"I heard that your dreams came true."

From the song Someone Like You by Adele.

Hwan is my middle name.

T+Hwan+Y = THWANY.

Over the past week on two different occasions, I randomly recognized people I know (even with their masks on) while walking down a subway platform and a Brooklyn street.

But because of COVID-19, I of course did not say anything and kept walking on.

This winter wind hits the skin and smacks everything within.

"Party's over?

I think not.

I hope that we never stop."

From the song Let's Dance (Original Mix) by Cajmere.

For old times’ sake, I just used the bathroom at the Union Square Barnes & Nobles.

Where's the fiber?

12121 palindrome.

Dangled.
Tangled.
Wrangled.
Dang, 
cold.
Hang,
old.
Bang,
bold.
Done,
sold.

"What for?"

Asked by Rose in the movie The Mirror Has Two Faces.

I'm at the point of my life where a bowl of rice with kimchi is a super satisfying meal.

Can we talk about something?

Last night,

the phone didn't ring.

I didn't pick up.

I didn't spring.
No spreading of wings.

No dollop of good things.

No playing the harp.

No tying my shoe strings.

Just scratching my butt,

making pals with each touch.

But I'll put in the time,

just to find out what.

Cuz we'll meet one day,

feel it in my gut.

Anything before last week,
take a goddamn seat.

Day's like,
no way, psych!
Pinch back twice.
Punching bag,
rice.
Throw it up,
head lies.
Still floating,
wink twice.

A million mores,

keeps it gorg.

Smuggle snuggles.

Sudden circles.

Solid.

Surreal.

Swallow.

So weird.

My bed is truly my world.

I do almost everything from it. It's the most used piece of furniture in my room, especially since the pandemic. It's my couch, where I do work from, watch tv, and even where I had my last terrifying nightmare.

Either I lie in bed with my phone or click clack away on my comp here (also in bed).

Will need to.

Will want to.

What seasoning?

Which arse spewed?

Why question?

Who asked you?

Stop shaking.

Shop soju.

For lunch today, I ate leftover frozen galbi-jjim from the holidays. It was tasty.

Check yourself,

before you deck yourself.

Believe in yourself.

Balloon squeaks for health.

Slam shut the self.

Oh well,

no wealth.

Ceased wanting,

bad smell.

Got excited,

won't dwell.

Lite.

Bite.

Tight.

Height.

Sight.

Might.

Fight.

Right?!

Write to relax?

It's doomed,

that's a fact.
Or peel off,

make tracks.

OM-Genius,

step back.

Stuffy nose,

is where it's at.

Podcast playing.
These keyboard taps.
Night sky outside the window.
Keeping an eye on all three.

It feels different.

Flowers & Books

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day. 

Be kind. Eradicate racism.

“I think I can finally face it.

I’m not the one. Never was the one.”

From the song Another One by Sam Smith.

"Shake it off,
shake the fear of feeling lost."

From the song Diamonds by Sam Smith.

Wait.

A kind stranger on the street just wished me good morning and I’m all about this energy.

There’s a lamp on my nightstand I have not turned on in forever. That’s because I have not read a paper book at night in bed (or in the day for that matter) for so long. 

I just finished flipping through a paper magazine (also something I haven’t done in a while since I cancelled all subscriptions) with my lamp on, and since I already have the lighting, am now lying here thinking I should crack open an actual book.

Good work is all about ideas and decisions.

I wish I could eat some jeon rn.

Hot Pocket,

slosh it with spit.

Yours to freely covet.

Crisper sleeve jack it,

no matter the width.

I forgive myself for the fictitious mistakes I made today which exist only in my head.

K

E

E

P

.

G
O

I

N

G

.

Afrin is addictive.

Logan Lee.

Show up with pen and paper.

Brain fog.

Ass cough.

Lights off.

Pillows soft.

Instead of feeling excited for the inauguration of President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris next week, Americans are gripped by fear of domestic terrorism from white supremacists in this country. 

I am not shocked at the fact that these idiots exist, because every BIPOC person has their own personal experiences of having to deal with racial bigots like them. But what's most appalling is the gaslighting BIPOC people have experienced for generations—being told the racism and microaggressions we experience daily are things made up in our heads—when clearly, what happened at the Capitol Building is just one example of what those who are rooted in white supremacy get away with every damn day in America. Those assholes who mobbed the nation's capital last week? I have lived next to them. They've been my teachers and classmates. I have worked with them. I have waited on them. I have felt their hostility at bars and restaurants and other places all over NYC countless times. And to watch January 6's events unfold like that, it's beyond traumatizing. For hundreds of years, the phone call was always coming from inside the house. 

Fuck white supremacy. Black Lives Matter! 

P.S., if you are white, stop telling BIPOC people about your racist relatives because we don't give a shit, and you definitely don't get points for not being racist.

Hey,

epiphany.

Call Tiffany.

It's about you.

Don’t wait for me.

"Let's work."

From the song Let's Work (Original Mix) by Cajmere.

Put on a happy face and do some damage.

While eating something just now, it was the first time the ends of my bangs crept into my mouth. My hair is so long at this point that I can tie a short ponytail. I haven't cut it since last March.

No guest list,
just one wish,
To let go,
let your body swish.

"I feel loved."

From the song I Feel Loved (Danny Tenaglia's Labor of Love Edit Mix) by Depeche Mode.

Damn, this song used to be the shit!

"You've gotta be strong,

and have no doubt."

From the song Living for the Future (Earnshaw's Vocal Mix) by H20.

I am drinking wine and blasting music rn.

"You're an inspiration to me.
Let's celebrate life.
Life has just begun for me."

From the song Inspiration by Kerri Chandler.

Congratulations on reading this, for you are the only one.

Btw, fuck yeah I'm going eat that shit.

On my mind all night,

woke up with a dish in sight.

Now,

as it sits here on my desk.

I can't help wonder,

I don't even need it.

Like,

should I even eat it?

Or is there something deeper inside,

crying out to feed it?

"Do the hustle."

From the song The Hustle by Van McCoy and the Soul City Symphony.

I’m so disoriented on what day and time it is right now.

How is it past 3am already? Well, at least it’s still the weekend.

I started watching this new Korean drama a few days ago, and ooh wee, I've been completely absorbed in its fantasy world since. Apparently, it's like the hottest show in Korea right now.

Titled The Penthouse: War In Life and streaming here, it's 21 episodes long and SO frickin' good. Thankfully, the finale just came out this past Tuesday so I was able to watch it through without dying to know what happens after the end of each episode's cliffhanger.

In addition to its over-the-top and absolutely bonkers storyline, I really loved all of the talented actors it featured. And like any good Korean drama that's a time capsule in showcasing the latest pop culture, it did a great job in capturing the newest fashions, home decor, what cell phones people are using, and trends in general, to show someone like me on the other side of the world what's currently popular in the country. Overall, the show felt fresh, super modern, and was just excellently done. It’s been a while since I watched a Korean drama this good. I especially liked how the writing kept the story going at a pace that gripped my attention from the first minute. All of the non-stop plot twists made me wish I had been in the writer's room, because it's like, how do you even come up with something so twisted and genius?! And for 21 episodes straight! The plot was like a hybrid between a thriller and a soap opera, with plenty of funny moments where I had the time of my life laughing out loud so hard from its absurdity.

The story basically revolves around a few families who live in Seoul's most exclusive and super fancy (fictional) apartment building. Power, wealth, greed, bullying, murder, nepotism—it's all there. And of course, don't forget about the theme of revenge, which is pretty much the foundation to any good Korean drama. There's also the common Cinderella aspect where someone with no money is trying to move up in the world, along with a glimpse into shady undertakings of the ultra-rich in order to hold onto what they have. I'm normally more into rom-com Korean dramas that don't involve people getting killed, but this show definitely made it interesting and impossible to turn off.

Honestly, discovering The Penthouse this week was the best distraction from everything that's been in the news. I just finished the last episode right now and I'm already wanting more.

Shit is fucked up.

Dear friends,

I wrote a round-up on 11 Normal-ish Things We’re Looking Forward to Doing This Year in NYC.

Check it out!

The strangers I like most I know nothing about.

Buckle.

You know how so many house songs have a single of line of lyrics that's repeated throughout it?

Mine is: Start Early, End Early

I went out to pick up some dry cleaning just before and ended up walking behind two young people who were talking shit about their boss and how they won't give them any time off. It had been so long since I've eavesdropped on a conversation of strangers. I feel alive again.

Heal the aches,

order rice cakes.

"You gotta believe in something."

From the song You Gotta Believe (Original '91 Atomix) by Fierce Ruling Diva.

"Do you want it?
And if you had it, would you flaunt it?
Well, it's yours!"

From the song It's Your (ft E-Man) Distant Musix Mix by Jon Cutler.

"We don't really need a crowd to have a party,

just a funky beat and you to get it started."

From the song Big Fun (Original 12" Mix) by Inner City.

HAPPY FREAKING NEW YEAR!!!!

Hey 2021, I know we're about to meet for the first time, but please don't be an asshole.

K, thx.

The end of 2020 is less than an hour away...

So much stuff went down this year, but—I need to not end the past nine months of messed up (and totally awakening) stuff in the same way it's been going. Rather than thinking about that or what didn't happen, I also find myself going back to the most memorable time of what I'm missing the most right now: being out and dancing all night. 

For going out and partying, I had an exciting era where my life felt solely dedicated this. It started exactly 20 years ago from this upcoming February when I was a senior in high school and had just turned 18. My cousin's friend who I had become friends with said his older sister was going to this club called Exit in the city (I think it might've been her birthday). He was going to go for the first time and asked me to come along because he didn't want to go alone. I remember feeling lucky because my birthday had just passed, so I didn't need a fake ID to get in like my friend. He lived in Flushing near Northern Boulevard and Parsons, and I recall going to his apartment first so we could all head into the city together. That first night at Exit changed my life. I ended up going there weekly for years. There was specifically this one corner near the dance floor where all the Asian kids hung out. After going there every Friday, so many of us became friends and would party together. Light shows, bunny hopping, dance offs, candy bracelets, blowing Vicks VapoRub onto each other's faces, DJ Tony Draper, like wow haha. To just be that age and doing that back in 2001, it was so damn fun.

Now, as I'm thinking about all that happened in 2020, all I can do is blast old party music in my room and dance. It makes me miss being on that dance floor again while having the time of my life. I felt completely free back then and life seemed like everything was going to be okay. The old space of Exit is Terminal 5 now. I haven't stepped foot in it since it used to be Exit.

Here are some old pictures of that infamous corner from back in the day.