to support one of my best friends, judy---me and all of my close friends usually go to anna sui's show at fashion week every season.

all the spring 2010 shows marks the end of an era because this is the last time nyc fashion week will be at bryant park, so sad---it's moving to lincoln center starting with the fall 2010 shows.

anyhoo, here's some pictures from last night. fun fun funn.

i hate to admit it, but i think i'm going to be an insomniac for life. it's always been a problem and i don't know how to fix it.

if i had one superpower, it would be the ability to fall asleep whenever i wanted. yes---i would be that loser superhero and i'm sure my costume would be as lame as hell.

wow, you know things are bad when the lady at burger king behind the register says, "damn, you hungry!" after placing your order at 4:30 in the morning. somehow i wandered alone from 58 and madison to the burger king that's 24 hours on the weekend at 32nd and fifth.

ny fashion week is looming. models have overtaken downtown, they're everywhere.

i've been through a lot of stuff while i've been at my current apartment, and i was extremely grateful to have somewhere i could call home to have as a solid foundation. it's spacious and quiet here, and i love the fact that i have no furniture. i love that it's almost completely empty. most people come over and think it's sad but it's just what i prefer---less is always more.

anyway, i was cooking some dinner (even though it's two in the morning) before and for the first time ever, reading a book while doing so. it was actually nice and i was able to focus on the book. the pathetic part is that it's probably the first book i've read in 6 months. the last one i tried was The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. i love how it won the pulitzer but i'm sorry, i couldn't even make it to the 1/2 way point. it just jumped around too much for me and there were so many terms on every page that i didn't know and at one point i had no idea what was going and i got too lazy to look them up. that's when i put it down. well anyhow, i was standing there reading and watching the pan when i realized that i'm really going to miss this apartment when i leave. i'm sort of sad that i only have a month and a half left.

oh, and i also plan to go out with a bang. i've thrown many parties and dinners here and plan to have a bash before i leave. woohoo.

i need to be more social, i should try new things.

instead of wandering alone all over downtown for hours at 2am after work, maybe i should just get a tv so i'd have something to do when i got home. oh yes, and a couch would be nice. furniture is always a plus.

dating is fun.

i just hung out with this dude that i recently reconnected with last week after two years of not seeing each other. we randomly ran into each other at a bar and have been in contact since. i'm not sure how long or far this will go, but at this point it's nice to go out and meet people and have a good time.  i realized that ever since i became single a month or so ago, i've been going on a steady and healthy pace of dates and am doing whatever the fuck i want. i'm not attaching any emotions or promises to anything by choice---i just don't want anything serious. while i am technically dating, it's been a very long time where i've had what feels like a true date with someone---just having dinner/drinks with someone and truly getting to know each other for the first time.

i guess we'll see how things go. i'm happy to say that i'm doing well in the dating department and am just having as much fun as possible. i haven't found anyone i want to go into a serious relationship with yet and not only is that 110% okay, but it's what i'll probably prefer for a while.

here's to being young in nyc and thinking anything in life and love is possible.

i just got paid, it's friday night,  my hair's done and i spent 5 minutes trying to figure out what i want to wear for the evening. i can't get dressed and ready to leave the house without music so i'm blasting one of my favorite albums from one of my favorite movies, reality bites. just another friday night i guess. what are my plans for the night you ask? well, i'm going to work. fun fun fun.

sometimes, i really suck at life.

the lease to my apartment is over in early october and i don't know what to do. my roommate wants to move out and at first i was thinking of staying and just finding a new roommate, but i'm not so sure anymore. this place just has some annoying leaks that my landlord hasn't fixed since last november---i don't know if i can deal with them for another year. plus, my roommate and ex-boyfriend are best friends (that's how we met) and while i feel like i've had a lot of memories here with them, it might be time to just move on. however, on the other hand, i absolutely hate moving and am not sure if i can afford it. plus my neighborhood is getting so much better, its even changed tremendously since i moved in last year. there's lots more young people and restaurants popping up everywhere and plus i have friends who live nearby as well.

and one of my favorite things about my neighborhood is that it always smells like fresh baked breads. as soon as you get off the subway, there's this pastry smell lingering in the air and it's so uplifting---i smell it and just instantly feel good. my roommate and i always wondered where the smell came from and then one day i walked one block away from the street i always walk on and discovered a bread making factory.

part of me thinks i'll probably move out, but i guess i'll just have to see.

does anyone else miss the winter?

note to any z-list reality stars---please don't come into busy nyc restaurants and think anyone gives a fuck and will seat you faster than other patrons.

z-lister: "do you watch x show on x channel? "
me: "nope."
z-lister's friend: "this is x and he's on that show!"
me: "great. the wait is still 50 minutes."

i've never heard of this dude or seen the show and am pretty sure no one else watches it either. i wish i could've made him wait longer than normal for trying to pull that bs.

my beloved ibook (from 2005) is currently sitting alone on a shelf somewhere at techserve on 23rd street. techserve is one of the largest mac repair and service centers in the city and I had to bring mine in to get my harddrive wiped out and a new one installed. basically i lost all my files because being the idiot that i am, i didn't back up any of my stuff in over a year. the saddest part is, my comp was acting all crazy last week and i told myself that now would be a good time to back up all my files onto my external drive, but did i listen to my first instincts when i should have? nope---and it's all my fault.

i just got home from work an hour ago and with no laptop, tv, ac and little else to do in my apartment on a hot summer night, i'm bored out of my mind and scraping the built up resin off my bong because i just ran out of supplies. plus, i don't feel like doing anything else.

yay for iphones and technology.

having the ability to ride a nyc taxi home at anytime of day or night is a huge convenience in life for someone with no car.

i ride cabs home on days where i just don't feel like dealing with all the bullshit of the subways, such as a night like tonight. it was raining like crazy today and i got off work past 1am and i was already wet and annoyed so i opted to not take the subway. i thought about a few things tonight in the cab ride home with the first being, i enjoy the new lcd tvs and stuff in the back-seats of all yellow taxis because it's entertaining and tells you the weather and time and all that shit, but i also think it's bad. for generations, people going home in nyc taxis had to stare out the window, listen to the radio, ponder about life or engage with the driver or other people in the car. i'm sure because of that, many crazy and interesting things have happened. however now, people get in a cab, stare at the screen filled random content and pointless advertising and bam---next thing they know, they've arrived at their destination. i love staring out windows and what better city is there to stare at than nyc? i enjoy going down flatbush avenue after getting off the manhattan bridge in brooklyn---the simple fact that junior's and BAM (Brooklyn Academy of Music) are part of my commute home is something i completely appreciate.

the dude lived in a 6-story walk up... that was a long ass walk-of-shame.

i think everyone in nyc is connected to each other by two people, three at most. it really is a small world here.

one of my first (on the books) jobs was at a staples in queens, nyc. i think i was seventeen and i decided to take a summer job because i was a loser and had nothing else to do. that was probably one of the worst jobs i ever had because i didn't know shit about electronics, and i was seventeen for goodness sakes. my uniform was a red staples shirt and khakis and i remember hating riding the bus to work everyday.

there's a lot of things i learned from that job and that i'll always remember, but one thing in particular is something my manager said. he wasn't talking to me and i was totally eavesdropping, but i remember him talking to one of the other coworkers and saying he had was going out that night so he was going to go home and "SHIT, SHOWER & SHAVE."

i always remembered him saying that, and while it meant nothing to me as a young teenager, right now it makes so much sense to me---it's the perfect combo.

after getting off of work at 12:30am, a friend and i decided to walk around downtown for hours and just smoke and talk. we sat on a bench on chrystie near rivington and talked away about life as we watched all the hip and drunk-downtowners stumbling by us, many of whom were leggy looking models. we eventually ended up at a park in chinatown off the manhattan bridge and ended up talking some more and watching the rats scurry by our feet at 4am.

i think working these late hours and having the schedule i do, this is the time where i get to truly fall in love with new york. i know daytime new york, and now i'm getting to know what new york is at night---it's amazing.

happy birthday to my best friend, dr. junho.

to celebrate the occasion, some friends and i took him to dinner at momofuku ssam bar in the east village. then we headed over to the momfuku milk bar & bakery next door for some yummy desserts.

the four of us have such different schedules and careers, so getting together like this is always such a treat.

why do drunk girls love jumping on seats at bars to drunkenly dance as their posse of inebriated gal-friends cheer them on? and then they come down and the next one hops up to take her turn... and it's not even 7pm yet. some people just love attention or maybe i should stop hating.

one thing that i've learned from work is that some people should just never eat out. and why do people get all crazy when they're hungry and have to wait for a table? it's always comical in retrospect but really frustrating and annoying at the time of its occurrence. then i start thinking about all the other bullshit i've ever had to deal with at other jobs and then i'm like, eh---same shit.

watching korean pop music shows such as sbs inkigayo (SBS 인기가요) has been a part of my life since i was a kid and lived in alaska from the 3rd to 8th grade. my family moved to the state's largest city, anchorage, in 1992 because my uncle and other relatives had lived there since the early 80's and owned the only korean/asian supermarket in the city. this was before the age of dvds and the internet so my uncle's hugely popular korean-video-rental-thing he had going on did pretty well. he had dramas, singing shows, soap operas and pretty much anything else that was popular at the moment. i remember being a little kid and watching singing shows with my two older sisters and they would critique everyone and talk about who had their double-eyelid surgery done, she's this, he's that, etc. being a little 3rd grader, i would always wonder "wtf are they (my sisters) talking about? i'm confused." i learned a lot from listening to their opinions about shit because i always looked up to them and thought they were so much cooler than me.

so this is when my love for korean music truly started. when i listen to my favorite korean music from that era, it always brings me back to that time in my life (it feels like another lifetime ago). when kim gun mo (김건모) first came out, my sisters used to call him eyeliner boy. haha i even remember them joking that they'd call me that, too. anyway, his second and third albums are absolute korean classics to me. his third album is also the #1 selling korean album of all time with 2.8 million sold in 1995. i'm sure the current korean acts could possibly be outselling that number, but it's so hard to keep track with illegal downloading. kim gun mo's up to album number twelve at this point, but i only listen to his third and fourth ones, i don't really about the others.

i hate to sound like a broke record but i fucking god damn love 90's music, it's the shit. period. i always like looking at the album covers too because it's nice to have a visual of the time. here are the album covers for my two favorites.

i've been thinking about it and i really know what my problems in life are. i'm talking about the core issues i have with myself and about myself because the outcome of theses issues affect other aspects of my life, and as do those as the cycle continues and doesn't stop growing. the scary part is starting from the bottom and not knowing what's going to happen---but i need to take some control back in my life, i'm tired of being so miserable.

why does a big bowl of pasta feel so good in my belly? i liken it to the same feeling as a really big and warm hug.

i don't even need anything fancy for my pasta---sauteed in a pan for 3 minutes with light butter, pepper and sea salt chunks is more than enough. sometimes i just crave carbs, my body doesn't feel nourished until it has some. unfortunately i've had this same craving for the last week or so so i really need to start craving veggies and salads soon.

i think the ny literary gods are trying to give me a sign. jim nelson came into my work place last night and i practically shat my pants because i got so excited. i can't believe that after years of worshipping the guy, i was finally able to see him live and in person. he was very sweet and i'm an even bigger fan of him and his work than i was yesterday morning. then today i saw michael musto riding his bike past me in the east village. i've randomly see him around before a few times, but never on his bike.

dear ny literary gods, what are you trying to tell me?? probably that i need to get my ass to start really writing.

all my friends know that i love cold weather (it makes me feel alive) and absolutely hate summer (it makes me feel lazy and sweaty), but there's something exhilarating about riding a yellow cab home over the manhattan bridge on a cool summer night at 4 am with the window down and summer wind in your face---especially if riding in a car is a rarity and you just heard some really awesome news that could positively change your life and future.

hard work does pay off.

have you ever heard or listened to a song a countless numbers of times without ever giving it much thought? then one day it plays on your ipod because you always put it on random and while while you're reading at the nypl at 42nd street, for some reason you notice a lot of great things about it that you've never noticed before? then it goes in your new music/shit i want to listen to now playlist and you've obsessively listened to it a million times.

i'm going through that right now with depeche mode- blasphemous rumours from their album some great rewards.

(and btw this honestly has nothing to do with anything i'm growing through at the moment).

the break up wasn't ugly and i know it's for the better, but thinking about the whole situation and how things unfolded just makes me so sad.

i just feel so sad about everything.

i can't remember the last time i was home in brooklyn on a friday night because i usually always stayed at his place every weekend in the UES. my roommate is also out of town until this sunday night, so i have the place all to myself. i don't know if that's a good or bad thing. i just want to shower, have some beer and go to bed for now.

i had the worst night of sleep. ever.

i feel like absolute shit right now. i need a super hot shower.

now what?

When I get depressed, I like to aimlessly walk around the city for hours. I just blast music and walk and ponder---it's usually the only thing that makes me feel better sometimes.

I'm falling deeper in love with NYC with each passing day.

i don't know where my life is going.

i'm freaking out.

i don't know what to do with my life.

I love getting stoned and walking around the city. It's the best thing ever.

Sitting in Washington square park after eating 2 cookies a friend made me. The summer breeze feels so good and people watching is fun.

i'm not sure how it is at other restaurants, but at work we have to be very vocal about our sense of space. we always yell, "CORNER!" or "BEHIND!" or "COMING UP!" and other shit like that if there's even a chance of running into a coworker with plates or glasses in their hands, it doesn't matter where we are.

when i work at the pass of the restaurant as a runner, i have to yell "BEHIND!" every time i approach to let the expeditor know, just in case he turns around and knocks into me. trust me, i approach the pass countless times a night and always wanted to get someone to count the times i say it. anyway, all day i yell/scream this shit at work and while it was very weird to me at first, i'm so used to it now that i get the natural urge to do it outside of work. when i'm turning a corner anywhere, i always want to yell "CORNER!" but always manage to stop myself. it's worst with people because if they're in my way, i just want to yell "BEHIND! or "COMING THROUGH!"

it's also funny because sometimes i have no control over what i'll say. i remember once i work, i was coming out of a corner and instead of yelling "CORNER!" i yelled "AGUA!" yes, random. then today as i was going down some stairs and about to turn a corner, i yelled, "CORN!"

seriously though, why are all my mild vocal-spasms related to food??

stoned and brushing my teeth at 4am. do i really look like this??

east village, nyc. belcourt cafe on 2nd ave and 4th street, having $5 belcourt cocktails and the special of 1/2 a dozen oysters for $10. it was around 7pm and the weather was crisp and the streets were alive with the first baby steps of summer. with not a raindrop or cloud in the sky, i sat there with my sister and blogger friend from sf, enjoying the weather and each other's company. then i got a text from my friend jess that michael jackson had died.

so, where were you when you found out?

all of lee moon sae's (이문세) albums, especially his early ones, are pure korean classics.

sometimes i wish i was born during this time period, listening to the vinyls as a youth as i obsess over each song like an awkward teenage girl---pressing the album sleeve to my chest as i stare at the ceiling and concentrate on the lyrics. i've slowly been moving back in time in regards to korean music i've been listening to lately. i've pretty much mastered all the 90's stuff and now i've been getting into the folk/pop korean music from the 80's and early 90's.

music in general nowadays is okay, but the experience just isn't the same. there doesn't seem to be much sincerity left in it, which i guess is okay if you're drunk and dancing at a party or you're competing on some lame ass reality show on tv.

the following are the current lee moon sae (이문세) albums i'm obsessing over. they're from '85, '87 and '88. i would love to dedicate a drunken night of karaoke to only lee moon sae songs, that would be awesome. so, any takers?

this past weekend in nyc was finally sunny and beautiful. i was dog-sitting again so i thought it'd be fun to go the park in dumbo. it felt nice to get some rays and enjoy the summer weather. woo-fucking-hoo.

i think i need a good sob session. i'm talking about that deep, physical, painful cry that's filled with hurt and sincerity.

i feel so pent up but i can't seem to let anything out. i don't know what to do.

i've been falling asleep around 7am for the past week or so. i have to sleep with this free jetblue eyemask my sister randomly gave me a year or so again because of the bright summer sun that starts to rise a little after 4am. i feel so cracked out because of my crazy sleep schedule.

dear world,

please stop copping a fucking attitude with a host/hostess at a restaurant because you're hungry and cranky. seriously, step the fuck away from my god damn space and chill out.

thank you.

i started hosting at work. apparently i'm the first ever male host at the restaurant, random. thank god this isn't one of those places where i have to wear any sort of uniform, i love that i can wear whatever the fuck i want.

so, ever since my first week of getting there, ive been running into the most random people at work: people that i've worked with, dated, people who've interviewed me for jobs, old friends i haven't seen in years, and others who i don't give 2 shits about and didn't care if i ever see again. then a few days ago i told my sister about some of the people i've been running into at work and she asked me, "aren't you a little embarrassed? you used to tell that guy what to do at work and now you're clearing plates off his table." i found what she said to be pretty hysterical and what's even funnier is, i'm not embarrassed to be working there at all. i sort of love the office-free life, it's less soul sucking.

aside from work, i don't do much. if i'm lucky, i get to hang out with all my friends and catch up on our lives.

REMEMBER THESE????

i randomly stumbled upon this at walgreens and it instantly made me think of my childhood. i've always loved these, they were always such a special treat to me.

i had a crazy nightmare last night. it was the kind that left me feeling very shaken and vulnerable when i wake up. i cant believe that it wasn't a dream and that it was actually something i dreamt. they're so random sometimes.

so in my latest nightmare, for some reason i've been kidnapped in brazil and at one point, someone is pointing a shotgun at me saying they're about to shoot me as i plead for my life. i just remember the feeling of that dream, i felt truly terrified and like i act was actually about to get shot and killed. then at another point, this small korean grandma is ordering me around and telling me what to do. i'm still kidnapped and she's ordering me around like crazy and at one point i yell in her face, "HAL-MUH-NI!!!!" and look at her like she better get the fuck up off me. i don't remember the rest.

well, it was terrifying none-the-less.

No more writing entries while stoned.

it's 2:35 am and i am currently decompressing at home after a long night at work. i got home 20 minutes ago and now i just want to shower soon and read shit online for hours or until i fall asleep. i can't go to bed without decompressing, i need to do this before i ever go to bed. i haven't blogged about work in a while, but so much has change. i actually feel like i know what the fuck i'm doing. i've already even seen new people come and go during my short time thus far, and i'm proud of myself for making it through. while it's still pretty stressful due to all the pressure of maintaining the quality of the restaurant, it's fun at the same time. anyway, my point is now i finally feel like this is my job---it's not some random place i'm at everyday anymore. i'm even starting to get used to the crazy schedules. it's nice because my off-time and days without work fall under days of the week where i can do all the shit i want in the day and not have to deal with people. i kind of like it. i had to ride the subway the other day for front-of-house staff meeting at work. when i got on the subway at 9 in the morning, i couldn't believe how many people there were. i got so used to riding the train and never hanging to deal with rush hour. it feels nice to see a train pass by us coming from the opposite direction and it's jam packed with people. that's when i sigh and am very grateful that i don't have to deal with the "daily grind" anymore. i'm not sure if other people use this, but every morning i would stand through my crowded ass commute and just say "fuck you daily grind." but now i don't have to deal with it, and i'm okay with that. off to shower and get some shut eye. i'm working a double-shift tomorrow that have sometimes been 13 hours of work with one 30 minute break. at least i'm not sitting on my fat lazy ass all day in an office, i feel a lot healthier working on my feet.

i have a huge problem. i'm never satisfied with my life.

boyfriend-CHECK
less monotony in life-CHECK
a job at my first choice of nyc restaurants i would ever work at-CHECK

i set a goal, achieve it and think, "now what?"

the number of my profile views has been at 3,803 for the past few months and i have no idea how to fix it. has this happened to anyone else?

i have nothing to write about.

well, actually there's always stuff to blog about but i'm feeling lazy so i'll just post some pictures i took with my phone.

I got an iPhone. Yay for mobile blogging.

I just finished a double shift and am eating dinner and drinking alone in the east village.

I feel blah.

I don't think this lonely feeling will ever go away.

the new yeah yeah yeahs album = perfection. i love them.

does anyone else read PostScret? it's one of my favorites blogs out there and reading about all these other people who feel the same way i do out there makes me think that humans all hurt and feel sadness in the same way. it's universal.

anyway, i usually do not like using images that don't belong to me, but i read the following post card and it made me feel really sad. i don't know what i would if i was going through life without him next to me, being in a relationship makes feels so nice with someone you care about. sometimes i think that maybe thing's were destined to be this way, and this is why i'm going through my first serious relationship in the exact period in my life where so many other things are changing. for 26 years, it was always my professional life that blossomed and grew and my non-existent love life made me feel so lonely, which in turn affected every other factor in my life. it's funny how life works out. everything happens for a reason.