for new year's eve, two friends from chicago were in town, so i was BEYOND ecstatic to celebrate with them here in bangkok.

i took christine and ray to a bar called longtable, and i think it was quite possibly the best nye that i've ever had in my life. the venue was surprisingly not packed, and beautiful thai dancers in traditional garb elegantly strolled around the tables, adding a whole other element to the night.

here are some photos of the night that they just sent me, and thanks to the happy couple for making it such a memorable occasion.

i think i'm turning into a crazy old dog man...

stray animals are rampant here in bangkok, so it's always heartbreaking for me to see all these cats and dogs living on the streets.

near my studio apartment, there's this overpass where a few stray dogs have recently had a litter of puppies. ever since i discovered these puppies, i like to check-in on them and make sure they're doing alright. because i don't really have people to talk to here, sometimes i like to go and chat with the puppies. while i'm sure that they can't even understand english (since everyone else is speaking to them in thai), it still feels nice to vent and unload my thoughts and feelings. there are five puppies altogether, and i'm happy to report that they all appear healthy and are continuing to grow.

anyway, today i decided to buy the puppies some treats before going for a visit, and here are some photos that i took. i'm still using an old camera that my friends graciously sent me, but unfortunately i can't seem to get the photos to come out the way i'd like. i really need to save up and invest in a good camera.

what i would give to go on a nice scenic drive right now with somebody---i long to stare out a window and just converse.

it's saturday night here in bangkok. i'm staying in and attempting to get some work done while listening to porgy and bess.

life is great.

"sometimes i dream bigger than I live,
sometimes i think better when i'm lit,
so go ahead and light it,
roll it up, ignite it..."

from the song, memories, by big sean.

today while i was walking down the street, my left contact totally popped out of my eye.

i stopped dead in my tracks after realizing what happened, and started to search the sidewalk for it. this was right in front of a group of motosai (motorcycle taxi) drivers, and a few of them kindly began to help me look for it. just when i was about to give up on finding it, one of the motosai guys spotted it nearby. unfortunately though, it was all shriveled up by the time we retrieved it, and i was forced to put it into my mouth so it wouldn't dry out. yes, i agree---yuck x 100.

as i was standing in front of a storefront window in order to use the reflection to put it back in, the whole episode totally reminded of that scene in steel magnolias, when daryl hannah's character's contact falls out. for some reason that scene from the movie has always been burned into my memory, and i remember watching it as a kid and thinking, "what a load of bullshit, that would never happen." but, i was definitely proved wrong today.

anyway, here are some more of my photos of bangkok that i never posted.

sometimes it's really hard to distinguish: is this real life OR a parody?

sometimes, i forget how great it is to be an adult.

the simple ability and act of buying a few cans of beer on my way home always makes me smile and appreciate being of age.

so it's wednesday evening here in bangkok, and i since i have nowhere to go and no one to meet, i decided to catch a film by myself.

i went to my favorite theatre here in bangkok, lido, for a 7:15pm showing and while i normally don't enjoy going to the movies because i hate crowds, i figured that the theatre would be empty since it's wednesday and after all, that movie's been out for awhile now. however, to my surprise, half of the seats in the theatre were filled by the time it started. and before i continue on with my story, i must preface that i have been in a major funk the past few days. i've learned to understand and control my depression throughout the past few years, but i sometimes still get hit with something so powerful that it leaves my brain and body incapacitated. all these dark thoughts and moods just overtake me, and the only thing i can do about it is wait for it all to pass. so i woke up the other day feeling like complete shit, as if i'd been beaten to a pulp with a misery-stick. sleep-wise, i had actually been doing pretty good the past few weeks and have been waking up at the same time everyday without an alarm clock, but on this particular unexpected morning, everything just felt like such a struggle. the simple task of sitting up in-itself seemed impossible, and i can remember just wanting to go back to bed. so this is how i've been the past few days, and the combination of being alone here in thailand is just making things worse. on top of all that, i've been completely frustrated with my writing because i've been trying to work on this short story, but have been stuck on the same fucking first paragraph for over a god damn week now.

so there i was about an hour ago, sitting inside the theatre and patiently waiting for the movie to begin. then within the first 3 minutes of the movie, one of the film's main characters caught my attention. i didn't know the actress' name, and had never seen her in a film before, but her face looked SO familiar. and then bam---i realized that she went to my college back in nyc. now, i attended The New School in downtown manhattan, and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. i have a lot of pride for my alma mater, and in my opinion, received the best education that suited me and what i wanted in life. one of the reasons why i wanted to go to that school is because all the classes are in seminar-style, meaning there are no more than an average of 15 students per class. i don't remember ever talking with or engaging in conversation with this random girl from my school, but i know that we were in the same shakespeare literature class. plus my college was quite small, so it's easy to get familiar with all the different students on campus after a few semesters. and in addition, i'm actually very good with recognizing faces, so i was 100% certain that this girl in the movie was the same girl from my college. after i realized it was her, this surge of uncontrollable anticipation took over my body, and i was unable to sit still or concentrate on the film. i couldn't stop obsessing over the fact that she's actually accomplishing something with her life, while my perpetually-miserable loser-self is at the theatres alone in bangkok, watching her on the big screen. don't get me wrong, i don't know her at all and i'm very happy for her and wish her the best in her career, but it just makes me question, what the fuck have i professionally accomplished with my life since i graduated college? what the hell do i have to show for the past six years? here i am all the way in bangkok, trying to live my dream and write, but will my writing ever be read by people other than my friends? will i ever become the successful person i'm determined to be?

i became so distracted with my thoughts that i had to walk out of the movie after about five minutes. when i exited onto the busy streets of siam, i came to see that it was pouring rain. i've been taking good note of the weather here in bangkok, and i'm certain that it hasn't rained like this since before all the flooding began last october. already feeling defeated, i decided to walk home because i was just so frustrated with everything about my god damn life.

while walking home and getting drenched in the rain, all i could think is that i'm just another miserable, addict-ridden, broke, depressed, unsuccessful writer---everything about my life is such a cliché.

anyway, i know i'm just having a moment of self-pity here, and am putting a stop to it now. but FUCK. seriously, sometimes i really just wonder, what is to become of me?

getting fucked-up-wasted is always my number one priority, and i really need to change that this year.

the guy below in the photos is kind of my hero...

i stand on my balcony all the time, but i have never seen anyone up on that ledge like i did just now. and it's not the fact that this guy is actually up there, but that he found one of the best reading spots i've ever seen in my life.

i'd really like to give him a high-five---thanks, guy.

dignity.

lately, i've been thinking about this word a lot.

walking through the streets of bangkok and having the opportunity to take in the daily lives of some of its honest, hardworking, everyday people has taught me so much about the meaning of dignity, and what it takes to truly posess and bestow the word.

i need to channel my irritation into more positive outlets...

thank god for phone calls with friends in NYC to put things into perspective.

my front yard.

"i thought about you.
i think about you.
you and me."

dexter from the movie one day.

i like the quote's simplicity.

when cooking shows no longer tell you the measurements of ingredients, does it mean its intention is purely entertainment?

"---nice and glittery and gorgeous.."

sandra lee on "food network holiday's holiday party episode."

this was free on itunes this week.

sometimes, when i'm walking alone at night through the streets of bangkok, all i can think is "what the fuck am i doing with my life??"

i'm heading to cambodia again in a few hours to acquire a new visa.

i'll be going to the same thai/cambodian border-town that i went to last time (link HERE and HERE), poipet, and will be spending a few days there while i wait for all the paperwork to go through at the thai embassy, which is a few hours away.

poipet is a major border checkpoint for people traveling through southeast asia. even when i went to visit all the temples in angkor-wat, cambodia, my friends and i passed through poipet to get to our destination (link HERE). i've been told that it's also where large quantities of drugs and whatnot are also smuggled into thailand. in addition, this is where new york times journalist, nicholas kristof, once deliberately purchased an underaged cambodian prostitute for about $200 in order free her from the brothel where she was forcibly working as a sex slave.

anyway, having to go here alone isn't the most exciting thing because there's not much to see or do, and there's pretty much no internet service anywhere. on my last visa run there, my hotel had one communal computer with internet, and it was an inconvenience for the workers to set it up for me. even when i did manage to sign on, i swear it was like going online in 1998.

but alas, i need me my visa and will make the best of my 3-day excursion by staying in my hotel room and hopefully getting some work done. plus, i'll have access to a tv, which is a rarity for me so i'm sorta excited (it's the little things in life that count!).

have a great rest-of-the-week.

all i need is a goddamn chance.

the weather here is heavenly during its winter. there's no humidity, rain is non-existent, and the skies sometimes goes for days without seeing a single cloud.

i have the nice breeze coming through my open balcony-door and window in addition to the sun and sound of traffic on petchaburi---it's making it impossible to not enjoy the day.

happy monday.

gratitude.

this bar will always be very special to me here in bangkok.

i've got to stop drunk dialing.

i'd rather have thai amphibians over nyc cockroaches ANYDAY.

here's a mini dogs-of-bangkok update with a special guest appearance from mr. frog.