"Do you care now?
Do you know how?"

From the song All Or Nothing by Cher.

"The music's no good without you, baby."

From the song The Music's No Good Without You by Cher. 

"If I could reach the stars,

I'd give them all to you."

From the song If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher.

"This is a song for the lonely, can you hear me tonight?"

From the song Song For the Lonely by Cher.

"If I wanted you to know, I would fucking tell you."

Said by Gabrielle Union in the podcast, Death, Sex & Money. Episode: Gabrielle Union is Fed Up.

"Oh yeah, hey-dog-hey what's up."

From the song Raingurl by Yaeji.

Happy eating! I hope everyone is having a great Thanksgiving weekend so far.

I'm currently home alone right now in Harlem. There's still a bit of daylight coming through the windows so I have all my lights off. It feels really quiet too with almost nothing but silence from the streets. Everything feels nice and still, almost most like there's this cold tint of blue to it.

Moving to Central Harlem a few months ago and living with my friend Jess has really been great so far. We've been friends since junior high school in Queens and grew up not far from each other in Flushing. She would always come over to my house back then and we'd order greasy food and watch bad tv for hours. Even almost two decades later, I guess some things never change.

"Michael: You're so beautiful.
Hanna: What are you talking about?"

From the movie The Reader.

Why do some people live like IRL doesn't matter anymore?

*stares into mirror*
"I am happy today. And I am happy everyday, because my happiness is not conditional on any uncontrollable factors in life."

I'm just here for the memes...

Seeing a slice of pizza = Wanting a slice of pizza.

"You should text me what you want to text him."

Said by the character Jake in the movie Sleeping with Other People.

I've been cooking a lot more since I moved to my new place. My apartment in general is on the smaller side, but thankfully the kitchen is renovated with new appliances. It even has a window, which makes such a big difference when actually using the space. The last time I lived in New York with a kitchen window was in 2010, so things like natural sunlight and fresh air for ventilation charm me into staying in the room. It's like cooking and being in a kitchen feels pleasant again. 

My cupboards right now are really stocked with lots of different types of sauces. With my schedule being a bit open nowadays, I've taken to shopping for sauces as a new hobby. It feels like the most inexpensive way to get me out of the house sometimes, where I can feel productive while on a budget. I especially like finding things that are on sale, and it gives me a reason to peruse the aisles of far away (but uncharted) grocery stores. In a way, I think of each new sauce discovery as an investment. And it challenges me to create something with it later on. But as of late, pasta has been what I've been eating the most. The Eataly in Flatiron had a big promotion on pasta last month with some brands on sale for only $1, so I stocked up big time. I've gone through a good amount of my supply already, but I still have a shelf bursting with capellini, tortiglioni and chiocciole. 

Besides pasta, I've been cooking a lot of things that are easy to make. Things like roasted vegetables or other simple dishes are usually my go-to. And while it's been great eating like this so far, I woke up today with a real big craving for Korean food. And not anything that'd be served in a restaurant, but the simpler type I would've eaten on the fly at home when younger.

All I wanted was a big bowl of steaming rice to mix with a whole bunch of other Korean ingredients. I guess you can call it a version of bibimbap, but with whatever you want instead. There's nothing saying you need this or that. I was really in the mood for some fried eggs over easy mixed with gochujang, sesame oil, soy sauce, perilla, butter, and kimchi. 

I hadn't been grocery shopping for Korean stuff since I moved to my place in Harlem, and since I had the time to spare, I decided to go to the H Mart in Woodside today for a few basics. The prices would be cheaper there compared to the one on 32nd Street, and it's usually less busier. That location of H Mart is small but runs 24 hours. When I lived in Woodside, I loved dropping by on the way home from the subway to pick up beers and already-made food. It's interestingly also the first H Mart from 1982 that would eventually turn into the global grocery chain it is now.

All this trying to cook more at home had me thinking about the food from when I was a kid. It's like, where did that strong hankering for Korean food come from this morning? And why did it taste so amazing when I finally did eat it? And that's when I realized that my diet as an adult right now is the total opposite from when I was growing up. As a kid, my parents' home cooking of traditional Korean food ranged in all types of proteins and fresh vegetables. Practically everything was bought from the grocery store and cooked at home. But all of the non-Korean food we ate was usually processed. If we didn't buy it from Costco, it was most likely fast food we were eating. And if it wasn't from the drive-thru, we were most likely at a restaurant or ordering some takeout. I mean, sure, we cooked spaghetti at the house every now and then, but that doesn't count. The point is, because it's not as if my family were eating hamburgers and french fries over at someone's else place, the American food we ate in my childhood was never home cooked. And somehow, that script has totally flipped in my life today. I only usually eat Korean food in restaurants now, and find the majority of my home cooked meals to be conventional American dishes.

When I got back to Harlem with my bounty from H Mart earlier today, the first thing I did was wash the rice in the tin of my roommate's rice cooker. It had been so long since I washed rice with my hands like that, feeling the grains as they swam between my fingers. It all felt so cathartic and soothing in a way. After it was cooked and ready, I mixed it with my other ingredients before wolfing down the entire bowl of food. Everything tasted so satisfying with the kimchi and gochujang, and totally hit the spot. It's funny because the large bowl of rice mixed with stuff hit me in such a different way than a large bowl of pasta mixed with stuff ever would, and I had missed the feeling so much.

"I'm like, 'Sho. You. Right.'"

From the song Money by Leikeli47.

"My dreams give me wings."

From the song 2nd Fiddle by Leikeli47.

"Been waiting for today,
but I don't know what to say."

From the song Waitin by Kelela.

Bangs.

Write this down.

"Everything changed,
then changed again."

From the song To Find a Friend by Tom Petty.

Goodbye muffin top, and hello fall jackets!

Chillllllllll ouuuuuuuuuut.

"'We're too old to think we'll meet again,' Less says."

From the book Less by Andrew Seen Greer. Page 157.

So?

"When you feel like letting go,
that's when you hold on to me."

From the song Hold On To Me by Hurts.

I look at the shiny surface of the Garlic Dipping Cup from Domino's, and know it's bad news. But I know I'm still going to eat it all.

Waking up to the news of what's happened in Las Vegas has been an absolute shock... it's complete madness and so hard to understand why this happened and all those lives were lost...

"Leave love in the footprints."

Said by the character Ahmad in the movie Soul Food.

"He's a good guy. He's a really good guy."

Said by Grace in the sitcom Will & Grace. Season 4, Episode 15.

Limp.

Hokey.
Holy.
Homey.
Honey.

It's always so hard to remember how to spell or'dervs.

Live life in Airplane Mode.

In spite of it all,
still inspire.

Freeze.
Choke.
Disappoint.

"All that I've got,
pieces and pages.
Talking a lot,
sorry I'm faded."

From the song Broken Clocks by SZA.

"Go Gina,
Go Gina."

From the song Go Gina by SZA.

Somewhere, it all went wrong.

Just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. But if it's not on the Internet, then it never existed.

"Why you bothering me when you know you don't want me?"

From the song Love Galore by SZA.

"Nobody else will be there."

From the song Nobody Else Will Be There by The Nationals.

Happy Labor Day, America!

It's the unofficial end of summer this weekend. Goodbye hot weather and shorts. And hello to autumn and having to wear real pants again.

The summer went by so quickly. I can't believe I've already been back in town for over a month after spending two months away. Everything seems like a blur since returning. I was couch crashing and moving around the entire time. It was a lot of lugging my shit around, but it was also nice to see friends. Thankfully though, my wandering days are finally over because my friend Jess and I got a place uptown in Harlem. We've been slowly moving our stuff into the apartment and will be all settled in pretty soon. I'm excited to finally have a somewhere to call home again, it feels it's been too long.

I've been dog-sitting Oscar in the Upper West Side for the past few days. It's been great taking him for walks through Central Park and farther north. We took a long stroll through Morningside Park last weekend and that was really nice. There were tons of families and people there barbecuing and enjoying themselves. It smelled so good in the park.

It's Sunday afternoon right now, and I'm ready to head out soon. I've been sitting at Junho's place with the shades open and all of the lights off since waking up. It was raining earlier and is still a bit cloudy, but it's still a nice day. I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend!

"New York isn't New York,
Without you, love."

From the song New York by St. Vincent.

Wow, what's going on in Texas right now is heartbreaking. Much love and good energy to everyone there.

More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.
More butter.

Totality.

Timeline of Streaming a New TV Show
Episode 1 - Wait, what's going? Yeah, I don't know about this show.
Episode 5 - Oh my god! I'm obsessed, love it.

Letting go of what was thought to be the answer is like whoa.

I always eat my leftovers.

It's not about the taste. It's about the emotion. The memory that comes from it.

"It's never too late,
to be who you wanna be."

From the song Summer Bummer by Lana Del Rey.

"Blue is the color of the shirt of the man I love."

From the song Beautiful People Beautiful Problems by Lana Del Rey.

I'm back in New York after two months in Seoul...

I think I just need a really long nap.

"One thing I know for sure is that,
something just ain't right."

From the song One Thing by Luscious Jackson.

"Is it raining outside?"

The question I get asked daily right now during Korea's rainy season when I go to meet people. I'll usually answer with a polite no before explaining my shirt is drenched in sweat, not rain.

Summer sweat.
Steamy Seoul.
Scorching sun.
Strolling solo.
Soaked.
So sopping.
Smooth skin.
Sticky.
Same story.
Sigh.
Sluggish.
Savoring stolen sub-zero shivers.
Sanity.
Sleepy since sunrise.

"Oh, the truth is a beautiful thing."

From the song Truth Is A Beautiful Thing by London Grammar.

Kalguksu is the ultimate Korean comfort food. Available at most general restaurants, it’s enjoyed all over the country as a cherished dish cooked with a mother’s love and care.

As a noodle soup made with a broth from beef bones, kalguksu has a wonderfully milky taste and rich quality. The noodles are handmade from wheat flour with the magic touch coming from pushing down on the inner wrist when kneading. It’s then cut into thick strands that are known for its dense body and chewy texture. Korean cuisine generally favors long strands of noodles, which are a sign of living a long life. So if your bowl has particularly longer noodles, it’s not only good for your stomach but an auspicious sign of what’s to come. What makes kalguksu especially standout from other soups made with a similar broth is the starch from the noodles that give it an extra heaviness, which is a divine combination. The first sip of the broth will immediately give that full-bodied flavor from the beef and carbs, hitting the palate like the most comforting hug from childhood.

There are many variations of kalguksu that are not made from a beef broth. The beef version is more commonly found in Seoul since cow products are more expensive to use as an ingredient. But another popular type would be dak kalguksu, which is made from chicken broth with hand-pulled shreds of meat. It’s often referred to as Korean chicken noodle soup, holding the same nostalgia as similar versions from other cultures. Haemul kalguksu is made with a plethora of seafood, and popular in the southern and coastal regions within the country. This kalguksu is often cooked in larger quantities in a single pot to be enjoyed family style. But the most common form of kalguksu has a broth made of out anchovies since it’s a more affordable base to use. Unless a restaurant specifies the type of kalguksu they’re serving, the anchovy is what’s most likely being sold.

What’s just as important about the kalguksu eating experience is the kimchi it’s served with. Unlike other Korean dishes, kalguksu is specifically eaten with fresh kimchi, also known at geotjuri. This is a type of kimchi that’s not fermented and meant to be consumed within a week of being made. Kalguksu aficionados will often rate their favorite restaurant of the dish by the quality of their geotjuri, since it’s often harder to mess up on a kalguksu recipe rather than one for fresh kimchi. Geotjuri tends to have more spices and seasoning than regular kimchi, giving it slightly more of a bite and clean spiciness.

Some Korean people also eat kalguksu on days they feel like having geotjuri, making the noodle soup the side dish to fresh kimchi. But the most popular time for kalguksu is definitely summertime. Korean people love to eat hot soups and stews in the scorching summer weather because they like how it warms their body up to sweat even more. There’s a Korean phrase often used to express their delight for moments such as this. It’s called “shi-won-ha-da,” which translates to feeling refreshed and invigorated. And it’s the expression often heard in kalguksu restaurants when the temperature outside is feeling tropical.

Big chain conventient stores in Seoul are best for when you’re drunk, broke, or in a rush. Or perhaps at any given moment, you’re living life to the fullest and achieving two out of three of these factors.

Found on just about any block here, convenient stores here are brightly lit, colorful, and attainable beacons of happiness that invite you in with their wide selection of products and services in strong air conditioning. Pantyhose, chocolate, T-Money cards, whiskey, or small items to make a last minute meal—you’ll find whatever you’re looking for. They’re open 24 hours and can be more comforting than any best friend ever could. Depressed and in need of some ice cream? A convenient store would say, “I got you, fam.” Depressed and in need of some soju? A convenient store would respond with, “Say no more.” Or depressed and in need of some delicious processed food? A convenient store would yell back, “Come on over!”

While the eating options there can be endless, there are two standout items that are mostly associated as Korean convenient store food: samgak kimbap and cup ramen.

Samgak kimbaps are triangular shaped kimbaps wrapped in plastic. Their specially designed wrapper is meant to keep the seaweed crisp until ready to be consumed. The plastic has special instructions and a tab you pull at that unwraps it in a way that’s super easy to eat. Under the seaweed is densely packed rice with a filling in the center that comes in a wide spectrum of flavors. They range in traditional fare such as spicy chicken or bulgogi, to more adventurous like spam with eggs or eel. With the average price for samgak kimbaps hovering around $1, they’re an all-time favorite for many and great for snacking on anywhere in thanks to leaving a minimal smell. In fact, they’re so popular and constantly being restocked that a specific time in the day is noted in their expiration date.

The second place champion of convenience store foods would be cup ramen. Cup ramen is the quicker and easier version of ramen, which is like using a microwave with no buttons. For cup ramen, instead of having to get a pot to cook your ramen in, you can simply pour boiling water into the makeshift bowl the cup ramen comes in. Whatever type of noodles you prefer or flavor you’re looking for, there’s a cup ramen out there for you. They’re also available in different sizes, providing options on the level of bloat you want to subsequently feel. Hot water and wooden chopsticks are a given at convenience stores, and a large majority will also have indoor and outdooring seating. That makes eating your cup ramen in peace while leaving no evidence behind as easy as slurping noodles.

With ramen practically being a national pastime in Korea, walking by a convenience store to get a quick glance of someone enjoying cup ramen here in Seoul is as common as seeing the shop’s lights on. The slight difference with samgak kimbap is that it’s more often eaten on the go. It’s no surprise though that these two products are the king and queen of convenience store grub because they’re the lightning versions of things that are already loved within Korean food. But whether you’re dining on the store premises or not, samgak kimbap and cup ramen at convenient stores are extremely satisfying bites that can be made into a full meal or hold you over until you eat again. And you can easily grab some banana milk, sausage, or countless other items to make it the full course banquet of your dreams.

iPhones sold in Korea always make a shutter sound whenever taking photos with them.

For locals here, there's no such thing as secretly sneaking a picture.

Adam's apple.

"And a lust for life,
keeps us alive."

From the song Lust For Life by Lana Del Rey.

"Most people live their entire lives, and never understand you can't always believe everything you think."

Said by Andy Andrews in Robin Roberts' Podcast: Everybody's Got Something. Season 2, Episode 5.

Build.

"For $9.99,
I'm perfectly disguised."

From the song Pink Sunglasses by Miranda Lambert.

It was Seoul Gay Pride this past weekend, and I was so happy to go check out the festivities.

When I got off the subway at the City Hall stop, I wasn't sure what to expect. I was elated to see people within the station with pride flags painted on their faces and other visible signs of support for the cause. But I have to be honest in saying that I was also surprised by the number of protesters I saw as soon as I surfaced above ground.

There was a large counter demonstration across the street from where the festival was being held. They also had a huge screen set up to broadcast whoever was speaking on the stage, and that made it both pretty visible and audible from the side where I was standing. At that moment I arrived, there was such anger and vitriol in that specific speaker's voice. I was truly taken aback by it. He was an older gentleman, angrily screaming at the top of his lungs as it echoed everywhere. I could hear the graininess that seemed to come from losing his voice as a result of yelling so loudly. Then on the side of the street where the festival was being held, all I saw was a wall of police officers standing on the sidewalk to keep other protestors from getting too close to passersby as they made their way towards the entrance. I could feel my blood boiling as I had to walk by them and listen to their furious shrieks and protests. They waved their big signs in the air and howled with passion while preaching about how LGBTQ people are less than. They showed so much rage, but everyone who had to endure their hatred did not. Most people simply ignored them or walked by with smiles and excitement for what the day meant.

When I finally made my way into the festival, the vibe was completely different from what was going on outside. There was nothing but love, happiness, and celebration. There were so many people, with a large presence of foreigners as well. Being within the space instantly made me forgot about all the mess that was happening outside, and I happily walked around alone to soak it all in.

The actual parade took place outside of the festival area on a main street of Seoul. And I was fortunate to have perfect timing to witness the entire thing. I can't tell you how moved I was in seeing the thousands of people marching. Young. Old. Straight. LGBT. Korean. Non-Koreans. The diversity in everyone amazed me. All I thought was, where are all these people living and going out to? I didn't realize there was such diversity here, especially among the LGBTQ community. There were way more people actually marching in the parade than watching it as a spectator, which only made me think that people didn't just want to watch it, but they instead wanted to be a part of the movement. Seeing it all almost moved me to tears. It was very emotional and heart-warming. It was parade float after parade float that was filled with swarms of joyful people in between.

Towards the end of the day, the feelings I had from seeing all of the protestors were overcome by the warmth and love I felt from all of the supporters. I have to say that the Seoul Police Department did an excellent job in maintaining order and keeping angry protestors from getting too close to festival goers. I was extremely grateful for that. Overall, it was a memorable Pride. Korean society still has a ways to go in regards to accepting LGBTQ people, but they're definitely on their way there. And the amount of love, support, and LGBTQ allies from the weekend truly did show that.

"At first, it feels good, savoring each bite, the world falling away. I forget about my stresses, my sadness. All I care about are the flavors in my mouth, the extraordinary pleasure of the act of eating. I start to feel full but ignore that fulness and that sense of fullness goes away and all I feel is sick, but still, I eat. When there is nothing left, I no longer feel comfort. What I feel is guilt and uncontrollable loathing, and oftentimes, I find something else to eat, to soothe those feelings, and strangely, punish myself."

From the book Hunger by Roxanne Gay. Page 170, e-book edition.

"Food was not only comfort: food also became my friend because it was constant and I didn't need to be anything but myself when I ate."

From the book Hunger by Roxanne Gay. Page 58, e-book edition.

In Korea, there's always some drunk motherfucker in the background.

Sometimes, it might even be someone you know. Or maybe it's even you.

RuPaul and Michelle Visage laughing together on their podcast is everything.