The past few weeks or so.

N95 face masks for the subway and enclosed spaces, blue medical masks otherwise.

I recently bought one of those clean linen type of scented candles. And my gosh, I don't know what chemicals they put in this thing but my room really does smell like I just pulled my clothes out of the dryer at the laundromat.

The line at the supermarket today was so long, it pretty much wrapped itself halfway inside the store. As it slowly moved along, I found myself in the frozen food section mesmerized. I couldn't stop staring at the insane amount of variety for Eggo waffles. Different flavors, shapes, cartoons characters, the options were endless. Like, wow.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

The belly paid the bill.
The pals bewildered, popped pills.
The bobby pins screamed shrills.

Then the proper party helped heal.

If it makes you a better writer,
it makes you a better person.
If it makes you a go-getting fighter,
the destination makes it happen.

Weird weekend,
to contend.

No friends,

dead ends.

To care,
is to dare.
Risk what's spare,
hold tight, free airfare.

AOL Instant messenger.
Phone texts.
Grinder.
WhatsApp.
Group chat.
Slack.
Still no response back.

"If you believe in yourself enough, 
and know what you want,
you're gonna make it happen."

From the song Make It Happen by Mariah Carey.

"Here we go around again,
one more time,
will it ever end?"

From the song Here We Go Around Again by Mariah Carey.

It is 

(so)

much

easier,

to talk this way.

October feels spooky for reals.

There's a lot going on that makes me want to chill.

Often, even a sense of not knowing how to feel.

So I sit with my thoughts in the company of a meal.

Life is all about editing. So rewrite the story from the shitty version the voice in your head came up with.

It's Sunday,

rest, no way.
Just got here,

say hey hey.

"You fill this night with me."

From the song Fill This Night by Clazziquai.

I’ve gotten so used to watching stuff and scrolling through things. But just listening to music is necessary, too.

Woah...

“Hold me back!” I screamed to myself.

So nauseous,
can't nosh this.

Breonna Taylor deserves justice.

All of the other things I was worrying about earlier throughout the day feels so pointless.

Stomp in the streets,
step light in your apartment.

Being home for most of each day, cleaning my floor daily is something that brings so much relief and pleasure.

 Isolation.

There are days when even nine hours isn’t enough to pull an opening paragraph out of my ass.

And without an opening paragraph, there is no second paragraph.

It’s late in the night and I’ve forced myself to step away form it. As I lie in bed, all I’m thinking about is why the fuck an opening paragraph is taking me so long. But then I’m realizing it’s because I know exactly what I want to say, it’s just taking a while to figure out how.

I’m at the point in my life where I notice every hair on the floor.

 We're all just one something away from everything.

Hey friends,

I wrote this profile that I'm very proud of. It's on Sylvia's "The Queen of Soul Food" in Harlem, which has been an iconic NYC institution and restaurant since 1962.

Please check out the article and share it with friends!

How This Legendary 58-Year-Old Harlem Soul Food Institution Is Pivoting in the Era of COVID-19

 Detach x 100.

 I forgot how to fall asleep.

Cry when I write,
cry when I read.
Pie in each bite,
sigh when I need.

 Slow down x 100.

"They said it wouldn't last,
we had to prove them wrong."

From the song Love Will Never Do (Without You) by Janet Jackson.

"I just want someone that's always gonna love me, no matter what. Someone's that's gonna hold my hand and never let it go..." 

Said by Slim in the movie Queen & Slim.

It’s 3:30am and I am still scrolling on my phone in bed. I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping the past few weeks. Then there are nights like yesterday where I had so many weird nightmares and kept waking up in the few hours of sleep I was even able to get.

"Martin: How else do you feel right now?
Eve: I feel... wide awake."

From the show Killing Eve. Season 2, Episode 7.

Fuck it.

And by fuck I mean eat.

 Must be nice.

CC Bloom,

CeCe Peniston.

Yeah see-see twice,

Take pic, new medicine.

Day 9 without a working fridge. What's life even about?

It's been a while since I've been excited as I am today, but Biden-Harris all the way!

"I want a hug."

Said by Kwame in the HBO show I May Destroy You. Season 1, Episode 10.

My fridge broke down last week. It suddenly just stopped working, but I can't say I blame it -- 2020 has been hard for all of us.

I am looking for a husband.

"I hope you can find the time,
this weekend to relax and unwind."

From the song Escapade by Janet Jackson.

I can't believe I never realized that this song's message isn't about some fancy vacation, but something much simpler than that: enjoy your weekend.

It's amazing how so many American sitcoms and movies have scenes where characters are eating what appears to be Chinese takeout or Asian food with chopsticks, but there isn't an actual Asian person in site within the fictional worlds they live in.

To the people who made the decisions to include Asian food (but not characters) in those scenes, I just want to know the reasoning behind it.

I started a new job in April. 

In a turn of events for my professional career that I couldn't have ever imagined in my wildest dreams, I am now the Editor of Thrillist New York. That means it's my job to be in the know about what to eat, drink, and do in New York, and as a hometown Queens kid from Flushing, I can't tell you how proud I am to be in this new role.

With that being said, the world is a very different place now, and thinking about what to eat, drink, and do in New York has changed completely since the onset of COVID-19 in March. I mean, even as I write this on August 8, I feel like life feels so drastically different from just a month ago. How I might've thought about certain things or what I felt like I knew from then is not the same as today, and I'm totally okay with that. This year just feels like it's been filled with awakenings of every kind, some that are heartbreaking to the core, and others that were very much needed.

First of all, the COVID-19 pandemic continues to take its toll everywhere. People are sick, people are dying, people have lost their jobs and livelihoods, and at this moment, there's no sense in when things will get better in the U.S. And then there's the second virus that's on the forefront of daily life in America: racism. The systemic injustices and racism that Black people face in this country is so wrong. Until the death of George Floyd, I never truly internalized the challenges that the Black community faces. And because of my ignorance, I didn't know just how dire things were. Even from growing up in NYC or having been immersed in Black music, television, and culture as a major part of my entire life, I still hadn't realized it. Being a kid in the 90's, I can recall the majority of every comedy stand-up special I watched by a Black comic having a part dedicated to discussing racism and mistreatment from cops, but I never registered just how fucked up it really was. But now I'm trying to do my part however I can, which includes educating myself, having conversations with friends and family, and knowing that not being racist is no longer sufficient in America, but being an anti-racist is what's truly needed in order for tangible change to happen. 

At work, I've joined together with three other colleagues for the Thrillist Diversity Committee. As a group, we are committed to bringing more diversity to our workplace. It's funny because I started my job remotely, which means I have never met any of my coworkers in real life. I'm grateful to simply be employed right now, but working from home in a new job hasn't been easy for many reasons, and I still find myself struggling with things at times. It definitely hasn't been a smooth road, but I'm enjoying myself and the growth I've been able to experience so far. I feel like the timing of when I started this job and all that's happened since can be seen as a blessing in some ways and a reminder to always stay on your feet. Fighting it or wanting it to be different is pointless, so I'm trying to approach things with a fun and flexible mindset whenever possible and am up for the challenge.

It's taken me a bit to sit down with my thoughts about all that's happened since April, but I look forward to sharing more stuff here on my blog. In the meanwhile, check out Thrillist New York when you can and some of the stories I've personally written like How to Support the Black Community in NYC, Thanks for the Memories Momofuku Ssäm Bar, and 7 Restaurant Openings in NYC You Need to Know. 

Wear a damn mask when you go out, socially distance responsibly, and most importantly, Black Lives Matter!

 "Soon, you'll be having fun."

From the song All For You by Janet Jackson.

Process.
Practice.
Progress.
Praise.

One motherfucking day at a time.

"Take the pen and rewrite it."

From Beyoncé's Black is King on Disney+.

"What I've learned is, 'Get back on what track?' It's a whole new track. It's not going back, it's not... you know, it's just all different, and it's different forever. So it's not getting back on track, but it's creating my next track."

Said by former First Lady Michelle Obama in her Netflix special Becoming.

Read by the author.

Damn, where do I even start?

So much to freaking update you on...

Junk food,

funk mood.

Self feud,

so crude.

As I sit here in the dark of my room on America's 244th birthday, there's a nonstop barrage of fireworks going off from nearby in all directions outside my window. Bursts of light fill the night sky with whistles and explosive pops. These are of course not from the annual Macy's fireworks show put on by the city, but from the local residents of Harlem/Sugar Hill instead. The noise of illegal fireworks going off nightly for the past few months seems to just fade into the background now, sort of like sirens from an ambulance or firetruck. But today's soundtrack does feel much louder than usual.

Punch.

Crunch.

Lunch.

The past few weeks or so.

Black Lives Matter!

Beer and chips for dinner,

didn't turn out to be that winner.

Sick of the bullshit.

"Juneteenth is the oldest-known celebration of the end of slavery in the United States. While it’s widely observed across the U.S., the holiday actually originated in Texas, marking the date in 1865 that news of the abolition of slavery reached the state (despite the fact that the Emancipation Proclamation was signed in 1863). During the two and a half year gap, slave owners kept this information hidden from slaves in order to reap the continued benefits of unpaid labor.

Juneteenth is still not recognized as a national holiday, but locally it’s celebrated with gatherings, parades, and feasts that specifically feature red foods and drinks. Barbecue, baked beans, watermelon, and red drinks such as West African Hibiscus tea, strawberry soda, punch, and lemonade made with strawberries or cherries make appearances on park and backyard tables around the U.S. every year."

From the Thrillist story "Where to Find Red Velvet Cake in NYC, Just in Time for Juneteenth." By Kristen Adaway.

Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.

Dear blog,

do you also sob?

Where the injustices of the world,

makes your heart throb?

Sup.
Yup.
Shut up.

Good morning.

I just woke up early from a real good night’s rest and am so hungry. The weather outside is looking beautiful and I wish I could just go to some diner or nice restaurant to have a bounty of food while people watching with a hot cup of black coffee in hand.

"Can't argue with these lazy bitches,
I just raise my price."

From the song Savage by Megan Thee Stallion ft Beyonce.

Sipping.
Dipping.
Tipping.
Zipping.

"Ahmaud Arbery was a human being, a person, a man with a family and a future, who loved and was loved. The McMichaels took all of that away on a glorious Sunday afternoon in February. Who knows what Arbery could have become. He was young, his life a buffet of possibilities. Friday would have been his 26th birthday."

From the May 6, New York Times Op-Ed: The Killing of Ahmaud Arbery. Written by Charles M. Blow.

Ahmaud Arbery was murdered on February 23. Black Lives Matter!

I know who you are.