i have the memory of a sharpie. how the hell do i fix this?

right now i'm completely digging deux, a korean hip hop duo from the early 90's with members kim sung jae and lee hyun do. listening to deux always reminds me of my sister because she used to be obsessed with them when we were kids, especially lee hyun do.

the duo pretty much started the movement of 90's hip hop, rap and r&b in korea and also had the "bad boy" image of the music industry, or at least they were marketed that way. from what i can recall as a kid, i remember thinking that the group's major fan base was a certain demographic of girls. all the female hardcore rebels and bad-girls of korea finally had an anthem and soundtrack to play in the background at the clubs and in the streets as they beat bitches down korean-style. listening to their music now, some of their tracks have obviously been sampled from american songs but the countless number of people who get a sense of nostalgia every time they listen to deux can easily look past that (probably also due to the fact that many koreans back then didn't know american hip hop). one of their songs in particular titled "여름안에서" is my karaoke-go-to-song, it's easy to sing and there's no complicated rap part on top of being a sentimental classic for anyone who listened to their music back then.

the duo released three studio albums as well as additional remix and concert albums, then the they split and kim sung jae put out a self titled solo album which i really like. he died suddenly in 1995 soon after his album release and being young and not understanding korean that well back then, i'm still not sure how he passed away. i remember there were a lot of rumors and speculation going on and it was reported that his girlfriend killed him by giving him some drugs that were horse tranquilizers, but knowing the korean media and how they love to sensationalize things, especially shit that has to do with illegal drugs, i have no idea what happened to him. the sad thing is he died pretty young.

here are their albums that i never get sick of.

have you ever been on a date in a restaurant and then bam, your fucking nose starts bleeding? so embarrassing haha.

are new yorkers just natural haters? maybe we use it as a defense mechanism of some sort. or perhaps people just suck and make it so damn easy sometimes.

last night i dreamt that i was holding someone's hand very intensely. i was apparently dating this guy, but don't remember his face or anything else about him---i just remember holding his hand. dreams are weird.

here's my one and only actual christmas present of the year, beautifully wrapped with a big red bow and just waiting to be opened under our christmas tree. i love it---thanks, judy.

merry christmas everyone.

why do i feel like i have so much to hide about my life? i want to live with no secrets.

i still listen to korean music and really like a group called 2ne1. this group has four girls and i think they're all so cute (but not in a cheesy big lollipops and "look at me i'm so fucking cute" way). each one has their own thing going on and my favorite is the youngest of the group. i think she's like fifteen years old and her name is minzy. i think she's so full of talent for someone such a young age and also love the fact that she has very korean features on her face. i see her and think she's adorable, i want to hug her like she's my younger sister.

i really wish that people who choose to use the term "think outside the box" would actually "think outside the box" and come up with a new goddamn term or be violently shaken in my imagination.

why is the grass always greener on the other side? why do i feel like i'm always standing in a patch of dead, brown and withering grass while the other side seems so green, vibrant and healthy? and then i'll get to the other side and all the grass around me will wither away and seem dead. that's my problem---i'm scared i will never be happy in life. it's an issue i must work on.

it's funny/interesting/sad how shit changes between friends.

oh well.

i would love to spoon all night.

isn't it amazing how smells can bring you back to another time?

calvin klein's eternity will always remind me of the 7th grade---i used to be such a big pyro with ir back then.

does anyone else watch psychic kids: children of the paranormal on a&e? omg i totally believe in it, i love the show.

i want to run away.

sometimes instead of riding the subway downtown for my daily commute, i'll ride the bus instead. it goes down central park west and has so many interesting things to look at. riding the bus around nyc is really a great way to see the city, if you have the time to do it i highly suggest it. most manhattan buses go in a straight line wether it's east to west or north to south. a lot of them run on avenues and since new york is pretty much designed as a grid with only a handful of them in comparison to streets, they avenues are really amazing. here's the american museum of natural history while on my way to work.

i need to get a damn life.

smoking after work is the only thing that takes my mind off all the horrible people i had to deal with during my shift. some people just turn into awful human beings when they're customers at restaurants and bars. it's really sad and disgusting at the same time.

i went to boston on monday after my lunch shift at work and just got back a few hours ago. it felt nice to get out of nyc, but coming back home was equally comforting---there really is no place better than this city.

i didn't do much in boston but just hang out with my friend who lives there or wander the city alone while she was working. my favorite part was being stoned off my ass and going to the MIT museum and seeing the holography: light fantastic exhibit. it was mostly hologram stuff and everything was trippy as hell, i love shit like that esp after smoking. i also went to this interactive art production called sleep no more. it was held in an old catholic school at night, and what you do is walk around with masks through the whole school, from basement to the third floor, for hours without speaking or really know what was going on. you're supposed to follow the actors around and that's what the story is but i was sort of confused the whole time--- i was also stoned so of course it was fun as hell.

anyway, it was nice to have a mini re-charge and get away for a little. i really need to start putting money aside for vacations more often and make it a priority. my next real vacation has to be outside the u.s., hopefully somewhere in asia.

who knew that such a petite and bookish looking young girl with round glasses had such a voice?

to add to my obsession of korean music from the 90's and earlier, i've recently been listening to the music of lee sun-hee a lot. she dominated the korean music charts in the 80's and 90's and played a huge role in korean pop culture. unfortunately i don't know that much about her, but just from listening to her music, i know that this is the stuff i would have been jamming out to if i were able to appreciate music back then. like the lee moon sae albums i've blogged about before, her music is from the similar time period and also has that old-school-folky sound as well. all her stuff is pretty well produced and my favorite song of hers is called "서울의 밤" (Seoul Nights). it's really upbeat and i love listening to it while i'm walking around nyc alone as i imagine myself being 26 in the 80's and listening to it while walking around seoul. i wonder how different seoul looked back then and try to imagine what i would be wearing, eating and thinking about. i probably would have blasted the song on my record spinner as i got ready for a special night on the town to a local coffeehouse or bar. i like moments like that when i can really think and appreciate how so many things have changed since then, yet the song remains and brings out the same reactions in people as it did back then.

then i think about things like, is there anyone else in this city of 8 million that also happens to be listening to this very song and having similar thoughts?

below are two of her albums that have really grown on me.

i am very grateful for everything in life.

i've been in such a funk the past few weeks. i hate the vicious cycle of depression, i hope this wave ends really soon.

i'm starting to obsess with the idea of getting away from nyc and even the country for a while. i want to experience something completely new and foreign in life. i need to get away.

my close friends have a running joke that i never lived in alaska and that all the stories i tell from my childhood years spent there are a lie---this entry is dedicated to you guys.

here are a few pictures of my family's chinese restaurant called "twin dragon." yeah, since the town is so far north in the state that it's only accessible by airplane, it didn't matter that we weren't actually chinese because we were one of three asian families in town so we were "chinese" to all the locals. these pictures were taken in the summer of 1996 when my extended family members from nyc came to visit us. at our restaurant, my dad cooked in the kitchen, i washed dishes, and my mom and sisters worked in the front. of course there were a few staff members, all who were found after my dad posted job listings in the korean newspapers of major american cities such as ny and la. i have to say that the food my dad made didn't taste like something you'd get from a nyc chinese take out place, my dad's was so much better. when i moved back to queens after living in alaska, i remember having chinese take-out again for the first time and i couldn't believe how different it tasted.