You're only as good as your last ____________.

"'Cause all they'll do is give you bad advice, and that'll ruin your confidence. Confidence is key."

Said by Shante in the movie Two Can Play That Game.

"I've always said, you know, when your acrylics are on point, your life is on point."

Said by RuPaul in the podcast RuPaul What's The Tee? w/ Michelle Visage. Episode 86.

Titter.

Shania Twain saying "whatever" at the end of That Don't Impress Me Much is just perfection.

"So you got the looks,
but have you got the touch?"

From the song That Don't Impress Me Much by Shania Twain.

"The best thing about being a woman, 
is the prerogative to have a little fun."

From the song That Don't Impress Me Much by Shania Twain.

People who litter bring civilization back hundreds of years.

"Creativity and ego cannot go together.

If you free yourself from the comparing and jealous mind, your creativity opens up endlessly.

Just as water springs from a fountain, creativity springs from every moment.

You must not be owned by our own obstacle.

You must own the environment, the phenomenal world you live in.

You must be able to freely move in and out of your mind.

This is being free."

Said by Jeong Kwan in the Netflix series Chef's Table. Season 3, Episode 1.

Insist.

"We here, Chiron."

Said by Kevin in the movie Moonlight.

Dear pasta,

Thank you for yet another year of being my Valentine's. You will always be my #1 everything.

Love,
Tae

I turned 34 today.

Another year, another meal.

Please don't feel the need to show me anything on your phone.

Just send me a link and I'll look at it when I feel like it.

"You have to learn to accept who you are, and who you aren't."

Said by Delilah in the podcast Conversations with Delilah. Episode The Foundation Of Love.

Oh, this? It's my bag full of receipts.

Excitement will keep me going through the hard times.

It's a snow day here in New York. The sky is white and completely washed out. I'm grateful to be at home though, experiencing it from bed.

My room is super bright right now because it still doesn't have any blinds or curtains. I've pretty much been stuck here since waking up but now I'm getting hungry. And since I have no food, I'm trying to figure out how to change that.

I had a really good meal last night though. Actually, two of them. I went to Lalo for dinner with my friend Marisa, and then we eventually ended up eating at 69 Bayard as our last stop of the evening. I guess even though a night out is bookended with great food, you still always gotta eat again the next day.

I just want to look at pictures of pasta all day.

It's easier to just add a word in a Microsoft Word document if it's something you plan to use for a very long time.

It's like, hello word. Welcome.

In elementary school, I used to think that Elle magazine was named after the model Elle Macpherson.

I thought being a successful model meant magazines named themselves after you. Clearly, I was just a misguided young gay.

Sometimes, the year can start with so many different things all at once. The good, the bad, the tragic, or even life-changing.

Things are happening, and I'm ready to make moves.

Social media is the Internet.

Serve.
Server.
Severe.

I don't want to think about it x100.

I went to Philadelphia on Monday to interview a restaurateur for this private freelance writing gig. My trip was literally just for a few hours. I took a half-day at work to take the Amtrak there in the afternoon, and then took a returning train back at 9pm. The train ride to Philly was so painless and easy. And in the short while I was there, the city itself seemed really nice. It definitely makes me want to take a day trip sometime to go check out more sites and try some of the city's good food.

I guess the exciting thing about it all is that I got to get out of New York for a few hours because of writing. Baby steps...

I've always hoped my life would get bigger with age. More love. More people. More success. More money. But the only thing that feels like is getting bigger is my waistline.

Isn't dabbing just sneezing into your shoulder?

"And once you grow up, the things that you're ashamed of are going to be the truth that other people love you for."

Said by Kimchi in reality show Rupaul's Drag Race. Season 8, Episode 9.

"You know she was a queen,
she lived in Queens."

From the song She Don't Really Care_1 Luv by Alicia Keys.

Vulnerability.

Dear friends,

Please check out my first story of 2017 for VICE's MUNCHIES: Inside the Final Hours of One of New York's Best Restaurants.

Thank you.

"When I'm walking by I want to roll my eyes,
in my pink sunglasses."

From the song Pink Sunglasses by Miranda Lambert.

It's a snowy Saturday afternoon here in New York.

I got to my friend Junho's place in the Upper West Side a few hours ago to dog-sit for the next couple of days. The view outside his window right now is a complete wash of snow and wind with a tinge of pink in the sky. It's nice to be indoors after being outside in the weather earlier though. I forgot how much of a thigh workout it is to try walking on snowy sidewalks during a storm without falling on your ass.

Happy 2017 everybody.

It's a new year! And what does that mean? Not much.

I think at this point in my life, I'm learning to not get so caught up on things like that. I don't want to focus on stuff I desperately want to change about myself. I prefer to concentrate on what I plan to get done instead. And for that, it takes steps. Baby steps. Big steps. Risky steps. Any steps, actually. But as long as I'm moving in the right direction, it's alright with me.

One thing though that I am feeling is excited. I don't know about what, but I'm good with that for now. Or maybe it's because I just spent the last hour scrolling through memes that had me laughing pretty hard? I wouldn't be surprised if that has something to do with it.

I re-watched Singin' In The Rain earlier before falling into a deep hole of Debbie Reynolds videos on YouTube for another three hours.

And now, I've finally reached a point where I'm ready to let go. Goodbye Debbie. Rest in peace to you and your daughter.

Dear friends,

Please check out this story I wrote for GOTHAMIST: It's Last Call On The Shift Drink In Some NYC Restaurants & Bars.

Thanks.

Merry Christmas!

"It was in New Orleans. I took one look at this thing on stage and said 'This is going to be one of the world's greatest alcoholic-tweakers ever.'"

Said by Lady Bunny at 2016 Toronto Pride. 

Run on questions.

"She was the person who admitted that said she was a foodaholic. And that night she had taken some frozen hot dogs buns and poured some maple syrup over them and ate them."

Said by Debbie DeMaio in the podcast Making Oprah. Season 1, Episode 1.

Today was such a good day.

"You better work."

From the song Supermodel by RuPaul.

"Head to toe, soul player."

From the song 24k Magic by Bruno Mars.

"I think art is a lot more interesting than drugs are and takes you to much deeper levels of interpretation about life."

Said by Carol Dunham in the podcast, Women of the Hour with Lena Dunham. Season 2, Bonus Episode.

There's an onion in every opinion.

"'Cause tramps like us,
baby we were born to run."

From the song Born To Run by Bruce Springsteen.

Happy Monday morning.

Ditz.
Zits.
Tits.

The problem is never the end of the story.

"There's a hole in my heart,
I've been hiding."

From the song Hallelujah by Alicia Keys.

"That's why the Lord continues to bless you. Because you have an attitude of gratitude."

Said by Vivica A. Fox on the podcast, RuPaul: What's the Tee?. Episode 54.

"'Cause life is too short,
to fall in New York."

From the song Pawn It All by Alicia Keys.

THOTS NEED SHOTS.

Reading the news this morning made me want to eat pasta until I black out. It's still taking time to sink in.

I watched Moonlight yesterday afternoon, and really liked it.

The story and acting were so moving, and the entirety of the film was completely transporting. Its visual experience was also intense, which on top was heightened by an awesome soundtrack. What the main character goes through felt tough to watch at times because no one should ever endure what he did. And that feeling of helplessness and anger seemed so relatable. To watch him be punished for simply being, the injustice was too much. As a gay man, there were definitely emotions from the main character that felt familiar. Throughout the entire movie, it was just like wow, how do you even create something this amazing? I loved how it engrossed me and made me forgot about everything else in life, except for the rumbling of the nearby subway of course. I watched the movie at Angelika and hadn't been to the theaters in years. The last time I did was actually also at Angelika to watch The Lunchbox, so feeling the train was a funny throwback.

I was thinking again just now about the ending of the movie. It made me realize that my conclusion about it could've been wrong. And that the story of the characters could've lived on in a different way, which made me happy. The film has been in my head since watching. There were so many layers to the story that are still being peeled back.

Release.

Everyone's out there getting married and starting families, and I'm just here getting adult braces.

I long,
to belong.
To lend my voice to a song,
sung by a chorus so strong.
Lifted by a bond,
unbreakable to beyond.

Getting new magazines in the mail is the only thing I have to look forward to when coming home.

Write it down.

Asshole.

"I won't worry my life away."

From the song The Remedy (I Won't Worry) by Jason Mraz.

...should've stayed home.

"But I was, honestly, stunned when you yelled at us from down the block, 'Go back to China!'

I hesitated for a second and then sprinted to confront you. That must have startled you. You pulled out your iPhone in front of the Equinox and threatened to call the cops. It was comical, in retrospect. You might have been charged instead, especially after I walked away and you screamed, 'Go back to your fucking country.'

'I was born in this country!' I yelled back.

It felt silly. But how else to prove I belonged?'"

From the October 9, 2016, New York Times story: An Open Letter to the Woman Who Told My Family to Go Back to China. By Michael Luo.

Of course this sort of shit happened here in New York. As diverse as this city this, these types of ignorant people definitely exist. And growing up here, I've had my fair share of these encounters.

This even just recently happened to my sister and brother-in-law, who live right across the George Washington Bridge in Bergen County, New Jersey. They have a neighbor who harasses people of color in their area. She often screams "Go back to your country!" not only to my brother-in-law, but to neighborhood children who are minorities as well. It's absolutely deplorable.

With different races, ethnicities, religions, and Americans gaining more legal and societal rights in our current times, there will inevitably be those racists who think their own happiness is being negatively affected by it. But another person's growth does not equate to something being stolen from you and your life. There's nothing American about blaming others for your unhappiness.

That.

Cool does not pay the bills.

Real friends let you know in advance that they're coming to town.

I appreciate how sports are in the now.

"Start Out Disappointed If at All Possible
If my career had turned out like the fantasy I had of what it was going to be, it would never have made me happy. But I couldn't have know that until it didn't happen. I found success that is so much bigger and deeper and better, and it's because it happened later. If any of what I'm having happen now---the successes---would have happened to me when I was younger, I would have been ruined. Because when you're young, and things come super easily to you, and you have success right out of the gate, you're liable to think that's how it actually works. You start to think you don't need to be fully prepared or committed to have these things meet you."

From the story, Do Not Be Quick to Succeed, in the October 2016 issue of GQ. By Sarah Paulson.