Blue.

It just hit me,

you're shitting me.

Stop quitting, see? 

Bedridden-free.

"I would dance until my feet hurt, and I would keep going after that."

Said by Lil Buck in the Netflix docuseries Move. Season 1, Episode 1.

"Listen to yourself, listen to your gut. Because only you know what's right for you. That's what being an artist is all about. Your power is in your individuality, and being exactly who you are. No two artists are alike, just like no two people are alike. That's why there's no competition in artistry, it's not about being the best or the biggest, the king or the queen—that notion is so ridiculous. That competition or comparison is actually the opposite of what being an artist is. As an artist, you should be in competition with only one person, yourself. You can't worry about what others are doing or saying. You have to keep that focus and stay true to who you are in order to be creative and make the best decisions."

Said by Jennifer Lopez in her audiobook True Love.

Out of touch,

out of space.

Out of patience,

out of place.

"Like a movie scene,
in the sweetest dream,
I have pictured us together."

From the song Waiting for Tonight by Jennifer Lopez.

Inexplicable.

If someone has been on your mind, let them know.

Greetings, from my little corner here on the Internet.

It's Friday night. The windows of my room overlook Amsterdam Avenue, a pretty major street, and there's plenty of stuff going on outside. Every time a car passes by blasting Fatman Scoop's Be Faithful, I feel happy. It takes me back to my young adult days of growing up in Queens and driving into the city on the weekends with friends to go party. But also, hearing the song just makes me stoked that people are still out there finding some joy, in despite of everything. I like to imagine that these cars have some fun destination (masked and socially-distanced, of course) they're heading to—or fuck it, even if they just want to blare music from their car while going for a drive, I'm all for that, too.

I was watching the final presidential debate last night, and when 45 called NYC a "ghost town," I couldn't help but roll my eyes. This is so far from the truth. There are still millions of people here going about their days and handling their shit. I mean it does feel quieter and emptier than normal at times, but walk one block over or wander the streets again the following day and it's a completely different picture. 

It's been a while since I left town. Honestly, the last time I was even on an airplane was early in 2019. I've been home everyday since the lockdown started, and while I'm itching to get some air and go away for even a weekend, I sadly wouldn't have anywhere to go. I also haven't gotten a haircut since March. I just don't have the mental capacity or bandwidth to even think about trying to get one right now. I've grown my hair out here and there as an adult, but this is by far the longest stretch. Living with longer hair is really different than shorter hair. I mean, the amount of my hair that I can now see shed is, in itself, a sobering reality and terrifying to witness. It's probably from me being in my late 30's, but I've come to see how precious hair is. And for every strand I see fall out and laying on my floor or laptop keyboard, my heart pangs. Damn, I remember being a teenager and always having barbers insist they thin out my hair a bit to make it look less heavy. Now it's good ole time that naturally does it for me. One thing I do like about having longer hair though is being able to push it back behind my ear. It's a novel feeling that feels so natural for some reason.

I used to be able to drink two 40s with no problem, and now two cans of beer make me feel full.

All I do at home is lie on my stomach in bed and watch 50 minutes videos of people eating bomb ass food in Korea.

There are so many moments where I feel like I'm looking back too much or reflecting on a time that has nothing to do with right now.

But then when I think about it, who the fuck knows what's going to happen in the near future? Even trying to entertain its landscape at this point in history feels pointless.

"Everybody's searching for a place,
where they can be known.
But I've found a place where I can do no wrong.
Everybody's loving me for being me,
but I never thought that I could be so free."

From the song Nitelife (Armand van Helden mix) by Kim English.

I decided to have some fried chicken and beer with soju at my desk here at home, so I am feeling good. 

Also, I usually eat fried chicken out of the box when I get it from my local spot, but what a difference it makes to plate it like a proper meal.

The past few weeks or so.

N95 face masks for the subway and enclosed spaces, blue medical masks otherwise.

I recently bought one of those clean linen type of scented candles. And my gosh, I don't know what chemicals they put in this thing but my room really does smell like I just pulled my clothes out of the dryer at the laundromat.

The line at the supermarket today was so long, it pretty much wrapped itself halfway inside the store. As it slowly moved along, I found myself in the frozen food section mesmerized. I couldn't stop staring at the insane amount of variety for Eggo waffles. Different flavors, shapes, cartoons characters, the options were endless. Like, wow.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

The belly paid the bill.
The pals bewildered, popped pills.
The bobby pins screamed shrills.

Then the proper party helped heal.

If it makes you a better writer,
it makes you a better person.
If it makes you a go-getting fighter,
the destination makes it happen.

Weird weekend,
to contend.

No friends,

dead ends.

To care,
is to dare.
Risk what's spare,
hold tight, free airfare.

AOL Instant messenger.
Phone texts.
Grinder.
WhatsApp.
Group chat.
Slack.
Still no response back.

"If you believe in yourself enough, 
and know what you want,
you're gonna make it happen."

From the song Make It Happen by Mariah Carey.

"Here we go around again,
one more time,
will it ever end?"

From the song Here We Go Around Again by Mariah Carey.

It is 

(so)

much

easier,

to talk this way.

October feels spooky for reals.

There's a lot going on that makes me want to chill.

Often, even a sense of not knowing how to feel.

So I sit with my thoughts in the company of a meal.

Life is all about editing. So rewrite the story from the shitty version the voice in your head came up with.

It's Sunday,

rest, no way.
Just got here,

say hey hey.

"You fill this night with me."

From the song Fill This Night by Clazziquai.

I’ve gotten so used to watching stuff and scrolling through things. But just listening to music is necessary, too.

Woah...

“Hold me back!” I screamed to myself.

So nauseous,
can't nosh this.

Breonna Taylor deserves justice.

All of the other things I was worrying about earlier throughout the day feels so pointless.

Stomp in the streets,
step light in your apartment.

Being home for most of each day, cleaning my floor daily is something that brings so much relief and pleasure.

 Isolation.

There are days when even nine hours isn’t enough to pull an opening paragraph out of my ass.

And without an opening paragraph, there is no second paragraph.

It’s late in the night and I’ve forced myself to step away form it. As I lie in bed, all I’m thinking about is why the fuck an opening paragraph is taking me so long. But then I’m realizing it’s because I know exactly what I want to say, it’s just taking a while to figure out how.

I’m at the point in my life where I notice every hair on the floor.

 We're all just one something away from everything.

Hey friends,

I wrote this profile that I'm very proud of. It's on Sylvia's "The Queen of Soul Food" in Harlem, which has been an iconic NYC institution and restaurant since 1962.

Please check out the article and share it with friends!

How This Legendary 58-Year-Old Harlem Soul Food Institution Is Pivoting in the Era of COVID-19

 Detach x 100.

 I forgot how to fall asleep.

Cry when I write,
cry when I read.
Pie in each bite,
sigh when I need.

 Slow down x 100.

"They said it wouldn't last,
we had to prove them wrong."

From the song Love Will Never Do (Without You) by Janet Jackson.

"I just want someone that's always gonna love me, no matter what. Someone's that's gonna hold my hand and never let it go..." 

Said by Slim in the movie Queen & Slim.

It’s 3:30am and I am still scrolling on my phone in bed. I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping the past few weeks. Then there are nights like yesterday where I had so many weird nightmares and kept waking up in the few hours of sleep I was even able to get.

"Martin: How else do you feel right now?
Eve: I feel... wide awake."

From the show Killing Eve. Season 2, Episode 7.

Fuck it.

And by fuck I mean eat.

 Must be nice.

CC Bloom,

CeCe Peniston.

Yeah see-see twice,

Take pic, new medicine.

Day 9 without a working fridge. What's life even about?

It's been a while since I've been excited as I am today, but Biden-Harris all the way!

"I want a hug."

Said by Kwame in the HBO show I May Destroy You. Season 1, Episode 10.

My fridge broke down last week. It suddenly just stopped working, but I can't say I blame it -- 2020 has been hard for all of us.

I am looking for a husband.

"I hope you can find the time,
this weekend to relax and unwind."

From the song Escapade by Janet Jackson.

I can't believe I never realized that this song's message isn't about some fancy vacation, but something much simpler than that: enjoy your weekend.

It's amazing how so many American sitcoms and movies have scenes where characters are eating what appears to be Chinese takeout or Asian food with chopsticks, but there isn't an actual Asian person in site within the fictional worlds they live in.

To the people who made the decisions to include Asian food (but not characters) in those scenes, I just want to know the reasoning behind it.

I started a new job in April. 

In a turn of events for my professional career that I couldn't have ever imagined in my wildest dreams, I am now the Editor of Thrillist New York. That means it's my job to be in the know about what to eat, drink, and do in New York, and as a hometown Queens kid from Flushing, I can't tell you how proud I am to be in this new role.

With that being said, the world is a very different place now, and thinking about what to eat, drink, and do in New York has changed completely since the onset of COVID-19 in March. I mean, even as I write this on August 8, I feel like life feels so drastically different from just a month ago. How I might've thought about certain things or what I felt like I knew from then is not the same as today, and I'm totally okay with that. This year just feels like it's been filled with awakenings of every kind, some that are heartbreaking to the core, and others that were very much needed.

First of all, the COVID-19 pandemic continues to take its toll everywhere. People are sick, people are dying, people have lost their jobs and livelihoods, and at this moment, there's no sense in when things will get better in the U.S. And then there's the second virus that's on the forefront of daily life in America: racism. The systemic injustices and racism that Black people face in this country is so wrong. Until the death of George Floyd, I never truly internalized the challenges that the Black community faces. And because of my ignorance, I didn't know just how dire things were. Even from growing up in NYC or having been immersed in Black music, television, and culture as a major part of my entire life, I still hadn't realized it. Being a kid in the 90's, I can recall the majority of every comedy stand-up special I watched by a Black comic having a part dedicated to discussing racism and mistreatment from cops, but I never registered just how fucked up it really was. But now I'm trying to do my part however I can, which includes educating myself, having conversations with friends and family, and knowing that not being racist is no longer sufficient in America, but being an anti-racist is what's truly needed in order for tangible change to happen. 

At work, I've joined together with three other colleagues for the Thrillist Diversity Committee. As a group, we are committed to bringing more diversity to our workplace. It's funny because I started my job remotely, which means I have never met any of my coworkers in real life. I'm grateful to simply be employed right now, but working from home in a new job hasn't been easy for many reasons, and I still find myself struggling with things at times. It definitely hasn't been a smooth road, but I'm enjoying myself and the growth I've been able to experience so far. I feel like the timing of when I started this job and all that's happened since can be seen as a blessing in some ways and a reminder to always stay on your feet. Fighting it or wanting it to be different is pointless, so I'm trying to approach things with a fun and flexible mindset whenever possible and am up for the challenge.

It's taken me a bit to sit down with my thoughts about all that's happened since April, but I look forward to sharing more stuff here on my blog. In the meanwhile, check out Thrillist New York when you can and some of the stories I've personally written like How to Support the Black Community in NYC, Thanks for the Memories Momofuku Ssäm Bar, and 7 Restaurant Openings in NYC You Need to Know. 

Wear a damn mask when you go out, socially distance responsibly, and most importantly, Black Lives Matter!

 "Soon, you'll be having fun."

From the song All For You by Janet Jackson.

Process.
Practice.
Progress.
Praise.

One motherfucking day at a time.

"Take the pen and rewrite it."

From Beyoncé's Black is King on Disney+.

"What I've learned is, 'Get back on what track?' It's a whole new track. It's not going back, it's not... you know, it's just all different, and it's different forever. So it's not getting back on track, but it's creating my next track."

Said by former First Lady Michelle Obama in her Netflix special Becoming.

Read by the author.

Damn, where do I even start?

So much to freaking update you on...

Junk food,

funk mood.

Self feud,

so crude.