a pole and stood in the shaky subway while it pulled out of Union Square, I noticed a friend named Anna Margaret sitting nearby bundled-up in many layers and with a bag of takeout food. We knew each other from working together at a restaurant in the East Village, and I probably hadn't seen her in close to 4 years. I immediately said hi, and it was so great to catch up with her for a bit. Then I told her that if she had no plans, she should come with me to where I was going because the people at the bar throwing the party had also worked at the same restaurant as us, so we all were friends.

That's when she responded with, "Tae, I'm old and cold," and proceeded to tell me about how excited she was go to home with her dinner in hand and stay inside in the comfort of warmth. Now, Anna Margaret is not someone I consider actually old because we're the same age. But when she said that to me, I completely understood what she meant and wished her a good night.

What she said, "old and cold," has really stuck with me since. I find it popping into my head a lot more nowadays. And in this winter's current New York deep freeze, I too feel too damn "old and cold" to do the many things I once really enjoyed.

Below are some pictures from my time living in Bangkok that I never posted. They were all taken while I was on the backseat of a motorcycle-taxi (motosai), and it brings me a little warmth to think about my days in tropical weather when this was the way I traveled around town.

Sometimes, 5am can feel just the same as 11pm to me. I'm not sure what sort of weird internal clock I was born with, but I've come to somewhat fully accept my lifelong sleep issues as a part of who I truly I am. There's no sleeping pill, breathing exercise, diet or routine that has ever been a dependable solution to my insomnia, and so here I am typing.

When I was living abroad in Thailand for years, I often went long periods without the Internet. The connection at my apartment was so outrageously slow and undependable, that I couldn't bear myself to pay for it any longer. I would spend more time trying to get a connection rather than being connected, and so I learned to live without it.

Instead, I would go somewhere in the daytime that had wifi, and download as much stuff on my iPad as possible to use for that night. I never had a television during my 2 years in Bangkok either, so my studio apartment was nice and mellow. I normally just listened to music and read, or sat on my balcony smoking a joint and daydreamed. Then when I discovered the magic of downloadable podcasts, the voice of Terry Gross and so many others often soothed me late into the night. When I first learned about downloadable podcasts, it really did help me so much. I was living in a foreign country alone, had no Internet or TV, no one to talk to, no smartphone, and basically no form of leisurely distraction to help pass the time. Listening to podcasts changed all that, both at home or while I was out. I used to ride the bus everywhere all over the city to get to where I needed, and podcasts got me through countless hours of insane Bangkok traffic. Even to this day, when I listen to Snap Judgement, it totally brings me back to staring out the windows of air conditioner-less buses with so much hustle and bustle happening around me.

Now that I've been back in New York living with a smartphone, I definitely still enjoy listening to podcasts. However, with access to high-speed wifi at home (along with so many other choice distractions), it's hard to get around to it sometimes when I can read the news or re-download an old video purchase from iTunes.

But nevertheless, there's nothing better than listening to a good podcast to fall asleep to---no matter where I am in the world.

I've always been the type of person to hold stuff in, letting things internalize in my head and then eventually rot inside me as my overthinking and analysis covered it with an impenetrable shell. The thing is, this process does not feel good at all. In fact, it can feel quite terrible. These cannonballs of emotion take a heavy toll both physically and emotionally, and because I'm not quite good at expressing myself verbally, putting things into words on paper---or the blinking cursor on a computer---has always been extremely cathartic. To me, writing is the opposite of talking because it's not just about expressing yourself in the moment of now, but having the ability to really think about what I want to say and how I want to say it in order to convey a methodical truth instead of a fleeting emotion. With all of that said, I should be writing a lot more honestly on this blog like I used to. Not an hour goes by in my day where some thoughts I need to express and let out here on my blog pops into my head, but I just let it float away. I should be grabbing these transient thoughts to turn them into something I can write about, but I haven't been doing that for a long time now. A part of it was because I had been looking for a new job, and I didn't want my honesty to be interpreted as a high-enough level of crazy to keep me from getting hired somewhere. But I feel like I did myself a disservice by doing that, because in reality this is who I am and no non-existent job (or anything for that matter) should ever hinder me. All of that behavior is related to my anxiety, and the crazy wheels that start spinning in my head when I feel like I need to predict what the most terrible situation of something could be in order to prepare myself to battle its consequences. If I am comfortable with someone, it's such a relief to just be myself and go with the flow. But I usually don't feel totally comfortable around a lot of people, and of course that's more my problem than theirs. It's like at my last job, my boss would joke that I'm too uptight but in reality all that stems from the fact that I want to accomplish whatever I'm doing in the most efficient and correct way possible because I don't want to deal with the aftermath of fucking up. Anyone who's never met me and is reading this must think I'm an anal nutjob, but I really don't think I am. I just tend to observe and soak things in more, that's all. We can't all be loudmouths who love to talk, right? This past Saturday night I went to a bar in the East Village with some friends and there were two people there who I didn't know very well. But we all just drank boilermakers and talked for hours in the comforts of a leather booth, and I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so free and absolutely at ease in front of people who weren't super close friends. It had been so long since I felt that that the next day, all I could think about was why can't I feel like that all the time? Why can't I just let go and chill out and join in on the conversation? There's a reason why I hate hanging out in large groups and big crowds. Spending time with someone one-on-one just always suited me better, and I like being able to immerse myself in the company that I'm in. Sometimes I just get so used to listening and observing that it's mistakenly perceived as so many other things. In all my travels while I was living alone in Thailand and went on many trips to nearby cities and countries, there were rarely any times where I made small talk or had a conversation with a stranger. And I traveled a lot! Actually there was one time in Laos where I kept running into the same old man in the streets of Vientiane and asked to take a picture of him, but there weren't many more. I guess what I'm trying to say with all of this is, since I'm not chatty by nature, I should at least be releasing my thoughts into the written word. Or if I'm not going to write as much as I should, I should be out meeting new people and shooting the shit. Just always being along with my thoughts and a joint isn't always going to cut it. Even at 31, I'm still learning how to break out of my shell. It's late in the night and I can't sleep and don't know where I am going with this entry, and that's okay. As long as I'm being unreservedly honest with myself, I think I'll be alright...

The other Sunday when I was returning from vacation, I lost my wallet.

My roommate and I had just gotten out of our cab from JFK when I decided to get some food alone before heading back in to our apartment. It was while I was walking and rummaging through my book bag when I realized my wallet wasn't there. The last time I even remembered seeing it was at the airport in Jamaica. I remember buying two bottles of water before boarding and then putting my wallet back in my bag, so I thought okay maybe I lost in somewhere on the airplane. When I realized that I really didn't have it, I filled out an online form from the airline that night. I didn't really let myself dwell on the fact that I lost it, because it was my fault and I need to just learn from it. I don't lose stuff that often, but when I do, I take it as a form of a wake-up call.

I'm happy to say that lo and behold, the airline found it and my wallet is now resting beside my bed. I had lost this wallet for a short time a few years ago as well (HERE), but it also somehow ended up returning to me even back then. Thank you to whatever force or universe that's making this happen.

Growing up, I used to loathe hot weather because I sweat so easily. But after 2 years of living in Bangkok, New York's summer is a warm welcome of heat.

It's so nice to just walk to the West Side by the Hudson River and chill out alone after work.

Every night I try to fall asleep by a decent hour, but things just don't ever seem to work out that way.

I'm currently house-sitting/cat-sitting for a friend in Jersey City right now. I've only been here a few days, and have just been commuting back-and-forth to work from here. It's been an enjoyable couple of days to just break out of my usual routine and try something new, and I'm a little bummed that I'll be leaving here tomorrow morning for good. Even riding the Path Train here to Jersey City seemed like a nice change, which I think is a good indicator showing that I'm in desperate need to get away from NYC for a little. I can't really afford to travel anywhere right now, so I think even a day trip on a weekend would be extremely helpful to keep me going.

It's been a bit too cold out the past few days to explore much, but from what I've seen, Jersey City is pretty nice. There's seems to be a diverse range of people who live here, and there's tons of bars and restaurants near my friend's place as well. My friend Dessie lives off the Grove Street stop, so getting to the World Trade Center and walking to work is literally two stops away. It's great that the Path Train isn't too crazy packed during rush hour either, which has been a pleasant surprise.

But for everyone who's recently endured way too many snow days and cold nights---can we talk about this crazy ass winter? I know that Spring is only a few months away, but I'm just not sure how much more snow and freezing temperatures I can take. The inability to walk anywhere (because it's just too damn cold out!) is what's really driving me nuts the most, and I long for warmer weather where I can pop in my headphones and stroll in whatever hell direction I please.

It's during times like these where I miss Bangkok and Thailand the most. I especially miss sitting on the balcony of my old studio apartment, just listening to the constant traffic on Petchaburi Road and staring at the beautiful view (pictured below) with a joint in my hand. Man, that sure is nice to reminisce about right about now.

Until next time, I wish you warm and sunny dreams. Good night.

It feels great to be back home for the holiday season.

As cheesy as it sounds, Christmastime in NYC is my ultimate favorite time of year. Things in the city just seem so full of wonder when December hits, and I love everything about it. Holiday decorations, overplayed Christmas songs, and the smell of pine needles from Christmas trees for sale on the sidewalks of every other block waft through to the senses. The mood and energy of things just feel different. This lingering sense of there's so much to look forward to clings to the day, making everything so much more pleasant and enjoyable.

It's funny though that the end of the year is even almost here. It was exactly one year ago today that I left Thailand for good, and man, what a year it's been.

Here's to all of us finishing off 2013 in the best way possible!

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year, I'm thankful for so many things.

It's funny how I spent the holiday completely alone last year in Bangkok, and now I'm back home in NYC surrounded by my friends, and planning to go to a holiday dinner with my sister and brother-in-law tomorrow at a relative's place.

One thing all this has truly taught me is that no matter what rough or challenging period of life you're going through, it will pass. Whether it be physically or mentally, you will at one point no longer be in that exact place or situation, and that alone is usually enough to keep me going through any trials of life.

It's really so great to be back for the holidays, and I hope everyone has an enjoyable Thanksgiving with lots of food, gratitude, laughter---and even a little bit of obligatory family dysfunction.

Happy Turkey Day!

What I would give to take a motosai ride through the busy streets of Bangkok right about now to just clear my head for a moment...

Sometimes, I really miss Bangkok's food scene and just grabbing a refreshing Singha on a hot day.

Here are some photos from Thailand that I never posted.

Ahhh, Thailand.