Life in Bangkok.

Holy shit, I can't believe it will already be Thanksgiving next week.

"Not one of New York's great cultural institutions looks today the way it did half a century ago. Since the 1970s the Metropolitan Museum has been pushing its galleries into Central Park with new glass facades; the Museum of Modern Art seems in a state of constant construction, with two towers added to West 53rd Street and another on tap; the Morgan Library gave itself a new front door into a glass atrium; and Lincoln Center has just finished a thorough makeover and expansion. Every one of these transformations has come in the bigger name of accommodating crowds that seem to grow even bigger, and while most of these new buildings and additions are visually spectacular, each of these institutions has been accused at one time or another, sometimes justifiably, of selling its soul for a mess of architectural pottage.

The one exception to the architectural deeding frenzy has long seemed to be the New York Public Library, whose great 101-year-old Carrere and Hastings palace of white marble on Fifth Avenue, arguably the city's greatest cultural building of all and sure its most beloved, looks almost exactly as it always has. It's true that the library has modernized a lot of its innards, restored the main reading room, and slipped an addition discreetly into an interior courtyard. It also dug down under Bryant Park, its backyard, to create extra storage space for books in 1991. But almost every change the library made, like the underground bookstacks, was intended to be invisible---you weren't supposed to think the library looked different, just better taken care of."

From the article, Firestorm on Fifth Avenue, by Paul Goldberger in the December 2012 issue of Vanity Fair.

Sometimes, I just don't feel like making small talk.

"Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress..."

From the song Holy Ground by Taylor Swift.

Fishbones. 

"You and me on the hood of my car.
Saturday night.
Watching the stars.
You and me on the hood of my car.
Saturday night. 
Watching the stars."

From the song Stars 4-Ever by Robyn.

"Even if we aren't physically together, we are connected, as one. We create the story, and at the same time the story is what sets us in motion. Right?"

From 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami. Page 745 (e-book edition).

After taking my time to read through it for over a year, I finally finished this book last night. Whew.

Subsequent to purchasing the hardcover when it was first released last fall, I realized 1Q84 was way too heavy to carry around on a daily basis---and so I purchased the e-book edition in addition to read on my iPad. Whether it's through the news, magazines, or books, I read on a daily basis so I would normally never take this long to go through a book. I think I went through 1Q84 at such a comfortable pace because on top of it being my first electronic book purchase and experience ever, the story's over 800 pages always seemed to just conveniently be there for me---like a good reliable friend---and so I took my time and read the book at my leisure, turning to it in those moments of need while here in Bangkok.

The story itself is pretty epic, and Haruki Murakami did a great job of making 1Q84 into something that only he could (and ever would) write. And I'm not sure if this was due to just having a larger number of pages---and therefore more content---but it seemed to me like this is the most sexual book of his so far as well.

In terms of reading books electronically, there were a few things about the experience which I found to be pretty convenient. It's nice to be able to simply just double-tap a word to find out its definition, or to be ale to do a word search of all 800 pages to refresh my memory on some characters or different parts of the storyline. And while my reluctance to try e-books has somewhat changed, I think I'll stick to the old fashioned way of turning pages with my fingers or underlining words and sentences with a good old pen instead if I can.

"Bill Clinton---who always had girlfriends---looked at Hilary and said, 'I've never had a girlfriend like that. I can't believe that somebody as smart and as virtuous as Hilary---that she wants to be with me.' Hilary looked at Bill Clinton---outgoing, popular, successful---and thinks 'I can't believe somebody like that wants to be with me.' And I think they're both kind of mystified that the other person was attracted to them."

Said by the journalist John Harris in the PBS American Series called CLINTON.

I really enjoyed the first episode of this 4-part series which is currently available to download for free on iTunes. Learning about Bill and Hilary's relationship and journey through politics together was really interesting. I have so much more respect for Hilary than ever before, and really admire all the work that was put in in order to make their symbiotic union work. And while I know their marriage isn't perfect and has had a lot issues, there's still something very special and loving about how they've worked together as partners to achieve so many of their common goals in life. That sort of commitment is something I too strive for with a loving partner some day.

Hearing Christmas music in early November at a small random Bangkok coffee shop while sweating my balls off is incredibly annoying.

Maybe it was all the cold medicine and antibiotics my body was on last night, but I fell asleep pretty early and was able to experience a deep and hearty sleep that I haven't had in a while. And the weird thing is that, I woke up this morning feeling so off because of all the dreams that occurred during this hibernation. There were a lot of different parts and chapters to them, but my favorite was when I was alone. I remember that I was sitting on an old mattress on a beach, and I could feel sand underneath my palms as I rested my hands behind me while propping up my body. Then a large majestic humpback whale swam close to the shore and breached, showing off its beautiful wonder and fluke, and I can remember feeling so content by it all.

We're not all going to like each other, and that's okay.

I'm not sure what people who might've never been to Bangkok might think of the city, but there's really a comfortable mixture of old tradition and modern capitalism here.

Here I am enjoying a cold tea from the inside of the Dean & Deluca at Phleon Chit, my BTS Skytrain stop.

It's been longer than usual since I last had a haircut, so I went first thing this morning after washing up. The weather was really nice when I left my place, resulting in me deciding to take a motorcycle taxi all the way to the salon from my soi.

The stylist I have been going to for the past year here in Bangkok is around the same age as me. Sometimes we'll make small talk, and we've even hung outside his workplace once or twice in the time I've been going to him.

Earlier this morning when he was doing his thing, he suddenly asked me if I've been more stressed than usual as of late. The question seemed a bit off to me, because we don't usually talk at that depth. I had to think about my answer and how invested I wanted to become in the conversation.

I responded with something vaguely generic before asking him why.

Then he told me that on the right side of my head, there were small patches where my hair had fallen out due to stress. He said that he's good at recognizing them, and that while I sometimes would have a patch here and there on most days, that there appeared to be more than usual today.

Yikes.

Never look back.

"If he went on like this, he would probably die a miserable death."

From 1Q84 by Haruki Murkami. Page 667 (e-book edition).

Sometimes, I just don't have the patience to deal with people's inane behavior... especially when I'm minding my own damn business and just trying to walk down the street to where I need to get to.

Will I be a loser forever?

An air-conditionerless bus ride and lunch on Sukhumvit.

John Cage's 4'33 sure is a trip.

While there's nothing terribly wrong with grabbing a drink somewhere alone, I think it says something about your life and the people in it if there isn't a single person to be able to call and just casually have a beer with.

I just arrived at Khaosan Road to run a weekly errand here. I don't drink that often anymore, but the evening weather and sky are so beautiful tonight and it's been awhile since I touched alcohol, so I'm at a quiet bar having a beer by myself.

Cheers to you, Thailand.

I am so happy to not have to deal with Halloween in Thailand.

"The choice is clear. The Romney-Ryan ticket represents a constricted and backward-looking vision of America: privatization of the public good. In contrast, the sort of public investment championed by Obama---and exemplified by both the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act and the Affordable Care Act---takes to heart the old civil-rights motto "Lifting as we climb." That effort cannot, by itself, reverse the rise of inequality that has been under way for at least three decades. But we've already seen the future that Romney represents, and it doesn't work.

The reelection of Barack Obama is a matter of great urgency. Not only are we in broad agreement with his policy directions; we also see in him what is absent in Mitt Romney---a first-rate political temperament and a deep sense of fairness and integrity. A two-term Obama Administration will leave an enduringly positive imprint on political life. It will bolster the ideal of good governance and a social vision that tempers individualism with a concern for community. Every Presidential election involves a contest over the idea of America. Obama's America---one that progresses, however falteringly, toward social justice, tolerance, and equality---represents the future that this country deserves."

From The Talk of the Town section of the October 29 & November 5, 2012 double-issue of The New Yorker.

Simplicity is always good.

And I love the artwork, too, for this story from November, 2005. 

(I thoroughly enjoyed this edition of fiction and it took it upon myself to produce these images to post on my blog with my digital subscription to The New Yorker. All rights are reserved by The New Yorker and will be removed upon request).

"And what it all comes down to, my friends, yeah
Is that everything is just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab."

From the song Hand in My Pocket by Alanis Morissette.

"See this? This is what I was trying to prevent; the reason I tell my friends not to look back... You have to walk away from the past in slow motion as it explodes behind you like a John Woo movie."
                         
Said by character, Chloe, in the sitcom, Don't Trust the B**** in Apartment 23. Season 2, Episode 1.

It would be nice to stop floating through life.

Nothing feels like it's mine. There isn't anything to call my own.

The weather is so beautiful today here in Bangkok.

I'm such a loser.

"Neal: So what's your deal? You, like, work on your novel at night or something?
Sophia: Pretty much... actually I sit at my computer for, like five minutes and come up with nothing. And then play Angry Birds on my phone."

From the new scripted drama on MTV called Underemployed. Pilot episode.

I love my studio apartment here in Bangkok.

Its location is within the heart of the city, and walking to Central World is just a short distance away. I have a small balcony that faces Petchaburi and Wireless Road so it's nice to watch all the busy traffic that is pretty much there all day and night. I'm within close reach of both the BTS and MRT, and for the BTS skytrain, passing by the British and Swiss Embassies are a part of the walk home from my stop. Sukhumvit can be reached by foot within ten minutes from my place to have a coffee at my skytrain stop, Phleon Chit. And in addition to having a Dean & Deluca at it, there's also an Apple store, 7-11, shabu-shabu restaurant and other types of businesses. The motorcycle-taxi guys on my soi can go basically anywhere since we're already downtown, so taking one to Asok or Pra Ram 9 isn't that expensive. The layout of my place is pretty small, but it's simple and perfectly cozy for just one person. All four pieces of furniture---bed, clothes-dresser, fridge, and armoire---were provided by my building, and I have to pay a small amount extra each month for my small refrigerator because it's optional. The only thing in here I myself purchased was a cheap stool so I could have something to sit on while I use the clothes-dresser as a desk for my laptop. My bathroom is bare and spacious, and opening my balcony door and window at the same time usually lets in a nice breeze if the weather isn't too hot. I'm grateful that my neighbor is respectful and not loud, because there are some assholes on my floor that are insanely noisy. My apartment is also located on the corner of the top floor of my building, so it's great not to be surrounded by neighbors on all sides. However, the one thing I do wish I had at my place is a kitchen because I really miss cooking for myself and even being able to prepare simple things. But then I realized that it's much better that I don't have a kitchen because its enabled me to make Thai street food a part of my everyday life. 

"You gonna have another drink or you just gonna babysit?
On to the next one, somebody call the waitress."

From the song On to the Next One by Jay-Z.

Being in crowds of people make me really anxious, so while I love music, I've only been to one concert in my entire life.

I'm currently blasting Jay-Z's new Live in Brooklyn album, and it makes me want to get over my agoraphobia so I can finally get to one of his concerts.

"Entering my thirties, I was frankly surprised I still wasn't free of food angst. It's exhausting."

From the article, Walking On Sunshine by Arianne Cohen, in the November 2012 issue of American ELLE.

Here are some more pictures of what I see throughout my days here in Bangkok.

You know now how growing up in America, as children some of us knew of this almost cartoonish stereotypical image of cats eating a whole fish and then subsequently picking at its fishbones?

Well, while I have never in my life seen cats in America do this, I can attest that for the street cats of Bangkok, this is definitely a norm.

"We all had our reasons to be there.
We all had a thing or two to learn.
We all needed something to cling to,
So we did."

From the song Forgiven by Alanis Morissette.

Every week, I always check what television episodes are available on iTunes to download for free.

This week they have a special edition episode of the classic show, Reading Rainbow, which includes both the series' first episode from 1983, and the last episode from 2006.

I can recall this show from when I was a kid, so watching it again as an adult brought back so many memories. From the show's awesome theme song (which seemed a lot more louder and energetic to me as a kid), to the short and memorable jingle that plays between each book recommendation from young readers, all of Reading Rainbow's great details came flooding back to me.

Having the opportunity to look at things more from an adult's perspective, Reading Rainbow was a truly extraordinary show. To have a program so dedicated to books with the mission of getting young children to read more is really inspiring. The coolest part of each episode is when the show takes an illustrated children's book and wonderfully brings it to life in a very simple yet effective way. With a child narrating the story, the program would enhance a book's reading experience by adding sound effects and zooming in and out and focusing on different parts of the book's illustrations throughout the segment. I never really thought about this great interpretation of books as a kid, but I appreciate it so much more as an adult.

Watching the series' first episode from 1983, I found a lot of the content to just be really fun and amusing---and one segment in particular had me busting out laughing like I haven't in a very long time. There is a rap-montage in the episode that has recommendations for young children on fun projects that don't cost any money. Some of the activities they suggested were so out of the norm and borderline ridiculous, but absolutely fun and goodhearted nonetheless. One of my favorites was "Bleach-Bottle Birdhouse," where one takes an old empty bottle of what appears to look like Clorox Bleach, and cuts and decorates it to make it into a birdhouse. But my ultimate favorite activity they proposed was "Newspaper Crumple Race," and this is when you all line up next to one another, and take a newspaper in only one hand and start crumpling it to see who manages to make into into the smallest lump first. I'm not sure who or how "Newspaper Crumple Race" came to exist, but that is some funny ass creative shit---kudos to the mastermind behind that.

Living off a cycle of hope & disappointment is so draining.

Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Hope.

"Vincent taught him how to write a minimum number of words each day. 'I came up with this years ago,' she said. '(B+C-I-P)n---it means butt, plus chair, minus Internet and phone, times the number of words you can write without breaking a sweat.' Vincent's number is three hundred and fifty: 'If I do that twice a day, it's seven hundred words,' she said, which by the end of a work week, adds up to 'two chapters or two feature articles.' It's crucial to set a goal that doesn't intimidate you, 'because as writers we'll do anything---organize the closet, clean the garage---to avoid writing.'" 

From the article, The Lives of Saints by Ariel Levy, in the October 15, 2012 issue of The New Yorker.

Here are some more pictures of Bangkok.

And just to clarify, no I did not patronize that massage parlor. 

Oh, Thailand...

Meeting a hopeful love interest on a NYC subway like this is my ultimate fantasy...

And by looking at the subway seats in Adrian Tomine's illustration, I guess I should ride the F and R trains (or other similar lines with the orange/yellow seating) more often when I do eventually return back to NYC.

(Illustration taken from Drawn and Quarterly and copyright of Adrian Tomine, 2012) 

"Do you want to get loaded, or something?"

Said by the character, Mavis Gary, in the film Young Adult.

It would be great if a friend would call me every now and then to ask that.

Is it too much to ask for some sincerity?

"I want a bit part in your life,
a walk-on would be fine.
I just want a bit part in your life..."

From the song Bit Part by the Lemonheads.

I'm drinking alone at a bar and there isn't a single other customer in here.

It's rainy out and I've been walking around the city for the past few hours to let  off some steam.

The BTS stops running in less than an hour---we'll see if I make it or end up walking home.

"Mama: It's dangerous, son.
Walter: What's dangerous?
Mama: When a man goes outside his home to look for peace."

From the play, A Raisin in the Sun, by Lorraine Hansberry. Page 47.

It's hard to believe that the short-lived series, Strangers with Candy, ended more than a decade ago. (Fuck, how is that possible??).

I completely forgot that I purchased all three seasons on iTunes many many years back, so luckily, I've been able to download all the episodes again to watch them on repeat. 

Season 2 is by far my favorite, and here are just a few of the many AMAZING hairstyles of Jerri Blank from that season. 

Seriously, kudos to the show's hair and make-up team for making her look so fucking ugly but with a side of fun.

(Images were created by producing screen-caps with my iPad. All rights are reserved by Comedy Central and will be removed upon request).

"We think you're a joke,
Shove your hope where it don't shine."

From the song Shove It by Santogold.

"...yeah, and then I told her that I thought the church was okay. And that I could maybe even see myself attending services twice a month or something."

Said by my mom in our phone call an hour ago.

My mom is not very religious, so I laughed so hard today when she said this. I couldn't imagine my mom jumping into a religion in any other way haha.

I'm going to be thirty next year and I can already feel some differences in my body---which I don't think is the worst thing to ever happen---and a part of those changes is how my body reacts to alcohol.

There are some days-after when I'm completely fine and feel like my old self, but then there are others where I just can't function at all. I guess the amount of alcohol devoured should be considered too, but regardless, the way it makes me feel has definitely changed. However, the fact that I don't really have any friends or drinking buddies to just call up and grab a beer with also comes into hand in regards to my going out much less. I used to just do my drinking/self-medicating alone at home like a normal person, but even that's something I rarely do anymore. Grabbing a drink alone at any bar in Bangkok is just pointless (unless I'm just in the mood to get really wasted) because none of the bartenders talk with you, and starting an interesting conversation with someone who is normally not even used to engaging with strangers in a bar like that is definitely not happening, or nor would I even want it to most times. Sometimes if I get drunk by myself somewhere and don't have anyone to talk to (which has a 100% rate so far), I just go stuff my face instead. Thai street food tastes even better when you're wasted, but then when you end up making multiple food stops by yourself, you know you're treading on thin ice. And, drunkenly over-eating would not be the only thing I would sometimes end up regretting the next morning.

So for whatever factor, I currently drink maybe once in two weeks or if there is someone in from out of town.

But tonight, I have this strong urge to just go out and get wasted. However, I'm already home and feels like a bit of a hassle to get ready to go out alone with no desired destination.

Maybe I'll just order a pizza instead.